Lost in life

Hello, I just joined this community as I am trying to find some guidance in life. I finished my degree, currently doing Erasmus internship and I feel so lost in life, work and the career. I know I am not suppose to know much as I am just starting but I feel severely unprepared even according to my current colleagues and when I look at others in similar situation after graduating, they are much much more skilled and knowledgeable than me. I feel like I have forgotten everything and starting anew. I am trying to study after work but there is so much of everything I usually just give up and go to sleep as I finish late at work. I went to Erasmus to challenge myself so I can force myself to grow faster and learn new language, see other practices... but throughout the workday I often catch myself just zoning out of the conversations in foreign language and doing anything but trying to understand, to learn about the problem, to try solve it myself... I am just doing the mundane simple stuff. The studies were hard and I was mentally broken. I am slowly healing from that but this situation is not really helping. I don´t have the courage to start working alone as I feel like I don´t know anything. The colleagues were helpful at first but they only can help as much as I try... I feel like a big failure because I studied 7 years and I am not capable of doing this. I am so far from home, in the foreign country, alone and lost. Don´t want to be seen as a crybaby so I am trying not to show much when I am calling or writing to my friends and family. But I am struggling and I don´t know how to make it better. I´ve been here for a month already and I hit some plato in learning new things at work. Now I just... go to work- survive- go home. I thought the Erasmus will be easier to graduates for them to hop into the real life but I feel worse and more stupid everyday. Everyday there are things I see that I forgot and I remind myself to look at it at home but then another thing pops up and another and another... I went here to challenge myself but found out it´s becoming a too big of a challenge for me. I am just...lost. Thanks for any answers on this. n10

Hi N, sorry for the delay! "Hello, I just joined this community as I am trying to find some guidance in life." Where are your life-guides, i.e. your parents? Or would you prefer they didn't know you're 'lost in life'? "I finished my degree, currently doing Erasmus internship and I feel so lost in life, work and the career. I know I am not suppose to know much as I am just starting but I feel severely unprepared even according to my current colleagues and when I look at others in similar situation after graduating, they are much much more skilled and knowledgeable than me." In what specific ways? "I feel like I have forgotten everything and starting anew. I am trying to study after work but there is so much of everything I usually just give up and go to sleep as I finish late at work. I went to Erasmus to challenge myself so I can force myself to grow faster and learn new language, see other practices... but throughout the workday I often catch myself just zoning out of the conversations in foreign language and doing anything but trying to understand, to learn about the problem, to try solve it myself... I am just doing the mundane simple stuff." Is anyone complaining? "The studies were hard and I was mentally broken." The studies broke you, or you mean, you were broken beforehand due to a separate giant issue or set of issues? "I am slowly healing from that but this situation is not really helping." Slowly healing? Had you had a run-in with a Toxic? Well, anyway Healing happens by getting used to the situation, examining it to understand it, and then come to terms with it all. So it's simply that your brain's overloaded. How could it NOT be? "I don´t have the courage to start working alone as I feel like I don´t know anything. The colleagues were helpful at first but they only can help as much as I try" Sorry, what does that last sentance mean? "I feel like a big failure because I studied 7 years and I am not capable of doing this." Yes, but, it seems pretty apparent from how you've described things, that you were forced to take TWO university degrees! Simultaneously! One, the human-academic type, and the other (bigger), the University of Life. You're not Superman - stop being so hard and non-understanding on yourself. Stop it - I mean it. Be kind to yourself with a Capital K from now on, your poor brain has been working at not just double speed but quadruple! You must be KNACKERED! Really, you need a holiday. "I am so far from home, in the foreign country, alone and lost." AH. Splains it. Me too (from UK to Spain, no-one left to receive me, all passed-away...I was too late arriving). And ditto - at first. In fact, putting it bluntly, it was a fecking nightmare. Talk about unachored! So it's not quadruply, it's sextuply! Bloody hell, talk about a complete life overhaul all-at-once!? Do you always bite off much more than you can chew or is this a first? "Don´t want to be seen as a crybaby" CRYBABY??? What? Where did you get that word, and whole concept from? What about 'Rambo' (Sylvester Stallone). Was HE a crybaby? Good grief. Spill, please. Including which people ever called you that. "so I am trying not to show much when I am calling or writing to my friends and family." WHY, when that's what family is for??? What's going on/not going on THERE, then? "But I am struggling and I don´t know how to make it better." No. WERE struggling...and now you're here - Supportville Central. :) Is it a mum, a dad, both, sibling, or a friend you need? Or the whole shebang? "I´ve been here for a month already" OHHH. That's nothing. You've got Culture Shock. As well as the seriously overloaded brain. "and I hit some plato ((plateau)) in learning new things at work." Yeh! No more room at the inn! You're full-up in there. Solution Parte Un: keep talking it out. It's the original therapy and the best (always will be). "Now I just... go to work- survive- go home." Yep. Been there even before this time, back when I was 20 (Africa). It won't last. But it's bloody disconcerting and even petrifying when NORMALLY you ARE a bit of a Superman. (Am I close?) "I thought the Erasmus will be easier to graduates for them to hop into the real life but I feel worse and more stupid everyday. Everyday there are things I see that I forgot and I remind myself to look at it at home but then another thing pops up and another and another..." Start carrying a pad of Post-It Notes and write everything down. DO NOT use your mobile notes. You need these notes stuck on the kitchen tiles next to the kettle or whatever so you can see them. This will work to delegate your memory to the notes, making a lot more space in your bonce. "I went here to challenge myself" AH... " but found out it´s becoming a too big of a challenge for me. I am just...lost ((overloaded))." You haven't finished having a damn good whinge - I can tell. Keep going. Swear if you like (but use f*cking asterisks, please ;)) Roger. Over?

