NotFeelingTheLove

I'm feeling rather hurt. My only Sister just totally lost it with me. I support her constantly. I bite my tongue often. I reached out to her just to vent my concerns. I felt worried about my relationship with my daughter. I have nobody else to turn to. Both of us being Mothers with a daughter I was hoping for some emotional support and a shoulder to cry on. I was hoping she'd take some time to hear me out and just listen as I do for her regularly. I was not expecting her to say she'd at once phone my daughter and sort her out. Shocked by her reaction I asked her not to do this. I feel her reaction was over the top. I told her through PM on Facebook how I'm feeling down tonight because my daughter just yelled at me that I am a 'f_cking b_itch for using her bottle of disinfectant without her permission and that I'm a using C_nt'. I was not expecting this anger from my daughter at all. It really blew me away. She is losing it a lot these days over what most people would consider nothing. I forgot that I used the bottle of disinfectant a few days ago. I did use the whole bottle. She did buy it. I should have replaced it but I I hadn't been grocery shopping since and quite simply didn't think to mention that I'd used it all. That day she was out for hours. Her dog had been to the vets twice and had been ill for two weeks. I was minding her dog when she peed and vomited everywhere. I used it to clean up. There was a little left in the bottle and so I threw the remainder in with the towels I'd used to clean up. I thought nothing of it. Figured we'd buy more next grocery shopping trip out. Lesson learnt. It seems in the barrage which followed that it wasn't 'household' use disinfectant. It was specifically purchased by her with her money for only her dogs messes and therefore should not have been touched by me. I couldn't get a word in edge ways and I just stared at her as she yelled at me. She was furious! To say the least. She needed the disinfectant because the dog had once again peed on the kitchen tiles. I just let her rave. Raised my eyebrows and when she finally stopped I said 'seriously?'. This made her go off even more at me. I know I should have apologised for my misdemeanour but listening to her words I quite frankly didn't feel like saying sorry. In the verbal diarrhoea I was called many nasty things. The accusations were flying! Frankly I was disgusted with her behaviour. Just shook my head at her. Left the room. She quickly cleaned up the pee with another product and then followed me still going off. By this point I'd had enough. I said how I cared for her sick dog non-stop over the last two weeks allowing her to sleep in. I'd accompanied her crying to the vet twice. I reminded her of everything I've been doing extra for her, herself (She'd had SARS) during the last month and that she is unappreciative and downright nasty. This got me 'So I should. I'm a useless Mother. I'm dumb. I'm lazy.' That broke me. I felt I'd tolerated enough. I told her what was upsetting her really was that she'd actually have to bend at the waist to clean something up for once herself and I walked away. I didn't even get the opportunity to actually tell my Sister what went on. She lay into me verbally also. I'm wondering when it became acceptable to talk to a Mother or a Sister like this? I didn't deserve either. I know everybody has problems and are struggling financially these days but it was my belief you don't take your frustration out on others. You don't kick a horse when it is already down. I'm just sitting here holding back tears and wondering why this just happened? There had been no previous quarrel hanging in the air nor cross word all day between myself and my daughter. Nothing to set her off. What triggered her? My sister had rung me earlier in the day to chat whilst she drove her usual long three hour journey to her nearest shopping centre. It held my chores but I said nothing of the kind. I was supportive. I just don't get any of it. Feel like a punching bag.

A new morning with no mistakes in it so far or so I thought. Chose not to respond to Sisters emotional abuse. Chose not to interact nor converse with emotionally abusive daughter. Got a notification at 6am on FB from a relative letting me know that it is the one year Anniversary today since her partner died and she is feeling very low. So I sent her a sympathetic message to let her know I'm thinking of her. I was on FB about 20 seconds when messenger sent this from my Sister 'You Reap What You Sow'. Then Sister saw that I was conversing with our bereaved relative. She put the exact same message as I did (word for word) on our relatives FB page. Pushing mine down beneath hers.

Hi LiveToTell, So sorry for the delay... This spoke volumes to me: "I'm feeling rather hurt. My only Sister just totally lost it with me. I support her constantly. I bite my tongue often." Because it's called 'Biting the hand that feeds you'. And also, censoring you - by losing it when you try to discuss. Both are Red Flags. That's as far as I pre-read before IMMEDIATELY pressing Reply, but now to the rest (to see if it aligns)... "I'm feeling rather hurt. My only Sister just totally lost it with me. I support her constantly. I bite my tongue often. I reached out to her just to vent my concerns. I felt worried about my relationship with my daughter." Why the heck would she have lost it, just because you wanted to discuss your daughter and you? Can you describe the conversation for me, please? "I have nobody else to turn to." HAD. HAD nobody else to turn to. You're here now. And you're allowed to stay and receive ongoing support (and a secret defensive weapon) for as long as you like. :) "Both of us being Mothers with a daughter I was hoping for some emotional support and a shoulder to cry on." AND because she's your Sister (which has to be a verb or the noun means nothing). "I was hoping she'd take some time to hear me out and just listen as I do for her regularly." Yeah, it's called Reciprocation, which people who are programmed and raised right, do automatically. (I'm not liking her too much and I'm not even a third of the way yet!...and I like everyone...except for one type - guess what?...begins with N., but methinks you already suspect anyway, just by the way you're describing her.) "I was not expecting her to say she'd at once phone my daughter and sort her out." Ah. The Take-Over instead of the Support. (Another narcissistic TICK!) (PS: Oh WILL she, indeed! 'Ya vull mein fuhrer!' (TICK!). Helps herself to 'your stuff' a lot, does she?) "Shocked by her reaction I asked her not to do this." (Me too!) But - TOLD her - surely?! Who does she think she is, helping herself to your daughter like that, and TELLING instead of offering? "I feel her reaction was over the top." Pff - JUST A BIT?! (TICK!) "I told her through PM on Facebook how I'm feeling down tonight because my daughter just yelled at me that I am a 'f_cking b_itch for using her bottle of disinfectant without her permission and that I'm a using C_nt'." Woah! WOAH!!! How old is she? And is this the first time she's spoken to you like this? "I was not expecting this anger from my daughter at all. It really blew me away." Me too now! AND the disgusting language. Including the C-word - the worst name-call in the world! To her own mother?! Woooah... I mean - fair ENOUGH - because you (ahem) helped yourself to her stuff. But that does NOT give her the right to be verbally abusive, to you of all people! Where did she even GET that word and the idea it's acceptable from? "She is losing it a lot these days over what most people would consider nothing." Again - need to know her age/stage. (PS: does she get to witness or hear about sister's atrocious attitudes a lot?) "I forgot that I used the bottle of disinfectant a few days ago. I did use the whole bottle. She did buy it. I should have replaced it but I I hadn't been grocery shopping since and quite simply didn't think to mention that I'd used it all." Yeah, you see, you've got to watch these sisterly/family Fleas because they crawl in through the tiniest spaces of your psyche and then suddenly you're doing it too, on autopilot. "That day she was out for hours. Her dog had been to the vets twice and had been ill for two weeks. I was minding her dog when she peed and vomited everywhere. I used it to clean up. There was a little left in the bottle and so I threw the remainder in with the towels I'd used to clean up. I thought nothing of it. Figured we'd buy more next grocery shopping trip out." OH. Well, that's different then. Means you were using her bleach ON HER BEHALF and because her dog made it unavoidable! That is totally different. HER DOG MESS - HER PAYING FOR THE BLEACH (and lucky her that you even cleaned up after pet!). This makes her outburst a show of INGRATITUDE as well! Me, I'd have told her, 'In that case, next time your dog has an accident, I'll just mop it up with your duvet - how's that?...better?....Well, don't be so silly, then. And don't EVER talk to me like that or (insert deterrent/punishment). Go to your room and think about the disgusting way you've just behaved and spoken. Include the fact that, if you continue that attitude whereby you take what by then has become a habit out into the big world with you when you leave home, other people WON'T respond as reasonably as me and might well punch you in the face for it. Think on...'. (Had to say as much and more, regularly, to my son when in the utterly delightful Teenage Years (the natural/semi-excuseable narc phase when they at least have an excuse for it).) "Lesson learnt." Don't you dare! You were wholly in the right. And you'd better learn to stand-up to your daughter (whom I'm presuming is still a teen) or she'll run rings around you, all the way into, verbally abuse and disrespect you. IOW - Madame, you are letting the puppy sit on your chest. (Maybe buy a book on how to handle a horribly hormonal teenage daughter? Easy-peasy once you know how?) It seems in the barrage which followed that it wasn't 'household' use disinfectant. It was specifically purchased by her with her money for only her dogs messes and therefore should not have been touched by me." WELL, THAT'S PRECISELY WHAT YOU GOT IT OUT FOR. Or is her complaint that you used the last few drops on other things? (What was she intending to use a couple of drops for anyway?) To her, I'd say - first in my head (Oh, do shut up, Violet Elizabeth) and then - 'Well in that case, don't leave your dog with me in-future or - what - am I supposed to be your free babysitter AND sit, tolerating dog poo and vomit so's not to upset Your Ladyship? BE REAL! I simply forgot to replace it. OR...since she's not even made sense up there: 'Why are you talking to me in this disgusting manner - what REALLY is the matter?...what's happened'. Because, with a teen, she might have just had an argument with a friend and is trying to take it out on you (because you're safer and because she doesn't want you to know and not feel proud of her in-progress 'image' blah-blah-usual-teen-pride/worry)? "I couldn't get a word in edge ways and I just stared at her as she yelled at me." OH, GOOD. That's something. "She was furious! To say the least." IOW, she put you into shock. ...Like 'Blister' - yeah? "She needed the disinfectant because the dog had once again peed on the kitchen tiles." Tiles are easy, you can use normal disinfectant or just white vinegar and hot water. Nah - see? Not making sense, making false facts/realities. "I just let her rave. Raised my eyebrows and when she finally stopped I said 'seriously?'." OH - WONDERFUL - WELL DONE! Okay, you're not letting her. And okay - this is a first. (She didn't get to overhear how your sister spoke to you, did she? You know what kids are like - bloody snoopy.) "This made her go off even more at me." OH. That shouldn't have been what came next. When you eyeballed her, her shame should have kicked in. Is she spending time with your sister or something? "I know I should have apologised for my misdemeanour" No, you hadn't done anything wrong. Her dog had. Let her shout at the dog, then (not really, but you get my point). "but listening to her words I quite frankly didn't feel like saying sorry." GOOD! Okay, I see what's going on here....'the worm (you) is turning' and you ARE starting to grow in confidence and self-assertion. Well...good for you and boo-hoo for them, then. :p Healthy people (and those out of teen age) are proud of you for that and take your cue. Unhealthy, insecure ones try to drag you back down the staircase to where they live. "In the verbal diarrhoea I was called many nasty things. The accusations were flying!" I know you were morbidly fascinated, but as next time you won't be - make UGH! noises and WALK off. NEVER be boo-hoo why are you being so meean to me about it. It's EW...UGH...I'M OFF! "Frankly I was disgusted with her behaviour. Just shook my head at her. Left the room." Oh - you did walk off - hahaha! Okay, nothing wrong with you, then! "She quickly cleaned up the pee with another product and then followed me still going off." Yeah,...I really need to know her age so I'm going to stop reading at this point and resume once you've told me. (Shan't peek ahead.) Roger - Over?

Thank you for giving of your time and responding. I really need to connect with other human beings outside of family. I don't fit in. I'm on the outer. Always have been and it appears to be getting worse. That sounds very childish as I read it back but it isn't a cry for pity. It is what it is. How it has always been. They don't get me. I don't get them. I've always felt like a fish out of water. I am the one they roll their eyes at. I am the one they hate the most. Yet I am the one they always run to when they want something and they know they can always rely on me to deliver. Whether it be just a shoulder to cry on or help in another area like if you're sick. Believe me when I say I am no Saint. Not really a good Samaritan at all. No Florence Nightingale here. I just like helping as it makes me feel good. I'm not after accolades, money, reward of any kind. I actually despise people who only do a kind act to use it as leverage in the future or to get something for it. Yes I am judgmental. Helping others keeps me human. Reminds me that I'm not actually evil. Reminds me of what really matters in life. Not the material. Oh heck now I sound like a preachy person. I'm not. I'm a loner. Not a mixer. Happier that way. Thank You for saying this: HAD. HAD nobody else to turn to. You're here now. And you're allowed to stay and receive ongoing support (and a secret defensive weapon) for as long as you like. This means the World to me! Others on here have very serious problems and I'm sounding like a Whinging Pain in the Butt in comparison. I'll try to be deserving. Be back soon to answer your questions.

Well, actually, before you thank me - I've just realised I hadn't finished (second post). Let me do that first and then respond to your latest...

"A new morning with no mistakes in it so far or so I thought. Chose not to respond to Sisters emotional abuse." Gold Star! "Chose not to interact nor converse with emotionally abusive daughter." 2nd Gold Star. And - ABSOLUTELY! You be a natural human whom reacts like one! They shoulda thoughta that :ppppppppp. "Got a notification at 6am on FB from a relative letting me know that it is the one year Anniversary today since her partner died and she is feeling very low. So I sent her a sympathetic message to let her know I'm thinking of her." 3rd Gold Star! "I was on FB about 20 seconds when messenger sent this from my Sister 'You Reap What You Sow'." What?? What 'sowing are you supposed to have done? This I can't WAIT to read! "Then Sister saw that I was conversing with our bereaved relative. She put the exact same message as I did (word for word) on our relatives FB page. Pushing mine down beneath hers." Oh, you mean that one saying is ALL she said? You reap what you sow? Reap what from sowing what? (Me, I'd have posted back: And the rain in Spain falls mainly on the plain - what's yer point?) Who does she think she is - Agent 59 for Russian Intelligence? ("Meet me on de bridge, Comrad...and ze codeverd is 'You reap what you sow'" / "Aaaaaaaal-RIGHTY, THEN! (...Matron?!??)") Hang on? She - what? Put the exact same message??? BINGO! Oh, well. Can't better confirmation than THAT over what SHE is! Jeez. And welcome to the fecking club.... (they're bloody everywhere)... Don't worry about the 'down beneath' bit. No-one's stupid. Even *I* - Techie Duhbrain The 1st - know that that means you went first. Don't compete. It'd be you, playing. DON'T PLAY. Take the piss. Take it so well it makes YOU laugh (and their heads explode). I mean it - have FUN with this! They'll soon bloody stop if you do. Works for me, anyway. :))))))))))) (Psst! Check out the new post about is bf racist. I've gorra headache now...)

You asked: Can you describe the conversation for me, please? I will now for you. I just feel the need to provide a prelude. In the past week I've listened non stop at all hours day and night to my Sister going on about her problems with her son, her daughter, her partner and his adult kids. Her partner and his problems at his work. Her partners money problems. I've never met this man. How much she owes on the house and how she can't afford groceries this week. How they bought a trailer two days ago? Therefore I felt it was my turn and alright for me to turn to her for empathy. I still have it as I didn't delete it. So here it is. I copied her capitals & one million exclamation marks. Me: Hi, I'm having a down day. (I said her name) Daughter just called me a C you next Tuesday because I used her disinfectant. She is in a mood. Has been a lot lately. It is getting worse. Her: I'm going to talk to her. We'd never call our Mother that. Nobody should ever call anybody that word. I'll phone her now. Me: I wasn't asking you to make any move nor to talk to her. Please don't phone her as that will only make things worse. I only wanted to vent. Her: Don't you treat me like that! I don't deserve this BACK OFF! You are being rude to me for ABSOLUTELY NOTHING! FFS this is bullshit! You are a reactive BOMB! You always have been and you always will be. Once again I get F_ _ ked over again for trying to help you. I am truly f _ _ cking over you!!! Me: For goodness sake I wasn't I was simply trying to vent to my sister. I was just talking! I wasn't requesting any help nor intervention from you. Please just drop it now thanks. Her: That wasn't just chatting! Look how this has just back fired on me for ABSOLUTELY NOTHING! As I said 'you are full of bullshit and always I end up hurt for only trying to help'. Now I'm upset. Me: Look I wasn't asking you to make any moves nor talk to her or anything. I wasn't requesting anything from you. Please forget I said anything. I think that is best for all involved. More following...

Right - latest... "Thank you for giving of your time and responding." Thank-you for your lovely manners and appreciation. (Love-All - your serve, haha... You don't need new balls though - you've clearly got them already and have just been too confused or over-busy to have noticed 'who is what'.) "I really need to connect with other human beings outside of family." Yes - in all total serious - yes, yes, and a thousand times yes! De-brainwashing, basically. "I don't fit in. I'm on the outer." HURRAH! But that would have made you The Scapegoat (google Narcissistic Family Dynamics)....aaaand lookie here - that's exactly what's being attempted on you. Funny that, eh. I mean - bar daughter trying it on, nothing new has really happened, has it. It's YOU. You've had enough. Or in Narc-target (you ain't no victim) speak: You've had ENOUGH of having enough! "Always have been and it appears to be getting worse." Better, actually. Just feels worse. At the time. "That sounds very childish as I read it back" No, it doesn't???? Right - here we go... Who regularly called you childish? "but it isn't a cry for pity." Well, it SHOULD be because you'll have earned it! Ditto - who labelled you as doing that even when you have a right to it? "It is what it is." May I respectfully suggest that you cut that phrase RIGHT out of your vocab. - STARTING NOW. FYI, it's a characteristic Narc response. And you ain't one. So you don't want to get mistaken for one. It might be a Narc Flea, though (not knowing which attitudes and sayings are normal-healthy versus part of the NPD Abuse playbook (google). Replace it with something else, like, It's just a fact? "How it has always been." THAT'S better. "They don't get me. I don't get them." Excellent! "I've always felt like a fish out of water." Thank god! "I am the one they roll their eyes at. I am the one they hate the most." Well, of course. You're a truth seer-speaker. You have the power to make their House of Cards (google, prefixed "Narcissist - ") TUUUUUM-BLE down. And THEN where would these fantasists exist? You could tip them into Nervous Breakdown ("Narc Collapse") doncha know. (Oooooh, the power...) They FEAR you. And PS: Since La-La Land is known for being Opposites Land (e.g. "Hit or be hit"...."S/he who cares least, wins" and all that topsy-turvey shite that you'd expect from brainwashed, permanently fuming, MERE KIDS (where only their bodies and mechanical skills developed) - here's how Scapegoating works: In normal-healthy mammalian families, you usually get one runt in the pack, which the other members peck to death. In abnormal-unhealthy (i.e. Narc) families, you get one healthy one and the rest are the runts. But as you still threaten the runts, the majority, as much as one runt would threaten the survival of a healthy pack - the runts are the ones (through "Might is Right" as opposed to the truth of "Right is Might" (opposites again)) that attack the one, healthy, functional one. And the more impressively functional you are, the more they hate you (- threatened by you). HOWEVER, as they're constantly self-generating more and more paranoid and negative thoughts, feelings, intentions inside them, they use YOU as somewhere to purge themselves (so they can socialise like a normal person with "their public"). So you must go and yet you must stay because they need a secret Toxins recepticle/toilet. Sense? Oh, and their personal lackeys and substitute parents, 'mirror on the wall', etc., etc., etc. Google "I hate you/Don't leave me!". It's what Borderlines and Narcissists have in-common. Although, the Borderlines didn't start it - the Narcs do. Always-always. "Yet I am the one they always run to when they want something and they know" YES. AREN'T THEY, JUST! "they can always rely on me to deliver. Whether it be just a shoulder to cry on or help in another area like if you're sick. " Yeah, but that's when you didn't realise they were ucking nutjobs. And I'll bet they never reciprocated - or barely ever. So - edit: they USED to be able to always rely on me to deliver. Now they can go pluck themselves, like the dirty, smelly, salmonella-infected chickens they are. :) And if they don't like that? (All together now:) THEN THEY SHOULDA THOUGHTA THAT AND BEEN NICE. Understand: what makes them nutjobs is the fact they CHOOSE to be nasty and have no guilt over it whatsoever. They just quickly tell themselves a little story, e.g. 'Yeah, well, if you hadn't looked to the left of me, I wouldn't have had to have said that!' ("Look what you made me do".) (No - they're the ones that make YOU do. Google Projection - as explains the reaping and sowing comment. But come on, that whole sentance of hers positively REEKS of jealousy-based schadenfreud - you can sense it, surely?) She's not a sister, she's just a competitor and slow killer. (Sozzies, but almost everyone here has been there so - we know.) "Believe me" Oh, I do! " when I say I am no Saint." Well, not that bit. You kind of ARE? "Not really a good Samaritan at all." Yeah, you are. "No Florence Nightingale here." Yeah, there is. "I just like helping as it makes me feel good." You daftie. THAT'S WHAT MAKES YOU A SAINT, hahahahahaha! Too busy with idiots to have got to know and understand yourself properly, that's what it is. "I'm not after accolades, money, reward of any kind." Why not - if you've earned them? Nah, you're just wary of sounding "full of yourself" (yawn). From now on, ignore everything they've ever accused you off or made you feel you are/aren't. It is ALL....total....OLLOCKS. "I actually despise people who only do a kind act to use it as leverage in the future or to get something for it." Well, that's Narcs. "Yes I am judgmental." Me too - what's your point? Don't you realise that without societal down to peer pressure (to be good, stay straight and transparent), society would have gone to SH*T by now...oh.....it already has, really, hasn't it. And that's why. Narcs getting into positions of power - like chimpanzees in charge of the White Ho...oh..... Gosh, they've mooted my points everywhere I look, haha! "Helping others keeps me human." Being human keeps you helping others, actually. Well - being a shiny human aka An Empath. You're a Super-Empath, btw. "Reminds me that I'm not actually evil." According to evil nutjobs you are. (OH NOOO, WHAT SHALL!...YOU DOOOO?!) "Reminds me of what really matters in life." Yeh. "Not the material. Oh heck now I sound like a preachy person." Tsk - stop that. *I'll* tell you when you're being this/that. Relax. "I'm not." WE KNOWWWW. "I'm a loner. Not a mixer. Happier that way." Ah! Interesting. What ratio as a percentage are you reclusive versus sociable? Are you also a Night Owl? "Thank You for saying this: HAD. HAD nobody else to turn to. You're here now. And you're allowed to stay and receive ongoing support (and a secret defensive weapon) for as long as you like." Well, I did consider using a carrier pigeon, but I felt you needed to hear it immediately, what with a load of rabid monkeys on your back. (har-har) "This means the World to me!" Ahhhh. I feel guilty for making a joke out of it now. Sorry. Yeah, I sometimes forget for a minute, how desperate for a sane voice to talk to they can leave you. Have a hug: ((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUG))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) You're a sweetheart, you really are. "Others on here have very serious problems and I'm sounding like a Whinging Pain in the Butt in comparison. I'll try to be deserving." Not listening to that (laa-laaa-laaaaa!), it's self-harm again. "Be back soon to answer your questions." Okie-dokes!

Her: I haven't said nor done anything and as usual it has backfired on me already. The problem is and always has been YOU! You've contacted my daughter behind my back several times. (she is referring here to my niece & I chatting on FB two weeks ago about the annual reopening of an online Christmas Elf Store because we both collect them) You sneaked off with her at the party. I am so upset. I never do anything to you. Truly you need the help of a psychologist. You are trying to steal my daughter because you FUCKED UP your own. Go get mental health. Fuck off! I AM NOT YOUR TARGET PRACTISE!!! (with reference to the party. One year ago I saw my niece for the first time in five years at my Mothers B'Day Party. I went to leave the party room to take all Mums presents and store them safely away in her bedroom for her as she is elderly. I was collecting up the wrapping paper & ribbons to chuck when my niece said Aunty may I come with you and help. I said of course you can. Off we went. We were gone about 20 mins at most.) Me: You can't be serious surely? You're angry that I chatted to my niece about Elves. You're angry that we took mums presents into the bedroom together. I repeat (sisters name here) that I phoned only to chat the same way you phone me when you're upset. I listen to you. I empathise. I support you always. We don't need to be rescued by you in anyway. Please don't concern yourself. I'm sorry I interrupted your evening. My apologies for making you think I wanted your action in any way. I didn't. I don't. I was just talking. Please forget I said anything tonight. I had an error of judgement. I have never gone to your kids to say anything behind your back ever. I'm not vexed just shocked by your eagerness to contact (daughters name) as I didn't ask you to do that. Forget this conversation took place. I won't bother you again of that you can be certain. (I instantly got off FB before she could respond). Next Morning this pops up in front of me when I was talking to a friend of the family about cake recipes... Her: YOU REAP WHAT YOU SOW! So there you have it. My daughter is in her mid thirties and still lives at home.

PS: Where's your mum? And dad? Also, is Blister older (purely on paper!) or younger than you? PPS: I see we've crossed-over. I'm going to tackle your latest tomorrow because I genuinely do have a serious headache now. (Go read it yourself and you'll see what I mean. Tell me if you think it's a troll being deliberately ludicrously OTT.)

I went & read the post you were referring to. At first I was going to thank you because it gave me a few chuckles. I was thinking what a special little snowflake. BUT then as I read on it became quite concerning. Because even if this was a troll...which I don't actually believe it is the person has shown clear control issues, manipulation and always blames the other party and actually seems to believe herself to never be in the wrong with anything she requests. Strike that I meant to say 'commands'. Near the end I had the shivers. Shown here for all to say were behaviours which I'm very familiar with. Struck a chord. This poor fellow is caught in a trap and I hope he gets out before she devours him. Scary stuff.

Answers to your questions: I haven't had a Father since I was in middle school. He left my Mother for another Woman. She didn't care too much because he was physically and verbally abusive. Mum is alive. Elderly 81 years old. My Sister is nearly 2+ years older than me.

Referring to my daughter now. No this is NOT the first time she has spoken to me like this. It is getting worse. Where did she even GET that word and the idea it's acceptable from? We both swear. Me only when angry. Never in public. However, I never go that far and usually nor does she. Hence some of my shock. When she was a girl the worst she'd say was bloody, bastard, bullshit, shit, bugger and stuff along those lines. She use to think in her youth that it was vulgar to swear like a man. Also back 3+ years she worked in the High End of Town and gutter talk was not acceptable. She was known as a polite young woman. Got teased by others for being so sweet. As she is an adult now she has a new and different adult crowd who swear constantly! Her friends use the 'F' & 'C' words like a comma in every sentence. I don't think they can actually converse without swearing.

Does she get to witness or hear about sister's atrocious attitudes a lot? Daughter did get exposed when my sister use to visit us annually at Christmas and stay at our place. I put a stop to the stay overs back in 2006. Sister would go out to clubs and taverns. Leaving me with the kids, dressing like a biker chic, smoked weed, got drunk and always picked up a new leech (sorry male). She'd arrive back early morning smelling like a brewery, stumble in, slurred speech & throw me a chocolate bar to thank me for looking after her two children. Sometimes daughter would listen in and hear when the phone was on speaker. My Sister will phone at any hour that suits her. Even 3am in the morning and it use to wake my daughter when she was a school girl & she'd listen in even though I sent her back to her room. They have never been close (Aunt & Niece). Daughter use to be disgusted by her Aunt. That changed in the last two years. She started wanting to get to know her Aunt better and telling me I can't keep her from her because she is an adult. I am guilty of that. My Sister has been rather lurid, more often than not drunk, smoked weed, dressed tarty, got tattoos and sleeps around a fair bit. My Sister and I are opposites in everything! I was the domesticated dag. Family nick named me 'Cinderella'. She was the party girl. Family nick named her 'The Social Butterfly'.

There is a lot to unpack here. Years of grief and strife. If it is all just too much. Let me know. I'll stop. I fear I will be the one to snap your brain. Hurt your head worse no doubt. Sorry to hear about the headaches. My daughter gets migraines so I understand & sympathise. You said: This makes her (daughter) outburst a show of INGRATITUDE as well! I've long since learnt that my girl is not grateful at all. Everything I do is expected. Everything I give is taken for granted. I believe she doesn't love me at all. She says that often enough and sadly her actions speak louder than her words. However the words 'I hate you, now you will pay for being the pathetic person you are and for having given me a crap life'. So much more. My tears irate her further. No response from me is my just being dumb. Any response I make she mocks, belittles or tears me apart verbally for hours. I stay out of her way. Agree with her to make her shut up. Mostly I keep out of her way. She buys & pays for VERY little. She is on a very good wicket living with me. She takes advantage. She does next to nothing in regards to housework. No cooking, no cleaning, no ironing, no folding, no putting away, no yard work. She buys very little for the household. She buys very little for me (example no Christmas Gift, Mother's Day nor Birthday). She drains me dry of money. She makes excuses & lies about how much she has leftover. I've caught her out. We had a system agreed upon between us financially that is no longer working. Week One. I was to buy all food and cleaning agents. I pay the whole rent. Go halves in any other bills due. This leaves me with very little. I'm on a disability pension. I don't have a savings account. She always asks for help to 'get her through to next pay'. If I refuse her then my life isn't worth living. She will rave for hours at me. Call me a variety of names and say I owe her for what she deems 'a shit childhood'. She even tries to convince me that I borrowed $20 and never paid her back. It isn't true. I keep everything in a secret journal. Because sometimes she tries to convince me I said or did things which I did not! Says I'm losing it. Says there is something wrong with me. Says she stays because she feels sorry for me. I have to talk to somebody right? So I pretty much talk to myself. I keep track of every penny of my money & many of our conversations. I know where it goes and what on each fortnight. I keep dockets because of the false accusations. Lately, I've been thinking she is worse than a husband to live with. I'm more often than not left for one week with less than $20. I cook all meals, wash & wipe up. I do all laundry. I provide desserts and home cooked treats often like cupcakes. I make special little things to show her I care. I buy her favourite snack foods like yoghurt for her. I buy her little things to show her I love her. *I explain later that she is not demonstrative. See way down below. She eats my personal everything! Knows I'm happy to share. She use to just take it. I got angry. Now she asks. Week Two. Becomes her turn. She is supposed to buy all food & cleaning agents. Pay for her dog products. Go halves in joint bills. She has a savings account. She doesn't like touching it. She shops and spends like crazy on dog fashions, craft stuff, Halloween ornaments, dresses for herself etc. Then cries poor. Says its run out & I need to help her out. Example: A few weeks back she stopped buying food to share. Stopped buying food that becomes a meal for me to cook for all of us (dogs included) like say a tray of mince meat. Stopped buying any basics. She came home with just a few things she likes to eat and only enough for herself. Iced coffee milks, snacks, bread rolls, soup for one etc. Nothing for me. No wet food for the dogs. Just dry food for them. One dog has food allergies. Can only eat Lamb. So I had to start buying it & cooking it. I have gone hungry many times. She has even ordered pizza and eaten it in front of me. I got yelled at for stealing a single sugar free muesli bar last week when she was out. She counts them. I was minding the dogs and doing the laundry etc. Truth is I'd gone over 24 hours without anything to eat. I'd had cups of tea, water. I have diabetes & couldn't afford my meds. I started blacking out and told her I only ate one because I was close to fainting. I was trying to make it to my payday. I'd given her my last $50 when she begged me to help pay her dogs vet bill. At the time I said you'll have to share the groceries. She agreed to. Then she didn't!

I've stayed silent for days since the foul name calling. Until today. She decided to follow me around the house and be all chatty. Friendly. Hey Mum got any gossip today. Is Aunty stirring the pot? Have you heard from her. Up to this point she'd gotten one word responses from such as yes, no. I said no I haven't heard from her for a number of days now. She said 'why? she normally bugs the life out of us'. I said one word 'you'. She said 'what about me?'. I said when I told you I wasn't going to play your games anymore, make excuses or cover up for you after you called me a C _ nt I meant it. I saw her anger rise. She said 'you told her?'. I said 'indeed I did'. Her face went red and she called me a traitor and other things. I'm a needy loser. I'm pathetic. I'm weak. I can't help myself. She'd expect nothing less from me. Much more followed but in a monotone not shouted. I looked her in the eye and said 'There was a time when I was proud of you, there was a time when I respected you, there was a time I'd cover up for you and make excuses for your behaviour to family members but you crossed a line. I'd warned you it was coming ages ago. I said eventually I would reach that point when I'd take no more of your behaviour. So we are there.' She said 'I can't believe you told her that. It is a betrayal.' I said 'no my dear what is a betrayal is the fake sweet voice you give to others and the cowardly way behind closed door you treat me. I've taken it for long enough. I will not be taking it anymore. So I suggest if you don't want others to hear about your dark side then you'd best get your act together and change. I'm not keeping your true personality a secret anymore. So how you treat me is what I'll be letting everybody know'. I up & left the room. I could see in the mirror she was shaking her head from side to side. Silence reigned for hours. Then it was dinner time. She said are you cooking tonight? I said 'no I'm not'. She said 'I looked in the cupboard and you don't have any food'. I said 'that isn't new'. She said 'well I'm going to warm up my food'. Then she comes out and says 'how do I heat this?'. I said can't you read a box? You're in your thirties figure it out. She said 'please mum will you put it on so I can go to the shower?' I said 'no. I'll tell you how to but I'm not going to do it for you'. She seemed nervous. I talked her through it. She actually said 'thanks. would you mind watching it while I'm in the shower and the dogs?'. I said 'I always do don't I?'. When she got out of the shower she got her food out of the oven & put it on a plate & came out switched on the TV. I just sat there. A small miracle took place. She looked over and said 'you must be hungry'. I said 'no. I'm fine'. She bought her plate over & said 'here have just a small bit of my dinner'. I know I should have taken it but I'm hurt. Can months of cruelty be wiped away and forgiven that easily? I also don't trust her. How long would the change of heart last? I thanked her and said there was only enough for one and as she has been recently sick best she eat it all herself. This killed me! Inside I'm mush. I want to bawl my eyes out. Didn't want to show weakness so left the room. Was I a bitch? I HONESTLY have never known how to handle her. She is super intelligent. Her personality is so strong. She is forceful. Bossy. Opinionated. I fear she is like my Mum:(

I am now going on too much. You are probably sick of reading it. I just want somebody to understand why I can't forgive easily nor let this recent abuse episode go. I've endured a lot! She has let doors slam in my face and always goes through first. She has called me ugly, loudly in the middle of the grocery store and said my face offends her. Another day I emptied my old piggy bank and gave it to her asking for a tin of soup under $5 when she went out to the store. It was all I had. She came home with nothing for me and said 'oops, sorry I forgot'. She then ate her KFC in front of me. Only bought one single meal for herself. It was her week to pay/share. In a heat wave last summer (on her week to pay turn) we were walking the dogs in the late afternoon. The dogs drank all their water I'd packed. She said we need a drink. We walked to the nearest store. She ordered herself an iced latte and nothing for me. I didn't even have my handbag/purse on me. I said 'could I please have a bottle of water?'. She said 'no. ask somebody for a paper cup and go to the public toilets to fill it'. With final reference to the disinfectant: In my defence it was her week to do the household groceries/shopping. The disinfectant was under the kitchen sink and I assumed it was for the household to use. My mistake. It wasn't labelled at all specifically for the dog. It wasn't a vet product or anything. I should have guessed it was for a specific purpose as she doesn't normally buy disinfectant. I was just too keen to clean up after the dog before she walked in it or sat in it as she often does. I grabbed it without thinking. It was $3. She showed me the docket and told me she expects me to replace it. After the last two weeks when she's been sick and I walked to the shops and came back with a bag of medicines and products (at my own expense) to make her well. From rehydration drinks to strong head ache pills. I feel she is very mean spirited towards me. It just makes for ill feeling and bad vibes between us this nit picking. I've told her as much. I'm told to 'shut up and go away'. So I didn't accept the dinner peace offering. I know I should have. Been told often enough how I've failed as a Mother. Didn't really have a good role model. I'll blame Mum. I know I couldn't handle her. I said it earlier. I was 22 years old and alone. I thought I was doing ok at the time. Clearly I messed up big time along the way.

What ratio as a percentage are you reclusive versus sociable? 90%. I don't trust people. They make me nervous. Act friendly then back stab. Are you also a Night Owl? Yes totally. It 'use' to be my 'alone and think time' or my 'happy, relax do what I want time'. Now my daughter stays up talking to friends, playing games & watching TV until 4am. I can't sleep. I can't do what I want in tranquillity. *Just realised that I forgot to explain how my girl is 'not demonstrative'.

