How can I fix a broken friendship? :(

First of all, I apologize if this is in the wrong forum or if there are any grammatical errors X'DD. Life has never been easy; it always feels like I'm missing something, but I don't know what. Lately, talking with someone doesn't felt right. I just want to ignore everybody, but I hate loneliness (kinda funny X'DD). Some people say they care about me, but I know it's because they pity me. I hate myself so much for it. I had a best friend. She likes telling me that I abandoned her. I know I made a serious mistake when I tried to befriend someone else. She was my best friend and the only person I needed. But please, I swear, I needed more connections. It's been months since that incident, and I know she will never forgive me for it. Can someone help me figure out how to apologize? I can't even look at her face without feeling ashamed or guilty when I try to talk to her. She tells me that I'm the reason for her problems, and even for that she is willing to give me another opportunity so I can make everything alright again,that she won't come looking for me, but that she loves me and didn't want anyone else as her friend. I know that this doesn't justify the terrible person I was, but I swear I was missing something when everything just crumbled at the same time. When she became my only friend. Now, everything she says about me hurts. The things she tells others about me eventually reach my ears, and I want to get angry, but in the end, I'm just so tired. Why she can talk with whoever she wants but even when she doesn't talk to me anymore I'm still a traitor when I talk with someone? I just- I'm so tired, I just want to feel loved again, just like when I was before all my relationships crumbled. I don't think I can take it anymore, the longer this problem is going the more I'm feeling so tired and dead-. Well, in two years, I will finally graduate from high school, and I don't know what comes next. I'm having trouble processing everything, and I'm so tired, but I still need to study. Thanks for reading! I really needed a way to vent, and I'm sorry for any inconvenience.

DUPLICATE MESSAGE TO ALL 6 OF YOU CURRENTLY 'SEATED IN THE WAITING-ROOM', i.e.: Lost Racoon Oblivion Gooober TheColdCrystal Ayan: Hi guys, Apologies for the delay but regular respondents are obviously very thin on the ground at the moment, plus, this is an old fashioned forum, meaning, you're supposed to be chatting or giving your thoughts and opinions to those waiting alongside you (if you please/feel up to it)? Otherwise, I'm afraid I won't be available til Wednesday now. Sorry... think it's because it's August/holiday season.

(Moderator's Bump-up)

(Moderator's Bump-up)

Lost Racoon - huge apologies for the delay! Are you still there?