""I feel like a big failure because I studied 7 years and I am not capable of doing this."" Opposite, actually. I've just had to say that to the last poster as well. You GenZ's, you're so hard on yourselves and expect too much of yourselves. You're nicer to other people than you are, yourselves. Seriously - the lot of you - stop it. The truth is, you're the most impressive generation the world has ever seen! And those that call you snowflakes are just jealous, feeling inadequate, and threatened by it. F*ck'em... the wrinklies are the ones that got you lot INTO this mess, anyway. Victim-Blaming or what. Don't listen. If you want to know why we're to blame - just ask. I don't have a problem holding my hands up. I'm luckily not the only one, though. It's US MATURE ADULTS' fault and you're all suffering for it. Okay?

PS: You guys should talk some time as you're in similar boats, with you ahead of that path (meaning, you need to be the one to say, hi, and, 'check out my thread, maybe it'll help you decide' : https://www.peoplesproblems.org/showtopic/13781/advise-on-parttime-or-fulltime-work. Once you feel up to it, I mean.

PPS: Here you go - play this. Preferably over and over. :) I posted it for WT51 (check out her thread, Jealous of a best friend), and she said it helped enormously, so...fingies crossed? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bEJN7opj-QE And if you want my brutally honest opinion: I think you've earned the right to be a (ach!) Crybaby because - me - with you doing an internship of all things, under such an enormous-enormouus mental workload (like carrying 6 packs of spuds while (patently obviously) all your colleagues have is a ruddy clutch-bag) - I'm wondering how the hell you're not dead or insane yet! ("I'm not worrrthyyyyyyyy")

So, in fact, you have a LOT - a LOTALOT - to be proud of. Your brain is F***ING MUSCLEY! (Silly Billy - what are ya? :)) Anyway, as I say: have a proper wail and expletion explosion.....you have Temporary Diplomatic Immunity. :)