Hi, I just made a discovery. I don't think the major temper & hate outburst had anything to do with disinfectant. A number of days back my daughter took my computer and was doing something on it when I came into the room. History being that this computer was actually her old one. Gifted by her to me second hand. I've never had one of my own as I can't afford it. She upgraded to a new fancier one she gave me this old thing which doesn't work very well hence she wanted to toss it. I just accidentally came across something when the dog ironically jumped on the keyboard. So I went on a tour of discovery. Keeping in mind that I'm not at all computer savvy. Up it comes that all of my files and history. Even my passwords. Absolutely everything I do has been synced to her new computer. She accesses all files from across the room. So yes...I did catch her reading my entries here the other day. Also, she has read my journal which is also on here. Not surprised that she is angry. I have nobody to talk to but myself as aforementioned. Now I know why I'm called a 'traitor' amongst other things. I absolutely have nobody and nothing of my own. My World and existence is owned by my daughter to treat me as she so desires. I have one purpose only in this life. Serve her. Clean, cook, dog sit and shut up. I've been told as much. She also said 'you are a liar. you don't have a psychologist or anything. you just talk to a chat group which is crap. I know everything about you. You are pathetic'. For weeks I thought we'd been going along reasonably well for us as a team. Her and me. NEVER great. I just be careful, shut up and get on with things. But, I hadn't been doing anything on my computer for ages. Only my personal journal. I saw she connected all the messenger people into a group? I wasn't happy about that. I can see she has been talking to her Aunt. Aunt was making sarcastic comments about 'your Mother and we know what she is like' etc I only talk to 3 people on FB and it is always about inconsequential stuff such as cake recipes. So I've laid low and been super boring. So recently, I felt down, I got lonely. I started up again on my computer. She is across it all! I have no life! I have no privacy. I have no car. I have no money. I have nothing. That is the truth. I have spent a lot of time considering suicide. As I see no way out of this hole I dug for myself. I've held a glass of bleach in my room with the door shut & very nearly drunk it. I've held a bottle of tablets in my hand in my room with a glass of water and very nearly swallowed them. Now I have in my possession a really good size, sturdy plastic bag. I've hidden it in my room. Decided to go the way of Robin Williams. When I'm ready or reach that point it will be my weapon of choice. I've even dreamed about going through with it. I tried to stay positive and believe there could be a better life for me. A change. I've been holding out for a miracle which will never come. I'm a prisoner. My captor is my Family. Most especially my daughter. How can she hate me to this degree? I've actually been a very good Mum to her. Spoilt her. Loved her. All she ever does is push me away. Side with others. She smirks and tells me 'they are all on my side and you have nobody'. Meaning family and friends. She is right! She speaks to them in a sweet voice and manipulates them. I watch from the side lines and just shake my head. Nobody has a clue what my life is really like. I go days with not a soul to talk to and not a kind word spoken. I'm going to have to close this account. Skulk away. I have only my imagination for company and solace. Such is my life. Thank you for once again listening, tolerating, trying with me. I'm a lost cause though. The others here can be helped. I'm beyond it. WE KNOW! DON'T WE! HUG TO YOU FOR TRYING. Apologies that I wasted your time.

Sorry! I'm back. I'm just all over the place. Can't land. Can't settle. Typed out a huge saga of what I'd say to my daughter if she'd only care enough to listen. I sort of tried to reach out to her today but she shut me down in minutes. Turned on her nasty expression instantly. I just gave up & walked away. The Sister sent 4 more LONG messages. I actually didn't read them & just pressed delete. Because I noticed the first couple of sentences said something along the lines of 'I only react the way I do because of you. It is you that makes me behave this way. If only you knew how to be a Sister.' That BS was enough for me. No good can come of me reading further so Delete, delete, delete, delete. Typed out a huge explanation of how daughter isn't and has never been 'demonstrative'. No touchy feely. No emotions of affection. It just baffles me. Everything. Everyone. I include myself in that. I baffle me. I had a typing day once the housework was completed because the health is playing up big time. Glandular fever, diabetes, lack of circulation (the list goes on). I feel I have to justify sitting on my backside for hours. Only after the 'have to's' were completed mind. Anyways, I'm still a 'case' and I'm boring any reader/s. Off I go. Thanks again for giving me the feeling that I have somebody to talk to like family or friend.

PS Oh yeah... I never use 'it is what it is'. that was my first time ever. Got it from my Sister! She says it all the time! So I thought it must be hip expression she must have picked up from her son. Now that I know it means your a Narc I think it might be best that I remove it from my vocab.

PS How's the head? hope I didn't cause it headache pill, lights off, dark eye mask and tranquil music seems to help my daughter when she gets a migraine headache. Stay hydrated. Avoid bright light & noise. Take some chill out me time.

Be back with you as soon as I can! Meantime: "Now that I know it means your a Narc I think it might be best that I remove it from my vocab." No, of course it doesn't mean you're a Narc. Only if it's one of a whole, consistent ("Pervasive Pattern") cocktail of Narc symptoms. But - case-in-point! The fact that even you have just assumed it's a standalone sign shows you how easily others lacking the full knowledge/education might likewise leap to that mis-conclusion. (If someone were to spit in your face, however - THAT'D be a standalone (Malignant Overt or Narc-Spath) because not even a Covert, nor N-Spath busily in Covert/long-term Love-Bombing mode, respectively, would lower themselves or dare give the game away. Laters!

Hi, Trying to follow your explanation. For the most part I get it but must admit some of it is a bit over my head. The curve balls life is currently sending me are frankly doing my head in. I'm confused. I'm constantly tired. If I thought I had everything figured out in my 20's well I'm here to say in my 50's I'm more bamboozled than I've ever felt before in my life. Today I was floating on a high. Why? Because I talked to people. I went out alone (a rarity to venture out and do this). I'm a hermit. Honestly. I was struggling with a large storage container I bought. I couldn't even walk with it. I'm only 5ft 2". So I was struggling to put it in the trolley. When a man came up to me (he was in his 50's) and said 'Would you like some help?'. My stranger danger kicked in and I very nearly gave one of my usual response/s to offers of assistance from people I don't know. Like 'no thank you, I've got it but thanks anyway'. Then I heard myself lecturing my daughter last week when sick with sometimes in life you need to accept help even from strangers as I won't always be around. Nobody lives forever. So I answered the man instead with 'yes please. if you have the time. I'm struggling'. This resulted in (his lady) soon joining him and the 3 of us having a long conversation and a laugh! I floated home! I was walking on air. The trip by foot seemed so short. I could not believe that...(brace yourself reader) I FELT HAPPY! OMG! YES I TYPED HAPPY! It has been a day for miracles! I arrived home and daughter said 'you took awhile' and I said 'yes I had a lovely conversation with two strangers'. Still on a high in the kitchen later on (I did not even realise I was doing this!) I burst into song and began to dance around as I got food out to prepare. WAIT FOR IT!!!!!! THERE IS MORE! To my shock a certain daughter from the lounge room began to sing along with me word for word! Then sort me out in the kitchen and began dancing with me!!!! I simply didn't know what to do nor say. In my head is going don't freeze and for goodness sake don't stop or she will. So I kept right on going & so did she! When we reached the end of the song we both burst out laughing! Then my daughter said 'hey Mum, come here I want to show you some of my new friends on my laptop'. Maybe I should have been singing 'All I need is a miracle, all I need is you'. Sorry I'm being super corny. WHAT A MOMENT IN TIME! Title 'Slice of Heaven' by Dave Dobbyn

Information by Soulmate: No, of course it doesn't mean you're a Narc. Only if it's one of a whole, consistent ("Pervasive Pattern") cocktail of Narc symptoms. But - case-in-point! The fact that even you have just assumed it's a standalone sign shows you how easily others lacking the full knowledge/education might likewise leap to that mis-conclusion. (If someone were to spit in your face, however - THAT'D be a standalone (Malignant Overt or Narc-Spath) because not even a Covert, nor N-Spath busily in Covert/long-term Love-Bombing mode, respectively, would lower themselves or dare give the game away. Thank you for this knowledge. I've been reading up on the various types of Narcissism. Also been listening to Dr Ramani she is a very interesting lady. I want to be a better person. I want to understand others. I want to be able to know the moment I'm dealing with any type of Narcissist. However, my reading has me questioning isn't there a good dollop of it in everyone? Doesn't each individual person have moments of Narcissism? I understand you're busy and there are many Forum Posts needing attention. In my neck of the woods 'Laters' is sarcastic and means 'I'm not coming back to you but this is a polite way of saying it'. Is that the case here? Did I upset you? Were my comments about your head pain too personal? Was my concern taken as 'Love Bombing' or manipulation? I just want to be caring for others as well as take better care of myself. I have empathy for sufferers of head pain. My Mum, Ex Husband & Daughter all get migraines so I can appreciate head pain and their suffering. Also, truthfully nobody displays any care in regards to my Health in my Family. I know how it feels to be over looked or treated like your ailments don't count whereas theirs is all encompassing. Hence 'Not Feeling The Love' title. OH! I just read the other Forum Entries it is from Sinus. That is painful also. Glad I didn't cause your headache with my long winded responses and venting LOL

Freaking heck... Sister will not give up harassing me. I was on FB and this pops up in PM box. 'Stop trying to steal my daughter because you F_C_ED UP your own'. In the past she has called my daughter a 'Monster'. However in the past six months she's been sending 'caring' text messages to my daughter. Out of the blue & quite out of character for my Sister. She's phoned daughter a few times and always starts with 'how's things. what's wrong with your mum this week?'. She is now calling her terms of endearment which she has never done in the past 32 years of my daughters life. She is saying 'I really care about you Darling. I always have it is just hard because of what your Mother is like.' She is saying 'How are you doing Sweetie'. Other stuff like that. It was my daughter who just bought this to my attention last evening. She said 'Mum I keep getting these ridiculous messages from Aunty'. Then daughter followed with 'She's NEVER taken an interest in me before so what is going on? I'm a bit old to be called Darling and Sweetie'. Then daughter said 'I didn't say anything to you Mum so I wouldn't upset you or start off your raving about Aunty but she rang me a couple of weeks back really badly drunk. Didn't you say she was off the sauce and had been for sometime?' I said 'well that is what she told me. that she'd long since given up the drinking'. Daughter said 'well make no mistake she is back on it now. Her speech was slurred and she was talking total shit. Pissed me off to be honest. What is she up to now?'. My Sister is now talking to all of my FB friends. I only have 4. I've seen their light on & hers at exactly the same time and the convos close at exactly the same time. One of my friends she doesn't even know so how the heck can she be suddenly talking to her & oh I just saw that this friend of mine is now just added onto her friends list. Another friend of mine just contacted me to say her Father just died and her Mother has been admitted to hospital with pneumonia. Then she added about your Sister she is saying things and I want you to know that I've always been very fond of you and still are. Geez! With a Sister like mine who needs enemies?

This is going to sound dreadful especially after yesterday but here goes... total honesty & transparency I'm sitting here & I cannot imagine anything better than a life without my adult daughter. I want FREEDOM from her. I believe I've gone the hard yards & extra. She isn't a child anymore. She USES & ABUSES me abominably. I just can't take it anymore. I can't cope. I don't understand this level of SELFISH. It isn't who I am. It isn't how I flow. I'm a doer. I'm a helper. I like peace to think clearly & logically. I enjoy my type of music. I'd like to be able to watch my type of TV programmes. I have NOTHING. A few rag dresses & two pairs of old shoes. One 10 year old pair of shockingly old spectacles. I try to read around the scratches. ALL MY MONEY goes on her & her two dogs. I can't even eat how I'd like to. I have to cook what she'll eat. So today she slept in until well after mid day. At 8am she sent the puppy down & expects me to watch it, give it breakfast, take it outside to pee, pick up its turds. I'm already doing that for the big dog. The one she abandoned in favour of the puppy. Only the puppy gets lamb, only the puppy gets $50 dry dog food, only the puppy gets the best toys, only the puppy gets the dog games purchased. Only the puppy has Insurance. The darling 8 year old gets basics these days as all money must go on the puppy. The puppy has special dietary needs. The puppy wears dresses & hats. Now a pram is being purchased for the puppy. I've long since taken over the care & expense of the big dog. She hates the puppy. I've stated a million times I do everything house & yard. It is true. Cooking. Laundry. EVERYTHING! From daughter I get I have to tend to the puppy & it makes me tired. I have anxiety I can't do more than this. Her time is spent talking to her friends online, playing games on line, playing with the puppy etc. A permanent vacation. I'm sick to death of watching her be so self consumed. She doesn't care if I'm sick. She doesn't care if I live or die. She does however care if her clothes aren't washed or there isn't a towel because I did other things like raked the yard after the mowing. She never washes up. Now she will wash one plate & one fork. Not the knife, not the spoon, not the pot. NOTHING! TODAY! She slept in. Drank coffee after coffee. Talked to her friends. Had a laugh over memes. Then began to complain to me (she does this all the time) that she needs my financial help until next payday. She got her govt payment this morning! She doesn't work. Quit nearly 3 years ago. Her speech about wanting what money I have left & her reasons why went on & on. For over an hour the BS flew. The dogs need a worming tablet & I should pay for it because this pay she needs some Halloween contact lenses & a costume. Intends going to the annual street fair. I use to her rants. I'm use to her trying to milk me for money. It goes on constantly. I usually give in because she calls me names & escalates. I just want PEACE. Today I did all the housework before she was even out of bed plus tending to the two dogs. I wanted to do something for me. A meditation. I need music, I need to feel calm, I need to chill. Yes that is a lot of 'I's. It is just that I never get anything for me. She hogs the hot water in the shower, she hogs the tv, she eats her food & then she eats mine. I'll be doing something on the bench & she will come in & push me out of the way. Gently but still? She leans across & takes what she wants. She doesn't ask. She doesn't stand back and wait. She is so rude. Like I'm making a cup of tea and I've the cup ready & standing for the kettle to finish boiling. She leans out & takes the kettle off fills her cup. Pushed in. Takes the milk out of my hand. It is zero consideration. Today I asked her for one hours peace and quiet please. I want to try a meditation. We have a tiny unit. We are constantly tripping over each other & she has crap everywhere!!! Messy! I can't stand this! Every bench is covered. The two tables are covered. The cupboards have her shit falling out to the point that they won't shut properly anymore. This girl will not change a toilet roll, does not ever take the rubbish out, doesn't take the recycling out, won't put a bin out. This girl won't put a load on nor empty the dryer. I ask nicely but she never does it. So I said I'm arranging with you a time for one hour to myself to play this meditation tape ok? I didn't sleep last night and I want to enjoy this. You hog everything so this is my turn. No tv, no radio, no laughter with friends on lap top for one hour please. She sarcastically agreed upon a time. So I set it up & waited. The moment the music began she started talking to her puppy, then had it excitedly & LOUDLY yapping to chase a ball inside the house. Then she switched to a dog plastic lift the flap game. The dogs nails scrapping constantly as it couldn't do it & then the angry non-stop barking because she couldn't achieve it. Then my daughter laughing at the dogs frustration. This girl can sit on her computer for hours playing Monopoly Go. But I asked & arranged for one hour. So I addressed it with her & yep I was angry, seething but I kept it in check. She told me STIFF IT IS MY DAY TO AND I'LL DO WHAT I WANT WITH MY PUPPY WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT. COPE WITH THE NOISE. Then told me I'm a selfish, self-centred, nasty bitch who expects to get her own way. I said no that description is actually yourself. I tried to put the meditation music back on & she laughed then started up stirring her puppy so that it barked non-stop. She grinned. Is it wrong of me to say. I feel I've done enough for her. I want my time. I want her out. I want her gone. I want my own space. I don't want her mood swings, anxiety, bad temper, puppy, mess. I'm done. Not many Mothers put up with all this. I've been a single Mum pandering to this Madam for 32 years. How can I get her to move out? She goes sad & teary and says she can't afford it out there on her own. She says I need her and won't admit it. She says I'll be lonely and cry. She says a lot of things. She is wrong! I LOVE IT WHEN SHE GOES OUT. However, yesterday for example 12 phone calls to me in the first hour. Told me to stay by the computer waiting for her messages. When I said 'no I have things I'm going to do'. She got angry when I didn't answer the phone straight away. I can't even pee. She phones too often. She literally keeps tabs on me. If I don't answer the phone by the 4th ring she is angry. Where were you? I get. What were you doing that is more important than answering me? I get don't touch my things nor move my things. I said 'I need bench space to cook dinner don't be stupid now move this stuff'. She pushed it about 20cm to the left. She says you can't physically make me move as that is abuse. My name is on the rental agreement. We have equal rights. I'm afraid she'll never really GROW UP. She'll never really ever LEAVE. I'm embarrassed too be honest as people say she is a KIDULT. I'm locked in my bedroom. I've the big dog with me who is sick of the puppy teasing her & hides under the table when daughter starts mouthing off. I long for an empty nest. I just need space from her. 24/7 hours a day & 365 days a year is just too much. No reprieve. Like I said even when she goes out she monitors me. My every move. I did all the chores. I set up a meditation (no outlet in my tiny bedroom this is public housing dump very old & small) in the living room. I just wanted one hour. I'm like a kid on punishment in here and she has taken over the rest of the villa. Still teasing the dog and it is still barking. She got her way. SHE RULES! I'm just her SLAVE. I'm sick of her emotional black mail. Her threats that I'm mental and she'll have me admitted. She does not LOVE me at all. The realisation cuts like a knife. I gave my whole life up for this girl. I was a sacrificial single Mum. I looked forward to her growing up, moving out, getting a boyfriend, having her own place & life but visiting me. NOT THIS! I want FRIENDS. I want a private phone convo that isn't listened in to and commented on when I hang up. I want a computer that she doesn't hack. I caught her in my business file today where I keep everything all my bank account info & pass words. I said 'what are you doing?' She said seeing what you really get and what more you can pay for. I'm going to get us sorted. I said 'you should not go through my things, nor help yourself. You didn't even ask'. She said 'it's US not you. You need to start paying for more things'. She was keying all my passwords and info into her computer. She now has everything...all my bank account stuff. For weeks I've been getting messages that somebody is trying to access your account please change your password. I said 'do you know anything about somebody trying to get access to my bank account?'. 'Nope not a clue' she said.

Hi again, sorry I'm being a pain in the butt. I'm just too needy. Too taxing. I love my daughter. I just don't know how to handle her. I don't want to take time away from others with more serious issues. This forum is the only place I know where to go. I am grateful. Thanks again.

Hi, not ignoring you, just on-off snowed-under (mainly on) and fighting to find time. Bear with - it's How Soon, not If.

I understand and thank you for saying you'd be back. Having a VERY hard time. Nearly committed suicide two nights ago. Had a total break down. A phone suicide line helped. Just so much going on and I can't cope with anymore. If I write it all out it sounds even to me when I read it back as though it isn't real. Just a bit too much. Like how can one person have so many nasty family members. Why does this one person (me) think they are a victim. Isn't it just life. Perhaps she's trying for sympathy or attention. That isn't me at all. The words are unbelievable yet they are the total truth. The struggle daily is my reality. I can't cope with these people (family). I feel snowed under, can't breathe, permanently exhausted. I dread the phone ringing. I dread my door knocking. I dread opening my email. I dread going into my FB. Always, waiting for the next verbal attack. It always comes. The other day it most certainly did (the Blister) which very nearly broke me & pushed me over the edge.

Just going to type it all out to feel better. Like talking to a friend. If only I had one. The day that pushed me over the edge. To breaking point. DAUGHTER NEWS: Daily I've been trying to make headway with my daughter. She has been snappy. A roller coaster. Up & down. Mood swings. I love you Mum then I hate you Mum. Talking nicely then character assassination. My brain has to always be super switched on. Ready for her next onslaught. MOTHER NEWS: I'd had a one hour harrowing phone call with my Mother. Tried to talk her out of her anger. Severe depression. Leaves me feeling drained. She also told me some facts about herself I did not know. Which to me this news is earth shattering. I've always wanted to know what was actually wrong with her from birth. A diagnosis. No Doctor could ever answer. No head scans ever revealed. Just told 'she has a rotten personality'. This is not comforting to a daughter who has been emotionally & physically abused her whole life. STEPFATHER NEWS: He's severely cranky. He's spreading gossip. Judgements about everybody. Non stop. Myself included. He has many opinions. He is swinging constantly from I really don't like you very much to could you please help me with paperwork and using your computer. He hasn't been eating right. Can't cook. His health is in severe decline. He needs a knee operation. I took pity on him. But cheekily... Seized the opportunity to firstly give myself a break from daughter. Secondly have her work on the laptop with his paperwork at a local Cafe and then he'd have to drive her home. Therefore she could grab the heavy grocery items. Due to my own health issues I've been struggling with carrying and walking things home. Two birds one stone. I'm not a user. If somebody does a favour for me then I return it in whatever capacity I can. No free rides is how I was raised. Pay your way. No such thing as a nice turn. No good deed goes unpunished. So I set about quickly making an evening meal with enough that I could give Stepfather some to take home & he'd only have to microwave it. He'd told us he'd only be sparing one hour or so to get his paperwork done on the computer in cafe. He'd said he'd give her 15 minutes to get those heavy groceries. He always gives conditions. Even when it is he who is asking for assistance. ME: Busily making the meal. Rushing. Minding two dogs. One sleeping but the other getting into constant mischief. So I'm stopping and starting. Frazzled. Keeping in mind for this next portion that the Sister & I have not been talking for days since our last blow up via FB private messaging. BLISTER: Side Note: I was using a recipe from my computer screen so going backwards & forwards. Daughter was annoying the crap out of me. Constant messenger pop ups all in a row saying do we need carrots? Stuff like that. She'd sent about 5 by this point so I did not look to see who the message was from next time one popped up. I WRONGLY presumed it was my girl. Message: Do you still have the vinyl records? The 12" & 45's? Me: What are you on about? Message: I want them. Where are they? Me: You know we sold them on ebay last year when we were packing to move. Message: So they are gone. I want the money then. Me: For Gods sake I'm trying to cook in a hurry here. Just do the shopping and we'll talk about records when you get home ok? Message: Now would be the time when you will send me a sincere apology for our argument and if you are lucky I might forgive you Me: What? Messenger: So you sold my records. You had no right to. I still wanted them. PENNIES DROPPED IN FRAZZLED IDIOTS HEAD! ME! F _ CK!!! It isn't daughter it is Blister. Things went severely down hill from the point when I realised who was messaging.

Too much was said and happened from that point on. Her typing and message sending was LONG, MANY & GOING ON AT ME for great lengths. TOTAL ABUSE! NAME CALLING. CHARACTER ASSASSINATIONS. LIES. ACCUSSATIONS. I scanned them briefly but didn't really absorb them. I was trying to ignore the pop up messenger notifications whilst quickly finishing the cooking and washing the dishes. As I wasn't responding to the miles of telling off well my lack of response was fuelling her fire. She was raging! Once the meal was completed, dishes done etc. I only read the very last message. It was war & peace length. As they all were. So I felt I only would take the time to get the gist of that most recent message rather than scrolling back up to the beginning. It was shocking. It went too far. It was littered with total fabrications. It was finished off with what a bad Mother I am. What a bad sister I've been. How everybody hates me even my only child. How I've spent ages trying to desperately sway her only daughter from her and failed. How my daughter is horrible but she feels sorry for her because how she turned out is all my fault. I'm a total failure at life. HEAPS MORE! She verbally ripped me from limb to limb. It was super long and had her desired massive impact. It wore me down. I fell to pieces. Sobbing, shaking uncontrollably. I was nearly throwing up. I rang daughter to see how long they'd be. She could tell I was crying. She asked why. I said your Aunt just tore into me. She said 'Oh nothing new then'. Daughter couldn't have cared less. I TOTALLY SNAPPED. I was on the kitchen floor sobbing, shaking. My legs wouldn't hold me up. My break down was severe. All I could hear was my own voice in my head saying 'NOW. do it now. end it now. get the pills. take them all. go lie on your bed. this will never stop. they will never leave you alone. you'll never have peace. you'll never have any happiness. do it. just do it.' I crawled over to the medicine cabinet and got them out. My hands were shaking so badly I was dropping pills everywhere. When the car horn tooted outside. They were back from shopping. The dogs began barking at the front door. My plan was thwarted. I quickly fixed myself up. Hid the evidence. Opened the door and let daughter in with the groceries. I told her I was tired. So quickly put the groceries away. I had sent her out to the waiting car with his meal. He had the engine still running ready to take off. I went to my room with my dog. Closed the door and rang a suicide hotline. I could not stop the shaking hands, my legs felt like lead weights. Daughter (I'm sure noticed my sorry state) but chose to ignore it. Said not a word to me of caring. She got straight on her tablet. I could hear her chuckling. No doubt talking to her friends and sending memes back and forth. Whatever. Past a point of no return. I didn't care. So I talked to a Counsellor and sobbed for a long time. It helped. I fell asleep with my dog. When I awoke it was dark and night. I came down the stairs & daughter said 'well that was a long sleep. can we have that dinner now?'. I am a non entity to those around me. I looked at the brick wall of this Townhouse and I said 'I might as well talk to you'. Daughter yelled out 'are you talking to yourself?'. I've just been going through the motions of existence since. No point to anything really.

3am in the morning. I rarely sleep. If I get three hours a night it is a miracle. Another difficult day. Daughter lectured me non stop on dog raising. Basically every thing I do is wrong. I'm a failure. Her words. Overwhelmed & over tired from doing heaps of housework I fell into a fit full sleep on the sofa whilst we were both watching TV. I had a nightmare about my Mother. I woke up with a start. Daughter looks over from her chair. 'What's up? you fell asleep'. My heart is racing and I'm really disturbed by the images I saw in my dream. I start to say 'I had a bad dream about Mum and...' That is as far as I got. She interrupts 'I'm not interested. I'm not going to waste my time hearing about Nanna. I don't care. I'm going back to my show'. She puts her head phones on to block me out. My daughter has a stone where her heart should be. I just can't live like this anymore. I'm living her life. I'm living in her world. No rather...I'm trespassing in her world how dare I. Everything her way. Snapped at constantly instead of conversation like normal people. I did all the dishes this evening but she ate another snack later. She comes out & says she is exhausted? I think to myself what could she possibly be tired from? She has done nothing with the exception of playing with her dog all day & talking to her friends. I say 'why are you so tired?'. She answers 'I did all the dishes'. I said 'what? are you joking? I did all the dishes about one hour ago. Then you had a snack out of a disposable bowl. I saw you wash one fork and one dog bowl. I know I shouldn't have said anything to stir her up but it is me who is super tired. I did not stop in the whole day until the edema under my knees was unbearable and I had to take pain killers and finally sit down. Of course she answered with 'you are such a bitch'. Cut me some slack reader. I've had next to no food. I'm dizzy and I'm getting more ulcers on my legs. My diabetes is going haywire. My money ran out and she said we'd share the groceries until my next pay. But no. She lied again. She is buying only single person meals for herself and heating them up, eating, throwing away the packaging. At least I'm losing some weight I guess. I trusted her again. My mistake. She is very hard of heart. I had one small piece of chicken which was frozen in the freezer. Nothing else. I shared it with dog. I shall empty out my hidden money box tomorrow and see what I can buy to tide me over. This is a cheerless life. I'm very down. I'm very lonely. Hence I'm talking to myself here. Is there anybody out there? the dog.

Just a bit concerned about moderator Soul Mate. Hope you're doing alright. The sinus maybe? Perhaps you're away having a well earnt break? If so, enjoy!

Oh, no - a NEW bug. Apparently, I'm collecting them. Basically, the Spanish don't wash their hands (see it everywhere!), and bug-riddled foreigners/holiday-makers still fly. Plus over-over-over-busy. Right, then... I've read it all through, and BASICALLY, you don't need me, other than to witness and cheerlead. E.g. your latest "over-reaction" to your grown-not-grown "Oughta" (her again, meh), was 100% correct - including appropriateness of duration. SHE suffered for it this time, not just you...Which puts me into a bit of a dilemma as I obviously know who you are and were the last times (in fact, this time, it's as if you wanted me to know). HOWEVER - before you panic - (1) obviously this saga IS real, because it's pervasive now, and, more to the point if it is, (2), it's evident you know where you are, what's going on, whom are in the wrong...you have eyes wide open now - which is massive progress and means you've been healing *yourself* since last time. So you can have another shot...we'll see how it/you go. Fairenoughski? Back to where you're at on the Recovery Path: Literally - ALL that is missing, now, is.....Setting the rest of your - AND all normal, decent society's - Boundaries. Here's all you might not know but need to: She clearly responded. And who cares if it was By-Rote (smarming to get you back to Slave position). And she backed-up her response with (incredibly for her!) offering you some of her supper (a significant, volumous action). She's trainable is the point. Reckon she's far more scared of not being able to keep living with you, than you are of her moving-out and leaving you with "owwwn-lee thuh waaalls ter torjk tooo" (Shirley Valentine). And that's why she tries to keep POWER over you that is fake and acted. BUT...you can't suddenly change all the household rules and that or remove, prior liberties (whether agreed-to originally or downright Not), all in one fell swoop. Turn the dials up slooooooooooowly, watching how she reacts/responds, LIKE A HAWK...either one-by-one or all-together-but-extra-slow. They can only take So Much ("never too much, never too little" - Dr Seuss)..., poor babies. Best be secretive about it. Best be a counter-manipulator, IOW. But for the power of Good, as in, benefit of future, LASTING, Harmony. Likewise, every time you find you've got away with turning up the dial of another new/neglected boundary, i.e. 'sneaked one in' - GIVE HER THE CREDIT, AS IF SHE'D ALLOWED IT. And reward her (say/do something nice). Let's let you make it worth HER while to (quite rightly) toe your line. Be a Lady about it. No swearing any more. You're allowed to Just Stop where concerns your own standards. And, if you want Special, you have to BE Special. Because you're the Dominant, and not just by Nature's rank, DESPITE her desperate (OTT, Unsubtle) performances to convince you of the contrary. I know you're always overloaded, but - it's not even hard work...and BOY does "being Queen Victoria" ('we are nnnot amuuuused') shoot your self-esteem up in record time! It's much harder work BY MILES, not to. PS: Your Blister is still ucking ridiculous. Evil Mad Hatter, she is. Oughta is the bloody Queen of Hearts. Nobody can steal a daughter anyway. There's only ONE "My Mum" in one's lifetime (even if they're crap). The daughter wouldn't be stealable. All she could do was opt to leave her mother, but, even that takes practise and (we're fooled) huge courage - I mean, LOOK AT THE TROUBLE YOU'RE HAVING AND NUFF SAID. Her mother would have to have been mistreating her as the childhood status quo. (Logically, on the other hand, a Daughter-Swap would work out GREAT!...maybe your daughter would slap Blister around for a change!). Why don't you tell Blister that you didn't have stealing in-mind but that she's given you an idea: Daughter Swap, as in, two-week holidays with the aunties. And that way, her Daughter (ostensibly) would 'rub off' on your Oughta. And that way, Blister would be the Heroine whom was key in bettering your relationship with your daughter. And explain that you don't WANT her daughter as your daughter anyway...because you want YOUR daughter (duh?). Carrot her ego, in other words. Ask me for any more tips. I least I don't have to analyse and translate this time (even busier rn). But no going funny on me. Deal? And well done (and thank uck for that!...'bout time too - hurrah!).

Just to splain: "Daughter Swap, as in, two-week holidays with the aunties. And that way, her Daughter (ostensibly) would 'rub off' on your Oughta". Obviously, what I mean is, the visits are not simultaneous. Neice ("Nice") obviously is a rebel...has balls (can I come?). Strong-Willed...almost too strong for your Blister. She should rub-off on your daughter rather than vice-versa. Especially if she sees Nice making you smile and reciprocate ("Dat's der way ter do id, Dudy!"). This is all tried-n-tested by moi and those who sail in me, by the way. It only doesn't/can't work with the Too Far Gone. So it's a fantastic diagnostic tool as well. You can't lose and you've NOTHING to lose, anyway. Plan, Stan?

Hi, glad you're ok. Deal! Thanks for being lovely. I'm not in love with you (you said that once) and I'm not a lesbian nor bi sexual. Just so we are clear. No I don't have a problem with lesbians. My daughter has two friends who are lesbians. I'm very fond of both. I am eternally grateful to you for your time. I was in a very dark place back then. I apologise for being such a bitch. I have improved with the help of a Councillor. However, unfortunately for me they charged too much money so I had to let them go. Other family issues forever going on. Serious issues. I had two huge emotional break downs this week. Scared even myself. But as stated earlier I got help from a suicide phone line. The girls can't swap. Daughter & Niece. Firstly my Sister would never allow it. Secondly, Niece is off over seas for 3 months in two weeks time. She has had a nervous breakdown, suffers depression and is on meds. Her Doctor thought an adventure might do the ticket to lift her Spirits. I worry about her going it alone overseas. Daughter reminded me that I talked her up off the shower floor a few months back via phone. They live very far away. Plane flight. So phone or computer is our only forms of communication. Daughter says I forgot that I did that for hours and this is probs the reason my Sister thought I was 'stealing' her away. Nope. Don't want my niece. I love my girl. Who takes pleasure in making me stressed LOL You take care. Don't like that you get sick often there in Spain. That's a worry. I'll go let you do what you do best. Help others. Cheers!

Hahahaha! Just to clear up a misunderstanding: "I'm not in love with you (you said that once)" LOL (1) you don't know my gender; (2) I didn't mean romantically or sexually, ya 'nana, PMSL! And, frankly, I don't care what persuasion anyone is. Absolutely none of mine or anyone's business if it doesn't hurt anyone, nor themselves. Also: "I have improved with the help of a Councillor." Well, reaching for a counsellor still comes under 'self-help' (using the tools your environment provides, the correct and intelligent way) so it's still self-healing if you think about it. Same as, if you use a tin-opener to open a can of beans, it's still you who opened the can, innit. It's basically networking up with another stand-alone biological PC for the purposes of borrowing resources (and plucking out viruses) and countering your deficit (whatever you at the time lack in terms of available intelligence upset = loss of otherwise dedicate-able iQ points - roughly a whopping 15, no less). And it (and phoning a suicide helpline) proves you want to live. (Just, not like things are and for too long have been.) So what did s/he have to say about your 'wonderful' family? "Firstly my Sister would never allow it." Oh, I believe you. But, her having to say this (too much to hide/protect) is Point B (diagnostic/validating). So suggest it anyway. By text. So you have it in writing and can screenshot it. I think miles ahead, me. She'll be too 'thrown' by your suggestion to notice or realise she's putting it in writing. Or record it. Just get it as evidence. That's the worst case scenario. The best is, she says yes (to be rid of her for 2 weeks), abeit, probably, with clear instructions not to talk to her about the pair of you, nor this or that... Anchors: You're soooo this/that/sh*t. And yet she's scared to move out. And she ain't 17 or anything as would make that understandable. Fffffunny, that. It's all lies and spin and...just ollocks. Good, glad you're starting to tune-out. PS while I think of it - super-important. As her re-trainer, you're not allowed to threaten her with being thrown out. But what you CAN do is sit her down after whatever-latest verbal stabbing, and say this: 'I obviously cannot - no matter how hard, how many times, I try - make you happy. You clearly don't even like me nor like living with me (and if she objects: No-no-no, just DON'T. Give it up. I'm a grown woman, I do know when I'm liked, okay? Even a toddler would. So anyway, you clearly don't even like me), ...which means, I make you UN-happy. As your loving mother, whose duty it is out of the pair of us, is to make the really hard decisions - I'm not prepared to continue making you miserable and resentful for a minute longer...it hurts me too much too, to know that's the effect I have on you. So I think you should do yourself a favour too, and - we find you somewhere else to live. Either it'll improve matters between us or it won't. If it doesn't, that'll just show me I absolutely did the right thing by you and for you'. That's your Ace Card. Particularly as (she has you convinced) it's true. She has to learn that one cannot bite the hand that feeds you. There's no excuse for it. PPS: No, of course she doesn't want to hear about the "as usual". Part of her problem is still years of stored Resentment. Like I said last time: probably for the fact you've never properly...consistently... taken your sister to task directly or by cutting her out for as many years as necessary. She sees it that you've let people walk all over you because you were weak to begin with, rather than weak-ENED (and never allowed to recover). And then you'd get a chance to grow more of your chipped-away Confidence and Self-Assertion capabilities back. Super-quickly. Win/Win/Win/Win. As the Victim/Target - usually it's the relationships that you're SCARED of losing, that are the one you should want to lose. Get it? A new relationship can always be started. Even from scratch! You and she (and she) are not the relationship. You're the components. The relationship is the dynamic and history of consistent interaction (the building) based on what was going on during the bonding (foundation-laying). Old buildings, especially iffy or dangerous ones, get pulled down and rebuilt ALL THE TIME. It's not as Biggie as people fear (same as the first jump off the high diving-board at the local swimming-pool). Separation is a Godsend. It's "Fckt!" Time. :) Because that's where you're at on the Path/Staircase. The one that takes you UP.

