Husband found out he has another son

3 months ago my husband found out he has another son, 9 years old. We have been together nearly 8 years with 2 boys together, 4 and 5. He also has a daughter he's always known about who is 16. It can't really be said that he had no idea, he was told when this woman was pregnant that it was not his, however his family members have at times said the boy looks like him but he never did anything or ever mentioned to me. Now it's not quite as simple as a boy and father finding each other. The son now permanently lives with his nan and 2 younger siblings as they were taken off the mother. We don't know much but can almost guarantee it's been a pretty rubbish time for him. So we start the process of getting to known his son, after dna confirmation, we started just me and my husband which was super hard getting someone else to watch our boys whilst we met up. We are now 2 weeks in to meeting with all boys together. It's gone well, no major issues and they all seemed to have fun. But I'm struggling. I'm just finding it alot, and a huge change which I know everyone else is as well but they've all got on with it like a new happy family and I feel lost and not part of it. I want to make it work but I can't shift my feelings, which makes me feel like a terrible person. And I really don't know how to make it better!

Hi Stuck, soz for the delay! I've read yours through in-one (normally go sentance by sentance so I can feel shocked/whatever with the poster). You - the victim of kitcheny circumstance - are struggling, yet 'the chef' isn't? This isn't your crap or workload, it's his (mainly), which you've just had DUMPED on you! (YOU DID NOT SIGN UP FOR THIS.) And simply because your husband is - or was - highly irresponsible with his phee-phoo. You CAN'T say 'which I know everyone else is as well' because the fact they're getting on with happily PROVES they're not struggling - surely? (They ain't here and needing support, that's for sure!) It's Put My Foot Down Time, isn't it. Is that what's worrying you? (Terrible person....Tsk...stop that self-harm for a start.) It should be HIM pulling the heaviest load and you SUPPORTING. (Did he even make a point of asking you nicely or just expect you to dig in?) No paninckez-vous, this is simple major dynamic shift, not hard to sort out at all. Your mental block's the only intensive bit. So where's the mental block over self-asserting come from, then, eh? Spill-spill?

PS: "(Terrible person....Tsk...stop that self-harm for a start.)" By which I mean - you're starkly acting THE VERY OPPOSITE of a terrible person. A little TOO opposite, actually.