Hello and thank you for taking the time to reply. My parents aren't really the ones I talk to about my troubles. They know that I am struggling a bit... Their solution as I was talking to them was- just come back home if it becomes too much. They are older, retired and really just absolutely worried about everything what is happening with me. I don't want to add more to their plate. They tend to stress me out even more :-D "In what specific ways?" - My classmates from school are already working on their own. Successfully working, not just standing in the corner looking confused :-) "Is anyone complaining?" - No, no one told me anything yet. I just feel bad about it. "The studies broke you..." - Yes. I even studied a year longer. It was mostly because was trying my best, like really trying and failing...and overworked myself? I think. I didn't have a life besides uni for the past 3 years. Also some of the professors were not so pleasant to deal with and some exams were harder to pass just because of them. The last state exam was an absolute nightmare...well that's that. I sought out some professional help through that period and now I am better. Still not really past that "traumatic experience" but better. "Sorry, what does that last sentence mean?" - That they started showing me how to do basic stuff at work but then stopped at the more advanced... Because I am not comfortable to proceed further as I feel that I am lacking the knowledge. They were testing me occasionally about my knowledge and I failed miserably. I did not know any answers to their questions. Oh, sorry to hear about your similar experience! I hope you are at the better place in life now. I know, I seem like I am overachiever yet at the same time I look like the biggest failure because even if I did all this I am lacking the basis for working alone. I was hoping to learn it here... Sorry for the grammar. I will probably start with a notepad in the work again. I was carrying it around but then so much was happening I never had time to write anything to it. From now on I am going to step out of the room to write into it. But I am an adult! :-D crying about my problems on the internet. Aaaahhh. (no really I don't think I am considered gen Z. I am somewhere more close to millennial? that's the name.) Thank you for the links, gonna check them out and try to gradually work this out. :-) (yeah, I am not proud. I am tired. That's like the only thing I am capable of feeling rn :-D and homesick and sad) Also thanks again for your time and energy to answer! ps.: I am an introvert if that helps in making an image about me. I hate talking to more than one human at once in real life situations.

Sorry I'm so late replying, Nikki! I never know when things are going to suddenly crash in, so am experiencing a "busynami" at the mo. Just wanted you to know I hadn't forgotten you. Be with you as soon as I humanly can. Soz again.

Bumping you up again, too - in anticipation of some free windows tomorrow eve and avo & eve Monday... Meanwhile, treat this as your blog and spill some more, if you like? I can reply to all of them in one go if need be? No need to stop just because I'm late, therefore. :)