PS: "I apologise for being such a bitch." I've had worse. It doesn't really bother me anyway. I do know what's going on. But it's me job, innit. 'A Policeman's job is not a happy one'.

And I'll let you into a little secret: When one is truly suicidal, as in, ready, their hands don't shake. They are joyous and cannot WAIT, into euphoric. Why? The switch flipped. Completely different psychological state. 'Sweet Relief, let's dive in'. Anything else, just means you just desperately need a Pause Button (- it's the Cognitive Dissonance that does you in: loves me really/really hates me). But there ain't one. Oh, yes, there is. It's called, a Break. People who end up quitting are simply the type that simply don't know that when you're knackered, you simply have to, as in, 'must', rest (and sod everything else during a nigh-on emergency signal). ....AND that Separation is a Godsend, disguised as a scary bomb. This is all just tricks of the mind. You'll see.

Referring to ABCD123 Your comments: So JUST TELL ME. Stop worrying about your halo. Who the hell told you, ANYWAY, that Angels are zen sodding buddhists who couldn't fight their way out of a suffocating paper bag? They're ucking TOUGH AND SCARY as well as pure and do-gooding (God's ARMY, not God's knitting group!). They have to be. Because of these DARK angels (devil's army) everywhere. What differentiates is, the Light-To-Dark Ratio: White Angels (super/supernova empaths) - min. 75% super-lovely, 25% unpleasant. Defence, not Attack. Dark/Fallen Angels (bad/evil (malignant) narcs - max. 25% pleasant, 75% super-horrid. Attack, not Defence. Wanted to say: I bloody LOVE this. Well written! Nobody could put it better.

You asked: So what did s/he have to say about your 'wonderful' family? I didn't get as far with the psychologist as I wanted to before I pulled the plug purely because of money. What I mean is I wanted help with the most recent issues but the Councillor's all follow the same format. I actually get tired of repeating my childhood. They take ages to get to 'today'. I do appreciate & understand that past trauma is how I got to be this basket case and therefore they need to know. It is just I've lived it & re live it over and over. I guess I've pushed a lot to the back of my mind. That I did discover! It was plucked back into today which has left me very bamboozled as to how to behave and act towards 'Mum'. I stopped visiting. The childhood memories have taken me back a bit too much and the adult ones also. I guess I was happy to leave it in yesterday as I have enough dramas going on now. It seems much I've blocked. Many tears. Daughter has been shocked by some of the revelations. I always referred to my childhood with her as being 'bad' but as she now knows more actual events retold in fine detail she refuses to visit Mum with me. Daughter said 'I'm not visiting that bitch anymore she can rot alone for all I care'. Stuff like five year old me tied to a chair with rope and being hit with a belt or wooden spoon for wetting my pants. Then she would rub the pants in my face & make me wash them under her supervision. Stuff like knocking me to the ground age 7 and holding me down by using her knee across my chest. Forcing my mouth open with one hand and pouring detergent into it with the other whilst I choked and begged to be let free. Even adult physical abuse. I very nearly lost my daughter at 5-6 months along. I was happily visiting my childhood home (I had a key) was waiting for her to come home from work for a pre arranged catch up cuppa and a chat. However, Mum didn't come through the door. The devil came in like a wild fire. She was angry! To this day I don't know why. She was yelling at me from the moment she put her bag down. Ended up chasing me down the hallway & slapping/hitting me until I was cornered with nowhere to go. I faced the wall & squeezed my pregnant belly into the corner to avoid the belt she took off and was laying into my back. That was a very bad day. I thought baby would die. She didn't thank God. Sorry to go on so.

I'm dumb. It just struck me suddenly. I'm really very clueless. Dense. All these words my daughter has called me. Because of a realisation I only just had... We have been for over 20+ months been having neighbourhood gang issues. Genuine danger we've been in. Threatened. Attempted break ins etc. However, about 3 weeks ago plain clothes police & a chopper arrived out of the blue & the perpetrators were apprehended. Taken away. We don't know how long for. Another person in the street said they only got 6 months & a warning for their exploding meth lab right next door to us as they are under age. Youth vandals. Total scum bags. We've watched them assault people. So much more. We've always had to be very cautious & vigilant. Taking turns with sleep rounds at night. I have always been the one to stay up the longest and for the most hours. However, in the last 7 days or so my daughter started insisting I go to bed and she stay up all night long. She has been going to bed at 4am as the sun comes up. Sleeping whole days away. I've not been happy about this as her health has gone down hill. Getting no fresh air. Getting zero vitamin D from the sun. She is very pale. Sick a lot this past fortnight with migraines. Furthermore, she bangs around the villa in the early hours making so much noise that I can't sleep. Cupboard doors banging, TV up too loud, plays games with puppy and makes it bark continuously, lights on, then off, toilet flushing. I sort of doze interrupted constantly. Broken sleep. Never well rested as a result of her all nighters. I just sat down after doing 5 hours straight of housework. I just sat down after caring for her two dogs all day. They both have special needs. Special diets to be made up and served. Skin allergies so bathing daily and creams applied. I'm bloody exhausted! I have 7 health conditions and I'm 56 years of age. I'm on disability pension. No car. So I walk for groceries and lug it home. As aforementioned I do EVERYTHING! It is taking a toll. Right now the edema under my knees, in my feet, veins and ankles is very painful. Hence I sat down for a cuppa, panadol and to type this. I noted that the last two nights this girl hasn't locked up properly. The back & front doors. The key not even turned in the screen or main door locks. Lack of vigilance. She actually left the oven on. She forgot to shut the windows. She didn't supervise the dogs in the yard peeing at midnight rather let them out alone. The puppy is a teacup petite so tiny. We usually supervise them always when outside. They've been baited over the fence in the past. This all shows me how she has relaxed from the fear. ok. good? BUT...she still says 'you can't go see Nanna and leave me alone. You are choosing Nanna over me. I'm not safe here by myself'. She adds 'my anxiety will play up'. She is saying she is still afraid whilst showing the total opposite in behaviour. Now total complacency. Her actions are speaking louder than her words. Yet, the words she uses to her advantage to manipulate me perhaps? This set up she has going now is backed up with reminders by her constantly that she is an adult and therefore I can't tell her what she can/can't do. Nor may I dictate the hours she sleeps or awakens. Her words. I'm thinking about Soulmates words regarding the dinner sharing peace offering. I'm thinking about Soulmates advice. She doesn't want to leave really. Got it. This was confirmed yesterday by a gift out of the blue. I had a toothache. Can't afford the dentist. She came home from shops and said here and handed me a mouth numbing gargle. An rare act of kindness. BUT...she put us on the waiting list for a 3-4 bedroom house with double lock up garage. Way bigger than this tiny villa. I stated to her clearly that I'm not up to a long/high/tall staircase nor more cleaning. I'm not happy about her doing this. I do everything now. This would double my workload. Her wants/needs are literally wearing me out. So I'm thinking... in order for us to get along and stay living together. Has my minx devised a plan to avoid me completely throughout the day and half the night? Whilst she completely benefits as I care for the dogs and do all house/yard work and most of the shopping. Cooking, cleaning, you get it everything. So there has been no arguing, no swearing, no bickering, no fights. I see her for about 5 hours out of 24 in recent days. The dogs are no longer being taken for their early evening walk by both of us. She won't walk my girl anymore. Says her focus must always be on the tiny puppy without distraction. It is late afternoon or sometimes early evening, going dark when she gets up from her room. Then she states how she needs her 3 coffees and to answer her emails etc. So please be quiet Mum and don't disturb me. I am too buggered to be dragged along by a badly behaved puppy & a strong big girl of 14+ kilos. I find it very hard (I've done it often) taking both of them together for a walk. It is a struggle. I come home with my operation adhesions hurting from the pulling etc. I was doing the walks also but I just can't anymore. This adult woman daughter of mine just plays games on her phone & tablet, chats to her friends and watches TV. She is served food more often than not. Everything is done for her. Now she appears to have devised a way to do even less? I've tried all the usual tricks. Nothing shakes her. Like I didn't do her washing. She went off nagging about it saying I'm lazy and selfish. That I'm wasting water. How it should all be done together for the environment. Then she adds you won't make me do it. Says I'm going to leave it there until it stinks & gets to you. Which she did! Not only do we not have the space. Our laundry is part of the kitchen. Not a separate room. So I have smelly bundle where I cook and the dogs stealing pieces of dirty laundry in their mouths. I simply don't know what to do. I quote her 'you can't do anything but lump my life choices. I'm an adult. You can't physically make me change or do anything as that is abuse and you can't verbally make me change either as that is emotional abuse. So shut up complaining and cope'. She is right. I can't do anything to stop her lazy habits or make her change her ways. The dogs must be tended to. The chores must be done. I've tried making heaps of noise so she purchased really good head phones. They are constantly on her head. Says they drown me out. Thoughts?

In all circles I feel like a leper. My emotions and family problems have turned me into a social pariah. I'm feeling very alone & isolated. Soulmate has been very good to respond to me. Exceedingly tolerant & patient. However, I worry that Soulmate doesn't really like me and is being charitable. Nobody else on this forum is interested in talking with me. I own that I am exceptionally needy. I just can't seem to connect with anyone. I guess my topics just don't resonate with them. Starting to feel like I don't exist. It is becoming incredibly difficult to cope with all these feelings. I can't even turn to my only child for support. She has never had my back. Told me tonight she won't ever defend me to my Aunt or anybody else. When I asked her why and was I that bad a Mother she replied with 'No not that bad a Mother but you discussed me with your Sister and I will never forgive you for that nor for the fact that I didn't have a childhood like my cousins had/have and that is your fault. You failed'. So Sister is right. I'm reaping what I sowed. She seems to get away with her folly always. I just don't get life at all. I do still have some worth. I'm not all bad. I realise that swearing does not become me. It comes from frustration. It doesn't define who I really am. No matter.

Yesterday I was full of self-doubt and having a major wobble. Today I decided to grab a big cuppa and re-read your advice Soulmate and really truly absorb it. I want to change me. I want to change my relationship with my girl for the better. I am very muddled. Your words (shown below) bought great comfort. I don't have the words to tell you how much this all means to me. You said: I've read it all through, and BASICALLY, you don't need me, other than to witness and cheerlead. E.g. your latest "over-reaction" to your grown-not-grown "Oughta" (her again, meh), was 100% correct - including appropriateness of duration. SHE suffered for it this time, not just you...Which puts me into a bit of a dilemma as I obviously know who you are and were the last times (in fact, this time, it's as if you wanted me to know). HOWEVER - before you panic - (1) obviously this saga IS real, because it's pervasive now, and, more to the point if it is, (2), it's evident you know where you are, what's going on, whom are in the wrong...you have eyes wide open now - which is massive progress and means you've been healing *yourself* since last time. So you can have another shot...we'll see how it/you go. Fairenoughski? THANK YOU!!!!!!! I really do want to give it another shot. I do respect you. Kept coming back didn't I. I do appreciate everything. When I needed you - at my CRAZY WORST! You were there expecting nothing in return. We had a rapport going that was really good for awhile before I blew it. I worry I can't be mended. Just too far gone? I'm scared of me. Does that make any sense? I don't trust my volatile self. My angry, self defensive Me. She is a piece of work. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree. Is there just 'too much Mum' in me? Rather than her name I'll refer to her as the Tower (meaning of strength). They are calling me 'the new Tower'. They are calling me 'a chip off the old block'. They are saying 'you are just like your bloody mother'. I don't want to be HER. I don't want to be the next generation of her. I fear my daughter might become her. I really need help with all of this. What I do recognise is that 'The Tower' was 'Controlling' and to a degree even now still is. The Staff are having issues with her. However, I do not feel that I am 'controlling' at all. I feel everybody else is 'controlling me'. In that I find hope. Even as I type this my daughter has already got up briefly to tell me off. My Step Father has phoned twice to 'control me'. I want to break free of all of this! I don't want to be controlling nor do I want to control. Wondering is 'PEACE' ever truly reachable? It feels too late. I feel too damaged. I am so sorry for how I was.

PS I STOPPED seeing the Tower. The Tower was being mean to me during visits. She pulled a big trick on me at the Hearing. I haven't gotten over it. I've tried to re connect via telephone with her. She has been 'nasty', 'angry', 'attacking', 'blaming', 'forceful'. I just don't want this anymore. I get dressed to go see her, bake cookies and wrap them up to take. I grab my handbag & keys. Then I turn around come back inside. Don't go. I put a stop to going to the Nursing Home with Step Father. He just became a nightmare! I stopped asking daughter to go with me. The three of them together were a nightmare. I went once since the hearing on my own. Interesting is what I'd call it. The dynamics were super different without the others there present. I can somehow manage to dig in deep and bring out the Towers 'nicer/calmer' when on my own. The other two with her are explosive. She goes off like a bomb. Just wanted to explain where I am at with The Tower (Mother) I'm copping a lot of back lash for not going to see her.

Your house - your rules. No matter WHAT age the person is! That's a universal, home-owner's cast-iron right. In the meantime, buy those slightly glossy-surfaced, rounded cone-shaped, sponge earplugs from the chemists. Not at all expensive. They WORK. It seems she really doesn't want you to go and see your mother. What's your theory for Why? I mean, you're correct that her actions of complacency speak loudest; so it can't be that. But then - what else would her manipulation be aimed at achieving? _________________ If the Police arrived by helicopter as well, then it's obvious there were expecting these crim neighbours to make a run for it (heat-seeking camera). So I think it's safe to say - a custodial sentance awaits. (So keep keeping an eye out for that pot of gold at the end of the rainbow there!) Wouldn't that be great. _________________ (Afore I forget: I'm pleased your re-reading (it's what I do frequently). But please can you talk to me directly? Feels a bit weird to be reading, "I'm thinking about Soulmates...(etc)", lol.) _________________ " She came home from shops and said here and handed me a mouth numbing gargle. An rare act of kindness." Two on the trot! Excellent. And it sounds as if she wasn't even angling for anything, just did it out of love. Superb. Was this all in reaction to your having gone chilly the other night, followed by opening up to her, more, about yours and her past? Do you suppose that your having given her more information has got her thinking again about certain events and causes? IOW, decreased her contempt while increasing her empathy towards you? __________________ Her wants/needs are literally wearing me out. Well, TELL her that. And tell her what the consequences would be, i.e. you in hospital for a number or weeks - her, at home on her own, bar the dogs, for weeks (iz THA' WOT SHE WANTS?, cuz THAT'S WHAD'L 'APPEN!). If you can say No to the villa with stairs, surely you can tell her (and vowing not to get upset or react to her reaction) the 'my house, my rules', rules?...especially SINCE they're not something you just made up. She really is a child, you know. Thirties don't behave like that. She wouldn't survive without you. Still, if she's responding with thoughtful kindness, then - progress! May not stay stable, might go up and down, but it's a very stark improvement, very encouraging indeed. Ah - wait up - strike above question about Why: "So I'm thinking... in order for us to get along and stay living together. Has my minx devised a plan to avoid me completely throughout the day and half the night? Whilst she completely benefits as I care for the dogs and do all house/yard work and most of the shopping. Cooking, cleaning, you get it everything. So there has been no arguing, no swearing, no bickering, no fights. I see her for about 5 hours out of 24 in recent days." Well, that would be quite clever of her, actually, if desperate. But good to see she's willing to TAKE desperate measures (whilst she still can't help herself having a go or rising to perceived bait). Again - it's a start. So I woudn't complain, I'd just get the earplugs. (I used them because ex-spouse's snore could almost break the sound barrier! Turned it into a barely audible cat's purr....sweet relief!) I think Timing-Out, like that, might well improve matters. I mean - look at the pair of you...cooped-up together all day, every day. Even that on its own isn't healthy. Still, with the neighbours gone - you two can take the dogs for lovely walks, feed the ducks 'n shit....walking side-by-side, throwing bread side-by-side, it's like being kids staying-the-night, lain on the bed in the dark.....out comes the total honesty with no awkwardness or embarrassment. Fancy a try? If you attack this from multiple angles and half of it seems positive AND innocuous to her, then this re-training will be even faster. As for this bit: "Whilst she completely benefits as I care for the dogs and do all house/yard work and most of the shopping. Cooking, cleaning, you get it everything." Yeah, but you already do it all, anyway, so - what difference does it make? There's far more gain to be had from it, than loss. IF you get the earplugs. "I am too buggered to be dragged along by a badly behaved puppy & a strong big girl of 14+ kilos. I find it very hard (I've done it often) taking both of them together for a walk. It is a struggle." Say No, then! Say why and say - therefore, NO, IT'S NOT DO-ABLE. ??? Is that so hard? You managed it the other night, didn't you? "This adult woman daughter of mine just plays games on her phone & tablet, chats to her friends and watches TV." She's NOT an adult. I mean - LOOK AT THAT. What does that behaviour describe? A 13-15-year-old with too much time on their hands - you can see that, surely? (to be continued in a tick)

Remember, you're barred from saying things like, 'I'm dumb', and, 'sorry to go on'. It's the psychological version of ripping off your scabs and 'cutting'. You're supposed to go on and on. And you know darned well you're not dumb.

PS: Any time she projects, like this one: "She went off nagging about it saying I'm lazy and selfish.", I recommend you either ignore it or calmly reply, 'Whatever', or, 'If you say so', or, 'yes, so you keep sawying', and smile a semi-defeatist, semi-apologetic smile, as if to say, 'What can ya do, eh?'. (The answer is: NNNNNNOTHING. Except for 'waaah-waah-hate-you-blah-blah'! YAAAAAWN.) My son would say: 'Er...hows about No' (with a predominantly statement tone and only a tiny upward lilt at the end, akin to, 'wanna make someink of it?' but without any aggression). Mine would be - poker-face: "Compu(t)er sez Nao'.

"I simply don't know what to do. I quote her 'you can't do anything but lump my life choices. I'm an adult. You can't physically make me change or do anything as that is abuse and you can't verbally make me change either as that is emotional abuse. So shut up complaining and cope'. She is right. I can't do anything to stop her lazy habits or make her change her ways. The dogs must be tended to. The chores must be done. I've tried making heaps of noise so she purchased really good head phones. They are constantly on her head. Says they drown me out. Thoughts?" Yes. You say, 'You know what? You're absolutely right. Ad in that case, since you DO understand Boundaries, which I'm very pleased to hear - mine are: neither can you constantly insult me or expect me to play your free Nanny, Housekeeper and puppy-walker. ...And the rest of MY life choices.'. But what's missing here, as a theme, is you giving the warning/deterrent and then following-through....consistently....until SHE folds. You're more stubborn than her, I've noticed. USE IT OR LOSE IT. ;)

I also think a part of this is simply that she is BORED RIGID. So (1) she needs mental stimulation and adrenaline, and (2) needs to rant and moan her anger and frustration out (at her lot). So she bundles them together and turns and kicks you, often out out of nowhere. Agree? In which case - although her method is shite - and even if not meant for your benefit - her doing the night-shift while you do the day, could make a HUGE difference - think about it and what I've just said about being squished-in together all the time. Plus, the neighbours from hell having been carted off, will add to that improvement. PS: You two could walk the dogs together before it's time for you to retire, surely? Bribe her if you have to. Just get her walking at night; I've a feeling it'll improve her confidence.

So, what's your plan, then? Are you going to follow my tips and/or have you got your own ideas? Or are you just going to get the earplugs and see how the 'shifts' work out? ______________________________- As for your post dated Sept 30, 4:01: "In all circles I feel like a leper." You're not. Not true. Not allowed. "My emotions and family problems have turned me into a social pariah." No, they haven't. Not true. Not allowed. "I'm feeling very alone & isolated." No, you're not - I'm just extra-bogged down at the mo, so less frequent or consistent in my posting. Not true. Not allowed. "Soulmate has been very good to respond to me. Exceedingly tolerant & patient. (Ta.) However, I worry that Soulmate doesn't really like me and is being charitable." Last para: Not true. Not allowed. (Tho, yes, I'm always being charitable - this is a charitable forum.) "Nobody else on this forum is interested in talking with me." Not true. Not allowed. It's simply that this is a heavy-heavy, jam-packed thread that most wouldn't be confident at tackling - ESPECIALLY as they don't know the background info because I didn't reveal your last thread alias. "I own that I am exceptionally needy." Needful. Which anyone would, so - pointless, not allowed. "I just can't seem to connect with anyone. I guess my topics just don't resonate with them. Starting to feel like I don't exist. " Not allowed. "It is becoming incredibly difficult to cope with all these feelings." Yes, but that's because you too soon jump to these negative conclusions, which add to your load, which - LOOK - AREN'T EVEN TRUE. So that was a futile exercise, then, wasn't it. Chillax. That's an order, soldier. No need for feeling neglected, you just have to be patient, that's all...and sometimes you don't. (Blame bloody Spain.) "I can't even turn to my only child for support. She has never had my back. "Told me tonight she won't ever defend me to my Aunt or anybody else. When I asked her why and was I that bad a Mother she replied with 'No not that bad a Mother but you discussed me with your Sister and I will never forgive you for that nor for the fact that I didn't have a childhood like my cousins had/have and that is your fault. You failed'." Typical. Listen, tell her: If she truly believes it's your fault, then, she surely must know how it should have been done instead? In which case - why doesn't she do what kids who grew up during a difficult climate is SUPPOSED to do and finish the job off herself? Or DOESN'T she know how it's supposed to be done - UNDER THOSE CIRCUMSTANCES? Does she KNOW all the circumstances? I'm thinking you should tell her everything from A to present-day Z. "So Sister is right. I'm reaping what I sowed. She seems to get away with her folly always. I just don't get life at all." SEEMS. SEEMS to get away with. Narcs are all ABOUT Seeming-ness. It's ollox. Remember, they lie and project. And remind Oughta that SHE can't even handle a PUPPY! Does she really think she'd have coped better - ask her? (after you've given her A-Z, of course). It's your ex's fault, ACTUALLY. And HIS parents. Etc... They were too lazy to work on themselves, too. AND ANOTHER THING - for her information!... Even if you'd had the circumstantial luxury of giving her 5-star mothering - she STILL would have rebelled and made loads of changes to herself (granted, some lasting ohly a few years - but others, PERMANENT self-alterations). So all it boils down to, is, she did not put on her BIG Girl Pants! WHY NOT? Let her tell you HER A to Z. Yeah? ('The Defense calls the Prosecution', LOL!) "I do still have some worth. I'm not all bad. I realise that swearing does not become me. It comes from frustration. It doesn't define who I really am. No matter." And again - nobody said you didn 't. Nobody said you were. It doesn't become anyone but we all do it, despite we shouldn't...it complicates things. Everyone knows. Everyone knows that too. Yes, matter. See? ....That was a load of wasted ink, then, wasn't it? ;)

I appreciate you were having an almighty wobble - and with a family like yours, no-one would blame you. But... Neither I nor everyone else here present are your ex, your daughter, your sister, your mother, your FIL, or your neighbours. (Thank uck) (Sorry, no offense.)

Anyway, it's not you I don't like. It's your daughter and sister. I just want to put them over my knee and give them the damn good spanking they so desperately needed years ago..., too much. REALLY badly actually. (So - Government!...now that we see the disgusting product of "No Spanking" - how's about we bring back spanking?) NO victim of a Narc family then Narc (pff) partner is capable of giving motherly 5-star service! Most can't even remember to put their knickers on in the morning! And I'm not joking! She should have worked this out by herseslf by age 17-20. So anyway...again: she can say it's 'your' fault, but it's her fault for not having correct the effects of your so-called mistakes. Do I take it that you'd started her off and got her used to, then taking for granted, a consistent 5-star mothering job, up until stinky ex slithered off and left you with the 24-7 job of two people? Anyway, start with instating YOUR OWN unchangeable ways and DO NOT BACK DOWN. I mean - QUESTION: what's she going to do to you that she doesn't already do? Oo-er...we're sooo scaaared, aren't we. :p

"I can somehow manage to dig in deep and bring out the Towers 'nicer/calmer' when on my own. The other two with her are explosive. She goes off like a bomb." Then it's not you, it's the other two being there. But anyway (and please quote this verbatim): "If I need to put on my own oxygen mask first (long break) before I can be capable of still helping others (mum) on with theirs, then there's no choice about it and you should perhaps try not to take everything so personally all the time - okay? Gotta go - food's under the grill - bye.' (click-brr...). If that fails: "How's about No?" Serously. What can THEY do about it? NUFFINK. You only THINK you're scared because that's how your body feels under this level of duress for decades. It's a mis-signal. So ignore it. Because....if you say no (and explain in one short paragraph if you have to), and KEEP saying no...they'll soon get bored and pick fights with each other and find other things to moan and rant about, instead. And that is true. Get out of the crosshairs, get behind your "Nope!" Fortress, and stay there. (Were you always good at eyeballing competitions?)

By the way: just to drum home what I've been saying: "I usually give in because she calls me names & escalates. I just want PEACE." Giving in gains the opposite of peace. You know that now. You now know that you'll get peace when you start gradually, even 'sneakily' erecting or reinforcing your Boundaries. No work - No perk. The amount of daily housework you have to do wouldn't feel half as hard if you didn't have Oughta consntantly monkeying on yuor back. So let's sort her. What do you want to do? Map your own course or save yourself the trouble and walk mine and others'? If the latter, though, then, you ARE going to have to put your faith in me, and NOT wobble. You only have to look at Lily's thread to see that if you stay friendly and polite - and co-operative , there's no time-limit. I don't even HAVE to particularly like any OP. All I have to do is hate Narcissism and similar....anyone who thinks they can treat other people meanly just because they feel bad but can't be arsed to do anything about it, bar whinge endlessly at someone. When I do like them, that's just a lucky bonus. It's not the objective tho. The objective, is to help victims-targets emotionally or physically escape from these horrid, mentally-ill, slow-murderers. Bet you any money you like, that when you've completed this challenge (albeit, the challenge is just to stay consistent and firm, i.e. stubborn as a rock, no matter what), your physical ailments will start to increasingly ease up. It's how it goes ("narcissistic abuse - effects on victim - inflammatory conditions and diseases" - or some such). But no, actually - most of the time I think you're sweet and kind. Put it this way: no perpetrator would be in your position - being spoken to and treated like that? No sodding way! Do you remember during the last thread, you mentioned your fear that you could be Borderline? You could have a touch of Reactive BPD. (Which is basically just, the over-bullied + too stubborn + strengths pointed in the wrong direction,...fearing abandonment and panicking a lot.) I.e. it hasn't become default yet. Probably won't, now. Probably wouldn't have got any worse, anyway. You're "too" strong and stubborn. But anyway - back to: which do you want to do?

Final PS: If you haven't got tolerance enough left to go slowly-slowly, your other option is this: announcing to daughter (she who has no power, bar her 'sinkhole estate, ASBO-holding' mouth, which, you've indicated, is starting to sound like Charlie Brown's teacher's voice - mwa-mwa-mwa-mwaa...) THIS: That, bar the duties/chores you'd be doing even if you were living there alone - You have decided, based on her pointing you to rights & boundaries - "thank-you for reminding me of what I've been missing", that, from now-on, you are only going to do favours for people who are consistently NICE to you. (Immediately but QUEENLY walk out of the room. Because that will say: And what you think and feel about it is immaterial so I don't even meed a reply..and that is that is THAT.) If she doesn't like that, you point out that your only other option is to get her to leave. You could find yourself a lodger, surely? People looking for single rooms are advertised on the web these days, aren't they? Like the UK one, mysingleroom dot com. Especially these days, in this global economy. And there's nothing to stop you from offering a cheaper-than-market rate in return for chores, like taking out the bins, walking the dogs, getting food shopping....traditionally man stuff. (Well, effectively cheaper because, obviously, they'd pay the agreed rent and then at the END of the month, you'd tot-up the chores and give X back.) You're not trapped. She is. Frankly, at this far-flung point, I personally wouldn't care if you had to keep her behaving herself by arming yourself with an Uzi. It's up to you...Whether you want to go slowly-slowly, counter-drip-by-counter-drip, or whether you've run out of patience AND/BUT have the confidence to put your foot down in-one. And so firmly the whole house shakes. QUESTION: Again: what's SHE gonna do about it? What CAN she do that she for too long hasn't already been doing? Once you've done either, it's then you'll realise the obstacle was only ever all in your head. They - Narcs - drip-drip/button-push-button-push . artificially put it there.

Thank you heaps for all of that Soulmate. I've read and re-read it several times as I want to absorb all you're telling me. I'm a bit down. Don't feel much like talking at the mo. You have given great advice and I've much to mull over. I appreciate your time. Soooo many people with problems. How does it not do your head in? Helping others must be your passion. I've always been impressed by you.

Be with you as soon as I humanly can as well! With any luck, though, it might be cloudy, cool and rainy tomorrow, which will buy me a decent period of time. The forecasts are frequently wrong over here unless it's an actual weather SPELL of a week-long or more. But when it becomes changeable on a daily basis (due to uncharacteristic windiness from sometimes two directions simultaneously, lately) - no chance! Only now that I live here, therefore, do I fully get this serial Fast Show sketch to its *fullest* extent. Particularly the last shot - the last 'male presenter's' gesture: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mV9q_KdtQfc

Anybody out there? Having a Carol King moment. I need a FRIEND. Somebody outside the family to talk to.

Hi Soulmate, I watched it. Funny! The last few days not so good in regards to both daughter and family. I try your methods but for me I fall flat. My girl is super smart and her next line always crushes me. I walk away. Today has been weird. Stepfather pulled up in car outside & tooted me to come out. When I don't go out he phones 7 times in a row. Until I cave. He Said the Aunt has organised a special meet up with him at a CAFE tomorrow. She phones him every few days so he's wondering what it is about that she wouldn't discuss over the phone. He said 'it isn't about your Mother as I asked her that'. However he was fishing with repeating 'heard from your Sister? Listen I said have you heard from your Sister and you didn't answer me? 'When did you last hear from your Sister?'. Then 'Why did you go to see your Mother without me?'. All very leading questions with an accusatory tone or perhaps I'm paranoid? More paranoia from me? Perhaps. My Sisters parting words were 'I'm done with you for good this time. You'll be sorry. I'm not going to hold back.' So I presuming she has had one of her all night phone calls with Aunt whilst downing her usual 2 bottle of champagne until she is a blithering mess and hits the floor. Meanwhile Aunt on the other end of her convo downs white until the wee small hours gossiping with Sister. They had words a few weeks back so hadn't spoken. I'm thinking they've made amends and now my head is once again on the chopping block. Aunt is going to take the gossip to Stepfather direct. As daughter told me 'Mum you are surmising and it could be something else'. I responded 'I think I know all the characters in this family too well to be wrong'. Then I asked her so hypothetically if I'm correct what do you think they're up to in regards to me? She said banding together to agree you are mental and have you put away no doubt. I said and what stance will you be taking? She said 'oh I'm not going to defend you nor stick up for you. I told you that. You deserve this for telling Aunt I called you a C _ _ t'. I responded to this with 'righto'. Then she added... I'm rather keen to be a fly on the wall. I'm thinking I might make sporadic contact with your Sister tonight before Aunt goes to Step Father tomorrow. I want to play devils advocate. I want to make them believe I'm on their side to hear whatever they are saying or planning. It will be very cool to make them think I'm onboard. I can do that you know. For me it is super easy. You can't tell me not to. I'm an adult. I'll make up my own mind what I'll do and which way I'll go but I won't defend you. You're on your own. I just find it all very entertaining to play along. To this I just shrugged. Daughter said 'don't you care?' I answered 'nope I don't'. It is 4 against one. I can't win so why bother trying. To be honest getting away from all of you in any approximation is a holiday for me'. I walked away. She went back to her game on her tablet. Honesty...I'M HURT! I expect no less from my Aunt she has always been a meddler. I expect no less from my Step Father as he's always been a gossip and stirrer. I expect no less from my Sister as she is screwed in the head. Her brain is sizzled having been marinated for so many years in alcohol. Her actions are always erratic and then back to fake sweet. BUT... My only child. My daughter has hurt me beyond words over the last 4 years. Smashing my things. Threatening me. Tape recording me. The list goes on. To stare me in the eyes cold as ice and say she won't have my back or defend me against the Viper Club. I've done so very much for her and still do so everyday. She doesn't love me. It is a bitter pill to swallow. All I ever wanted was a baby. Most especially a little girl. Been a doll collector my whole life. I remember singing her to sleep with 'Living Doll' by Cliff Richard. How do I go on? You can't mend a broken heart.

PS Just thinking aloud. This is going to sound a bit screwy but here goes... When I was in Hospital for major surgery last year and totally abandoned by all it was devastating. Confession... I had a young nurse named Sally. She was still in training so doesn't get paid! She was super kind to me! So helpful. So lovely. She didn't just take great care of all my medical needs (very intelligent young lady) but she sat and talked to me for ages. She showered me. Not weird! Nothing questionable here... I had 12 drips! It was a triple operation. Had many ops in my life but this was the very first time in my life that I couldn't shower myself. I was in a bad way. Had to get help to walk again. So I was SUPER appreciative of Sally's help. I'd already tried to make it to the toilet myself and collapsed unconscious on the floor. She made everything comfortable. Not awkward and minimal embarrassment under the circumstances. We laughed! She broke the rules & sneaked me a coffee. Lovely humanitarian. Lovely soul. Anyways, I realised lying there that I hadn't felt cared for in a very long time. I hadn't felt like a human deserving of any assistance. I hadn't felt loved in ages. Not from anybody but most especially from my own girl! Hate, insults this I was familiar with and had been for so long. When this girl was kind to me it just left such an imprint. She didn't HAVE TO BE. She could have done her job in a matter of fact, impersonal way. We chatted. We laughed. It reminded me of how things are supposed to be. I really am hurt beyond words over my daughter. Nothing ever meant more to me than her. Now I give my affection to the big dog. Now my daughter has been researching online how to win her back off me. Toys, games, treats behind my back. I've caught her out. At first it wasn't working. Now it is I'm very sad to say. I could complete but I don't want to. Firstly don't wish to make the dog fat LOL Secondly, I want the dog to love me for me. Not for rewards. We had that bond. It was super strong. If daughter even touched her then she'd get a deep, guttural growl warning. No teeth, or froth or anything. She's a lamb. It is just a sound. No intent behind it ever. Like a Mum warning a child. She's NEVER had a go at anybody. So daughter bought top shelf rewards (cost heaps). Fancy toy games and started doing them if I was out. Dog has stopped sleeping on my feet and following me around. I'm rather broken but trying to be mature about it. I won't ever force big girl doggy. We've been mates and besties for 8 years. Alone together when daughter was at work. I do everything for her. Walks & hugs. Loved it. Needed it. I've sobbed myself to sleep like a 4 year old these last few days. So much for mans best friend. Should come with a disclaimer 'unless top shelf rewards, treats and games are given by another'. Big Girl I observed has been long since watching daughter fuss all over the puppy and wanting the same type of attention. I don't have the time with the chores, visits to Mum, shopping etc I don't have the spare cash for toys, treats & games. I feel like I'm losing everything. Big Girl was my salvation. My friend. I reward her with hugs, walks, kisses, tummy rubs. To me that is a real bond. She has made her a bit superficial now. She wants those treats! Is it pathetic that I secretly bought some chews & hid them in my room to coax her back to me. Copied daughter. I saw over her shoulder that she was researching how to win a dogs affection off another. Because a dog show on tv said two people should stand either end of a room and call it at the same time. Whoever the dog goes to it loves best. I refused to do it. Daughter insisted. Many weeks back she came straight to me. Now she runs straight to daughter. Many weeks back my dog followed me to the toilet, shower & waited, watched out the window whilst I went to the bin, sat with me gardening and at night would not go outside to pee without me EVER. For years we've had this bond. Strangers have stopped me in the shops as she is my health assistance dog and said they could see our bond. I'm losing her! I can't take this! I really can't. I need her. Big doggy avoided puppy and didn't like her. Now it is the 3 of them and I'm left out. My daughter was a total s _ it to do this to me. She'd grin. Thought I didn't see it. Now she is openly gloating. Why? Why did she have to take the only reason I lived for? Even when I was in hospital the dog fretted and refused to interact at all with my daughter. I begged the hospital to let her visit me. The first night I went through a whole box of kleenex tissues in one hour. The pillow was wet with tears. The staff had to change it. She lay on the bed beside me for my whole recuperation. Licking my hand & placing her head on my chest gently sniffing the wounds. Following the veins down my arms with her nose. Now I'm ignored for the most part. Use to sit at my feet whilst I cooked. Not anymore. Beside daughter on the lounge chair a dog each side of her whilst she plays games on her tablet. I miss my bond with big dog. I miss the feeling Sally gave. I'm crying so gonna get of this thing. Thanks for listening.

Heya! Haven't got masses of time but, for now: "I try your methods but for me I fall flat. My girl is super smart and her next line always crushes me. I walk away." Walking away is fine. ""To this I just shrugged. Daughter said 'don't you care?' I answered 'nope I don't'. It is 4 against one. I can't win so why bother trying. To be honest getting away from all of you in any approximation is a holiday for me'. I walked away. She went back to her game on her tablet." I really like that! Especially the holiday bit, haha! If daughter's going to infiltrate by pretending to be on their side, then, that IS her defending you. (Duu-uuh? Haha! She didn't think that posturing claim through, did she.) Well, in short, it may hurt at the time, but that doesn't seem to be standing in your way when it comes to 'pissing on their fireworks'. So focus on that and maybe you'll feel less bad by starting to feel strong and clever. Again - same as last time and ref my recent explanation about how in NPD families it's the over-numerous runts that try to peck the healthy, fit one to-death: look at how scared of you they are, that they always have to GANG UP. She DOES love you - I've seen too much badly-hidden proof. But she's too years-long angry and now - since you lost your umph for taking her to task properly, when she got to start sitting on your chest - the power's gone to her head, meaning, now, she has a reason to HANG ONTO that anger. Without it, she'd be powerless again. So - have you given her the unexpurgated versions of your so-called family's misbehavioural history, rather tha just disjointed snippets? Or you could write it down for her (and get a publish-able book out of it at the same time - added bonus)? "How do I go on? You can't mend a broken heart." You stay firmly on-course by putting one stubborn, "I won't be backing down this time" foot in front of the other - like you're already doing. You just have to keep up with shoving the natural consequences at them - "Eff-off and don't come back/try to talk to me until you're prepared to be NICE (or even just effing normal!" That's it! That's all you have to keep doing. And keep doing. And keep doing. NO MORE INSTANT FORGIVENESS. No apologies or backpedalling? 'Then sod-off and stop wasting my time. I've got far more important things to be getting on with - like becoming a regular life-saver on a forum - beat that, ya tw*ts!'. (Sorry - couldn't resist hahaha.... But worth a try, eh.) Bloody good vent though! You're even angrier than Curly!

PS: "If daughter's going to infiltrate by pretending to be on their side, then, that IS her defending you. (Duu-uuh? Haha! She didn't think that posturing claim through, did she.)" In fact, I think it might a good idea if you were to stop automatically believing her BS in this regard, altogether. Her verbal barbs, I mean. It clearly IS BS. She's just punishing you for the past, as well as seeking a sense of power of effect through you because she has eff-all means for any status and importance, otherwise, let alone seniority or a sibling to compete with - not even any hobbies and collections. Just her dog and her tablet. And you. Stop taking her vitiol seriously any more. She immediately goes on to prove it's BS every single time. All she's trying to do, is be important enough that she can upset you and change your mood. And venting stuff out, but all over you (instead of finding her OWN 'venting place', unlike you.) She's not Malignant, I've realised, just Benign narcississtic and histrionic. She can TURN Malignant, episodically, though, certainly, if she's riled-up enough. For starters, it's obvious she loves dogs as much as you do (buying special disinfectant, etc). She's got a lot in-common, I reckon, with WT's friend ("F1") who's just told her poor parents - deliberately to stick two fingers up at them (perhaps not realising how hurtful she's being) - that she's 'planning on' leaving academia in favour of becoming a 'dancer'. It's just for effect. Banked-up anger and late-onset/delayed rebellion, and trying to kid herself that she doesn't need you or anyone (when she crystal-clearly does!). F1 is more Covert than daughter, though. She insults via inference - i.e. like a dropping a hanky, whereby you notice it and pick it up - latest case, by taking her opportunity to list all the friends she HAS made proper effort to arrange a date/timeslot with, where, with WT, she didn't. Were F1 your daughter, however, it'd go like this: "Oh, and - so's you know, ya big useless (whatever) - I've made a date with her, her and her, and NOT YOU - hah!'. Anyway, it seems pointless to keep getting upset, and despairing that you'll never have a good relationship with her, given that, five minutes later, there she is, acting like nothing happened. Not that that makes it acceptable, so you still punish her by withdrawing your presence/engagement (got any headphones?).

Anyway, it would seem that your feet have chosen to do, 'You stink - I'm off!', both emotionally and/or actually walking off. They have voted that as their fave so - as I say, keep going with it. Be consistent. And if you get the opportunity (like Strepdud's 'Whys?'), be as calmly but languidly-irritably insulting to any of them as you like. Everything said dryly - in that 'yeeeah, whad-ev-aaaah' way - and as if they're leagues beneath you. Like, 'Ggggggod....I never noticed how BORING you are before now....euff...'. Or - 'Who told you it was any of yooouur business? God, you're soooo no..sy...euff'. And with daughter, try this one: "Awww....WILL you just SHUUUT...UUUUP?" (and your usual leaving the room - or sticking headphones on and refusing to acknowledge/engage). Message: They are now BORING and ANNOYING - and that is all. You can manage giving that a try, yeah? I think you might enjoy it. Nnnnnot so sure about them, though, hahaha. And then watch the licking commence - simply because they've lost 'remote control' AND manual control over you/your mood and are hell-bent on trying to get it back. Once you get to that point - we'll take it from there re what you can do next from the menu.

PS you're that dog's mum and always will be. But dogs are programmed to eat anything and everything, voraciously, so they 'follow' the treats and stay close to the treats supplier. Doesn't mean you've stopped being Mum in her eyes, though. Just that sibling is being NICE for a change so - get it while you can! Switch your attitude: your dog is getting spoiled rotten rather than tormented by being excluded (which she could have been). And it ain't costing you a bean! (Cheers, Oughta!)

This bit - utterly epitomises your problem (which is, being so readily hurtable when surrounded by people who get satisfaction out of hurting you or whom hurt you cavalierly - both, as if you're their medicine (treating their symptoms but never the disease): " I'm rather broken but trying to be mature about it." Kirk is broken Spock is being mature about it. If you (both of them) were broken, you wouldn't have been capable of being so mature about it ("Thlup!" btw). See? Zero wrong with your cognition/sanity. And even your emotions are perfectly justifable and understandable (feeling betrayed, abandoned and heartbroken). It is purely and simply that your Cap'n Kirk is a bit too thin-skinned and needs to toughen up a few notches...pickle himself in vinegar for a bit, lol (abovementioned Yawn-Boooring! campaign).

"Is it pathetic that I secretly bought some chews & hid them in my room to coax her back to me." No. It *is* you acting like her sibling, though. You're not IN competition, though. Oughta gives her 'material stuff', whereas you're the one who gives her physical and verbal love and affection. It's the latter that's most important, though, and dogs know it as much as we do. But both things TOGETHER? Lucky doggie, her total needs are getting fulfilled! All I see - again - like going in as 'one of them' - is Oughta, behind her on-off horrid verbiage, doing you free favours! (She's fulla sh*t, trust me.)

Thanks Lovely! I'm starting off right now on the BORING CAMPAIGN! I am bored with her immature crap and the others. By the way...at the risk of sounding like daughter's Sister, sibling rivalry and granted my immaturity. Doggy is back with me! I'm getting kissed all over my face. She isn't leaving me not even when I go to the toilet. She is sleeping with me. Today...just now...daughter set up a game with treat rewards in the kitchen and called her repeatedly. She sat up in the tucker box pose beside me & GOD BLESS HER SHE STAYED! She didn't even leave me for treats. This big girl has something no human in this sad family has. A SOUL! Sorry to go on so. I just LOVE HER!

I'm going under. I truly am. I can't cope anymore. I'm crumbling. I think I have an ulcer. Each day is getting more ridiculous than the one before. Turbulence. There just is NEVER a calm, sensible nor happy day. Step Father drama today. He is nucking futs. Daughter has been enemy for past 2-3 days yelling at me, calling me names. Then today sudden wand waved and hey presto wants to be Mums confidante & pal? She is a roller coaster ride that is highs & lows. She does my head in. Today Step Father very nearly killed daughter. I'd warned her numerous times. I asked her to listen to me & promise me. She didn't. So she had a hell of a fright & has an egg on her head and a bruise coming out. She was white as a ghost when she got home. She rang me from the shops after ditching him and could barely speak. I knew something had gone wrong. I could feel it about 5 mins after she left with him and yep that was exactly when it happened. He is NOT supposed to be driving. He is supposed to have surrendered his license. He is NOT using his walking stick. He is saying crazy stuff so I don't think it will be long before Mr 78years ends up in a Nursing Home also. But he ignores everybody. Doctors orders etc. He drove off from curb too fast. He didn't even look. A car nearly went up the backside of his. Daughter wasn't even in yet. Her door swung open & she screamed and very nearly fell out whilst he was driving. He stretched his arm out & said f _ ck and grabbed her keeping only one hand on the wheel. He turned a corner and she flew forward hitting her forehead into the door casement. Later when they returned to here for him to drop her off and pick up the meal and dessert I'd made him. A thank you for taking her shopping (made before he nearly killed her!) he lied to me over several things today. He's lying to Mums face constantly. She is getting worse. Very agro but only at him. Staff say she is helpful to them with other Residents and no trouble. When I visit for the most part she has been pretty good. He got everything! Had her declared non compos mentis. He even has the money my Grandparents gave Mum and she set aside for me in her will. Her will no longer counts. It is gone. Null and void. There is just too much for me to handle. She is still alive and I'm banned from her house. Neighbours say he is filling the bin with her possessions every week. He's had the op shop truck come 3 times and take all her furniture. Says he wants his own stuff now. He has put a deposit on a new modern Retirement Townhouse in a Community of them. Lawyer said he could not sell her home nor her items until her death and the Tribunal placed a two year ban on it saying they'd reconvene in 2026 if she is still alive to review. He's going against everything. She looks like a homeless woman. Staff say he won't pay for her meds $45 a week and want me to pay. Staff say they got a hairdresser out for Residents and he wouldn't pay so they are pinning her hair back from her eyes to keep it from going in her dinner. Her slippers are full of holes. I've ordered her a new pair. They were her Mums and she hugs the smelly old things. I found some online exactly the same. Her few dresses he took when she was admitted nearly a year and half ago are thread bare, faded from repeated washing and holey. I've told him to bring some more but he's thrown them out and said 'what does your Mother have to look good for now?'. Told me to arrange her b'day party at the home for her again. I did it all last year. Brother has contacted him & is now making demands. OMG! I'm at wits end. Later at home I was upstairs in the Townhouse when I heard daughter suddenly yell out. Being hard of hearing I called down 'what is wrong now?'. My dog! My big girl! The sweetest, shyest dog on the planet. Never hurt a fly. Went for her big time!!! Curled lip, bared teeth, loud snarl & growl. A stand off. Dog won! She is in shock. I am in shock. Dog is withdrawn. Not in pain at all. I've checked her over several times. Apparently daughter used her commander tone and told big girl to move from her fav spot in front of my doll cabinet. Dog ignored. Daughter upped he voice tone. Dog ignored. Daughter bent to move dog & dog went for her. What a day! I'm sitting her now at midnight & the door and screen just got rattled so much so that the keys swayed side to side and clinked. Big dog going ape. Crazy as it sounds I do believe I'm cursed. I do believe things are getting worse. I do believe the only way it will end is if I end it. I'm under pressure 24/7. My health is plummeting. I've never felt so sick. The breast lump has increased in size & I've found another lump. Don't have the money for the tests. Sorry I'm annoyingly going on... I'm just talking to myself really. Venting through typing.

Just an added note. How heinous my life is. It is 12:10pm middle of the day. Daughter has just got up (early for her!). I haven't spoken to or communicated with an actual human being in positively hours. Hence I talk to myself on here. I'm with the two dogs in the yard for them to pee. I've been minding her puppy for hours! Gave it breakfast etc. I walk in and say 'Hi, you're up'. She mutters something. It was inaudible. I say 'Sorry...what did you say'. Like a normal person because I'm 56 and couldn't make it out. She yells 'STOP PICKING ON ME!'. Set a new record. 32seconds before the first time I'm yelled at today. That was my first human interaction of the day. I'm sick of this life. I do want out.

Be with you as soon as poss! And thanks sooo much for your respondings, given I'm so bogged down (tell ya later) - you're really good at it! PS: DD (Dee-Dee) suited you much better, I think. Mind if I revert? PPS: Ref prior endearment: Backatcha btw! (Don't touch those dials!)

Quick Update: Hi Soulmate, just wanted you to know that I did what you said. When daughter yelled at me first thing yesterday morning. I said 'living with you sure is boring it is like a record with the needle stuck' I grabbed my keys, my handbag & walked out the door. I felt badly about leaving my dog. She stared out the window as I walked away. I wanted to go to the shops. Being my Assistance Dog she does come in shops with me all the time. But I wanted to make a hasty exit to bring home my point to daughter. I didn't return for two hours. When I did she was all friendly like nothing had happened. NEW DAY UPDATE: Neighbours next door are being raided as I type this! Locksmiths waiting to put on new locks front & back of their place.

OH...wanted to say for closure. The Forum Poster who caused the rift between us. She was a troll! The story was bogus. She was not a young girl having those disturbing issues. She asked to be my friend through email. She then confessed to using false names to me. She then confessed to her real age. She then confessed to her real life. She then began to say very weird stuff to me. She then began to harass me. She then began to abuse me (angry bird). I found her on FB. She was a worry. I had to block her through email and FB. Perhaps you should remove this message from this forum? I just wanted you to know how that panned out. I fell for it big time didn't I.

Heya! Catching-up ... 1st post - Oct 11 2024 at 05:29 "Thanks Lovely! I'm starting off right now on the BORING CAMPAIGN! I am bored with her immature crap and the others. By the way...at the risk of sounding like daughter's Sister, sibling rivalry and granted my immaturity." It's reflexive...that's what Narcs do... suck you back into the 'petty' playground. Like when you go 'home' for a rellies get-together and, even though you've been an adult, now, for far longer than you were a child, they still automatically try to plonk you back in that unasked-for role like you're still 7 or whatever.... So you stop going or go only as an occasional chore. They can't change nor acknoweldge/accept other people have so rely on that warped familial (and 'dangerous' playground) dynamic & fake heirarchy. "Doggy is back with me! I'm getting kissed all over my face. She isn't leaving me not even when I go to the toilet. She is sleeping with me. Today...just now...daughter set up a game with treat rewards in the kitchen and called her repeatedly. She sat up in the tucker box pose beside me & GOD BLESS HER SHE STAYED! She didn't even leave me for treats. This big girl has something no human in this sad family has. A SOUL! Sorry to go on so. I just LOVE HER!" That is one, seriously sensitive and intelligent dog you've got there! Therapy dog, did you say? Wow. Mind-reader - literally! I mean - that can't be a coincidence of timing, it can't be. The ignoring the treats call proves it! ...unless she's even ore intelligent than we could imagine and is reading your thread while you're asleep? Haha! Clever giiirl, wow.

2nd: "I'm going under. I truly am. I can't cope anymore. I'm crumbling. I think I have an ulcer." Oops - another backwards jerk on that Cake Walk of a recovery path you've got yourself. Damn. But it's GOING to be two steps forward, 1 back or whatever variation. Do you drive/did you take driving lessons? "Each day is getting more ridiculous than the one before." YES. They don't LIKE having their cushy set-up challenged, remember? Push-push-push against the new regime... "Turbulence. There just is NEVER a calm, sensible nor happy day." No. Drama-drama-drama....and you wish you didn't have to deal with it but oftentimes, they have you in a position where you feel you HAVE to, don't have any choice, or suffer a beating again (or your kid)... "Step Father drama today. He is nucking futs." HAHA - NUCKING FUTS - love it! (Can you call him strepfarter from now on for recovery reasons, please.) Hee-hee...nucking futs. Like Par-Cark and Chish n Fips or 'it shows ter go ya'. Still got your SOH (thlup!), taking the piss - PROGRESS! They're also lucking foonies, don't forget that one. Or Lentily Ill Moonies. This is fun - do some more! Your turn... "Daughter has been enemy for past 2-3 days yelling at me, calling me names." Whaaah, me don't like da new wegiiiime, whaah! "Then today sudden wand waved and hey presto wants to be Mums confidante & pal?" Curz ya din't cave, doll! :) The manipulation wasn't working. They're like plate-spinners, with you the plate. Gotta keep you spinning/moving so you stay dizzy with everything blurred. They'll conclude you've become immune to the hand and switch to spinning it with their tongue if they have to! She wants to stay the boss.... Lady Muck.... The Queen of AAAALL she surveeys! Sort-of makes up for the fact she's stuck in the Baby Pool at her age, and hasn't ever attempted to move to the Middle Pool, innit. The Queen of Farts. "She is a roller coaster ride that is highs & lows. She does my head in." She does MY head in! She's not even my daughter. (Fcknwishshewastho, grrr...) "Today Step Father very nearly killed daughter." What?! "I'd warned her numerous times. I asked her to listen to me & promise me. She didn't. So she had a hell of a fright & has an egg on her head and a bruise coming out." WTF?! "She was white as a ghost when she got home. She rang me from the shops after ditching him and could barely speak. I knew something had gone wrong. I could feel it about 5 mins after she left with him and yep that was exactly when it happened. He is NOT supposed to be driving. He is supposed to have surrendered his license." 'PETTY' LAW-BREAKER - TICK! "He is NOT using his walking stick. He is saying crazy stuff so I don't think it will be long before Mr 78years ends up in a Nursing Home also." OOOOOOOOH. I was just about to say that when you said it! (Goes a-round-a-comes-a round!....Mah Bay-ay-bee!) (And what a coinky - cos as we speak, MY strepdud is getting the exact same goes-around and he's spent sending-around as well! What were the ucking chances!?!) "But he ignores everybody." Yeah, cos nobody's more important than 'King Nuisance. "Doctors orders etc. He drove off from curb too fast. He didn't even look. A car nearly went up the backside of his." Wowww. "Daughter wasn't even in yet." WOAH! (Goes a-round-a-comes-a round, LA-LALA-LAAAA) (sorry, that's not Shadenfreude as obviously I don't want your daughter injured, but - she obviously wasn't and I'm talking about just the HUUUUUUUUGE SHOCK!) "Her door swung open & she screamed and very nearly fell out whilst he was driving. He stretched his arm out & said f _ ck and grabbed her keeping only one hand on the wheel. He turned a corner and she flew forward hitting her forehead into the door casement. " I doubt THAT bit bothered her as much as nearly falling out! She won't want to get in HIS car again, will she! At least, not without you there! Jeez. That is attitude-changing shock, that is. Can't wait to see THIS unfurl! "Later when they returned to here for him to drop her off and pick up the meal and dessert I'd made him. A thank you for taking her shopping (made before he nearly killed her!)" HAH!!! Ahahahahahahaha!!!!! That was like comedy improv, nice one!!! You've pulled my stomach muscles, hahaha! Love it. Keep THAT up, defo. "he lied to me over several things today." For a giant narc, that's just - "He spoke today". "He's lying to Mums face constantly. She is getting worse. Very agro but only at him." HALLELUJLIA! FINALLY... She's not getting worse, she's getting better (on that score) and getting suitably furious. (Separation is a GOD...SEND.) "Staff say she is helpful to them with other Residents and no trouble." There ya go? "When I visit for the most part she has been pretty good." There ya go? "He got everything! Had her declared non compos mentis. He even has the money my Grandparents gave Mum and she set aside for me in her will. Her will no longer counts. It is gone. Null and void." HOW COME AND WHO SAID? "There is just too much for me to handle. She is still alive and I'm banned from her house. Neighbours say he is filling the bin with her possessions every week. He's had the op shop truck come 3 times and take all her furniture." Yup, Swat Narcs Do. I'm sincerely sorry, though. Although, the Fat Lady hasn't sung yet. You're probably still reeling. "Says he wants his own stuff now. He has put a deposit on a new modern Retirement Townhouse in a Community of them." Which, if he hadn't' met her, he would never EVER have been able to afford for himself! Yeah, well Fate can make THAT backfire too. All it takes is one, malignantly narcissistic carer or next-door-neighbour and - 'Awwwww, sh*******t'. "Lawyer said he could not sell her home nor her items until her death and the Tribunal placed a two year ban on it saying they'd reconvene in 2026 if she is still alive to review. He's going against everything. She looks like a homeless woman. Staff say he won't pay for her meds $45 a week and want me to pay. Staff say they got a hairdresser out for Residents and he wouldn't pay so they are pinning her hair back from her eyes to keep it from going in her dinner. Her slippers are full of holes. I've ordered her a new pair. They were her Mums and she hugs the smelly old things. I found some online exactly the same." Last line: WELL DONE. (Chest-thump) (other than that, sorry, I'm just listening) "Her few dresses he took when she was admitted nearly a year and half ago are thread bare, faded from repeated washing and holey. I've told him to bring some more but he's thrown them out and said 'what does your Mother have to look good for now?'." He's abusing her via his holding Power Of Attorney (or is that still your brother?). You can contest that. You have all the staff as Witnesses as well. "Told me to arrange her b'day party at the home for her again. I did it all last year. Brother ((OH - THERE HE IS!)) has contacted him & is now making demands. OMG! I'm at wits end." What sort of demands? "Later at home I was upstairs in the Townhouse when I heard daughter suddenly yell out. Being hard of hearing I called down 'what is wrong now?'. My dog! My big girl! The sweetest, shyest dog on the planet. Never hurt a fly. Went for her big time!!! Curled lip, bared teeth, loud snarl & growl. A stand off. Dog won! She is in shock. I am in shock. Dog is withdrawn. Not in pain at all. I've checked her over several times. Apparently daughter used her commander tone and told big girl to move from her fav spot in front of my doll cabinet. Dog ignored. Daughter upped he voice tone. Dog ignored. Daughter bent to move dog & dog went for her." Then she shouldn't have spoken to her like that, should she. CONSEQUENCES. Doggie is used to being shown gentle respect, thanks to you. She knows a threatening, lording-it tone when she hears it. And no WAY is she going to get out of her doggie pack-heirarchal seat for a fly-by-night nice 'un, versus what Mum has always said goes. (What goes-a-round...) See? Doggie was being nice to her treats. End Of. But...So....that was TWO big shocks for Oughta! AND a shock for Strepdud. You should report him to the Police or your version of DVLR for that. I know I would. "What a day!" Bloody hell yeah?! But I admit I'm still chuckling to your, thanks very much for having my daughter bit hahahaha! "I'm sitting her now at midnight & the door and screen just got rattled so much so that the keys swayed side to side and clinked. Big dog going ape." The winnnnnnd. Or does it hold some symbolism to you? Have a think. Keys rattling..... Door.... Freedom is close??? "Crazy as it sounds I do believe I'm cursed." *I* don't. I believe the opposite now. Be-caaaaaaause you've finally got off your bum! - Fate's now joining in! It won't if you won't, you know? You've got to remember: I've seen this/you, a thousand times. It's just messy at first. "I do believe things are getting worse." N/A "I do believe the only way it will end is if I end it." You ARE ending it. Just not your life. Your situation. With Fate making things happen. You're super-sensitive so it might get even schpookier/mystical. It's no coincidence that all spiritualists tend to be over 40 or 50, eh. "I'm under pressure 24/7. My health is plummeting. I've never felt so sick. The breast lump has increased in size & I've found another lump. Don't have the money for the tests." Describe the lumps and how they feel. "Sorry I'm annoyingly going on..." No you're not and it's not allowed, remember? "I'm just talking to myself really. Venting through typing." Yeah, I know! And me! And ....pfffffff! - GOD knows how many lurkers! And I expect they're all cheering you on! I know I am. :))))))))))) Thinggggz are happ-en-inggg, oh, yes, yes....

Sorry, I'm just thinking.... One thought is: what else can you do with a dog that crazily intelligent and humanlike? What have you tried? Anything? Wow, Simon Cowell would go ape-sh*t....

Here - who'd take PoA if (strong If!) Strepdud went dementia-ed? And take over Mum's PoA?

HAHAHAH - just made meself laff! Next time she misbehaves.... (sing-songy voice): ....Don't make me call Gran-daaaaad... Her: (screams) - okay-okay, anything you say!

Next: "Just an added note. How heinous my life is." I know how it feels, don't worry. Just remember, yours is a cake walk (up-down-backwards-forwards-up-down) (because it's a whole nest of them).... 30/70 dark-day-light-day ratio....suddenly becomes 50/50....suddenly becomes 25/75.... All you have to do is accept the bad days. Remember I said to make hay while the sun shines but when it's cloudy or thundery, do eff-all and just process (which, feeling bad, is the sign of, what's happening). But yes, I remember. (AAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLL of it.) "It is 12:10pm middle of the day." (David Attenborough whisper-shout:) ....AND HERRRE, INNNN THE JUNGLE...WE COME ACROSS....THEEE...MOSSSSST.....FEROCIOUS BEEAST....ONNNN THE PLANET... "Daughter has just got up (early for her!)." ...EMERGINNNG....FFFFRRRROMMMM....IT'S...TREEE.......TO SEEK BREAK-FAST............EAR-LIER THAN USUAL.......BECAUSE...OF COURSE.... SHE'S THE LESSER-KNOWN BREED...OF THIS, ER, SPECIE,.....KNOWN AS..... THE FAZYLUCKERS....... "I haven't spoken to or communicated with an actual human being in positively hours. Hence I talk to myself on here." AWWWW. But remeber, you're NOT talking to yourself, even when I'm not on here at the time. "I'm with the two dogs in the yard for them to pee. I've been minding her puppy for hours! Gave it breakfast etc. I walk in and say 'Hi, you're up'. She mutters something. It was inaudible. I say 'Sorry...what did you say'. Like a normal person because I'm 56 and couldn't make it out. She yells 'STOP PICKING ON ME!'." ((Aww, shut up. It may work on yer mother but it doesn't work on me.)) "Set a new record. 32seconds before the first time I'm yelled at today." Oh, I can relate to that. Know what I would have said? (Borrow it!) (Sweetly) 'Oh, but I wasn't, I was actually going to to ask you if you wanted me to cook you a nice fry-up!'. Her: Yeah, go on, then. You: Nah. Don't feel like it any more. You've kicked the generous act out of me (walk off upstairs, headphones, earplugs, hands over ears going WHAAAAA, CAN' 'EAR YA.) Ask questions BEFORE you shoot, next time. THIS GIRL ACTUALLY IS... GOING THROUGH HER TERRIBLE TEENS...*ONLY NOW* - ISN'T SHE. Eh? Think about it. She is! "That was my first human interaction of the day." HAHA! I know I shouldn't laugh - and it IS Black Humour - but COME ONNNN. She IS....ridiculous. See it. She is. "I'm sick of this life. I do want out." MAKE FUN... "Don'tchoo wave your Prada handbag at ME, luv!'. and "Oooh-ooh-ooooh" "Run out of Feminax? Aww..." TAKE THE PISS You have the kind of SOH for it - use it or lose it. And then come share the goodies after. But flip back to normal/caring if/when she loses the plot and crumbles. (She will.) (Doggie?!.....Attack! Hahahahahahah!!!!) No Grand Pianos coming down on YOUR head, notice? :)

...Or you could have then continued by pointing at her head and asking - One egg or two?...Wait - one, I suppose...you don't wanna be greedy. Hahaaa-hahahaaaa!

(Tsk - should have read 70-30 dark-light becomes 50-50...still working out my shoelaces...)

Memes: "I'm a moody Teenager. I will go out of my way to ensure everyone is miserable at all times, then complain because everyone else is "cranky". "I always worry about the safety of my child. Especially when she talks back at me, like she is right now." "Welcome to being the parent of a Teenager. Prepare for an awful lot of eye-rolling, emotional outbursts, and thoughts of running away. And that's just the parents." “One of the fun things about parenting a teenager is having an emotional conversation in which you pour your heart out and share meaningful life lessons that you hope they’ll carry with them forever and they just respond with, ‘k.'" "I have three teenagers. I didn’t get an epidural when I gave birth, but I’d like one now.” “When your children are teenagers, it’s important to have a dog so that someone in the house is happy to see you.” ~Nora Ephron" “They start challenging you and everything. You have this baby for a while and then it’s like your best little friend who loves being with you all the time, and all of a sudden they’re like, ‘Get out of my room.’” - Jennifer Lopez "I know I’m supposed to be preparing my teenager for life and all, but it’s hard when they already know everything.” ~Whitney Fleming “Doesn’t my teen know that when he tells me I’m embarrassing him it doesn’t make me want to stop. It makes me carry on with more intensity than before. Remember all those tantrums you threw in public, kid? WELL, IT’S MY TIME TO SHINE.” ~Mommy Needs a Life "Having a teenage daughter is a lot like your house being haunted. Every now and again you’ll see a figure out of the corner of your eye, followed by a moaning sound, and then a door will slam shut.” ~Joe Heenan "Having a daughter is like having a little broke best friend who thinks you’re rich." “Dear Moms, it’s okay to complain about your kids without saying, ‘But I love them so much’ at the end. We know you love those little assholes to the moon and back.” ~The Salty Mamas “Can’t believe I shared my body with a child that won’t even share their M&Ms with me.” ~Digital Mom" (You should look these writers up on the web. In fact - there's an idea! Have you tried Mumsnet?) “Can’t believe I shared my body with a child that won’t even share their M&Ms with me.” ~Digital Mom" “I always say, if you’re not yelling at your kids, you’re not spending enough time with them.” ~Reese Witherspoon ((LOVE that one!)) “You know you’re the parent of a teenager if they don’t answer any of your calls, but they’ll call you 27 times in a row until you answer.” ~Raising Teens Today “The thing you’ve got to be prepared to do as a parent is not to be liked from time to time.” ~Emma Thompson “No one tells you that the toughest part about parenting teenagers is trying to convince them that you know what the h#ll you’re talking about.” ~Raising Teens Today “Parents of teenagers understand why animals eat their young.” “A teen will break your heart, and if you love them, you’ll let them.” (WITHIN reason, yes. Then we start taking the piss i.e. showing them who's boss! :)) “I secretly enjoy it when my daughter is defiant because I love to see her fighting spirit. But then… I put her in her place because there’s only room for one sheriff in this town.” “Parenting without a sense of humor is like being an accountant who sucks at math.” ~Amber Dusick (Have ya had e-nuuurf or are ya thirrsty for moooore!) Going to stop on that last antidote. And repeat it. "“Parenting without a sense of humor is like being an accountant who sucks at math.” ~Amber Dusick" MATE, THAT'S WHAT'S BEEN MISSING! (Arse-shift time! :))))) But trust me, it won't feel like work.)

I did a pretend sulky on my son, once, when he got home from secondary... "When's supper" "Dunno..." "Why not?" "Tsk - I don't WANNT TOOO, uuu-uu-uuh?...can't you SEE I'm reeeaa-dingg, (Go...d-uh)?" "Why, what's going on?" "Stop nagging 'n prying into my business, lea' me alone..." "...You gone mad or something?" "OMG, THAT IS SOOO MENTALLY ILL-IST!" ".....Oh...right...got it.....very funny..." "Wha(t)-everrr..." They are naturally in the most narcissistic time of their life/developmental stage - FAR worse than toddlers - come ONNN, everyone, be real! So, as TEMPORARY raging Narcs, they can't handle having the piss taken. But obviously you've got to know when it's appropriate versus will set off Armageddon.

Anyway. You're 'winning'. Stop picking on me when you haven't, is a terrible-teenage Pity Ploy. It's still an attempt at censoring and lording it over you but done like they're an injured animal so you can't possibly smack its bum and therefore your flipflop is tied. It's what they switch to when you're getting your upper hand back.

..."I told my Mum she was invading my privacy. She said I came OUT of her privacy!"

Going to continue tomorrow - first one I do. Just noticed the time and I've got to be up earlyish tomorrow (boooo!).

Oh, no - wait, there's only 2 more wickle ones left - I'll do them now... "Quick Update: Hi Soulmate," Yeah - wha'evaaah, HAHAHAHA! "just wanted you to know that I did what you said." Oh good! "When daughter yelled at me first thing yesterday morning. I said 'living with you sure is boring it is like a record with the needle stuck'" EX-CE-LLLEEEEEENT, LIKE-IT, LIKE-IIIT! ON ME 'EAD, SON?! I" grabbed my keys, my handbag & walked out the door." YUSSS! "I felt badly about leaving my dog. She stared out the window as I walked away." Yeah, but they always do that. "I wanted to go to the shops. Being my Assistance Dog she does come in shops with me all the time. But I wanted to make a hasty exit to bring home my point to daughter." Yes, I realised that. Otherwise, it's like when in comedy films they flounce but then have to go back in because they forgot their coat....kinda ruins it. "I didn't return for two hours." OOH - EXCELLENT INNINGS! "When I did she was all friendly like nothing had happened." THERE IT IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIS-AH! Fell wucking done, my lass! How did it feel? :)))))))))))))) "NEW DAY UPDATE: Neighbours next door are being raided as I type this! Locksmiths waiting to put on new locks front & back of their place." Woah! Christ, all the good stuff's suddenly RAINING down, isn't it?! PS: 'Bain-ers'. 'Ding, Dong, the nextdoorwitches are dead, la lala la la, la lalal la la...' Par-TAY!

Last post - cheers for heads-up. And - no need to delete anything. Anyway, they were deleted (as far as visitors are concerned). Again, no-one knows what your alias - or hers - was - except for me, and I'm not telling.

What was 'she' after, out of interest? Your dosh?

THANK YOU HEAPS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I LAUGHED SO HARD I HAVE TO GO PEE! TALK LATERS

Hee-hee... Good, aren't they. See if you can find some?