Here I am, finally! So sorry. "Hello and thank you for taking the time to reply." Hah, I DEFINITELY 'took the time' to reply! Two weeks! (cringe-cringe)... Hopefully a case of better late than never? "My parents aren't really the ones I talk to about my troubles." Huh? Why not? "They know that I am struggling a bit..." How do they know that? What exactly did you tell them and when was this, how many months after you'd landed? "Their solution as I was talking to them was- just come back home if it becomes too much." Okay. So - "it's fine to quit" (because sometimes quitting is the strong and intelligent way). They are older, retired and really just absolutely worried about everything what is happening with me. I don't want to add more to their plate. They tend to stress me out even more :-D" AH. You're trying to protect them. Um..... NOT YOUR JOB. You're not their parents. They're yours. You are not responsible for them, not to that OTT degree. They are, towards you (they brought you here). Parents' middle names are Worry. Comes with the territory. Don't take it so seriously and to-heart - from now on, be touched in terms of their intentions, but, just think of it as White Noise, par for the 'child leaving the nest' and 'empty nest syndrome'd' course, I'm afraid. IT'LL DO THEM GOOD, in fact. Honestly, all parents are like that. Sounds like they miss you and are trying to make you feel more capable of coming home (if you want to). Can you see it, now I've pointed it out? I got a call, 4 years ago, from a male professional (colleague) who was so bereft and miserable. He said, 'I had no idea that, with him gone, it was going to be this painful'. He and his wife were suffering majorly. However - no pain = no gain. We don't grow nor shunt onto the next stage of our development as we proceed along life's scripted path, when things are ticketyboo. Only when we go through whatever level of change and/or trauma. Growing Pains, psych version, innit. The umbilicus between they and you has become stretched, and to quite a length, what with you being in another country, no less. It's bound to hurt...until it's adapted and that length becomes the new Normal. So don't waste your time worrying about the fact that your parents are in transition WITH you. In fact, that's even MORE reason to confide in them - and they in you. It's when people don't quite know where they stand - because they need more information - that they worry. (Think about it.) If you want to ease their pain, show them that you still NEED them as mum and dad. HUMOUR them if you have to. In other words, foie-gras the buggers and they'll cease whittling (haha, only joshing)...and need a nice, long 'granny & grandad nap'. That'll then be a load off your already overloaded plate. Will you try that? It's what grown-ups do, after all. ...which reminds me: When my son was a teenager - 14/15, he went through the usual 'you're wrinkly and uncool' phase...started asking to be dropped at the corner so his friends wouldn't see, all that usual crap. I explained to him that he was defeating his own object (to appear too grown-up to have parents or to take any notice of them). Because, by the time you're ACTUALLY 20-odd, you're then emotioally mature enough to not give a damn who sees you acting PROUD of your parents and even hugging and kissing them! All because, you DON'T feel your masculinity and maturity are fake thus so tenuous they could be 'undone' merely by being nice and respectful towards your parents (or even acknowledging that you have them AND still need them). That got him thinking and turning-around, I can tell ya (...Bond, James Bond, haha). "In what specific ways?" - My classmates from school are already working on their own. Successfully working, not just standing in the corner looking confused :-)" Yes. Because, again, they didn't arrive at the place, already carrying a huge sack of potatoes, did they. If they had, they'd be struggling too! It's how it works. "Is anyone complaining?" - No, no one told me anything yet. I just feel bad about it." So YOU'RE complaining? Why? Are you used to being top of the class (when NOT still freshly post-traumatised)? ""The studies broke you..." - Yes. I even studied a year longer. It was mostly because was trying my best, like really trying and failing...and overworked myself? I think." Yep. Yours is a common circumstance. "I didn't have a life besides uni for the past 3 years." IOW, no/not enough FUN. Yeah? Just slogging yourself 'to-death'. "Also some of the professors were not so pleasant to deal with" Oh yeah??? Can you go into examples in-detail for me, pliz? "and some exams were harder to pass just because of them." DEFINITELY, DETAILS. "The last state exam was an absolute nightmare...well that's that. I sought out some professional help through that period and now I am better. Still not really past that "traumatic experience" but better." I get you. You've ceased cimbing the walls but still have that Wembley-Stadium-ful of Factual and Emotional A4 sheets to individually read through, understand, cross-reference, photocopy and cross-refer, if necessary (i.e. onen sheet belongs in two, separate, mental files), file in the right folder, in the right drawer, in the right filing cabinet. Five hundred thousand down, XXX to go....which is on top of the OTHER Wembley-Stadium-sized load of A4 sheets regarding every single thing you studied. Then the football-pitch-sized lot, for now reconciling thereby having potentially to re-file sheets due to starting to see what you studied in application at work. Oh, and then another Wembley-Stadium for the giant, mega-courageous thing at your age, of moving to a different planet (may as well be, eh!)