This long thread which follows is all about my dog! So if you aren't a doggy lover then this may bore you. I wanted to share with the World just how unique and special she is. She deserves the recognition. Her nickname is Raya. My Ray of Sunshine. Like the big sunflowers. She always chooses the yellow toys. Raya is both an amazing and beautiful dog. My dearly departed relatives out there (who did actually love me) in the great beyond knew I needed her. I realised that by the way getting her came about. Guided every step of the way. She isn't a dog! Seriously. I can't count the number of people who have said as much to me over the past years. She has a SOUL. She is incredibly smart and so very human with her emotions that it can be a little disturbing to witness. This dog smiles, laughs and cries tears. I kid you not! She baffles all who meet her. From birth she would not mix with other dogs EVER. She would not leave my lap and then as she grew she would not leave my side. No amount of coaxing at the local dog park nor taking her to Puppy Preschool made any difference. My daughter went in search of a cat. Even though I'm allergic. Told me 'Your problem. Take antihistamines for life. I'm doing this.' She's always been such a sweet and loving child LOL After several attempts to get a cat. After sneezing and itching my eyes constantly at the pet stores and same when visiting breeders she conceded it wouldn't work. Daughter had a dog her whole childhood. Angel was her name. That is another story. Angel passed away four years prior to our getting Raya. Angel died at age 13 years. Going to several pet stores no dog stood out. Then there was one. She wasn't playing with the others. She was sitting at the glass window, head on the side, staring her eyes straight into mine. Daughter was busy having turns at cuddling her other 4 siblings. It was like the song 'how much is that doggy in the window?'. Daughter wanted the naughtiest one from the litter which was also the prettiest. However, she was already sold and awaiting collection. I said what about this one? A reluctant daughter said 'alright I'll hold her'. When the lady got her out she ran away from my girl & hid under a table. Daughter went off to look at the others again. The staff lady had to crawl under the table and retrieve Raya. She went to put her away. I said 'can I please hold her?'. I hadn't interacted with any other dog. The sales woman plonked her in my arms. She leaned straight in. Snuggled. Head on my chest over my heart. I cuddled her and whispered in her ear 'I reckon I can love you'. Daughter came up at that moment and said 'Oh how cute she's hugging you. I want that one'. The rest as they say is history. Raya never did dog things. Was never a destructive puppy. Never bit ever! Not even playful nipping. I knew she was special from the get go & others commented as much. I'd been estranged from my family for about 18 months. So they missed her puppy hood. She was not exposed to any of them. It was just Raya and me when daughter went to work doing very long shifts. My little Ray of sunshine. This is the truth! I've had numerous people come up to me and say she draws you over with her kind eyes. Many people say the words she is soulful. She is so loyal to you. People who have watched her from a distance. I've had 3 psychics come up to me in the shops and tell me she isn't a dog. She is my Spirit Guide. She was sent to protect me. People say they can see how much she loves me. I've had people hand me money. Say please buy that gorgeous creature something special from them. It has been weird and wonderful. I adore her. I live for her. She won't let others near me. She jumps in front. However, she doesn't ever show aggression! Just guards. Stands sentinel blocking them from me. Raya's attachment to me has caused strife between my daughter and myself. I stole her from daughter apparently. But I didn't. I swear. Raya is loving. She is super shy. She doesn't like strangers approaching us. Often cuddles into me when they come over. She does not like stepdud! Goes off at him big time! He can't get near her. He is the only person ever to call her pathetic dog, sook, idiot and the latest stupid bitch. I take Raya everywhere with me. The Residents on the Wards get very excited when she visits. The Staff love her also. One day recently whilst at the Nursing Home when my back was turned getting the coffees from the counter stepdud snatched her lead (which I'd hung over the arm of my chair) at lightening speed and attempted to drag her away. I was screaming at him from my distance away at the cafe to leave her alone, Mum was yelling at him, a Staff member yelled at him to let that dog go & other strangers in the cafe yelled at him. One said 'arsehole what are you doing?'. Raya was terrified. She dropped flat to the ground, cowered with her tail tucked tightly between her legs, her stomach being scraped across the rough cement. He'd dragged her some distance. She'd gone stiff. She wouldn't move. She was frozen and trembling. It took me a few moments to get through the crowd of people, I was holding the tray of hot coffees when he did this. It took me seconds to put the tray down & run to get to her. Daughter was at home and didn't come that day. Other dogs would have ripped his arm off. Raya is super submissive. She is normally quiet as a mouse. People in the street have said they never even knew we had a dog. Prior to daughter's puppy that is. I'm not exaggerating at all. She is something special. She knows when I'm sick. Follows the veins in my arms & legs with her nose then makes a few alerting barks or just jumps up on my chest (if I'm sitting) stares straight into my eyes and then lays her head over my heart and whimpers. SHE'S NEVER BEEN TRAINED!!! No formal lessons or training whatsoever. I realised she was letting me know just before an episode of mucosal fibroids hit me many years back. Also when I'm having an episode of diabetes as in blood sugar level dropping too low (often forget to take my meds) or when my blood pressure drops out (Hypotension) as it often does and I'm about to faint. I took her with me to my Doctor and she immediately printed out and signed all the documents to allow her to be my Assistance Dog. I sent them in to the proper Authority (Council) with attached signed declarations from several people about how good her behaviour is and the Govt granted her a pass for buses, taxis, ubers etc. This dog has NEVER ever done any business in the house! Even as a puppy. Always just took herself to the door and sat there, waited to get my attention, looks at me. She talks! Communicates. Her mouth moves and sounds come out. Many family members have been stunned by this. When I visited Mum another day at the Nursing Home once again downstairs in the Cafe. Many people sitting at other tables were watching her when she suddenly jumped up on my lap (she isn't little) and she put her two paws around my neck facing me and said what sounded like 'Mum' and then she lay her head on my shoulder and went to sleep like a baby cuddling me. My Mother was super shocked and said 'oh my god that was so clear it was like a human'. I said 'yes she says the odd word'. People took photos of her doing this on their phones. Always disgruntled with Raya my Daughter piped up and said 'yep she's weird not like a real dog'. Cliche sounding but she is more than my best friend. Raya is my Soulmate. I simply would no longer be here if not for her! Wish I could send you a photo of Raya then you'd see it in her eyes yourself. Never known a love like it. Never will again.

HUGE UPDATE! The Govt Dept is currently as I type gutting next doors personal items out. Spoke to them. We are in danger due to a threat of revenge. However, they are gone! Evicted! Three complaints against them in the neighbourhood is what it took PLUS they turned our power off & burnt our fuse box with a gas! The electricity company sent them a report. I do appreciate your help above Soulmate. I will answer all your questions ASAP. Right now the Agency Reps are talking to me about things. I'll be back when I can. I just broke down in front of them crying. I'm sick. My legs are not holding me up. Talk soon.

Soulmate: (Can you call him stepfarter from now on for recovery reasons, please.) Yes I will try to remember. I think I've referred to him as stepdud a few times. "He got everything! Had her declared non compos mentis. He even has the money my Grandparents gave Mum and she set aside for me in her will. Her will no longer counts. It is gone. Null and void. " HOW COME AND WHO SAID? Mum did not have an 'Enduring P of A' nor a 'P of A' in place. Zero paperwork on that score. So the Govt Authority here called QCAT set up a Hearing and we (Stepfarter, Bro, Sis, Aunt, Daughter, Nursing Home Representative were sent a request to attend). Stepfarter told all of us not to bother attending as he was going to get everything and had got himself a good Lawyer. He was really nasty to me in private at every opportunity. He threatened me. Said 'go up against me with this or challenge me in anyway and you'll be sorry. Right now you may still get something when your Mother dies but if you step up and try to take control well I'll make sure you never get a penny'. Brother did not attend. Said he wanted Stepfarter to get it all. Bro chucked a huge temper over my daughter having been invited to attend. Aunt did not attend. I don't know the reason. She still meets stepfarter for their regular coffee at a CAFE to bitch about Mums kids (Us) and Mum. Sister put us through hell with non stop evening and daytime phone calls. I'm coming. I'm not coming. I'll attend by phone. I've decided to pull out of attending by phone link up. I think stepfarter should get nothing. I think stepfarter can have it all I've got money. She was still teetering back & forth one hour before the meeting. On the phone to daughter more so than to me. I'd already had a gutfull of all of them! Then she wrote out what she'd say to the Board when asked. She said she was prepared & would attend by phone again. Changed her mind. You get the picture. So she attended by phone but never spoke! SAID NOTHING! After promising to back my request for Guardianship & Admin/Finances Control and Enduring PofA. She did not speak. They forgot she was on the line. Suddenly she pipes up with a voice filled with attitude & says 'by the way I've taken time out of my day to be here'. The main man in charge of the proceedings literally said 'yes. I know you're there (her name) but you didn't answer even when I asked you a question'. She continued to stay completely silent. WTF? I was livid on the inside. The meeting went horribly pear shaped for me! Shockingly so! Super long story. Mum is not dead. He already was living in the huge house still. He has the car. He'd already closed her bank accounts & had that money. What more did he want or need? I also felt that Mum didn't have a voice. She (Mum) got wind from the Nursing Home Representative that this meeting would be taking place without her. Mum was furious. Then she was crying. She phoned me several times. Repeatedly saying she wanted out of the nursing home and that she wanted to live with me and that she wanted me to get everything. She was ropeable about how her will would no longer count. Anyway, my daughter told me not to trust my Mother. I ignored daughter. Mum told me her plan and asked me to back her up. I agreed. I am a fool! Before this meeting Stepfarter & I had been sharing the visiting and meeting her needs. I'd buy shampoo he'd buy soap. It was a bit stupid to be honest. He was being super competitive and making my life hell phoning non stop with his demands at least twice a day. She told me to organise with the proper authorities for her to be able to attend the meeting via phone link up like Sister. Stepdud had a Doctor write a letter to the Tribunal that she couldn't attend for health reasons. She was fine. I did this. She was approved to attend only 10 mins before the hearing commencement. This is a a super long story. The meeting went for hours. It got brutal. Daughter handled herself very well. All were impressed. She asked the Tribunal some hard hitting questions which they did not answer. The whole thing was one of the worst experiences of my life. Beforehand Mum had said to me how she wanted me to be her Guardian. I want you to take over my money. We could share the house. Dogs, daughter also. She said she wanted her will to remain intact until death, she wanted her religious & end of life wishes to be abided by. Stepdud changed it all! Said he wasn't going to pay the extra for a cremation when she wouldn't know anyway. Said he thought she'd have been dead by last Christmas and asked them how long they thought she'd live. OMG! It was sooo bad. The whole thing. Mum before the meeting was so normal it was frightening. I had her on speaker and daughter said has she been faking it this whole time? During the meeting for the first half Mum kept oddly quiet. Daughter is calling it a bait & switch. Basically Mum played me. They (the board) put me through a wringer of questions and I was very nervous but tried to handle it with maturity. Stepfarter kept whispering to lawyer. Then he pretended to be devastated and have a bit of a health turn/scare. They gave him a 10 min break for him to sit down and have a drink and recover. It was faked 100%. Long story short they started asking Mum who she wanted to be her EPA and financial planner etc. Plus guardian. Before the meeting she had cried down the phone to me. I love you and I always have. I apologise for being a bad mother. I'm sorry if I got a bit physical sometimes blah...blah...please say you forgive me. You have been the only one who has ever cared about me. The only one who stood by me. The only one who helps me now. She said so much more. Mum made a total fool of me. Imagine how I felt when the man in charge of the proceedings said 'I am going to grant (me) with Guardianship and ..... Mum interrupted him at that precise point. Saying how she wanted stepdud to have and do everything. They asked her if she realised what she was saying. They told her that he would be in charge of everything and that none of her children would have a say. They told her he'd get the house and the money. She confirmed that 'yes that is how she wanted it' and the Authorities shook my Stepfarters hand and said 'Congratulations Mr _____ you get the lot as per your wife's wishes' and at that moment my Mother hung up her end of the phone with a loud clunk. Gone! No good-bye. No nothing. Stepfarter was BEAMING! Lit up like a Xmas Tree. I will never forget his single word to the Lawyer as they shook hands and had him sign the legal documents. He said it loudly for all to hear 'MAGIC'. Recalling this day here I just went and vomited. My heart is racing. I did not speak to nor visit my Mother for weeks afterwards.

Heya! Cheers for those answers and I'll read through them at the next window. Did manage to read the history about Raya, though. TEACH HER TO SPEAK WORDS! It's just patient practise, like any skill. Learning is after all, basically just repetition. And then start a YouTube site on her progress, maybe (it pays once you reach a certain level of hits, doesn't it?). Check YouTube out...because there are owners who've taught their cats some words as well. Same with, babies speaking prematurely - whole phrases, like, I Love You. (Evolution is incredible!) Oh - and 'stepdud' is fine, but, it was actually Strepdud - as in the Strep virus (because he spreads his infection far and wide and virtually all parts of his victims are vulnerable to it).

...or just 'The Git' - plain Git for-short? (Grandiose Idiot Tyrant) ...'It'. ....'The Creature Of The Deep' (Cod...he thinks he's God, anyway). Or maybe you can go one better? (wiggles eyebrows challengingly)

(Got 2 mins) I've read a few snatches, though. Your so-called family are a seething MESS (and try to disguise as well as vent it by treating YOU like the intellectual-emotional runt)...a constant train wreck....a cauldron of bubbling, toxic pathogens. I mean that, I'm not exaggerating. There is literally no denying or minimising it. They basically ARE a cheap, daytime soap...or Jerry Springer parody (and I don't care how nice their houses are, same as, it ain't the Trailers that make a person Trash, eh). Bar your mum (and daughter, obviously) - I'd just cut them off. Really, what IS the point of them? What do they DO for you? NOT a rhetorical question - list it all out! Or see it as a year-long Time-Out but see how you go. Chances are you'll want to make it 2...3.....4... or Forever Amen if, in time, the intrinsically healthies/heal-ables don't see the light and start coming back (usually do). And if they don't? By then you won't care (because you'll have automatically, smoothly, learned to live without or replace their so-called conveniences and favours (AND can do things better than they can, anyway)). It's a great way of separating the wheat from the chaff. My dear late Dad always used to say about one's lifetime: No experience is bad. It's NO experience that's bad. PS - just quickly: "I think stepfarter should get nothing. I think stepfarter can have it all I've got money. She was still teetering back & forth one hour before the meeting. On the phone to daughter more so than to me." To me, that could include or centre wholly on creating an impression to your daughter that YOU'RE the one who pushed for it, with whom she went along. Or she literally CAN'T make a decision any more? But that wasn't what popped into my head as I read it. The 'hiding behind you' was. Keep daughter informed of the truth at every step, but put the emotion here and just update her like Spock. She might see through her aunt, herself, but - better safe than sorry PLUS validation for her (to make her sweeter and knows you two are on the same side) if what she suspects is being truths-verified. (Sneaky, ain't I? ;))

There are many negative things going on here that I could talk about. Just don't feel like to at the moment. Sitting up and being vigilant due to the words 'they have been evicted and they may revenge now the place is empty and the police surveillance has stopped'. They are wanted criminals. A gang. I've now seen there rap sheet. Terrified. Anyways, made Mum a cake. Tweaked one of her own recipes. Call it 'Spanish Loaf'. Thought of Soulmate there in Spain. Bet they are getting ready over there for Dia de los Muertos. Your home sounds lovely with the pool and mosaic table for your pussy cat to dine at LOL I read Lils latest update. I LOVE weddings hence my curiosity. Soulmate, I can hear your affection for Lils in your responses. It is lovely. She is like a daughter across the miles to you. Glad your weather has settled from those heat waves. Our is starting to ramp up. We've had heat waves, super cells and Australia in particular our neck of the woods is now getting the odd twister. Something our homes and weather bureau is ill prepared for. We don't have warnings or anything. So this has been a shock to all! The footage of them was mesmerising as well as terrifying. So you're a cat person? OH forgot to say. Some time ago daughter bought Raya those speech buttons which are all the rage at present. I don't want her to do it. We've argued about it. I told her to teach her puppy by all means but would prefer Raya to be left out of it. I KNOW for sure Raya could do it. I just love her for who she is. How she is. She's my friend. I see her as a gift. I don't want to exploit her in anyway. My daughter's puppy is in my opinion a performing monkey. Daughter literally makes her dance for her supper. The plate is not put down in front of her until she spins left, then spins right, then sits, then drops. Puppy has a repertoire of tricks, gets dressed up & performs. Daughter is currently setting up an Instagram Page for her. She tested the waters & puppy gets heaps of hits. Yet, puppy hides under the coach a lot. Puppy doesn't even come when called which ticks me off at midnight peeing in the backyard. Puppy doesn't let anybody bend to pick her up (not even daughter) she runs away. You have to have a treat on you at all times. Otherwise it is no go. Puppy calls the shots. I adore Raya and my daily routine which we have down pat & is very relaxed. Laid back. My bond with her is very much like that famous song which I sing to her often (if you know it). The Puppy Song by Harry Nilsson. I love the line 'share a cup of tea with me' because Raya always has done. I get in trouble from daughter for that. I make it super weak with no sugar, minimal milk and some cold tap water added at the end so as not to burn her tongue. I stick my finger in to check before I give it to her in her own special mug. She gets very excited. Anyway, I'm a bit down for many reasons so going to leave you in peace. Read the other forum entries but didn't really know how to respond to them. A bit heavy or serious. I am unsure of what to say and don't wish to muck up like I did some time back.

PS I will answer all your questions. I'm working through it slowly. Tired. Scared. Having trouble concentrating.

Bewildered. Alone. Just don't get anything anymore. Don't trust anybody. Most especially those nearest & dearest (supposedly). I'm just sitting here at 12:30pm baffled by the words which have just come out of my daughter's mouth. Mean, cruel, name calling. Quite out of the blue. Today I put in a stellar effort to understand her. Seemed to be making some progress. Saw faint signs of human. Tonight, suddenly verbally attacked. Have been her friend all day so no idea as to why? When I ask the answer is because I deserve it. Say what? I've minded your puppy all day. Did all your housework & chores for you. cooked for you. cleaned for you. picked up after you and the two dogs. Listened whilst you told me about your friends and their lives. Stopped what I was doing whilst she showed me what she'd made expecting praise like a toddler with a drawing. Nobody praises me day in & day out. Then I was told that I'd be going with Strepdud tomorrow to the Nursing Home and take the big dog. Excuse me what? You're telling me...a grown adult of 56 what she'll be doing tomorrow. I asked her why? She said I need time alone away from you. I said I thought you had that today. You were out for five hours. Then got told that was the freedom I needed at the shops. Tomorrow I need freedom from you at home. I reminded her how every second day she begs me not to go fearing this neighbourhood and the antics. I've noted the doors not being locked by her several times over now. I've noted the windows open even at 2am. She doesn't close them anymore. Only a week ago she was begging me to buy alarms for the man hole (just in case) so she can sleep easy. Sudden big dramatic change. WE are not in the clear here. Even the Police & Dept of Housing have said we still need to be vigilant. Then I reminded her that her step father nearly killed her with the car & his radical driving. Yesterday he attempted to drive here (5mins from his residence) and he misjudged the distance and went up on the curb scraping his tyre. He lost his wallet, forgot his keys and then realised he'd lost his sun glasses. He told me he had 3 pieces of mail for me. He forgot to bring them when he called in. She told me in the 5 min trip home from the local store he got tooted at angrily by two other drivers for pulling out in front at the wrong time. So I'm told how I'm to go in the car with big dog the 30 minute car trip to the Nursing Home & back early tomorrow morning. Told by daughter & I was commanded by strepdud. It requires the going around of a huge mountain, narrow road & steep decline. There are crosses and car remains at the base of the mountain from those that didn't make it. I said to her you are risking your Mother and big dog so you get some freedom at home do I have that right? You realise he can't see properly, hear properly, is 78, has a booking for a knee replacement operation, told me his foot is numb and has no feeling so can only use it on the break if he holds it on the side but can't always give it enough pressure. So you're looking forward to life long freedom? No Mother, no big dog & no strepdud for Christmas and possibly forever. You're willing to risk it. She said 'yep'. I said 'why don't you just move out? Then you can have all the freedom you want and call the shots'. Got ignored. She chose not to respond to that one. I'm sitting here and I just want to speak my truth. There is a bitch sitting in a nursing home who gave me a shit childhood and expects me to visit tomorrow. When I'm there she insults me. Calls me fat. Knocks my fashion. Criticises me as a Mother. Cries. Talks angry. Tells off staff as they walk past and so much more fun to look forward to and be had. She wiped out her will and gave everything to strepdud. But I'm to go and smile and wipe away HER TEARS? There will be fun times in a car with the bastard my Mother chose who verbally picks on me from the moment he arrives and all the way there and back. I have to put up with her droppings. Listen to him skite about what he is buying with my Grandparents money. Everytime the same drill. Then I get to sit on a chair in a corner whilst those two go back & forwards with their show. I hate you, go home. No you don't you love me let us dance around the room. Who are you putting the show on for you bastard. No show my darling. Have you got rid of any of my things? No my dear one I haven't touched them (he's gutted her house). Have you sold my house or is it on the market? (he's had 3 appraisals and the op shop truck came three times to take her furniture it is nearly empty). Loved one it is exactly as you left it. All lies! Then he goes to the cafe and only gets himself a drink and two pieces of the free cake. Doesn't get mum anything. Puts his arm around the waist of the nurses. Tells them they are wonderful. Mum then loses her shit at him. She gets jealous. He smiles. I cringe. He kept my gifts for her. Just found out. She never got the cake I made, nor the biscuits I made, nor the chocolates I sent. He took them home. Daughter saw them in the kitchen cupboard. His calendar has comments on the dates I visited Mum. He's keeping track? Weird. As she is saying through gritted teeth stop this nonsense with the nurses who do you think your impressing. I just sit there and watch the circus. Nurses love him. I hate him. As Mum gets more agro she tells him to leave (same routine each time, does my head in) and he smiles & grabs her to dip her and says let us dance around the room. She says 'let me go and just go. I prefer you didn't come'. Every second day the same show on repeat. Like a reel of film on one of those old time projectors. Then my daughter. Some times little girl begging me to stay and most times bitch verbally abusing me with her sarcastic motor mouth. Lucky me. Her personal slave. I've been told several times tonight how YOU WILL BE GOING. Then what I need to buy for her from the shops on the way home. Do I want tomorrow? No I don't!!! Like I said this is on a loop. Repeating every second day. Same characters. Same play. I do what I'm told. I play my part. The dutiful daughter, the supportive step daughter, the sacrificial Mum, vet, friend, cleaning lady, slave. I feel like the kid in 'Home Alone'. I wish my family would disappear. I want to spite them all. I just want to run. Grab my gorgeous dog and leave them all behind me. No money. Nowhere to go. You can't live on dreams and hopes. I'm sitting up to delay tomorrow coming. The sooner I fall asleep well the sooner morning will come. A new day filled with misery. A cheerless existence. Loveless. Lifeless. Lonely. Lost. I tried today to feel free whilst she was out. As free as you can be doing all the chores and minding two dogs in a heatwave. We don't own a car. We don't have air conditioning. We had a big fan and the neighbours stole it, took it out to the street and tried to remove the blades, leaving all the pieces all over the footpath. I hate to think what they wanted those steel blades for. My blood freezes in my veins at the thought. Nope I'm not allowed freedom, time alone nor peace. She kept phoning non stop checking in she said and kept sending messages to my computer. Yet she needs space from me? Can't figure her out. Today I was scarily ill. Thought I may need the hospital. I'm getting worse. Can't afford the meds. Can't see through my glasses. I'm tired. Always. I want to tell them all to F Off tomorrow! Tell Mother to cope. Tell strepdud to cope. Tell daughter to cope. I got rid of Blister a few weeks back. Strepdud is questioning me over that. The break from Blister will be temporary. She always comes back. Lucky me. I'm NOT missing her phone calls or PM's on FB. I want to tell them I need to be FREE. No calls. No visits. No nothing. No yapping puppy. Pretend I'm dead. Make out like I don't exist. Silence. Instead I feel trapped. I feel controlled. When I went to pee today daughter was angry that I left her and didn't answer. How dare you treat me like that she said. I watched the time on my phone...seven minutes you kept me waiting. I'm monitored. I have no life! I know I'm as annoying as heck on here. I just need to feel connected to a world outside of my real one. Like the lyrics of that song 'is there anybody out there feeling something?'.

Be with you tomorrow. :)

Thanks. It is ok though. I had a major meltdown. Now past. Much I could type here but I'm feeling like my venting & going on so is me being a pain in the neck. I come across as so attention seeking and desperate. Also self righteous that even I cringe when I read it back. Soooo many new probs added. I can wait. I'm ok today. Had a rough past 5 days.

Heya! Oyy, you, missus...Stop beating yourself up again. I told you self-harm (self verbal abuse) is not allowed. Victims, to your extent and tenure, DON'T tend to sound pretty; how would they? But, in that case, i.e. you're sure you feel better for the vent-out - do you want to field some responses? E.g. the TikTok one... You're a social media afficionado, aren't you? Me, I ain't got a clue but I'd have thought the OP should have complained/reported it to TikTok, whom then, presumably, would advise the OP what steps to take to avoid a repeat incident? (*shrug?*) Say if you're not up to it, but - if you are..., pretty-please?,...give you my last Red Starburst? :) And also, respond to those messages I posted prior to your vent? PS: you're still talking about me, to me. I realise you'll have lurkers (followers) but it's me you're conversing with, remember? I'm not into the Fiestas here. Far too crowded, noisy and chaotic. And - on principle. I shudder to think how much these constant-constant fiestas and fireworks cost, that, a large chunk, could be being spent on more useful and productive things, like social welfare. It's not like England - 4 minutes whizz-bang-pop and, 'show over, folks'. Oh no. They go on...and on...and on... for hours. (The poor animals and wildlife...I just hope they're too used to it to have on-the-spot heart-attacks...their fireworks are BIG/LOUD). I know pyrotechnics are cheaper over here, but - still MILLIONS AND MILLIONS, surely! Plus, I'm aware they're important for tourism and tradition (without which, this country would be wholly financially supported by the EU), but they needn't go so over-the-top all the time. And I've frankly lost count of how many days off (including all the shops closed) per year there are with all these Saints Days and this/that Fiesta. Still...the weather's nice...'musn't grumble' blah-blah. You wanna visit England, DD. They vent and whinge all the time, haha, you'd feel right at home (haha - joke but still true).

Anyway - venting is getting the toxins (theirs!) build-up out so that they can't do you internal harm, mentally and bodily (which is undoubtedly WHY you have these physical ailments...didn't have anyone/where to vent to, eh). ...Just like a pressure-cooker vent. So that you can regain the equilibrium to get back to re-training Oughta. It's that or get a job as a Greek waitress (*smash, smash, smash* go the plates), haha.

(Haha - Dia de Los Lazy Arses.)

Anyway - so - respond to mine when you're ready and then I can respond to yours ("Spit-spot!") (name the kids' film!).

(TWISTER?! Hurry up and respond to mine because - that ("pant-pant!"), I want to know about in detail! ....wow. Never seen a Twister.)

Anyway - beating yourself up afterwards is totally pointless. People need to SEE "behind closed doors" - IN DETAIL. To see it's not just happening to them; they're *not* alone. Plus there IS palpable progress in you...more structured, etc. Stop worrying, DD, thus far it's all good in the hood. :)

One thing I'll forward answer: "Today I put in a stellar effort to understand her. Seemed to be making some progress. Saw faint signs of human. Tonight, suddenly verbally attacked. Have been her friend all day so no idea as to why?" Answer: too much/fast, too soon. It's "Slooooowly, sloooowly, catchee Monkey". Too much intimacy in one go is 'threatening' because it melts her all-important guard/armour, and it has to be her conscious decision to lower it, tiiiiny bit by tiny bit. Narcs and the even situationally/temporarily-but-for-too-long Narcissised see vulnerability and being humble as danger rather than a catalyst to safety and comfort. Maybe she doesn't trust that it'll last? So that's why you incorporate it slowly (de-drip, de-drip), so as not to spook them. 'Strip Poker', not, Football Match Streaking, innit. Sense? So you're going to need to start exercising patience, the benefit of which will grow and strengthen that muscle of yours, which can only add to your own life quality. I get it though...you're so relieved to see them responding, being more like the little kid you knew, that the temptation to go the whole hog is too tempting. (PS: Wax on.....Wax off.....Wax on.... Wax off. ;))

Consistency of Baby Steps is KEY. You'd do well to read Lundy Bancroft - Why Does He Do That? (Inside the Minds of Angry & Controlling Men). Usually available 2nd hand on Amazon and Ebay and the like. (Ignore the gender reference in the title, it's actually immaterial where Malignant NPD's concerned, it's just that male abusers are still the biggest problem...because they're abused the most, including socially, and are far more sensitive as boys than girls, 'surprisingly'.) What sets him apart is that he guides you BEYOND escape, with a whole long section on how to mend and regain the lost strength of connection with your kiddies, and fall in-love with each other all over again (get your baby back, IOW). (His adult mum was abused, see - meaning, so was kiddie he.) He's a top expert, both scientifically AND first- AND second/third-hand experientially. HE KNOWS.

Do you drive/did you take driving lessons? Don't drive. Never had a car nor a licence. Ex Husband took me to the car park of a shopping centre a few times to teach me. WHAT WERE WE THINKING? Everybody knows that ends up an epic fail. I couldn't reach the pedals even with the chair as far forward as it would go. I'm only 5ft 2inches. So he suggested I sit on his lap (start laughing now) and he does the feet bit for me as he was 6ft 3inches tall (not where it counts). We got pulled over in the shopping centre car park (after hours) by a Policeman & copped a lecture on what we were doing. We were young & stupid. He's abusing her via his holding Power Of Attorney (or is that still your brother?). You can contest that. You have all the staff as Witnesses as well. Strepdud has Enduring Power of Attorney "Told me to arrange her b'day party at the home for her again. I did it all last year. Brother ((OH - THERE HE IS!)) has contacted him & is now making demands. OMG! I'm at wits end." What sort of demands? Over Mums Birthday. As in he will be present with his family on her actual day and therefore nobody else is allowed to attend her? WTF We have looked after her needs and visited every second day for the past year plus. Describe the lumps and how they feel. Incidental 25 mm soft tissue nodule is seen in the left breast inferior which is partially visualised. This should be further evaluated with ultrasound. One thought is: what else can you do with a dog that crazily intelligent and humanlike? What have you tried? Anything? Daughter buys intellectual dog games for her (rather expensive so good quality). She blitzes them in seconds. Daughter bought the very popular now 'speech buttons' but I don't wish for her to do it. Research of others in dog club was that they wished they could reverse it once they achieved success. Why? Disturbing to witness such human like behaviour. Also, dog will drive you crazy communicating all day & all night long.

Here - who'd take PoA if (strong If!) Strepdud went dementia-ed? And take over Mum's PoA? I'd like to think I would. However, strepdud in last few most recent weeks has befriended Brother for the second time. Git had promised to very soon (10 months ago now) fill out Enduring P of A for himself with me as his Guardian etc. However, appears to have changed his mind. History: Strepdud AVOIDED Bro due to his manner, forcefulness for many years. Was very obviously afraid of him, nervous around him and admitted as much. Bro is physically violent & prone to extreme temper verbal outbursts. He sends abusive phone texts, abusive emails etc. Very volatile! The simplest thing will set him off. Whacked his wife's head into their glass sliding door once and she was hospitalised. Has hit me several times over & knocked me to the ground. Split my Sisters nose. Oh he's a sweetie! Bro even let himself into their house through garage and was sitting there cool as a cucumber when Mum & Git came in from shopping. Git worried he'd been through their private docos and hidden money stashes. When Git shook Mum and then shoved her over resulting in the bump on back of her head 2023 police called me in the middle of the night. Mum was taken to Hospital the following day quite concussed. Git phoned Bro which resulted in Brother arriving at Hospital 10 days later (I wasn't there at that particular hour) and Bro, with Strepdud/Git and male Social Welfare Worker arranged her immediate transfer via Ambulance to the High Security Ward claiming she is violent for Advanced Dementia Patience at Nursing Home. Much ado as a result of this. Mum has been locked up in there ever since. Two escape attempts so even higher security section now and closely monitored. What was 'she' after, out of interest? Your dosh? Yes. Wanted plane ticket to Australia and then somewhere to stay for free.

They kept it going for many days AFTER the hearing. Daughter didn't realise I was tech savvy enough to see that their lights were on at the same time & I knew when they were communicating. So I drew daughters attention to the fact that I was aware & the fact that she didn't close it down immediately after the meeting as she'd claimed she would. I pointed out how she thought I was stupid and how I'd done the right thing and closed out of the chat group created (or whatever it is called) immediately after the Hearing. Within an hour. I told her I don't care if you converse with your Aunt. Just don't deceive me nor betray me. I told her without trust between us we have nothing left. At this daughter said 'I'm closing it down ok?'. She did. However, I note it is now up & connected again. I give up caring. Daugther is an adult and can converse with who ever. I don't control her. It is just the 'behind the back' and 'not upfront about it' which I take issue with. I mean why hide the fact? Why not say 'hey Mum I was talking to Aunty today' or whatever. Daughter has always gotten peeved when I converse with my niece. It is very innocent interactions and rare. No betrayals, back stabbing, getting onside. Rather crap talk about musicals, xmas and the like. I always say 'I chatted with your cousin today'. Why? I don't want daughter to mistrust me. She always initially shrugs shoulders and acts like she isn't interested. Then later hints to find out what we talk about. Like the other night. I said talked to your cousin today. Daughter said who cares? I said ok. Then 20 mins later said 'I fail to see what you two have to talk about or what you'd have in common'. So I tell her. Open. Honesty. Upfront. However I tell daughter that we should be able to converse with any family member without this being guarded thing. This mistrust. It's weird. This family takes 'dysfunctional' to a whole new level.

Sorry the above entry is a follow on...PART 2 I stuffed up & got confused... Here is what should be read before it: PART 1 I said: Sister went back & forth prior to court hearing saying "I think stepfarter should get nothing. I think stepfarter can have it all I've got money”. She was still teetering even one hour before the meeting. On the phone to daughter more so than to me." You responded with: To me, that could include or centre wholly on creating an impression to your daughter that YOU'RE the one who pushed for it, with whom she went along. Or she literally CAN'T make a decision any more? But that wasn't what popped into my head as I read it. The 'hiding behind you' was. My answer to your conclusion: SPOT ON! I knew she was getting daughter onside. I knew she was giving daughter the impression is was ALL ME PUSHING EVERTHING and that she was just going along with me. Daughter (whilst I was busy doing other stuff prior to meeting) set up a secret new Messenger Site in the half hour before the meeting for them (her & her Aunt) to converse about everything and daughter showed Sister how they'd (on the sly) be able to continue typing their opinions of the proceedings whilst it took place. I was a bit upset when I discovered this. I'd been dealing with Mum over my phone whilst this went down. I literally saw the page as I walked past daughters computer. I questioned her. She RELUCTANTLY joined me in to the group discussion. I could tell by her change in tone/manner how Sister was cheezed off that I was now included. She was referring to it as my daughter and her secret club and saying just for the purposes of the Court Hearing/Meeting. Daughter kept repeating it wasn't really behind your back Mum it was only for the purposes of the meeting.

What does Mum do for me or has done for me in the past 5+ years? Answer: Zero What does Daughter do for me? List it all out. Sometimes she behaves as though my friend. Sometimes she does some grocery shopping and doesn't ask for the money back. Sometimes she does odd chores. Sometimes she'll help me with like working the new fancy TV but usually a string of insults is included as an added bonus. Sometimes she listens to my feelings about Mum or my abusive childhood. It is always followed with a lecture on how I handle everything incorrectly and what is generally wrong with me as a daughter/person. I don't like knocking my girl. I'm not comfortable with it. I love her. Daughter and Dog are all I have in this World.

Apologies for the wobbles around Oct 19th. I am trying very hard to pull myself together. Going to say I'm a little bit proud of me. Twice now I've just walked out the door when daughter has started on at me. I just grab my handbag & go. It is upsetting Raya. She is confused. Showing clear signs of fretting. However, I have noted that When I return daughter is nicer to me. I didn't allow myself to be bullied by either Git or Daughter. Over going to see Mum last Sunday. Git commanded I go with him. He needs a buffer. He can't handle her. She is agro at him constantly. She asks him to leave the last 3 visits. Furthermore his driving could kill. Daughter demanded freedom from me & suggested I take Raya. I got up Sunday and was determined they won't get to me. He phoned four times. I didn't pick up. Got an agro text. Daughter yelled out from her bed. You'd best hurry up, get ready & go with Bill. Then she actually left her bed early OMG to bully me head on. Why aren't you dressed & ready to go to Nanna? Hurry up. You'll miss Git's car lift. If you do you'll be paying for an uber. blah...blah... I said NOTHING. I simply went about my business. I ignored both! I did not go anywhere. I made myself a cuppa and sat down to complete my online store craft for Halloween. Daughter was furious. Sighing loudly. Grunted. Stormed back to bed. YAY I won that round. Strepfarter/Git continued his phone assault an hour later. I pressed delete and continued my craft. I enjoyed my day! I didn't cave to their pressure/wishes. I will not conform. I will not be bullied anymore. It felt good. Monday, I got up early. Dressed myself. Packed treats and a photo album and took off on the long walk & long cross country bus ride to see Mum ALONE! She was thrilled I came by myself. We cried. We laughed. We looked through old photo albums. All 3 of us as kids. Her Mum & Dad. Her best friends at parties with her. We sang a song together. We talked about Git. She said she knows he & I will never hit it off altogether. She said because he sees me as a chip off the old block. We had homemade cake and coffee. She again apologised for my childhood. She actually hugged me. She actually gave me a kiss on top of my forehead that felt genuine. When I said after staying several hours that I had to go now for the long walk & bus ride back home she said this... 'I wish you could stay longer. I have had a lovely day. You've given me the best day I've had in here in ages. I hope my dementia never makes me forget you love. I can't thank you enough for your visit today and the photo album. It was a walk down memory lane to happier times. You be careful now on the way home and put Git in his place. Don't take any of his crap. Make sure (daughters name) doesn't go in the car with that fool again. Stand your ground'. Then when the bus was packed to the rafters with high school kids one lovely young boy gave me his seat. I felt special. It was a great day!

Hi Soulmate, so there you go. All my answers to your queries. Be careful what you wish for as you just might get it LOL You said: PS: you're still talking about me, to me. I realise you'll have lurkers (followers) but it's me you're conversing with, remember? Sorry I didn't mean to be rude. Don't know why I did that? Got a laugh out of your travel to England to converse with fellow whingers. I think England would be very pretty but I don't like rain. Makes me depressed. Also, you gave me food for thought about the fiestas etc there. Didn't think of it from that perspective. Very true. Money could be spent better elsewhere. Spit – Spot. Mary Poppins. Regarding TWISTERS. It is all the talk here at the mo because we DON'T normally get them! We've had the odd smallish one (still did damage) when I was a girl. BUT in the last two years we are getting more developing and bigger damage. Right here! 20 min car drive from our home. The airport copped a big one. Also, we are getting water spouts along our two coast lines. This is all knew for us! Destructive Tropical Lows and Cyclones yep we get them annually. BUT actual Twisters! This is a big worry and concern as we prepare for our Super Cells which have started WAY earlier this year. Our weather has become beyond aggressive. It has always been scary storm seasons BUT this is new & out of character. People in the last couple of weeks have lost their homes! Aussie weather bureau has NO warnings at all for Twisters. Will not accept it nor acknowledge how this is happening. So we have sub groups of meteorologists with storm chasers on board (daughter joined their club subscription and it is awesome footage & viewing) who have filled them as proof to our weather bureau that they need to take accountability for not accepting this new condition and no warnings in place. The two radical storm chasing groups have made a small doco film now as further evidence. My daughter & myself saw a funnel forming last year and braced ourselves for impact. It missed us but nearby copped it big time & lost power for days. Side note this group also accept footage and evidence of any weather or sky phenomenon. Daughter was publicly acknowledged for sending in her phone evidence recently of a meteor going over at 5pm in the afternoon when we were walking the dogs. It was so low & scary! Seen two now in just the last few weeks. Others have now jumped on board who saw it but didn't report it to the group like she did. Something is amiss with the weather and out there in the great beyond. We have good reason to fear the coming months. Our storms in November (already started early this year) through February do indeed kill people. They are horrific. As does our heat waves. Our atmosphere is thick, heavy. Impossible to breathe. Our bushfires have been horrific this past year. Many dead. Lightening strikes caused them. Our flash floods last two years have been frequent (unusual weather for here) and have also killed many. We are now also getting constant micro bursts which pack a punch. Our homes are not built to with stand these new conditions. Weather is a passion of daughters. It positively fascinates her! I support her fully. I think it is awesome. I've encouraged her to study and become a meteorologist. She wants to but lacks the courage. She suffers anxiety often. She is super smart. I know she could do this.

PS I will take a look at the tic toc forum entry BUT you have gotten the wrong impression. I am hopeless with technology. I did not even know what a Troll is. I only know etsy, ebay, email and I'm not very good at facebook. Where you've become confused is I mention the sites because my girl set things up on my computer for me which I don't understand, press wrong buttons and accidentally delete often. She swears at me constantly and gets very angry because she put things on here which I didn't want & have no interest in. Clouds? Messenger? Outlook etc She has set up everything! Not me! I'm clueless. I'm technology challenged. To put it in her words 'Mother you are USELESS with technology'. So I just asked her what tic toc is. She said it is like youtube. I said 'what is youtube?. I've had trolls on my FB page. I've had virus put in. I've had hackers. She fixes it all for me by using Security sites? Honestly, I can't even use my mobile phone. It is too complicated. I'm an old world girl. I don't even use the remote on her fancy TV properly and I lose all of her settings. I am constantly yelled at for being 'stupid'. So, no Soulmate this old gal is not all across social media. I even asked her what that terminology 'Social Media' covers.

PSS She set up an instagram account for me. I never use it. She has now taken it over to show off the dogs. I read the tic toc post and I honestly don't have a clue as to what to tell the person. I've never even heard of it before.

I'll start reading your replies in a tick, but - just wanted to re-state here, for the record: That response of yours to One-One was *superb*. You're really good at communicating with young people, aren't you - I've noticed that strength. Did you never want to be a school teacher or teaching assistant? Alternatively, I think you should try your hand at prose and poetry. There is definitely a certain 'je ne sais quoi' to your replies style. Anyhoo - thank-you sincerely for your help. ((((Hug)))) I am so bogged-down lately I could scream. And you won't believe this, but: I now have the same problem as you (re a Will). Have started sorting it (unseen and unheard...undercover Intel and Hildebrand collecting before I then do my Great White act........'Daaaa-NAH.....daaaaaaa-NAH....dah-dah-dah-dah dah-dah-dah-dah... - "Swiy-um, Johnny, swiy-um!!!".... (Nope, Johnny's going down.)

"I couldn't reach the pedals even with the chair as far forward as it would go. I'm only 5ft 2inches. So he suggested I sit on his lap (start laughing now) and he does the feet bit for me as he was 6ft 3inches tall (not where it counts). We got pulled over in the shopping centre car park (after hours) by a Policeman & copped a lecture on what we were doing. We were young & stupid." HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA - I AM!!!!! Polly Pocket! hahahahahahah! Still...(ow my stomach!)= look on the bright side: at least you have the Cute factor. PS: Yeah, that's a common female observation/whinge, actually...What IS it with very tall men? There again, it's not advised you do that while being taught to drive, hahahaha! Oh no - you've set me off now, hahaha! Here, you wanna get a second-hand electric scooter! Bet Raya would love that - a good ol' run? PPS: yes, Cat Person...since birth. :) We have an awful lot in-common. And I don't just mean the fur, hahahahahahaha!

Ignore Brother. That's the thing with Narcs...that mixture of sense of over-entitlement with Magical Thinking. They think that just because they want something a certain way, that's that and IT VILL BE...OR ZEY VILL SHOOT YOU, SCHVINEHUNT! It's the same when you're divorcing them (how incredibly dare hyou!): 'IIII'm going to get the kid off you, get full-time Custody!' (Nooo, you're not, Loon No. Two-Billion-and-fifteen. Unfortunately for you, I'm *not* a drug-addict who snoozes all day on the sofa as my kid walks around spent needles and broken glass, barefoot and constantly unsupervised..........But nice try.) (PS: family courts know what it means when a so-called father would remove a child from its natural mother rather than offer his help and support to fix any situation that were not only minor but perfectly fixable that way, duuuuh?) They don't even have a gun, let alone any bullets. They're just all elbows and hobnail boots... Verbal ones ("GEDD OUDA MY WAY" - *shove*). Literally just ignore him. I mean - who made HIM the boss of you two? (Oh yeah - I left out Shocking Arrogance.) If you like, you and daughter, say - "You actually MEANT that? NO WAYYYYY - my GOD, WE THOUGHT YOU HAD TO BE *JO...KINGGGGGG*!?!" (and then look at each other, all alarmed and freaked, as if to say - Jesus, this guy ac-tually needs a psychiatrist!) Or say - 'Just pretend we're not here. You know how to do that.' (Meow)

Or say, loudly - 'Hey, who let Chairman Mao in?!' And then say - 'Chairman Mao - 'You f'coffee?'. (Silent Meow) And then try not to burst-out laughing.

"Incidental 25 mm soft tissue nodule is seen in the left breast inferior which is partially visualised. This should be further evaluated with ultrasound." That means they weren't looking for it: because it hadn't been giving you any symptoms. Meaning, if you do have an iffy cycst, they've caught it super-early. Plus statistically, Incidentals give a very low yield. NO WOZZIES. I've always been very cysty...Had loads removed (not all of them, though, just the uncomfortably-placed ones) - and always sent off for analysis. In fact, I'm just doing a scar-count.... At least 6 removed - or 8 if you include an odd mole and lip freckle... and....wait a min...... about 10 (lucky not visibly discernible) in various places. Still, keep us posted?

"Also, dog will drive you crazy communicating all day & all night long." OMG, yes! I hadn't even thought of that! HAS DAUGHTER????

Re Enduring POA: It doesn't mean enduring as in never-ending; you can contest it if he's not executing the role squeakily-cleanly (far from it in his case!). Obviously you've gone over the 3 weeks since notification. However, all is not lost. As I say, you have basis for challenging it. Plus, there's Recovation, meaning, your Mum could change her mind via hindsight during a lucid moment. Check this out and note asterisks: ***"There may be times when it is necessary to challenge the appointment of an attorney or object to the LPA if problems later emerge with the appointed attorney.*** Private Client Solicitor, Poppy Cooke explains more. What is a Lasting Power of Attorney? A Lasting Power of Attorney (LPA) is a legal document that appoints a person and/or people (‘attorneys’) to act on someone’s behalf (‘donor’) and assist them when making decisions about their finances and property, and/or their health and welfare. An LPA must be made whilst the donor still has the capacity to do so. Are there different types of attorney? There are two different types of LPA; Property and Financial Affairs, and Health and Welfare. A Property and Financial Affairs LPA gives an attorney the power to make decisions in regards to money and property. A Health and Welfare LPA gives an attorney the power to make decisions in regards to a range of things such as medical care, moving into a care home and life sustaining treatment. A Health and Welfare can only be used if the donor has been deemed to have lost mental capacity by a professional. Joint and Several LPAs: The donor has the decision to appoint numerous attorneys to act for them, with the option to appoint replacement attorneys as well. There are various ways in which you can appoint attorneys to act at any one time; if attorneys are appointed jointly, this means that all decisions that are made on the donor’s behalf must be agreed by all of the attorneys that are named in the LPA. There are some limitations should the donor choose to appoint the attorneys jointly. For example, if one of the attorneys should become unwilling or unable to act due to predeceasing the donor or losing capacity themselves, then the LPA will invalidate and none of the attorneys will be able to act at all. If the donor chooses to appoint the attorneys jointly and severally, this means that the attorneys can all agree together but in the event where one attorney may need to make a quick decision and is unable to contact the other attorneys, each attorney can also act individually to assist the donor in their decisions. Do relatives get notified when somebody is appointed as an individual’s attorney? Relatives will not automatically be notified when somebody is appointed as an individual’s attorney. It is the donor’s decision as to whether they wish to notify anybody and these people will be named in the LPA as a person to be notified. The person to be notified will receive a letter advising them that the donor is making a particular type of LPA and who they are appointing as their attorneys. If the donor does not include anybody to be notified, then the only people who will be automatically aware of the LPA are the people named in the LPA, as they will need to sign the document. Can relatives object to the appointment? If so, what are some of the grounds for objection? If someone has been listed as a person to be notified they will receive a document from the Office of the Public Guardian informing them that the donor is planning to register the LPA and who the nominated attorneys will be. The person who has been notified then has the opportunity to object to the LPA. Their objection can be based on either ‘factual objection’ or ***‘objection on prescribed grounds’***. ((Not Applicable)) Someone can object based on factual objection if they have been listed as a person to be notified and: The donor or an attorney has died The donor and the attorney were married or were in a civil partnership and have now divorced An attorney who has been chosen does not have mental capacity An attorney has chosen to stop acting as attorney The donor or an attorney has become bankrupt. In order to object based on factual objection, the person to be notified must object within 3 weeks of receiving the notification of registration. ((Applicable)) Someone can object based on prescribed grounds if the LPA has already been made and they believe: The LPA isn’t legally correct ***They don’t believe the donor had the mental capacity to make an LPA*** ***The donor cancelled their LPA when they regained capacity*** There was fraud, e.g., someone forged the donor’s signature ***The donor was pressured into making the LPA*** ***An attorney is acting against the donor’s best interests.*** In order to object based on prescribed grounds, the person notified must be able to provide evidence to support their objection. ((You have witnesses. Including - consistently - repeatedly - on here, ta-daaa.)) ***Another final way to object to the LPA is if the donor believes that the attorney is unsuitable.*** In this situation the donor can complete a form to send to the Office of Public Guardian. What happens if problems emerge with the appointed attorney, and what can be done about this? ***An attorney must always act in the donor’s best interest. An attorney must not for example, make large financial gifts to people, pay themselves a fee (unless you are a professional body and it is authorised within the LPA), mix their own finances with that of the donor’s, use their position to benefit themselves or make a personal gain or purchase something from the donor at a below market rate without the Court of Protection’s authority.* ((That's him ucked, then.)) In the event where an attorney appears to be acting out of their scope or against the donor’s best interest, this could be a ground for objection. If anyone believes that an attorney is not acting in the best interests of the donor or potentially ***abusing their position*** and they wish to challenge the attorney on their appointment or on specific actions that they have taken then they can report this to the Office of Public Guardian, which oversees these roles. The Office of Public Guardian can ***investigate the actions of an Attorney and can direct an official of the Court to visit an attorney to investigate the concerns***. The Office of Public Guardian can then choose to remove the attorney from the LPA if they have sufficient evidence to do so. In some serious cases, the Court of Protection can ***cancel an LPA or take action against the attorney."*** _______________________ You're still knackered at the mo. but - treat that as something to keep quietly under your belt....to keep the option open for the however-near-future once you feel strong enough and no longer daunted.

"What was 'she' after, out of interest? Your dosh? Yes. Wanted plane ticket to Australia and then somewhere to stay for free." I'd have bought her one. To Austria. Hard of Hearing, innit ("What, dear, what?!) Or - it was her accent, haha. Or - cryptically: 'I removed the "Lie" and that's what was left'. Still, at least she wasn't offering to "Rove you wrong time".

Your "brother" sounds like a total and utter nutcase of a football hooligan. Yeah, stay out of HIS way, for sure. (Christ, his poor wife.) ...Revolting, cowardly little excuse for a man, ugh. Is he as hairy as he sounds?

"Disturbing to witness such human like behaviour." HAHAHAHAHAHA! But being an avid English Tea-drinker is perfectly normal for a dog, yeh? What does she have after supper? A G&T with Ice-and-a-Slice? HAHAHAHAHA!!

" I told her I don't care if you converse with your Aunt. Just don't deceive me nor betray me. I told her without trust between us we have nothing left. At this daughter said 'I'm closing it down ok?'. She did. However, I note it is now up & connected again. I give up caring. Daugther is an adult and can converse with who ever. I don't control her. It is just the 'behind the back' and 'not upfront about it' which I take issue with. I mean why hide the fact? Why not say 'hey Mum I was talking to Aunty today' or whatever. Daughter has always gotten peeved when I converse with my niece. " Trying to make you jealous as a meanwhile side-bonus to manipulating Auntie (playing 'her Friend, your Foe') into keeping her abreast of Intel. You're right. She is intelligent. She just needs to get out more. And lose weight. The rest would follow. She will. Once she's done with this giant Cold Case investigation of hers. (I see her.)

Who was and/or still is consistently the most verbally abusive towards you - especially in front of daughter?

Yeah, what you've said lately, confirms my voiced suspicions from your last thread: that Bovver and Git both think they're duping the other in terms of being equal partners/cooperatives-in-crime. That'll be interesting, hah! Be ready with the Popcorn. Here - did Bovver directly tell Git not to be there, as well, during his upcoming visit? Or did he tell you or Blister to tell him? If the latter: Don't. Or if either of you told him already: Tell him Bovver has since acquiesced and said it's fine, he was just stressed when he said it. (...Well, at least, that's what YOU heard?........Yeah!...who was it again? - ....Crikey, that's weird - you can't remember.... Well, anyway - *someone* did...... Not to worry...you'll give it some thought and get back to them because, yeah...., that was really naughty of them......) (*Mischievious grin*) See how much fun you can have Out-Narcing The Narcs now? :) PS: Said over the phone, though, *obviously* (- out-of-range).

"However I tell daughter that we should be able to converse with any family member without this being guarded thing. This mistrust. It's weird. This family takes 'dysfunctional' to a whole new level." Correct, correct, and correct. And well done for having not just pointed to one of the elephants in the room, but drawn her a diagram! Bet THAT'S been reverberating in her mind ever since? I should cocoa.

"What does Mum do for me or has done for me in the past 5+ years? Answer: Zero" So in factual act, she's getting her karmic Comes Around? Then why the unshakeable loyalty? "What does Daughter do for me? List it all out. Sometimes she behaves as though my friend. Sometimes she does some grocery shopping and doesn't ask for the money back. Sometimes she does odd chores. Sometimes she'll help me with like working the new fancy TV but usually a string of insults is included as an added bonus." OMG, that is *so* Teenager! "Sometimes she listens to my feelings about Mum or my abusive childhood. It is always followed with a lecture on how I handle everything incorrectly and what is generally wrong with me as a daughter/person." Ditto! "I don't like knocking my girl. I'm not comfortable with it. I love her. Daughter and Dog are all I have in this World." I don't like that it's necessary. I win!, haha. Or - going by that list: HALF necessary. (Fair assessment?) What's this place - chopped Liver? :pppp I'm going to sulk now...

...K - finished! "Apologies for the wobbles around Oct 19th." Why? "I am trying very hard to pull myself together." Why? "Going to say I'm a little bit proud of me." That's better. "Twice now I've just walked out the door when daughter has started on at me. I just grab my handbag & go." 'Itchy, flakey Daughter? You need new Handbag & Go!', haha! "It is upsetting Raya. She is confused. Showing clear signs of fretting. However, I have noted that When I return daughter is nicer to me." Don't worry - she'll get used to it. And Raya will start to note it too. Cos she's CLEVER. And 'inhabited', methinks. "I didn't allow myself to be bullied by either Git or Daughter. Over going to see Mum last Sunday." Thlup! (Gold Star) "Git commanded I go with him. He needs a buffer. He can't handle her. She is agro at him constantly. She asks him to leave the last 3 visits. Furthermore his driving could kill. Daughter demanded freedom from me & suggested I take Raya. I got up Sunday and was determined they won't get to me. He phoned four times." HAHA! All in-a-row, I'll bet! "I didn't pick up." HEE-HEE! "Got an agro text." HAH! "Daughter yelled out from her bed. You'd best hurry up, get ready & go with Bill." ('Fckn NOOOOOOOOOO') "Then she actually left her bed early OMG to bully me head on. Why aren't you dressed & ready to go to Nanna? Hurry up. You'll miss Git's car lift. If you do you'll be paying for an uber. blah...blah..." GOLD STAR FOR 'BLAH-BLAH' (yessss!!!!!) - Thlup! You've just made my day. :) "I said NOTHING." Thlup! "I simply went about my business." Thlup! "I ignored both! I did not go anywhere. I made myself a cuppa and sat down to complete my online store craft for Halloween." Thlup! "Daughter was furious. Sighing loudly. Grunted. Stormed back to bed." Thlup! (Anxiety, disguised fyi..."oh noooo - what will happeennnn?") "YAY I won that round." You certainly did! Only, unbeknownst to her - you BOTH did. See what I'm saying? (PS: Bottom-line message: "Nobody can make me doooo NUFFINK!" Indeed, they can't and never could. It was all just an illusion ('ooh ooh-ooh-oohhh-ahhh..., ill-uuu-siooon'). "Strepfarter/Git continued his phone assault" HAHA! (Git's fine) I wonder if he burst any blood vessels? "an hour later. I pressed delete and continued my craft." HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! You were enjoying it, weren't you. "I enjoyed my day!" THERE YA GO. THAT EASY. "I didn't cave to their pressure/wishes." No. Maybe it'd be different if each of them actually owned a Sherman tank. But they don't! All mouth - no trousers. "I will not conform." Vive La Revolution! "I will not be bullied anymore." 'Ev'ry-bady was Kung-Foo-Fi...ghting (doodle-oodle-ooh-doo-doo-doo-dooo)....' :D "It felt good." I'LL BUCKING FET! (Thlup!) (How many's that now, eh?) "Monday, I got up early. Dressed myself. Packed treats and a photo album and took off on the long walk & long cross country bus ride to see Mum ALONE!" Thlup! "She was thrilled I came by myself. We cried. We laughed. We looked through old photo albums. All 3 of us as kids. Her Mum & Dad. Her best friends at parties with her. We sang a song together. We talked about Git. She said she knows he & I will never hit it off altogether. She said because he sees me as a chip off the old block. We had homemade cake and coffee. She again apologised for my childhood. She actually hugged me. She actually gave me a kiss on top of my forehead that felt genuine." :))))))))))))))))))))))) "When I said after staying several hours that I had to go now for the long walk & bus ride back home she said this... 'I wish you could stay longer. I have had a lovely day. You've given me the best day I've had in here in ages. I hope my dementia never makes me forget you love. I can't thank you enough for your visit today and the photo album. It was a walk down memory lane to happier times. You be careful now on the way home and put Git in his place. Don't take any of his crap. Make sure (daughters name) doesn't go in the car with that fool again. Stand your ground'." And you repliiied: 'I'm ahead of you, Mum!' - yeh? :D "Then when the bus was packed to the rafters with high school kids one lovely young boy gave me his seat. I felt special." And why do you think THAT was? (A correct answer is worth 3 gold stars - and they're chocolate ones 'n all.) "It was a great day!" Praise deee Lawd! Fantastic. VERY proud of you. The really stubborn ones at-first, always end up being the super-fast sprinter-finishers once they spot the chequered flag in the distance. (This *should* be a book, though. I mean, you've got every sodding type there, in case you hadn't noticed? Bad enough on its own, having a teenager! But that AND the family from hell? Jeez, Louise...(and Thelma).)

I'll have to pause now, though. It's late - er - early - er, I don't know, I don't even know what day it is........just knkow I'm knackered. Oh, wait - I remember: It's Dayday. Silly me...

Hi Soulmate, Thank you sincerely for all that. I do appreciate it. Going to answer any questions soonish...

Today I am 'taking it on the chin'. Any advice as to what to say to my daughter would be appreciated. I've tried to reason with her but my words fall flat. She is not a happy camper today. She is suffering from 'the green eyed monster'. I've been a single Mum since I was 22. I was married. Background knowledge: My Mum and Step Father not helpful. I was told 'you made your bed now you sleep in it'. Baby Girl and I went straight into Department Govt funded housing (shit boxes) alongside the worst riff raff society has on offer. Ex husband refused to pay maintenance. He never came to see her until forced. Soon he quit coming. I took him to the Tribunal. They said they'd garnish his wage. So he quit his job & moved away. Upon his return he had a new defacto partner whom he'd knocked up and applied for an exemption from paying maintenance for my daughter on the grounds of financial hardship (unemployed and another child coming) which they accepted. I did not get any child support for my girl for years! I tried to put her in daycare so that I could work. Ironically I was an Early Childhood Educator Assistant at a different centre. My workplace would not allow me to have my own child there as it was a conflict of interests they said. They were right. We tried. My girl clung to me & told other kids to go away & leave her mummy alone etc. It didn't work out. She was allergic to everything in life. She was in & out of hospital & specialists. She vomited profusely often, diarrhoea often & other nasty symptoms (you get the picture). She couldn't eat normal food. She had special food. She had a special tins of a liquid formula I had to order from down south and make up to keep her thriving. It was expensive and wiped my solo parent govt payment out. She'd been losing weight shockingly and fainting unconscious. It took the Specialists/Doctors a long time to do the allergy tests and figure out what she could survive on. The childcare centre said they couldn't deal. I had to take her out. I asked my Mum to mind her. Big Mistake HUGE! It didn't last a week. I shouldn't have done it. I knew her history. Thought step father would be a buffer. I was wrong. Long story short they wouldn't mind her! My Grandparents were still alive & amazingly kind, supportive people. They knew what Mum & Git were like. They apologised saying they were not up to keeping up with a toddler physically so couldn't mind her whilst I worked. They'd raised 4 kids of their own. However, they helped us with lifts to shopping, doctors etc. They hired a nappy service for me for one month. They bought their beloved only Great Grandchild a bag of disposables once a fortnight. They bought her little dresses. They did what they could to help 23 year old me. THEY WERE THE BEST PEOPLE EVER! I did work on & off. I tried taking her with me. I got a job in a nursery/baby goods store. Lasted one month with her in tow. I got a casual job in a Toystore. My Grandparents tried to take her for me for 5 hour shifts twice a week. She was a toddler and just too much for them to handle. On the go. Headstrong. Demanding. So then I became an out of home Family Day Care provider. Thought it would be good for her socialising. We both got to stay home together. I took in other peoples kids and looked after them whilst their parents were at work. I was not lazy, ideal or a welfare bum mum. I tried really hard to provide for us. My girl began to show signs of being a unique personality & rather difficult by 3 years of age. She wasn't liking the other kids coming to our home daily & taking my attention away from her. Also, I had two Mothers who hated each other but I looked after both their children (one had 2 in my care and the other had 1 in my care). They had a yelling session in my front yard. Both took their kids away. Grandad stepped in as I was crying in a heap on the floor. Come on love he said just look after your own little girl at home and we will financially help you out as best we can. Besides we don't see much of her when you take her to work with you. We will always be here for you. So I stayed at home with her. I home schooled her. The rest as they say is history. We have NEVER had much. But we got by. She didn't go without. She never needed anything. Clean, fed, dressed beautifully, got every toy she wanted. She was loved. She was fussed over. What we never had was modern technology or a car or spare money for holidays. I did take her once a year for two weeks via train to an Uncles Beach Unit. I paid him $100. Just her & me and the big, big sea. One of her fav books. Sorry this was long and may seem un necessary going on but it is a prelude so that you get the full story. The correct picture of her childhood. She wasn't trailer trash EVER. I kept our place spit spot clean. My Grandparents were proud of me. She won baby/toddler competitions. That is how I got her first new pram and other things we needed like gift vouchers for groceries etc. Before that I'd bought a second hand dirty, old fashioned one for $20. Which I scrubbed clean and left to dry in the sun. I loved my little girl! Still do!

Today an old friend who lives far away made contact via FB and sent a video & pictures of her new home. A mansion. She already had a nice home. Her Mum died and she inherited everything. Then her MIL died and she inherited her home also. She is non stop sending me updates on her move into the fancy place. Each room. The entertainment area. The yard. How she still has $760,000 left over blah...blah... She knows how we live. She knows what we've been going through with my Mum and Git. She knows about our gang neighbour issue and what we've endured. She knew about my emergency surgery. Nobody ever helped us in anyway. Today my Sister in Law sent me two videos via FB. She just inherited money from an Aunt who passed. She was already rich! Her Father is famous! They have everything! Too much! Her kids are spoilt rotten. (tennis, violin, gym, ballet, tap, jazz, singing, acting it just goes on). All trophy winners in everything. So I got sent her video of her buying her 3 sons each a sports cars at the dealership. Then the footage of the built in pool she purchased for the 10 year old and her bonus fourth trampoline (but this one is bigger & better than the others) she spoke on the video. Also the four kids got purchased a quad bike each. She knows how we live. She knows what we've been going through with my Mum and Git. She knows about our gang neighbour issue and what we've endured. She knew about my emergency surgery. Nobody ever helped us in anyway. I feel numb. It won't make them better people. It will bring them happiness but that can be temporary. Life throws curve balls. Reminder I have an online store. Now 12 years. I'm not lazy or idol. I try in my capacity. Daughter is angry. Daughter is jealous. Daughter is verbally blaming me for her life yet again! I'm copping that it is all my fault. That she is the oldest and should have beat them to everything. Where is my car Mother? You were useless and so much more. Eight years back I got very sick. One year back I got rushed to hospital (you know I've said it already). I can't work. I'm typing this in pain. I can barely walk to the local shops for milk. I'm just so over being blamed for everything! I'm over being told I'm a failure. I'm over providing for her. After all she is 32 and still uses me ALOT! She has savings of her own but I'm told I OWE HER. I'm told SHE IS MAKING ME PAY FOR WHAT SHE DIDN'T GET OR HAVE. She's had so much that I could give. Pets laid on. Nice clothes. I sold my mix master to buy her an ipod. I sold my personal items to buy her the first computer. WHAT CAN I SAY THAT WILL IMPACT THIS GIRL! Everything I explain drips off her like water of a ducks back. She doesn't absorb the information. She doesn't care that I'm sick and struggling daily. Life is just TOO HARD. I'm so sick of the journey, the struggle, the bullshit. Cheerless.

Ello, Star Girl! :) Hopefully there are gaps of skin here and there so you can still breathe? LOL Just catching up... (No, that was a great background summary - cheers for that. (PS I can tell your 'Zen count' is going up, lately. You're far more in control of yourself and your thoughts :)) Your Grandparents sound amazing. Are they still around or did they pass? No, of course you and she aren't trailer-trash - nobody here would think that; you're far too intelligent and emotionally articulate for a start. Plus YOU CARE...REALLY REALLY CARE. (Your family may as well be t-t, though, regardless of what showing-off materialistically they do on the outside, like a fancy house. You've just non-stop been FENDING-OFF your whole life, haven't you. Wow....your view when you finally get to the top of your Recovery Mountain is going to be BREATH-TAKING! Can't wait to see!)

"Today an old friend who lives far away made contact via FB and sent a video & pictures of her new home. A mansion. She already had a nice home. Her Mum died and she inherited everything. Then her MIL died and she inherited her home also. She is non stop sending me updates on her move into the fancy place. Each room. The entertainment area. The yard. How she still has $760,000 left over blah...blah... She knows how we live. She knows what we've been going through with my Mum and Git. She knows about our gang neighbour issue and what we've endured. She knew about my emergency surgery. Nobody ever helped us in anyway." Yes, that is incredibly insensitive. So much so, that, given the whole context, it comes across as bragging and one-upmanship. Ahhh, 'fckem 'n chuck 'em'. They're not QUALIFIED to have someone like you in their life! You are HANGING ROUND (secret, permanent) Trailer-Trash - that's what it is! I cut off my entire family, beginning 2014 (bar my parents as they'd died) (and I'd already fired two 'cult members' back in the mid 80s). I was definitely justified and sensible in doing so. Talk about Last Straw! Ten years later and the two camps that I WANTED to come back, have come back, going, 'You were right all along'. (What, AGAIN?...like I always was with this stuff my whole pigging life? NO SH*T, SHERLOCK, ...good grief.) But they're aware they're on serious Probation....which is gonna take a looooooooooooooooooooooooooooooong time.... ('I've-god all....the TIIIIIIME innnn the wur-uuuuurld, la-la-la-la la....LALA...la-la-la laaaa-la-laaaa...'). So, basically, I threw the entire wheat sheaths into the wind....The Chaff blew FAAAR away, too far to ever return, whilst the actual Wheat didn't (too substantial/heavy, innit), and even bit-by-bit blew back to my feet once the wind direction changed. 'If you love someone ((but they're consistently mistreating you and won't listen)) - set them free. If they come back, they were always yours' - basically (and other variations). Don't feel you can't do likewise - that's all I'm saying (at this point in time). I'll say it again: Separation (or major Time-Out, if one prefers), is a Godsend (just in terrifying disguise). :) Takes huge balls but it's soooo liberating and life-changing, I can't even describe it. None of them are 'real'. They're just illusions ("oooh-oooh-ooh-ooh-aaa-aaaaah!"). But visible ones. Meaning, all the seats are taken (by ghosts!), meaning, no room for the nicer, ALIVE people you would then be mentally set to meet. Strue. It's how it works. T'aint rocket science, not neiver, when you think about it. :) (Haven't got to the next bit yet but I'd bet big money that the verbally-abuse example-setter, all while daughter was growing-up, was your Blister. Yeah?)

"Today my Sister in Law sent me two videos via FB. She just inherited money from an Aunt who passed. She was already rich! Her Father is famous! They have everything! Too much! Her kids are spoilt rotten. (tennis, violin, gym, ballet, tap, jazz, singing, acting it just goes on). All trophy winners in everything. So I got sent her video of her buying her 3 sons each a sports cars at the dealership. Then the footage of the built in pool she purchased for the 10 year old and her bonus fourth trampoline (but this one is bigger & better than the others) she spoke on the video. Also the four kids got purchased a quad bike each. She knows how we live. She knows what we've been going through with my Mum and Git. She knows about our gang neighbour issue and what we've endured. She knew about my emergency surgery. Nobody ever helped us in anyway." Bloody Hell - AND AGAIN??? So you really are SURROUNDED by these (mentally) secret-trailer-trashies under the guise of shiny-happy-"loads o' mon-ayyy"! people?....Les Plastiques Fantastiques and Superior-Complexed Bullies and-and-AND?...who keep PUSHING themselves at you - either realising and loving it or failing to realise, that they're rubbing anywhere between Salt and Acid into your wounds? Ugh! UGH! How are you still ALIVE?????? I think I've asked that already. But jesus...come ooon....NO.... Just - NO!... Come on, let's scare them away or something - the path of least resistance. (Anyone got any extra strong wasp spray?)

PS: "Also the four kids got purchased a quad bike each." Yeah. But do they get cuddles? Do they get mental and emotional cuddles? Do they get support, encouragement, allowed to be who THEY are or want to be...? Doesn't look like it, does it, with all that OTT so-called Compensation. These types of, usually emotionally uninvolved, parents tend to let their kids be or do anything. Except Be Themselves and Do whatever's their own idea. I do suspect, however, that you subconsciously chose to "be the opposite" - and give too much love and attention (your unconscious compensation for not enough material stuff) - whereas, in parenting, it's the middle ground you want. But, albeit extreme, your way was definitely the better, healthier, retro-fixable way. Psycho-emotional Neglect is the worst form of child abuse there is - whether on its own or mixed in with other 'styles'. It's usually the Coverts that were neglected and (lazy-mindedly) go on to be neglectful...in a box in a box in a box. Kids don't remember what THING you bought them/when/how expensive. They remember the human warmth whilst knowing they also had a capable Captain at the helm of the family ship. They remember their favourite bedtime story, for example. Yup. Plastique Fantastique (full of trapped bad chemicals, just like plastic, that leaks-out (over you and/or everyone else) almost continually but not so much it actually kills you). And sooooooo insensitive you suspect it's a guise for a dig or self-sought ego-pump-up at your expense, because....that sort of nonsense at THEIR age takes a SPECIAL kind of stupid. Innit.

WHAT CAN I SAY THAT WILL IMPACT THIS GIRL! Answer: Like I've formulated up there and you did try and did see work - STOP being so over-giving that it comes under Martyrdom. You don't have to keep apologising and recompensing for her shite father (sperm-donor). You didn't CHOOSE him, you were conned. And nor did you choose to suffer all these illnesses. Those are the RESULT of everyone feeding themselves while you and others starve and have to fend for yourself. Which is why I recommend you just start being unavailable to them (shuffle-shuffle). The difference it will make to your daughter's attitude - seeing you do that - that you CAN put yourself first when it's imperative to do so - will astound you. She takes you FAR too much for granted and it's got to stop. Anyway...just have a rest before you continue on with that 'only people who are nice to me' campaign. It does take time and you will need time off to vent and re-charge. But if you're consistent, and sensible about taking rests, it *will* work. Did you even count the Gold Stars? I've never GIVEN that many out in one sitting! You can definitely do this. I mean - the balls you had in coming back here YET AGAIN, to give things ANOTHER-NOTHER try. Not many would dare once they've seen me distinctly unimpressed and on the warpath. Ya gats massive ones, missus. Only read and respond to the FB posts of the NICE, NORMAL people on there (if there are nay left these days????). Were it me, however, I confess I would have been too tempted to have linked the two women (would have asked my son how, probably, haha) in my response, which would have gone: "Ooooooooooooooh!... Thinnnnngggs.... Lots n lots n lots of Thinnnnngggs....." Me, before I left it as a shrine, I took the friendly piss out of everyone's photos, heh-heh, including my own/me. That sorted the wheat from the chaff, I can tell ya. Because a genuine Sense of Humour means the person can laugh at themselves as well as everyone else. And there's the diff that makes AAALLL the diff.... No Empathy/Low Empathy: No SOH/Low SOH. "En Dov".

I know you're hungry, but Look at my feast! I know you're shivvering, but Look at my fleece! I know you are lonely, but Look at my party! We would have invited you, but You're just too damn farty. They can't stand truth-sayers ('farty') because they live in a world of self-deluding and lies. Because they haven't the tools to deal with reality - voila. But as I always say to ones like that: 'I'm very relieved you think so little of me, for if you rated me I'd be in serious trouble and need my head tested. Please, continue despising me, do! I find it incredibly reassuring. Love of Lots, I mean- Lots of Love.

PS: "Yeah. But do they get cuddles? Do they get mental and emotional cuddles? Do they get support, encouragement, allowed to be who THEY are or want to be...? Doesn't look like it, does it, with all that OTT so-called Compensation." ...And the way they're consistently ("Pervasive Pattern") showing YOU how they behave (at their age). Just putting the two things together. They're unfeeling and callous and so lazy they'd rather just throw money at any 'problem' whilst keeping the elephant firmly trapped under the floorboards. I remember once (very rare occasion), I was suitably unmimpressed with my Dad and didn't feel like intereacting with him. A bit of Silent Treatment for to protect one's feelings and welfare from further injury, not to punish the other, is acceptable on any level - it's the Narc Opposite that isn't. But anyway... Next day he passed me on the stairs and, looking all small and humble, said, 'Do you need some money?' while trying to hand me a 20 Quid note. I said, 'Is it a magic 20 that's going to make you deal with the problem rather than just pay me off as if you're getting me confused with (other siblings' names)? NO, then, but thank-you for the offer, anyway', and continued down the stairs. Five mins later, he says, 'Yeah, sorry, that was daft of me. Come on, then, let's go for a walk and chat about it'. A Narc parent would have said something like, 'O-o-oh! DON'T have it then - I'll give it to (sibling's name) instead! I'm sure SHE'LL appreciate it?'...like a secretly-sibling in father/mother suit would. Or their equally stunted kid, WOULD have taken it and WOULD have felt 'happy' about it...until (yes, correct) it too quickly wore off, *whereas* the problems that started the upset in the first place, would not. Normally, he WOULD ask for us to discuss ourselves through it so I've no idea why that day he thought he had to stoop so low and treat me like a monetary prostitute. I think if kids had loving, capable, functional, actually adult parents AND got "things", then YES they'd be happy-actually, they wouldn't because happy kids don't have this voracious appetite or expectation for Thingggs to point of overkill. They're taught it. Real ones aren't always perfect but they get there in the end, some more instantly than others. Are you the only one with BRAINS out there??? You're surrounded by natural and NPD-created Chavs, then, basically? Oh, great. Let's get you out of there or get the goodness of the place (that's probably hiding) out of there and coming over for coffee or ringing for a chat regularly. First - dumping the duds/shuffling away from the sh*theads while you continue standing firm with Oughta (because she (Improved) you wish to keep). It's not impossible, this! It just takes dedication and huge stubbornness (putting a normally bad quality to healthy, productive use!..."OH, SO THATTTT'S WHAT IT'S FOR, OOOOOH" ("Yayyyyzz!"). Stubbornness is GREAT for this job! (PSssst! Antagoniser at 12-o-clock.) Reply at your leisure and keep keeping me posted. :) (Good old rain. Been CHUCKING it down. ALL DAY. Hence I have some time to post ploperly.)