...and other things n stuff. Mate, there's wanting to be top and stretching yourself, and then there's being bloody unkind to yourself and having no understanding and sympathy for your poor old brain. So PLEASE - do NOT add self-flaggellation to that HEAVING pile. Given EVERYTHING: you're doing brilliantly! "Sorry, what does that last sentence mean?" - That they started showing me how to do basic stuff at work but then stopped at the more advanced... Because I am not comfortable to proceed further as I feel that I am lacking the knowledge." Well, that's alright? That's just normal. "They were testing me occasionally about my knowledge and I failed miserably. I did not know any answers to their questions." This company takes graduates. They DO KNOW what's up. Don't you think? AND know you've changed planets. AND the fact that Covid didn't help when it came to the more sensitive Uni students (- sign of greater intelligence). And - obviously/evidently - what you'll BE capable of, once you've got your head around everything (once it's stopped spinning). Can you see how HARD you've been on yourself now? In fact, you owe yourself a huge apology. In the mirror where you can see you. (Not joking - please do it.) "Oh, sorry to hear about your similar experience! I hope you are at the better place in life now." Eeeeegh...NNNNEARLY....slowly-slowly. This is Planet "Manana-Manana!" after all, LOL. Ta for asking. "I know, I seem like I am overachiever yet at the same time I look like the biggest failure because even if I did all this I am lacking the basis for working alone. I was hoping to learn it here..." Yeah, well, 99% of- actually, no - 100% of the people here wish THEY had never become 'thrown' by life's sh*t and bullies constantly chipping their confidence and brain strength away, either. 'Life is what happens while we're busy making plans'. "Sorry for the grammar." Why - what's she done? (wheezy giggle) "I will probably start with a notepad in the work again. I was carrying it around but then so much was happening I never had time to write anything to it. From now on I am going to step out of the room to write into it." AHHHHHHH! THEEERE YA GOOOO! And - Christ! - yeah/no - you can't do a job like that without a notepad?! NO WAY! Good plan, Stan! "But I am an adult! :-D crying about my problems on the internet." Yeah? What's yer point? Adults cry... Adults use the internet...... (click-whirr...)..... TA-DAAAA! (hahahahaha!) "Aaaahhh. (no really I don't think I am considered gen Z. I am somewhere more close to millennial? that's the name.)" On the cusp, then? That would make you a Genzennial? "Thank you for the links, gonna check them out and try to gradually work this out. :-)" You can work it out here. I don't mind lending you some of my brainpower? And then other posters that identify with you but are further up the recovery path than you, can support and guide you, too. "(yeah, I am not proud. I am tired. That's like the only thing I am capable of feeling rn :-D and homesick and sad)" Ahhhh....:( I really do know how you feel. I had a reaction as well, it fairly floored me at first, not least because nor is this country the same as it was since Brexovid as I call it. I was thinking - where's Spain gone and what's this weird place?! And wondering if I'd made a mistake and lost my precious mojo, whittle-whittle. Definitely dumbed me down a bit, made me short-term forgetful, all the symptoms of making a TOTAL life change. You're probably still a bit shocked, as well. Time and support will take care of that. "Also thanks again for your time and energy to answer!" You're welcome, and thank YOU for your lovely manners. :) "ps.: I am an introvert if that helps in making an image about me. I hate talking to more than one human at once in real life situations." I'm semi-introvert, semi-extrovert, but intellectually, I too prefer one-to-ones. ...So, does that mean you *won't* be bringing Grammar, then? (*ducks rotten tomato*)

Stop, take a breather and just slow down a minute. You're having anxiety because you feel like you can't you can't follow through with what you planned on doing. But you're not a failure. Nobody ever said it would be all sunshine and rainbows. You're going to struggle from time to time. This is still all new to you and your brain is so overloaded that it's hard to go back and retrieve a lot of what you learned. And now, you're starting to panic. You can be that efficient productive person that you're trying to be, you just have to slow down when everything is telling to speed up. Go back to the things that you forgot or can't remember well and refresh. That's all you have to do. You feel like you're on a sinking ship because you lost your confidence in all of this, but you need to remind yourself that you are capable or you wouldn't be where you are right now. So go back to the drawing board and start there. And the worst thing you can do right now is waste time following other people's progress. There's no need to try to keep up with them. You could be doing what they're doing too, you just have to focus, and do the best that you can. Cheer up!

(Moderator's bump-up)