Anyway. In short: People who are happy - and healthy (can't be happy without that) - don't behave like that. Like Her and Her and Her... END OF. Try to avoid Fakebook altogether for a while, maybe, get to see and feel the difference?

PS: "Today I am 'taking it on the chin'. Any advice as to what to say to my daughter would be appreciated." When words aren't' working and there's no reasoning with her - remove yourself from the room. It's simple Pavlovian training: Nice to me? Here's what happens: Choccie Drop! :) (in the form of company, stimulation; she doesn't like being ignored when it's not her own idea. Company - when SHE wants it - is a choccie drop to her). Not nice to me? Here's what happens: No Choccie Drop :( (remove your lovely self from her). That doesn't need words. You could, however, create an even simpler Pavlovian trigger whereby in the future, all you have to do is say something? Remember, you are justified. This is defence against constant attack when trapped with your bully or cat-kicker. I liken this to my boilerman's visit yesterday. Cost me just under 100 Euros because it was an emergency call-out (I have oil-run CH and had just had an oil delivery when I found out the thermostat wasn't doing anything, and because it's overcast and rainy, it's been nippy. Plus I can't order firewood at the mo because I'll paying for a waterlogged thus far heavier load...I mean, far be it for THEM to keep it protected from the rain, eh, if they can make extra profit out of the fact most people (you'd be surprised) DON'T have central heating, just the fireplace.) But anyway... Boiler guy could see it was too simple yet unobvious to the uninitiated (moi). (And it doesn't help that the manual is in non lay-friendly speak, either.) So he very helpfully showed me what to do if there was a next time. How kind and considerate was that, given he could have just left it a secret? THAT'S MORE LIKE IT! 'An' a good!...heart! these days is haard-to fiiind,... La-la la lah!...La-la la la la lah-can't-remember-the-woooords' (- Fergal Sharkey). So I tipped him, and I tipped him goooood. Got to polish other diamonds when you come across them, haven't you. :) Saying that - don't OVER-reward her good behaviour with offers to cook and fetch her this/that. Just be yourself and please yourself without harming her any. If she wants fetching and (basically) babying then she has to reach the NEXT level up. It's like a video platform game thingumy. And you just make it your go-to so that she gets used to it, whereby the next level up isn't at all unattainable from there. Your trigger word before leaving the room could be as simple as, 'Oh, great'... Or 'My cue to make myself scarce, I think?'. Or just - 'Uh-oh'. Then, inevitably, eventually, the next time she gets verbally down and dirty - you just have to say your "poo you smell, I'm off' trigger word without having to get up, while she goes, 'No-no - I didn't mean it like that, I wasn't being mean or anything, honest - I meant (X)'. Tried and Tested. Keep trucking, "mite". Here's a radical question: If Brits pronounce Marmite as "maar-might", but Mate is pronounce "mayyt", but you pronounce Mate as "mite", does that mean that Marmite in Australian means, Mar Friend?

PS: "I'm told SHE IS MAKING ME PAY FOR WHAT SHE DIDN'T GET OR HAVE." I reckon this is just a Red Herring excuse but which works on you because she knows where your Mother-Guilt button lays and that it works every time (OR USED TO). What's it an excuse for? Bloody good question! ;) Because she is ill and disabled too, and doesn't want to admit it to you. Nor herself. She's, by the sounds of it, moreover reclusive, hasn't been be able to make any attempted take-offs in terms of leaving the nest...no friends...acting like a giant Loser, frankly. She works outside of home, though, doesns't she? Well, anyway, it's to convince you that you can't possibly throw her out (ergo are lacking an Ace Card) because the reason she's failed to launch is ...things that you can't realisitically be blamed for but because you ARE a socially over-responsible type - you take on as real. Hence have ended up spoiling her - inadvertently by TRYING HARDER-TRYING HARDER to make her sweeter and STAY sweeter. And it hasn't worked because Things aren't what SHE needs, either. But I DO think she needs this 'case' solved so as to be 'released' from the giant baggage-straitjacket she's been living in (the wolves constantly at your doors and windows, no doubt sapping the very energy she needs to feel capable of even FEELING like trying a take-off). She's had enough and wants to know what's going on and why...wants to take charge of it because you haven't (been able to). Sense? I suspect as soon as she does, things will drastically change anyway. But we'll get in there now, with your ongoing Snappy, Unsociable, Unsocialised, Teenage Puppy Training programme. DOES she work out of the house/in an office? If so - how does she manage to get on with colleagues and the boss(es)? What does she do, anyway? Also, have you pointed her to any online articles about Narcissistic Family Dynamics and so-called Siblings whom have been mis-trained to be mistrustful, threatened & jealous competitors with what should be their No. 1 best friend(s)? Or even googled 'Narcissistic Auntie' or 'Stepfather...Brother', etc? Or (cough) left something open on your screen as you wander off to the kitchen for quite a long time? What does SHE know about Narcissism and malignant NPD in other words?

PPS: And what's this Halloween project you're doing? I used to LOVE Trick Or Treat-ing, didn't you? (So did my kid and his friends - I volunteered to take them because we had a well-off-American ghetto-ette down the road from us, and they really went all out with the doorstep dressings and even motion-activated recordings of cackling and bouncy spiders on strings. And huge bags of sweets all prepared in secured, see-through plastic bags...the residents bloody loved it and it was a very lengthy Close.) Me, at that age - I felt like Sweet Tooth from the Dandy (or was he The Beano?)!...a plastic carrier bag filled to the brim! Even better when you were a second-school kid because then people would give you money (...10 Pounds - "We're rich!, hahaha.) Pickings were excellent around my area. But then, my friends and I did go to town and do all the ham-acting as well (although, not if they were elderly, of course)....."Trick orrr Treeeeat...whoooo-oooooooooo!" We were Wizards and Witches...broomsticks, white faces, big warts n everything... And of course, getting to be out late at night (because we were a crowd). I think my last was when I was 13. So that's another bonus of having a young kiddie, if anyone's thinking about it? (YES - joke)

Really a big Thank You for all of the above. I need your SANE voice. Answers to questions: Spot on about Sister being the one. Daughter worked in High End Jewellery as a Diamond Specialist/Gemmologist for 9+ years. She was very successful and received awards. She had both rich/famous on her client list. Then the pressure got to her big time and she needed to shift gears. So she quit but got a retail position in a Zen Store (which was no pressure & she loved). But the owner decided to close it down and retire which left her devastated. She occasionally helps me with the online store (not often these days as we often have differing visions). It WAS a partnership business when we started it a good 10+ years back. She wants to be a Puppy Pre-school Teacher. She isn't working. Has shocking anxiety (often says I cause it) so on Disability. Her hands shake often. She gets a tremor down her arms and into her hands sometimes so bad she struggles to hold her coffee cup. So I think that covers your recent questions. More entries coming...

PS OH the online store is our 'Fashion Doll Store'. So busy making this years 'Halloween Range'. Also entering the annual Doll Club themed Competitions. So also putting together Halloween Doll Dioramas and sending in the photo entries online. Keeps me busy and out of trouble LOL

More Background knowledge: Police told us not to be home alone and to always be vigilant. However, daughter leaves me here alone all the time. They even told us not to leave the dogs home alone. The perps photographed Raya from a car. The perps filmed my daughter and we've been told the purpose will be to put her online for possible hit. I heard them (before they were evicted) declare which bloke was to get me & which one was allocated to get daughter. This has been debilitating. Daughter rarely leaves the house due to the very real threats/danger from neighbourhood gang (now sort of improving). We plan her escapes with timing and precision so as not to be followed as we have been before walking and in the shopping centre. In the last 72 hours we've sat up all night together. The perps are still in the nearby vicinity. Around 3:30am every night/day they are cruising slowly past in the car we recognise, with windows blackened in. However, they have started cruising by at day now, windows down & hanging out of them and yelling stuff whilst idling outside our main entry, front path no fencing. Police know. We've had helicopters hovering closely over our roof tracking them again for the past two nights. Raya has been going ape at the front door and front window at odd hours. Last two days Plain clothes Police Cars in both the adjoining streets as well as our street watching. Then there was a total furore yesterday evening with police sirens coming to both ends of our street. WE ARE TERRIFIED! They declared plans to get us. WE are super fearful for our safety and revenge. Both Police and representatives of Departmental Housing Complex HAD declared we were safe now and had nothing more to fear. THEY WERE WRONG!

Brace yourself Soulmate for 'War & Peace' length entry. Meantime Git is stirring the pot! Siding with Sister on phone daily. Included Aunt over phone & more CAFE meetings. Has now included Bro. In a nutshell. I'm dirt to them all. I have NOTHING to do with any of them and have kept this up now for sometime! I'm proud of my determination and resolve. I've noted daughter is starting to be proud of my resolve! Where once when he'd phone and she'd answer (even when I asked her not to put me on well she'd peg the phone at me across the room forcing me to pick it up) however now she is screening the calls. Taking them quite happily. Not in an obvious way I'm listening and observing her acting from across the room I can't decide whether I'm impressed or just a little bit scared and worried by her capabilities. Git is pissed off at me big time! Because I no longer go with him to be his buffer and support. Because Mum told him we won't ride in the car with him anymore due to safety. Sister has apparently been getting everybody on side. Telling them I'm mental. I know because her high school best girlfriend contacted me via Fakebook and let me know. She said she wanted me to know how she has always liked me very much and to ignore my Sister. Apparently Sis has cheesed her off in the past month with certain comments. She didn't say what. I've known this woman since I was twelve. We hit it off well. Git is saying negative stuff about me to my daughter. Trying to influence her. Daughter tells me NEARLY everything he says as he's calling her daily. Sometimes phoning twice a day. I did however catch her leaving some information out in her retellings. She didn't realise I could hear as the staircase echoed and bathroom also as she paces whilst she converses with him. She has him thinking she is in cahoots with them all. He is recording on a calendar my 'lack of visits to see Mum'. Not true. He is checking with the staff at the Nursing Home to verify my visits. He even asks one Resident if I've been and when and how long I stayed with my Mother. Even the letter I wrote Mum one day a couple of weeks back when I was too sick to visit he kept. She was collecting and keeping my notes sent to her in the corner of her drawer. Mum told me she re reads them when she is lonely or feeling down. I try to keep it light hearted and give her a laugh. Stuff the dogs got up to etc. She showed me only one neatly folded note remains there WTF? It has been discovered he has kept my homemade food & other small gifts for Mum. He even kept the bag I sent them in. He kept the lunchbox I left there with her name and room number clearly written on. I packed THEM a picnic lunch to share a few weeks back. Plates, serviettes, cups, wet ones, cutlery, purchased biscuits and home made cake still warm from the oven also chicken breast with mayo sandwiches. Mum said she longed for a sandwich as they always serve three large hot baked meals a day. Daughter handed it to Git through the car window when he pulled up to give daughter her mail. Explanation: Police found neighbours had been keeping our mail a long time back so since then daughter has had hers sent to Mums house. I have mine kept at the Post Office in a Parcel Locker. Regarding picnic basket: Daughter told him 'Mum made this lunch up because she thought you and Nanna could have a picnic together. Perhaps get her out in the sunshine. Picnic in the Nursing Home's pretty garden because it might do her some good to get some fresh air as she is mighty pale'. He threw it into the back seat roughly. Daughter has since discovered Mum never got it. Side note: Mum is in the very claustrophobic high security ward. Due to Mums recent escape attempts they just had even more higher wooden fencing put on the balcony (she got between the slats skiny mini Mum) and was captured climbing the wire fencing outside. More doors now added with security numbers to get in & leave. I'm amused because nobody knows (not even Git) how she watched other visitors come and go. She recites over and over the security numbers to the doors and lift. She sings it in a little verse like a song. She knows how to get out. She told me laughing. Said 'don't dob on me'. Also, she draws her escape plans in the little notebook with the pen I gave her. Also, she has tried to hang herself from the curtain pull strings standing on a chair staff caught her. Also, I watched her keeping back a knife under her skirt, under the dinner table. She is one determined lady. Always has been. I scolded her gently and retrieved the knife. She said 'you may have it this time but you aren't always here. I'm the prisoner. Got to take matters into my own hands'. So I kept the knife on me. Didn't want Mum to see me dob on her. Upon leaving I mentioned it to the kitchen staff and advised they count her cutlery. I also informed the wards office staff as I left. They were shocked. I feel like I betrayed her. A tattle tale. They've since taken her manicure set. She is pissed off and said to me 'know anything about that Missy?'. I don't know why but these days she won't go with anybody but me to the Nursing Home CAFE or outside her ward. Like in the beginning she'd go down one floor with a staff member constant supervision to the piano sing-a-longs. The staff have told me. She won't go with them anywhere, nor with Git nor with her Sister. I'm not saying this out of vanity or self love. This isn't a 'ha ha I'm the best'. I'm not getting off on this information. It does make me feel warm & fuzzy inside. I feel like she trusts me. More info has come to light. I talked to the staff a few visits back about taking Mum with me to the small local shops. Not 1klm from the Nursing Home. We'd catch a taxi cab there and back. There is a beautiful bakery with table & chairs. They said they thought she'd like that very much. Other than my visits she has stayed indoors now for 15 months straight. She now won't even leave her bedroom. She will no longer mix in the common room. She won't play the games. She won't do the crafts. So I also put her down for a couple of bus trips coming up soon to the beach and another to a local park where the staff would make residents a bar-be-que lunch. There is only 9 seats in the mini van/bus and coveted. Git told daughter to tell her Mother that Mum does not have his permission to go anywhere and none of what I tried to organise will be happening ever. On my next visit one of her ward nurses got the man who runs the place to sit down and have a chat with me. He told me that Git was present when the Day Trips Lady came to get Mum for one of the bus runs. He told them that as Enduring Power of Attorney and Guardian he does not give permission for my Mother to leave the premises EVER PERIOD! The man who owns the Nursing Home kindly told me the legal decisions for Mum are up to my Step Father and so they must abide. A small miniature package went to his home address for me in error. Seller ticked wrong drop down box. He said he'd bring it next time he saw daughter. He didn't. Daughter asked him on my behalf where it is as he's seen her several times at the shops. He denies ever having it. However, seller has information on the screen about day/date/time delivered. Sorry but even more to follow...

"Really a big Thank You for all of the above. I need your SANE voice. " Ahh....You're welcome. :) Have I become I your Ambi-Pur? Your emergency plug-in? My best female mate here is my Ambi-Pur, and I hers. We both do that - "OMG, a sane, normal voice again - say something, anything, quick!". We actually have a fixed day per week that we get together on and which no-one (except clients) can touch or alter. We get on fab. Constant support, reciprocation of effort, unexpected things in-common (SLOWLY) coming to light, and always a damn good giggle. Only took FOUR WHOLE YEARS of sifting through/fending-off Narcs to finally meet her, though. (At least the Narcs in England were more civilized; this place is crawling with apes!). It was like Lucky Dip on Acid...shoving my arm in the barrel (and getting hard-to-extricate sawdust on my sleeves every time) time and time again....feeling around, thinking, 'This one feels different?'....pulling it out, bit-by-bit peeling back the wrapping paper, meanwhile investing my time and energy (which you have to), only to find it was yet more plastic tat (no thanks)...back to the bloody drawing-board. Took a lot of dips. But - If at first you don't succeed - try, try again. If you try-try and never give up (based on real hope and self-encouragement, not wishful thinking) as in, "the diamonds are out there somewhere, I know they are, I have proof they're aliiive!", then it's pretty impossible not to succeed. It's a numbers game, trying to find people like you AND with your still-healthy programme and moral fibre...."Nope - neext....Nope - neext....". And, about putting yourself about - either on the ether or outside in the real world - or both. You just have to keep plugging away. But look at me/my recent past situation and trust ME, now that I'm back to 'sitting pretty'. PrettIER. So I know EX-ACTLY what you mean about a sane haven! And I feel very privileged, Modom. (See? You *are* loveable...getting under my skin already (...yooooou basstd! HAHAHAHAHAHA!)). But seriously - we're getting on really well this time, aren't we. :))) (...But no tongues, hahahahaha!!)

You might like this an you are an Intellectual! Which I respect. Daughter said 'found a doco you might find interesting Mum'. She'd already watched it. Told me to take particular note at the ending. The final scenes show down between Father and Daughter. Doco called 'Family Secrets - the disappearance of Alissa Turney'. Before watching it I asked her what intrigued her the most about it. DAUGHTER SAID THIS! FIRST TIME EVER THAT SHE'S AGREED WITH ME OR ACTUALLY NOTICED SOMETHING SERIOUSLY WRONG ABOUT GIT! 'Mum that end meeting between daughter and her father is chilling. His behaviour and words remind of ____ Git. That is how he treats you. That is just like the voice change Git uses on only you. I am disturbed by this realisation Mum. It has me troubled. Please watch it. He (the father) has me very disturbed. He is chilling in his manner of getting his message across. Calm, methodical. It really reminds me of Git with you. You HAVE TO WATCH THIS PLEASE!'. So I did! I said to daughter afterwards. Have you never really noticed this same behaviour and method of talking in Git before? She said she'd never really taken notice that it was a problem. That is was a disturbing way of conversing. How he changes his manner, voice according to who he is talking to. She said she always knew he treats me differently to others but just not to the extent. She seems perturbed big time! She added 'Mum how are you not shocked, scared, troubled? I'm shaking after seeing that. It was just like him! I'm questioning being with Git alone now'. I said 'daughter this is how I've been spoken to my whole life. By my Mother, by my Brother, by my Sister and by Git'. This is all I've ever known. It doesn't frighten me at all. I'm steel for the most part. I've had to be. I had sadly come to just accept it even though inside of me knew and was yelling that is was wrong'. What has hurt me the most though _____ (her name) is how you fed into the agreement that it is all me & only me with the problem/s. You have used information from them as a weapon. You have called me 'mental' repeating their label. My own daughter. My only child. You regularly speak to me rudely and cruelly'. Your words and behaviours of the last few years have not been acceptable. I know that now. I've put up with far too much. I deserve better. I removed myself from all of you haven't I? I've come this far and I will not back track. Not even for you. You're an adult. You chose to side with them... She interrupted 'no I haven't'. I said 'come on now. it is time to own your actions. If I have to then so do you. Being home with me at your age is a privilege and not a right. You've been taking advantage of me. Playing on my emotions. Mixing with the enemy. Left me outside alone. How do you think that has made me feel? No matter now. I've grown strong and realised I can get along on my own and quite enjoy the peace, quiet and freedom'. She jumped in 'no Mum. I do it on purpose. To get information for you. I know Aunty is a total air head. I know Nanna is f _ _ cked in the head. I know Git is selfish. You are wrong. I'm tricking them. I don't back stab you to them'. I said 'right. but you say it to me to have power over me then. Is that what it is?' She said 'you are different lately. Who are you talking to? Hope they are fully qualified and real. Not a figment of your imagination'. I said 'You'll just have to wonder daughter. It's ok ____ (her name) I'm not angry nor am I bothered anymore. You don't need me. You've got the others in your court. I'm actually feeling better than I have in ages. My eyes are wide open now. thanks for telling me about the doco. It was interesting. I have things I need to do now'. I walked out of the room. This was at daytime. She jumped up and put the washing on! She then vacuumed. Then afterwards she said 'Mum would you like a coffee. I just don't know how you like it but if you tell me I'll make you one'. Then last night 'Mum I'm putting the TV on and thought I'd ask if there was any thing you'd like to watch with me? Anything you've been hoping to watch I'll watch too. It is about your turn hey. Will you actually come and sit on my sofa beside me?'. So I did. This morning I got a coffee placed beside me! She didn't even ask. She just made me one. She ate and did all her dishes! I'm not stupid and know this will probs wear out in a few days and she'll go backwards again. But I can't thank you enough for your advice. Since I've implemented many of the steps. I'm already seeing an improvement. There is hope. I owe it all to you. I'm clueless in handling her. She is soooo smart. She'd be the perfect daughter for you! I will proceed. I will not cave. I will not fail. She is all I have in this world. (Raya also) Thanks Soulmate. You're a gift that keeps on giving xo I'm truly sorry I treated you badly in the past. No excuses.

"Answers to questions: Spot on about Sister being the one." Yes, I know. It's a lifelong curse of mine. Came out of the womb, pointing and going, 'Hold it right there, buster - I see what you did, I see YOU, I see what you're up to, and you'd better behave yourself or there'll be trouble'. "Daughter worked in High End Jewellery as a Diamond Specialist/Gemmologist for 9+ years." Oh, WOW! That's right - you said - I remember now! "She was very successful and received awards." Wow! "She had both rich/famous on her client list." OH. Shame... "Then the pressure got to her big time and she needed to shift gears." Yeah, they're known for being rather over-demanding, that lot. WHY DOESN'T SHE MAKE IT AT HOME? I did Silversmithing at college and although a couple of years later, when I'd started working, but British Rail was out of action for LITERALLY MONTHS because of the unexpected heavy snowfall, and I couldn't get to London (freelancer) and was running out of money - although I couldn't afford the full bells and whistles, what I COULD manage waas to order a load of beads and gold and silver wire - and a pair of pliars and file, and - voila. Made pierced earrings, sound them at pubs and hotels in my local area (with the landlords' blessings), and, despite they were priced to be affordable to all (3.99 to 5.99 per pair), I made a KILLING. Obviously also sold them to friends and neighbours. They were a bargain at that price, but only because I so thoroughly enjoyed making them, unleashing my full creativity on them, and really went to town on each pair until they LOOKED shop-made. I lost my work contract, thanks to British Bloody Rail (lots of people did), so doing this kept me going for eight whole months until I got a job offer that I couldn't refuse. She could try that? OH MY GOSH....IDEA! She could even make mini ones for your doll diaromas! No, sorry - dioramas? Ach. Doll Vignettes! :) And little tiny necklaces - etc., etc! I'll bet no-one else's dolls have that detail? Oh wow. I wonder how much doll jewellery would cost? It'tiny and s more intricate, isn't it. So it should fetch quite a bit! (Do you reckon you could do some as well?) But anyway - HOW IS THAT RUN OF BAD LUCK *YOUR* FAULT? QUE? "So she quit but got a retail position in a Zen Store (which was no pressure & she loved). But the owner decided to close it down and retire which left her devastated." Oh for fffff's SAKE! WTF??? This has nothing to do with you OR her! Yeeeahhh. Toldja. Load of scaredy-pants, manipulating OLLOCKS to avoid 'ever' having to leave (until SHE'S ready). "She occasionally helps me with the online store (not often these days as we often have differing visions)." Like what? "It WAS a partnership business when we started it a good 10+ years back." Ten years is a good innings for her age at that time, actually. "She wants to be a Puppy Pre-school Teacher." AHHHHH. The mist clears. So that's why the puppy-training and tricks-performing and Youtube. Well, that's GREAT then - that's her getting back on her own two feet! Right, so the only problem left which HASN'T been sorting itself, is the Navvie- or Cruella-mouthed nonsense. But now that's begun so... Yeah, shouldn't be too long, now? :) "She isn't working." Well, she is NOW. She's in self-training and preparing. "Has shocking anxiety (often says I cause it) so on Disability." Yeah.. you're probably responsible for the Climate Change as well. All that crying. "Her hands shake often. She gets a tremor down her arms and into her hands sometimes so bad she struggles to hold her coffee cup." Oh, crikey. How's that been, just lately? "So I think that covers your recent questions. More entries coming..." Okay. She's NOT a loser. She's been slammed to the floor too many times by life circumstances and other people's bad luck - which she would (in a parallel universe) have managed to cope with, had it NOT been on top of having been reared, surrounding by a load of wailing Banshees, Hyenas, and crowing Jackdaws (even, blood-sucking Vampires), known as, Your Family. (Zoo, more like.) OKAYYYY. Now I get it. Extra-fully, I mean. Well, THAT'S a load off the work schedule, then? Wish I could SEE her blog and your diar-dioramas(?), but - not allowed. You could describe them, though, if you fancy? I'm really good at visualising?

So the Why is Just Extraordinary Bad Luck, Non-Stop. The Style is just really rotten role-modelling (Blister) re how you should talk to and deal with people, and that one is supposed to treat 'them indoors' the BEST, not the worst compared to strangers and 'them outdoors'....Plus your lack of energy to stand UP to Blister with assertions like 'DON'T talk to me like that, thank-you, or you can leave!' - which wasn't your fault because you were constantly too knnnnackered and ain't a sodding magician, and couldn't afford to piss them off because you so needed even the DAMN CRUMBS they occasionally threw you. (Again - when you dare to get rid - someone else - someone NICER - plonks into that now-vacant space. But you wouldn't have known that and couldn't afford to risk it for a biscuit.) I'm on my own as well. It's not just hard - it's UCKING hard....Being only one person but having to daily execute the lives including workload AND mental workload (and worrying) of TWO. (Come OOOOON, world!) And I've only been kid-less for the last 4 years (if you ignore when he was living at then near Uni, albeit he stayed every other weekend the whole time, right up until I had to catch my flight.) I've still been parenting and financially as well as emotionally helping to support him, though. Until he's so solvent he can afford all his (extortionate) bills AND to fund a social life, then, it's my job and privilege. He ain't over 30. But then, neither has he been pushed so many times down the stairs with set-back after set-back, disappointment after disappointment. I'm starting to wonder how SHE'S stayed alive, too, after that? Oh wait. YOU. But yeah...I CAN imagine how being thrown down the staircase time and time again after you've worked and struggled to cover that uphill distance, would be INCREDIBLY de-moralising. She must have thought Life itself had it in for her or that she was cursed! And the blaming you is to stop you from ever feeling you can chuck her out, because she's understandably petrified by now (kind-of institutionalised, if you know what I mean; plus the fact she's put on weight). But also because she has no other outlet. (STILL not acceptable, though, so she still has to learn to channel that resentment and anger into productive energy and NOT keep biting the hand that feeds her or - I'm tell you now: There will come a point, DD, where you and your kind, tolerant heart won't get a look in. Your shutters WILL - IN-voluntarily - come down - where you will cease to feel one way or the other where she's concerned and just be chucking her stuff out on the pavement going, 'I don't give a shit whether you have anywhere to go or not...Shoulda thoughta that...S'not like I didn't repeatedly warn you'. And then there's - you're a Super-Empath - tres sensitivo, constantly functioning Spidey Senses, vibes palpable to you as soon as you enter the room, even with their back turned to the door...all of that. So it hurts - less the what she's hurting you with and more the WHY she would do so...feel the NEED to do so. BUT ANYWAY! I see she's getting back on the horse and preparing for setting up her OWN company. That's the best way to go in this climate, anyway. Most of the minimum wages across the world are utter pants and would't keep a Hamster! There we go then - PROGRESS - and definitely light showing where the end of the tunnel is.

"More Background knowledge: Police told us not to be home alone and to always be vigilant. However, daughter leaves me here alone all the time. They even told us not to leave the dogs home alone. The perps photographed Raya from a car. The perps filmed my daughter and we've been told the purpose will be to put her online for possible hit. I heard them (before they were evicted) declare which bloke was to get me & which one was allocated to get daughter. This has been debilitating. Daughter rarely leaves the house due to the very real threats/danger from neighbourhood gang (now sort of improving). We plan her escapes with timing and precision so as not to be followed as we have been before walking and in the shopping centre." Bloody Nora - what a palava! "In the last 72 hours we've sat up all night together. The perps are still in the nearby vicinity. Around 3:30am every night/day they are cruising slowly past in the car we recognise, with windows blackened in." Blackened, eh? They're a drugs circle, aren't they. "However, they have started cruising by at day now, windows down & hanging out of them and yelling stuff whilst idling outside our main entry, front path no fencing. " Ignore, Ignore, Ignore. Bullies find waxwork dummies no fun and quickly get bored and pick on someone else (one of the many RARE upsides of of them...although it's hardly an upside...you know what I mean). Their sick egos NEEDS their victim to be scared of them and giving a victim-like reaction, because, without that - they're nothing and nobody (Loooo-serrrrs!). They rely on your squeaking and scurrying, your silence, and the faked FEAR they've instilled in you. OR...are you friendly with any estate agents and could borrow a Sold sign to put outside your door, which you 3 weeks later take down? After all, you don't have a car always parked outside to identify you, do you. All you'd have to do is buy a couple of brightly coloured, cheap but real-looking plastic pot plants either side of your front door or wherever, to look like the new people have moved in. (Haha - lots of bird with one stone, that'd be - imagine if Blister or Git drove past and saw it!) I was getting harrassed by low-lifes as well (there's another snap). But my Police (London/Surrey/Sussex/Hampshire) sound better than yours. Although I now spot 'Police know' so maybe they've stepped up?.... "Police know. We've had helicopters hovering closely over our roof tracking them again for the past two nights." OH GOOD! (Do you go out and throw them bread crusts? HAHAHAHAHA! 'We're Oirish'.) "Raya has been going ape at the front door and front window at odd hours." Well, at least it's giving her a very defined doggy role to execute (personal house alarm and family protector). She okay with it? "Last two days Plain clothes Police Cars" Cars wearing clothes?? :D What - Dungas? That'd frighten ME? Hahaha (sozz, I'm still stuck in comedy slut mode since another poster started me off earlier). " in both the adjoining streets as well as our street watching." GOOD! ABOUT BLOODY TIME! Or what was their excuse? Skippy Ol' Filla hamself was stuck daan the will this tarm, an' it took thim bladdy MANTHS to git the poor baggar out? Cos Kangas are more impor(t)unt thaan single, valnerable wimmin? PRTHTHTHTHTHTHTHTH! "Then there was a total furore yesterday evening with police sirens coming to both ends of our street." You and your neighbours seem to have a lot in-common with Ukraine. "WE ARE TERRIFIED!" Yeah. I'm just trying to keep you buoyed but - I can imagine. "They declared plans to get us. WE are super fearful for our safety and revenge. Both Police and representatives of Departmental Housing Complex HAD declared we were safe now and had nothing more to fear. THEY WERE WRONG!" YEAR, bit that's not THEER fault, et's Skippy's. Bladdy shtchoopid Kanga. (Would you like me to call Surrey Police for you? Get them to come over and show them how it's done? :p) RIGHT, THEN, MISSUS! Question: did you read about surprisingly effective, Everyday househole¡d weapons on Blue_on_Blue's thread? If not - do. "No, Sir...Your Honour, I didn't intend to crack open his skull, it's just that, when he broke through the kitchen window I'd been making pastry so, without time to think, I just reflexively whacked him with my rolling-pin, completely unaware I was still holding it!" / "Objection overruled!" Only joking - it wouldn't get to that anyway - not if you had them lined-up and ready. It's the means to up your Confidence you need. Predator senses, innit - they can smell it from miles off. ("Geddd outta my kitchin, Pank, or you're PASTRY!") (Houze miy accen(t), biy the why? Em I gitting bitter? Or em eye gittin New Zealandy as alwiyz?) Thuh inner Clingfillm chube's the bist wan though. Bladdy 'ell duzit urt! You wooden think et woz just caardboard. (I'll stop there with my new toy cos I can tell I'm now sounding like Muriel from Muriel's Wedding's father.) Hhhonto your next, air, years....

"Brace yourself Soulmate for 'War & Peace' length entry." Well, in that case, I'll continue tomorrow. Haven't been to bed yet ("Ummmmmm....telling Mummm..."). A4 I go...Have you ever read War & Peace? What about 'If This Is A Man' by....wait a minute...something to do with Blue Jeans...Oh, yes - Levi. And his second name is.....not Proust. What is it (I'm determined not to use Google...god I'm so crap with names though). Levi....nnnnnyeeeeeeah....If this is a man by Levi ....fnuffenuffena. No wait - Levi's his surname. I know - Levi jeans from Primark! Primo Levi! That's it! Phew, got there in end (ya boo sucks, Google, you think you're so clever :p). Supeeerb book, that. Life changer. Oh, and what's the one by Dostoevsky wherein the main character gives murder a bash to know how it feels, and goes mad thanks to it? Ach - not again.... (Two words, three letters, first words sounds like...fart) (doesn't really...tis two words, though)...something and something. Oh, course - War & Peace! Haha - no, only joking, I've remembered - it's Crime & Punishment. Have you? Fckn heavy books, they are, if you get the hardback versions - great to throw at someone! Weapons that are even entertaining while they're waiting to be used (not) - who'da thunk it? (Ar cam from a laand daan undah...Weir wimmin glaw 'n men chun-duh-uh.......Doo doodle-ooh-doo! Doodle-oodle-ooh doodle oo-doo oo-doo! Sing ahlong, Dall?) Naht, Kiddaw! Daan't fergit ter put the far aaat? ;D

Hi, Oh my gosh I am so honestly enjoying hearing about you and your life. I've been picking up on snippets throughout your other forum responses for weeks now. Getting to know you. You are opening up to me and so I feel some forgiveness for my past wrongs. Sick of hearing my own voice. I really enjoy getting a better mental picture and perspective of who you are Soulmate and about your past. Like a friend. Sometimes (this is not an insult) you are like the voice of God to me. Out there, but I wasn't really ever getting a glimpse of the real person. More relatable. Hope this isn't love bombing? I'm just being honest. It is great to finally get to know parts of what makes you tick present & past. You are so bloody quick to pick up on things. YES...daughters mixing with the rich and famous changed her completely. That is where she started to go wrong. Before this she was so calm, down to earth and sincere. After 9 years mixing with the plastic fantastic at functions etc I noticed her new skills of manipulation and bullshit techniques. Then the complaining about her life and how she wanted to be able to afford to mingle with them more (She did! Horse Races, Fancy Pubs & Clubs etc) as they'd invite her but she felt dowdy in no label brand fashions etc. She was influenced big time. Not in a good way. When she began working for a very well known and lucrative Brand she was the youngest in Queensland and second highest achiever recognised in the newspaper and newsletters etc. When she started working there her work mates nicknamed her 'Angel' because she was kind, considerate and a good listener and helpful. But then 'targets' had to be reached and it became cut throat. She won all the comps & bonuses. She got Awards. Work mates started to hate her. She was re- christened the 'Smart Arse'. I knew I was losing grip on my girl about four years in. I repeatedly asked her to change careers.

This was her dream. She achieved it so quickly. She studied non stop. She was a whizz at it all. Work mates used her (pecking her brain) and tried to steal clients. The environment soon turned toxic. She was coming home angry, frustrated and raving for at least two hours straight every day! She became a different girl. Harder to live with truth be told. I was hearing a lot of 'I wants'. She was constantly angry and frustrated. I was trying desperately to help her afford all her needs to fit in. Keeping up false appearances with Fancy clothes, constant pantihose, good shoes, blazers, scarves etc. Her clients had no idea that she was poor. A girl in horrid Departmental Housing with just a Mum, no car and might as well of had no family as they didn't approve nor support her in any regard. You don't get praise in this Family. You get told you're too fat, too ugly etc Mum told her four walls of jail cell would be her future. Also, spot on as always! I can't believe the coincidences. The jewellery making. From 16 she started working with gems and swarovski crystals. She made the jewellery sets for dolls and they sold like hot cakes. We couldn't keep up with orders. Then she began to design for humans. She won a design competition for her 'Fireworks' Collection and it ended up in stores. he girl amazes me. Always has. There is nothing she can't make when she puts her mind to it. When she turned 18 we went to college together and completed a Cert (IV) in Small Business Management. We were Mum and Daughter but we were also Best Friends. Breaks my heart to remember and type this. Now I'm crying. Family called us the 'Gilmore Girls' if you are familiar at all with the show. We do fashion ensembles for the dolls from head to foot. Manufacturing everything ourselves from scratch. These dolls most people have never heard of. Start at around $600AUD & go up in price from there. Latest release is around $1,200AUD. We only ever had two dolls which a kind lady donated to us from her super large collection so that we had a model to work with. We couldn't afford a doll at the beginning. We paid her in fashions, hats & jewellery for her collection of 500 dolls! The club ladies want OOAK. They are competitive. We have sold all across the World. One of our most frequent buyers lives in Spain! We send large boxes of our items to her regularly. Our items have been on display in libraries etc. I mostly make the millinery. I design most outfits. We use to collaborate. Then we started to have artistic differences of opinion. Our relationship took a huge plummet. Our stock is coveted as it is very rare. The ladies have difficulty getting fashions as the two big companies who manufacture them do so in bulk. Meaning they all end up dressing them in the same for their displays and competitions. One of a kind is what ours are. At last count I've made over 2000 hats.

We use to go to Conventions. Then daughter quit. She needed to focus more on her career and further study (she is a wealth of knowledge about diamonds & gems). She didn't have the time to help me in the store anymore. I couldn't keep it up alone. No car and walking to the Post Office daily with my health conditions. So it is scaled back a lot these days! Daughter boycotted me for years. Refused to help anymore. I'm not as good as her at anything. Eventually her competitive streak kicked back into gear. So for the annual events Christmas, Easter, Halloween, Thanksgiving, Bastille Day, St Patricks Day, Melbourne Cup etc she steps up and starts sewing, designing etc. So we are frantically sitting up making at the moment. However now she puts her entries up against mine. She ALWAYS wins! Sucks to be me LOL Side Note: A wee reminder We (daughter & I) were also writing a book together at the time. Collaborating. It was a fictional novel based off our doll characters. All the women/men in the Clubs give their dolls a name, a bio and a background. They literally make them come alive using apps. We reached a point of irreconcilable differences. Her anger towards me got out of hand. Suddenly she developed a scary temper.

After 13 years of making miniature items, tiny and detailed. My sight has taken a hit. Diabetes doesn't help. My fingers now have rheumatoid arthritis. They swell and are gnarly shaped, go red & hurt. Even typing to you is painful. Such is life. There is so much I could tell to explain her fall from the greatest height in her career. The impact was massive. She had a nervous breakdown. Doctors said it was adult onset Anxiety and after she quit the depression stepped in. Work mates had stolen from her both designs and money (thousands). They ganged up on her and threatened her. They even surrounded her one day at work (when the boss was out to lunch) and said they were going to shit on the carpet and make the baby (her) clean it up. Right at that moment the boss walked back in. They would open her lunch taking it out of the fridge (which I'd make & pack for her) and they'd throw it in the bin and stomp on it. Steal her high heels from her locker so that she was shoe less at work and had to run out & buy some of lesser quality. So much more. It is a very competitive and nasty industry!

So here we are today... your responses give me a laugh. A well needed laugh. Yep...Aussie Police are ucking useless! More into donuts, bar-be-ques and coffee with a cop. They have a need to be liked. Doesn't really go with the job description. Less into actually doing their job and protecting two women against a Meth Gang! Did I tell you it blew up. Their lab in the kitchen. Blew off the door & blew out the glass in both kitchen and bathroom windows. A few months back. The explosion scared the crap out of us. We've experienced it all! I might go on a bit too much. I know it! But if you knew how much I bite my tongue and don't tell you'd be even more shocked LOL Thanks again! As always. Thinking of you there alone. Wondered where your son was and if you were on your own.

PS I'm thinking you are a bit of a weather buff like we are. We got less than 20mins notice yesterday afternoon. A super cell hit out of nowhere. It was a bottler. Heaps of suburbs have no power. Daughter got caught in it running home from the shops. Fork lightening (electric) hitting the ground around her. A large tree split down the middle right in front of her. She got in just as the wind was 80 kilometres per hour. We lost two of our green houses from hail. Today heat wave. They say we are in for another super cell tomorrow. We've always had bad storms here but now they have turned to 'shockers'.

OH F _ _ k! I'm about to lose you again. Once I type this it will be curtains for me. I had completely forgotten! I just read all of your responses. You just reminded me. We were going through so very much and completely desperate. We had been moved three times. I was in a horrid DV Shelter. I missed you. I needed you. So I was sussing you out. You're too smart not to know. I apologise yet again. Time to hate me all over again. I was blue on blue. I felt so guilty and like you so much that I shut it down. It wasn't my ex husband. It was the gang leader from next door. I was out of my head with fear. He was trying to get in. He was talking to our cameras. He and two of his friends were trying to pull our door off its hinges. It was a horrific time. I had a male counsellor who was a total git. Now I'm history forever right? I promised to be honest from here in. I have been. I totally forgot about blue on blue. I'm soooo sorry. You have no reason to trust me. I get it. I've been a total nut job. In my defence do you know how it is to not a person in the World that you can talk to? I'm really upset because it was a slate in my mind that clearly I wiped clean. I totally forgot about those entries. Oh shit! I do need to be locked away. You were so kind to blue on blue. It made me ache inside. I've always regretted losing you. Our connection means more than words can say to me. It's ok. I know we are over for good now. The main story (gist of it was totally true) The girls were the dogs. My daughter was being a nightmare. Now that you've recalled it to mind. I remember how I stared at my computer screen and said Soulmate doesn't deserve me to be lying to her again. I don't deserve you. I said good-bye to the screen, shut it down and cried my eyes out. Honest to God. I'd somehow wiped it out of my brain. Only triggered when you said to go read blue on blue. I'm sorry Soulmate. Genuinely. Straight from the heart. If it is any comfort to you. I sincerely need you. I sincerely appreciate everything. After that I went to kill myself three times. I walked in front a car. They screeched and I fell onto the road. They stopped and helped me. I told you about the pills. I think I told you about the plastic bag? I was catatonic in the grocery store and they had to get me help from the adjoining medical centre. I had to phone suicide help lines. I was a mess. Things got way on top of me. I needed you. I'd tried other forums. You were here. You're right. I don't deserve any more chances. I did forget though. Totally. Guess this makes me truly warped and a really bad person. Not love bombing. I admire you. Always have. Always will. You have a gift. It's very rare. You don't need the likes of me to tell you that.

If it helps... you saved a life.

The name was from the song 'I'm blue on blue' missing you Je _ u _ Ch _ i s_ I honestly forgot.

In a not sick way not a lesbian (not that it would matter) I guess I do love you everybody needs somebody

I simply forgot so not like me complete brain fog I was so keen and excited totally filled with happiness that I was accepted back OMG I can just imagine what you're thinking the Troll thing again I'm not, I swear I've just been lost and trapped in a dark place couldn't claw my way out back into the light I'm getting there though I was. With your help. My daughter says I shouldn't be on here. She snoops on everything. I'm truly sorry. That probably holds no worth or value. At the time...I'd decided to me Mum was dead. I'm telling you this because I think I recall that you asked why I keep going back to her daughter asks me that daily I don't have anybody who 'gets' me or even wants to know me anyways now this sounds desperate and grasping at straws I am able to reverse it and in fairness if I was you I'd not be happy with me either. I feel ashamed. My tail is between my legs. I'm sorry.

Goo'Dye! "We use to go to Conventions. Then daughter quit. She needed to focus more on her career and further study (she is a wealth of knowledge about diamonds & gems). She didn't have the time to help me in the store anymore. I couldn't keep it up alone. No car and walking to the Post Office daily with my health conditions. So it is scaled back a lot these days! " Aww, that's a shame. Nothing lasts, eh. I collect Swarowski Crystals (no waay - waaaay!). Have done since the 90s. The fauna and flora, mainly (mostly cos kid enjoyed looking at those the most, but also to make it easier for people to know what to get me, bdays and xmas (I don't tend to need or want much)). Plain crystal - not into the coloured ones (unless it's just a whiff of), nor the added gold bits (too clonky). ...And - get this - (still) displayed in little vignettes! I make vignettes with furniture and garden zones as well. Got some other make of miniatures in my cabinet too - tiny champagne bottle and glasses with hamper (again, crystal), tiny hardback books (no good for lobbing haha) and a coffee mug with my tiny name embossed on it (ditto hahaha), tiny high-heeled shoes (gold, coloured enamel and little crystals) and tiny, woven Moroccan slippers... I like boutique and bijous. You'd love it! In fact, those slippers might even fit you (heee-hee-heeeee!). Anyhoo. I don't need you to keep apologising. Just to keep going like you have. :) That's all the thanks I need. But - yup - lots in common! And the fact I rate Aussies the most (New Zealanders and Canadians are next). Did you know our senior vet, Manalone, is an Aussie? Yeah...sounds to me like daughter wanted to join the plastic fantastique world, but make it work this time. Re-enactment. Same problem people, different faces. PS: Since your biz is exclusive AND a going concern (with nothing stopping anyone from upping production, given that the market is there, established, active and waiting) - have you ever had your business valued? I would. Just in case your eyesight worsens? Or just to make you feel less worried on that score. Alternatively, you can get those Magnifying lamps for artists, graphic designers and the like, for close-up work? Literally a giant magnifying glass but with - well, like a surgeon's, basically. Have you seen them? (cont...)

"A super cell hit out of nowhere. It was a bottler." Not as buff as you are - what's a super cell and bottler? _________________________________________________________ "I was blue on blue." HAHAHAHAHA! I KNNNNOW, ya daft bint! Gas - meter board? And lots n lots of other clues, including the Strepdud? (I could have just copied and pasted it in, like I've just done elsewhere, couldn't I - duuh? HAHAHAHAH!)

"So we are frantically sitting up making at the moment. However now she puts her entries up against mine. She ALWAYS wins! Sucks to be me LOL" What do you mean - puts her entries up against yours?

"t is a very competitive and nasty industry!" Don't blame the industry, blame the Narcs that infiltrate, like they do everywhere else there are (this case - monied) people. Why didn't she tell her Boss that she was being gang bullied under his nose?

" Her anger towards me got out of hand. Suddenly she developed a scary temper." Yeah, I remember the book. That sounds like her depression hit critical. She's a bottler, isn't she.

Thanks for the confession, though....., My Daughter - "ahh-AAAHHH-aaah" (signs the cross and flicks Holy Water in your face) :D No wafer and Red wine for you for a week, though. And no more Catastrophising (google: NVS - Catastrophizing/sing). Just relax! It frees up your mental cylinders for a start!

PS I've solved it! :) "Je _ u _ Ch _ i s_" It's 'Jesus Christ', isn't it. (I do crosswords, see - I'm good at this shit hahahahaha) I did consider, Jelum Chaise, but then thought 'probablyyyy nnnnnnot'... What's the prize?

You missed my joke at myself, btw: "Fckn heavy books, they are, if you get the hardback versions - great to throw at someone!" Cos you said I was an intellectual, hahaha.

You might want to re-read this thread. I've been leaving you tiny little clues that I knew, as I've gone. See if you can retro-spot them. The 'have you seen it' was the final, more obvious clue. I'm naughty, aren't I, haha. Denis The Menace/Beryl The Peril. :D

Wait a minute though - on a serious note: "My daughter says I shouldn't be on here. She snoops on everything." You're not telling me she can read this, are you? But - shouldn't be on here why?

Thank you, thank you, thank you (1000 times over) I will get to answering your questions as soon as I can My head is swimming... I just got 2 very emotionally abusive phone calls from Git I'm in shock & reeling from his words Never known him to be this angry nor this nasty It is beyond! I'm actually walking around the kitchen in a daze It is going how you predicted... Sister on phone with him, lies, exaggerations, story telling about me Aunt went to 'his house' to spend a lovely afternoon with him. That is my Mothers house. Mum dragged him to the exit door of her ward by his shirt (according to staff) and said 'now just bloody go and leave my friends and my Sister alone. I know you are on with her'. I was told I put this idea in her head. Nope nothing of the sort. After 30+ years married he should know her well by now yet he doesn't seem to know her at all. Fuck I'm rambling... He just said (want to get this down before I forget) on the phone I answered because the text said it was to do with my Mother and I'd ignored his two calls yesterday and two this morning and his determination made me panic about Mum. Thinking something might be wrong at the Home. He isn't intelligent enough to say it is an emergency on voice mail or anything. Git actually suits him perfectly! I can't lose you Soulmate! You're the voice of reason. You keep me grounded. Your a soothing voice in rough seas whilst I'm drowning. You keep me afloat. You deserve better than me. I know that. Hopefully I'll be able to show you eventually who I really am under all this chaos. I'm also exceedingly ill. I need the hospital. Considering going. The pain is doubling me over. Having trouble standing up straight and climbing the internal stairs. He said '_______ (daughter) says your unwell. The reason why you aren't seeing your Mother. Well we all have health problems yet we still manage'. Then 'what is wrong with you anyway? in detail. _________ (daughter) said you've had health problems for years and we should know that by now so come on what is it then?'. I said 'I do but that is my business and not your concern'. He said 'just say is it serious?'. I answered 'yes'. Then this... 'Oh good so you are going to die soon then. A lot of people will be happy about that. _____ (daughter) will be lost & useless though won't she. Well you may be going first it seems. Great.' He said heaps more after that! I just can't fathom anything anymore.

Told me they've cancelled the Birthday plans for Mum. Told me quote 'Listen YOU WILL BE GOING on the actual day as I have a meter man coming out to fix the electricity box. Sounds odd considering ours was recently smoked/burnt out. Then he said I'll go Sunday. I said Sunday is five days later. He said 'what no its not what are you saying?' then he started rambling so much I couldn't keep up. I'm so confused. My mind is boggled. Wondering when (if ever!) this HELL that is my life will end. Something has got to give. Raya is following the veins in my arms and legs with her nose and then whimpering. Daughter saw this and went 'odd. look what she is doing. she doesn't normally make that sound Mum. Perhaps you should go to the hospital'. Raya just jumped onto my chest and stuck her nose to my mouth and sniffed and sniffed. Then she whimpered, sat down beside me on the sofa and is looking into my eyes intently, concerned. Daughter said 'Mum she knows something'. At that point the puppy ran over and did the exact same. Don't know what to make of that. I think she is just copying the big girl. Monkey see, monkey do. She (puppy) has started following Raya's lead a lot! However, puppy ran off then came back and jumped on my chest & began furiously kissing my face. I'm not allowed to interact with her. Daughters orders. So daughter yells 'hey traitor get over here and love me that is what I bought you for'. Anyways, I am starting to think that I will go first. I'm not doing well. The deterioration has been fast of late. Won't have to do it at my own hand. Good. Don't like hot weather so won't fancy Hell. I'd typed you a big message recalling bad things which have started to come back to me from my childhood quite suddenly. Accidentally in pain dropped the computer off my lap, slid to the floor and lost it. Hadn't saved it yet. Then daughter yells out in a panic tone. Mum, Mum, Mum! Come here. Somebody just walked past me in the hallway. They stopped and rubbed my arm in a comforting way. By then I'd made it slowly up the stairs to the top where she was standing as if frozen on the spot. She looked afraid. Look Mum the hairs are standing on end. I'm cold. It was freezing at it went past. (we are having a heat wave today so this is all very odd). She then added 'I don't even believe in an after life or spirits. SHIT!'. In one word 'CRAZY'. My life is beyond 'CRAZY'.

This entry may/may not make you laugh. I'm laughing! If I don't then I'll crumble & cry. Well, a couple of days ago I swore JC and today I now know that I literally had a premonition. It is Halloween here this day. Different Time Zone obviously. The veil to the other World is thin they say. Daughter is being a nightmare and rather horrid to me so clear possession happening. Background: There is a woman in our neighbourhood who is not the full packet of biscuits. Over 15 years ago I sarcastically christened the stupid B _ _ ch as the so called 'Good *ucking Samaritan'. She has been stealing my mail for years. Have it on camera. She goes through my bin in the dark & takes out old mail to read. She knocked on my door once & when I opened started yelling at me for the antics of my cat (don't own one). She knocked on my door once & yelled at me for what my children were doing to said cat (don't own those two local urchins nor a cat). Of late she goes through our mail that comes to the street (because of her & gang next door I got a box at the PO & have to walk a kilometre daily with Raya to get my mail). She chooses what she wishes to keep out of my letter box (the occassional person doesn't know we have a postal box so sends it to street address) & then walks to my door at sun up around 5:30am & throws whatever mail at my door with a thud from a distance & hiding behind a hedge to watch for my reaction. I see her & have it all recorded days, dates, times on the camera. Clearly a NUT JOB! So this morning 'Halloween' she did her peg it at my door routine, hide & watch for reaction. I went out about an hour later & picked up the mail. This is funny... There is a bowel cancer Australia free home kit (SHIT LITERALLY) & the bonus... a hand written long letter from (who I now know is) Susanne. Telling me she knows the goings on in this neighbourhood and is worried about me as I've been over taken by Satan. She and others in her religious cult can help me get back into the light if I phone her (number provided). I think perhaps she remembers years back with the kid & cat door knock episode how I told her she is a *ucking mental case and to piss off and mind her own business. Clearly I'm evil. So my day starts with SHIT & SAMARITAN. Daughter continues her rant at me when she gets up. She started it at 2am & it seems she wasn't finished. Then the Git phones & I copped it big time! To say he was emotionally abusive and a control freak is an understatement. HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

The rest of today 'Halloween' not so funny:( I'm pretty upset. I'm just exhausted emotionally & physically. It is like I'm living in a nightmare. All the characters heinous. Took Raya to be groomed. Heatwaves shocking. She is curly, long haired with feathering. Very pretty but not conducive to our climate. She has been groomed since 6months of age. She is now 8 years old. We have always been told that she is 'super submissive', no trouble at all & perfect during grooming. Firstly, she refused to be left. She screamed! Then she barked & barked loudly, wouldn't move off the spot, so they began to drag her. She then began to cry. I could hear her from down the street. People were staring. Staff were acting unimpressed. The main woman told me 'I'm a professional, I've had dogs who play up before, just go! It is best if you just go!' Her first groom in months. Other woman quit so this was new place & new people. It was her first groom since the gang riots outside our home. I tried to explain over the din. They were scowling at me. They knew she is my support dog. They didn't care. She was in a panic. She was fretting. I asked to take my dog back. The woman held the lead and told me to do so would send her the wrong message & just go and don't return for two hours. I asked them to phone me & let me know if she had settled. They said they would but of course they didn't. I couldn't leave. My legs were shaking under me. I was fighting back tears. As I walked away & down the street I could still hear her. My daughter didn't give a hoot. Come on I want to go to that nice CAFE we saw she said. I could hear Raya for a huge distance. It broke my heart. She has NEVER behaved this way before. I recall she went for my daughter a number of days back. She has NEVER done that before. Something is WRONG. I kept sneaking back to outside the groomers and listening only to discover she was in a state. Going between crying and barking. Whimpering. Out of breath. Also, my daughter had agreed to go halves in everything. The travel, the Grooming fee. Of course she showed zero emotion over Raya's melt down. Only said that she is a shameful embarrassment of a dog and that she won't be standing near you both later nor paying for anything. She said she forgot her bag it didn't go with her outfit. Had no money on her. She went to the cafe & used my debit card. I didn't get anything. I couldn't eat or drink. I just wanted to get Raya back. Daughter went in the shops and bought herself other things. So basically I have nearly zero money for the next fortnight. Taxi there. Grooming. Taxi home. Cafe & other purchases. Daughter is unfair. Daughter would not even come in with me to pick Raya up. She was outside getting attention from strangers. They were admiring her & her puppies matching Halloween costumes. Yep they were in full regalia. I was embarrassed to be honest. She went all out. There was so much on her. Even spooky contact lenses. Her and puppies first ensemble of the day I was told. Long story short...when I picked Raya up the staff gave me DAGGERS. The grooming woman was livid. She spoke through gritted teeth. Here...take her and never bring her back here. I suggest you get her help and a personal groomer who will allow you to stay for the duration of the groom. As the grooming is a bit messy due to her playing up it will be $20 cheaper. I left with MY TAIL BETWEEN MY LEGS. Raya was shaking and crying for another 5 minutes. I sat down on the ground and she lay in my lap. Soon she was jumping up & hugging me. Then the day just got worse...

Massive storm was brewing. Another super cell coming. No taxis available to get home. We had to wait for AGES. Even rang the service to complain. The rank was in hot sun. We are sunburnt. Oh before I forget the expression 'A Bottler' is Aussie Slang for 'an amazing, shocking or excellent thing'. My (gossip/busy body) Aunt whom I hadn't seen in 10 months headed straight towards me. I was in shock. Didn't expect this encounter. She was unrecognisable. Health gone down hill. Now has a walker. She said I didn't recognise you. I said I didn't recognise you either. Then up to us walks daughter (who'd ducked back into the shops) in her full Halloween regalia with the puppy in her arms. Bright orange ghost printed overly decorated dress, jewellery, head piece all the way down to her stripey witch stockings. Aunt gave her quite the look. It spoke volumes. Today was Aunts birthday. Conversation was very awkward stunted. She told us she couldn't offer us a lift home as her legs driving can't take her further than her house? OK. Yet she doesn't know how I know that she no longer visits Mum (her sister) and hasn't in three months plus (reason told to Git being due to her legs so unable to drive) however the Nursing Home is a 5 min drive from her house. She lives the closest to it. This shopping centre was further to travel. She doesn't know how I know the very previous evening she drove to a restaurant which was a very far away drive over an hour distance (Git told me) to celebrate her b'day with her daughters. One week ago she attended a distant relatives funeral which was a 1.5 hour drive away (once again Git told me over the phone). Also Aunt visited Git a couple of days ago and that is a 30 min car drive from her home. Nothing ever adds up. People lie constantly. Clearly she is done & dusted with her Sister (my Mother) but extra close these days to Git. They've had two rendezvous in two weeks. I saw from a distance a number of weeks back a hug and a kiss on the cheek at the shops. Odd. They were never close. Git is not demonstrative in an affectionate way ever. Not in 32 years. I find it kind of troubling. Months back Sister said she thought they were getting too close & possibly on together. I took it as a joke. Also, pondering. Mum has two living brothers. One has NEVER gone to see her in the Nursing Home. The other visited her once and staff told me he stayed about 5 mins. He's never returned. I'm just thinking aloud. It makes me sad for Mum. Given their Sister's mood swings and personality is difficult. However, I recall (even in recent years) how she helped these people in their lives heaps. When my Uncle was slowly deteriorating from Alzheimer's Mum did shifts with Aunt visiting him. She fed him and sat talking to him for hours. Mum & Git travelled a long way to her Brothers house for his daughters 21st B'Day with wine & gifts for a girl she barely knows (as they'd lived over seas for years and only just returned). She use to visit his two kids when little and read to them etc more than she ever did for her own children. So I find Mums siblings a bit cold and callous about her own demise. It all baffles me. Daughter is constantly asking me 'Why do you go see Nanna at all?'. I have a long list of reasons. She says I'm an idiot! That is her word for me. Mums son & daughter (my siblings) don't visit her. Mums two brothers and her sister don't visit her (my Aunt and two uncles) all live locally. It isn't far for them. When Nanna (Mums Mother) was in a Nursing Home my Mum visited every second day and did her laundry for her & bought her treats. Doting. When Grandad (her Father) was diagnosed with old age leukemia she took him into her home & showered him. Then when he was in Palliative Care my Mother visited him every day until he passed. I respect her for all of this! Yes...my Mum is mentally volatile and unstable but she cared and put herself out for others and that can't be denied. She learnt to be like this from Nanna & Grandad. Such doting, loving people. Adored. I learnt to help others from all of their example. Isn't this how you show LOVE? Real, genuine love. However, all the others just don't seem to give a darn about anybody but themselves. My beloved Nanna Eagers (my fav person in the World) died when I was 12. She doted on others. Nan & Gran died within 9 months of each other 13 years ago. They doted on others. I didn't just adore all of them. I respected them as kind, caring human beings. I am very much on my own these days. It is hard. I'm lonely. I feel lost. I'm living in the past. I'm still grieving in a sense.

PS to Halloween The evening got much worse. Daughter had an angry outburst. I took your advice. Put it into action. My girl ended up calming down and asked me to sit with her on the sofa. She wanted to show me some of her purchases. I was thrilled that she came around after such a little amount of time. I love that girl! I just want us to be friends like when she was younger. I miss it. She christened herself nickname 'Enigma' when she was about 12. She sure is.

Well, okay - all of that is noted but as in your first of that run (Oct 30 00:31) you said you'd get round to answering my questions, I'll wait for you to do that before I comment. (For now: keep in mind what I said about how these toddlers up their nonsense and hysterics in order to wear you out so that you'll drop the new regime and so as to regain the control over you they can feel they're rapidly losing.)

Oh wait - there is this for you to read through, though ((my comments in double brackets, and asterisks)): ______________________________________________________________________ 30 Badass Affirmations for Going No Contact With An Abusive Narcissist By Shahida Arabi https://self-care-haven.com/2017/11/02/30-badass-affirmations-for-going-no-contact-with-an-abusive-narcissist/ ((Ignore 'partners' - it's basically the same with relatives.)) No Contact from a narcissistic or otherwise abusive, toxic ex-partner can be a rewarding and challenging time. Survivors of emotional and/or physical abuse are not only paving a new path to freedom and rebirth, they may also be struggling with the effects of cognitive dissonance, fear, obligation and guilt (FOG), as well as the traumatic effects of the abuse on their minds, bodies and spirits. They may also encounter *** ((phone-))stalking or harassment from their abusive partners in their attempts to detach from them***, especially if they ‘dared’ to leave those partners first. ((You put Git off, to buy yourself time with less harrassment, though - with the health excuse (Gold Star!) - which is counter-manipulation (Out-Narcing The Narc) that comes under Plausible Deniability (I'm not ignoring you - I'm taken-up with the state of my health). And that way - if you do find yourself desperate for a favour - you haven't destroyed that option. Very canny, modom - and shuffling away gradually, silently and imperceptibly is absolutely fine.)) Due to biochemical and trauma bonding with their abusers, survivors may also struggle to not contact their ex-partner or check up on them due to being conditioned to rely upon their abuser’s approval and validation ((- hah!..WHAT approval & validation!)) during the abuse cycle as a survival mechanism. Considering the fact that detoxing from an abusive relationship is very much like recovering from an addiction, ‘rehab’ from this type of toxicity needs to be addressed in a way that is both compassionate and empowering. ((Including, your seriously tampered-with psychoneurology is re-setting itself back to how it used to be and should be, in terms not just of de-addicting but also de-gaslighting, etc.)) These positive affirmations can help you reconnect back to your sense of reality when you may be plagued by emotional flashbacks, triggers or cravings to reconnect with an abusive partner. I’ve also included brief explanations of each affirmation, in case any of them need further clarification in order to better appreciate the underlying meaning for each. For those who may have implemented Low Contact due to co-parenting with an abuser, you can feel free to customize these various phrases to best suit your situation. You may also want to brainstorm your own affirmations that are best tailored to your unique needs and desires. 1. Every act of silence is a protection against psychological violence. Every time you choose not to check up on, respond or reach out to an abusive ex-partner, you demonstrate that you value yourself, you value your time, your new life ((or, given your Gray Rock, type Avoidance, method, the one you're slowly gliding towards and into)) and your right not to be subjected to abuse or mistreatment. ((Damn right.)) You protect yourself from traumatizing information or emotional violence that could further retraumatize you and ensnare you back into an abuse cycle. A cycle that can only expose you to more pain, heartache and a pervasive sense of hopelessness. You have escaped from the abuse – don’t let yourself reenter the cycle right back into a seemingly inescapable situation again. It can get more and more difficult to leave each time you do. ((- *without* any support)) 2. I have a right to be free from abuse. Every human being has that right and I do, too. We have to remember that we are just like any other human being – including those who have never been in an abusive relationship or those who have never tolerated any form of abuse if they encountered it. They had the right not to be abused and we do too. This is not to blame or shame anyone who has stayed in an abusive relationship; there are many reasons why abuse survivors stay well beyond the first incident of abuse, including the trauma repetition cycle that arises due to subconscious wounding from childhood. This is simply a reminder that there are many people who are in healthy relationships – and as a human being, you are so worthy of the same. 3. No one can take away the power I have within me. It may come as a surprise to you, but narcissistic abusers don’t actually hold any authentic inner power – they take away power from others because they have none within themselves. They have no sense of core identity – they need us more than we need them (even if it feels otherwise). They leech off of our light – we are their life source, their narcissistic supply and they are the energetic vampires who live off our resources, our talents, and our empathy and compassion ((e.g. wanting to help/heal/rescue - whether natural-born Rescuer bent or issue-driven thus temporary/phasic)). 4. My will is stronger than an abuser’s attempts to bully me. ((Damn right.)) If you’re suffering from PTSD or Complex PTSD and you’re hearing your abuser’s voice and/or are being met with hoovering attempts to shame you back into the abuse cycle, you’re not alone. Many survivors of abuse are left reeling from the bullying behavior of their ex-partner. They cannot understand why their abusive ex-partner refuses to leave them alone, stalks or harasses them, or even goes so far as to flaunt their new source of supply to them as a way to provoke them. ((- Triangulation. Your two/three might try that - to frighten/provoke you back.)) Remember: the abuser’s tactics cannot work on you as effectively if you are willing to prioritize your freedom over their attempts to bully you. ((And *stay* angry and indigant for as long as you can - by writing and consulting with their Rap Sheet)) The bullying may hurt and you will have to address it as you process the trauma, but where there is a strong will, there is an even stronger survivor who can meet any challenge along the way. ((And once you've surmounted this life test - you'll be able to swiftly handle ANYONE...ANY type/style of bully!)) 5. I am stronger than empty threats. Abusive ex-partners may smear you, slander you or even threaten to release personal information about you, especially if you ‘discard’ them first due to narcissistic rage and injury. They want to regain power and control to put you through an even worse discard and essentially ‘win’ the break-up or save face after the ending of the relationship. Much of these are empty threats. It’s true that more dangerous narcissists may follow through with their threats, but the point is that you can choose how you respond to their threats. You have choices and options to protect yourself and document those threats in case you need to ever take legal action. You can go to law enforcement if you have to (and feel safe doing so). You can also seek support from a lawyer and/or counselor who can offer you insights into your particular situation. What you don’t have to do is give into the threats of emotional blackmail and go back into an abusive relationship only to be terrorized in an even worse fashion than before. Who wants to be in a relationship where you are coerced back in? 6. I will defend and protect myself ((and thereby my daughter's opportunity to succeed with regaining her old self, like she's already begun)), no matter what. Whether that means getting a restraining order, changing your number or blocking them from all social media platforms, do whatever you need to do to protect yourself from the narcissist’s manipulation and abuse on your journey to No Contact (or Low Contact if co-parenting). You don’t deserve to be retraumatized, in any shape, way or form. Seek support from your local domestic violence shelter (yes, emotional abuse is still violence), find a trauma-informed therapist, research local support groups, Meetups or group therapy focused on trauma recovery and support. Find any and all support you can to help build and reinforce the fortress of protection around you. The more quality support you have, the more confident you’ll be in moving forward without your toxic ex-partner. 7. I never give up; I keep going. ((Well, that's You, anyway!)) No matter how difficult it becomes, you never give up. Even if you make a mistake, all is not lost. How do you beat an addiction? You don’t let imperfection impede you from progressing on your path. You keep going. If you fell off the wagon and broke No Contact (whether by checking up on the narcissist or responding to them), don’t judge yourself too harshly. Self-judgment leads to the same sense of unworthiness that leads you back into looking for validation from toxic people. Instead, get back on the wagon and commit yourself to the journey even more fully. Practice mindfulness and radical acceptance of any urges you might have without acting upon them and participating in more self-sabotage. ((Did you read Curly's thread btw?)) Know that every setback is simply bringing up the core wounds you need to heal in order to move forward with even more strength and determination than before. Understand the triggers that led to your decision to break No Contact to mitigate them in the future and grieve for the illusion the narcissistic abuser presented to you (the ‘false mask’ they presented). Know that this person never truly existed and that the promise of a relationship that was fabricated in the idealization phase led you to an investment that ultimately led to more loss than gain. 8. My life is worth more than empty promises. When a narcissistic abuser is hoovering you, they are ((might be)) re-idealizing you ((and/or insulting you)) and making the same promises they made in the beginning of the relationship. They promised to change, to love and care for you, to always support you and be there for you. Yet they invalidated, belittled and degraded you instead. These empty promises are just another way to control and coerce you back into the abuse cycle. Don’t feed into the illusion of what the relationship could have been. Instead, acknowledge it for what it was: moments of terror merged with false promises that were never carried out. You deserve more than empty promises: you deserve the real thing. The true promise of a new and healthier life awaits you: make a promise to yourself that you will pursue that new reality instead. 9. This is life or death and I choose life. Every time. Many abuse survivors have a high level of resilience as well as a pain threshold that could rival a sumo wrestler or someone walking on hot coals without so much as a grimace. ((- You!)) ((And me)) Even if you feel like you can ‘deal with’ further abuse even after the break-up ((because you've had 'a nice rest' and are feeling stronger again)), consider that this is truly a life or death situation. If you are escaping from a physical abuser, this affirmation hits home. Yet even if you’re coming out of an emotionally abusive relationship, it also holds weight. I know many might not think of emotional violence as a life or death situation, but considering the suicides that occur from bullying and domestic violence and the fact that domestic violence survivors are actually at a higher risk of committing suicide, it is truer than we think. Each time we sacrifice our peace of mind for one more ‘hit’ of the abuse rather than detoxing from the relationship, we also belittle, demean and abuse ourselves. ((- like you do and I've advised you mustn't or it's abusing yourself for them whenever they're not there)) These incidents build up collectively to reenact the same sense of hopelessness we had during the abusive relationship and can pose severe harm to our psyche over time due to the cumulative impact of traumatic and retraumatizing experiences. By breaking No Contact, we convince ourselves that we are unworthy of something more than being with a toxic person. In the case of life or death, be sure to choose your new life without your abuser…each and every time. 10. Loneliness is infinitely better than any form of abuse. ((IT ACTUALLY IS. Plus you were lonelier IN the relationship but deluding yourself you had company, which is healthier; not when toxic, it's not. This isn't genuine loneliness, anyway - its your mind knowing it needs to cut out practically all distractions/new In-Tray sheets, to spot and count up all their crimes and neglect, but the part of you not in the know, worrying that it's loneliness, that you're Billy No Mates, that this is permanent you Amen now - and it is SO NOT. It's just self-quarantine, which speeds up the process, gets it all over and done with more quickly and more thoroughly...which chequered flag you recognise because you're BORED of it all, bored to talking about it/them, and just nutshell it ("they were a load of manipulative, exploitative, downright Chavvy, peck-pecking ankers")) After an abusive relationship, we may begin to romanticize our ex-partner in times of loneliness. We might even wonder if it was ‘worth’ leaving the abuse since we now feel so alone. We may have mixed emotions about our abuser as the “good times” come flooding back in the absence of our abuser. Remember: you were the only one truly invested in the good times. For your abuser, those good times were simply a form of periodic love-bombing, a form of intermittent reinforcement that kept you under their control while feeding you crumbs. The ‘good memories’ we had with our abuser never justify the abuse or make up for them. Loneliness can be a sign that you are working through and processing the trauma. It’s a sign that you may need to be more present with yourself and surround yourself with better support networks. It’s also a sign that you are in dire need of learning to enjoy your own company. Acknowledge and validate the loneliness, but don’t resist it by pursuing more toxic people or going back to the same toxic relationship. Survivors often need a period of self-isolation to reflect and recover from the trauma before they date or pursue new friendships. Take this time to heal and don’t rush the process: it’s very much needed in order for you to be in an optimal state of mental health. The more healed you are, the better the quality of your future relationships will be, whether with new friends and/or partners. 11. I deserve so much more than to be an emotional punching bag. ***When you’re in an abusive relationship, you are not in a healthy, reciprocal relationship. You are an emotional punching bag for an immature and unstable person. They get to take all of their flaws, their insecurities, their internal garbage and spew it onto you. Throughout the relationship, you were trained by your abuser to ‘take it’ as a natural part of being in a relationship with them. No more. You deserve more than to be someone’s emotional punching bag. You deserve a mutually respectful relationship where love and compassion are the default.*** 12. I can communicate my feelings to people who deserve to hear my voice. ((Damn right.)) We don’t have to use our voice with people((ish)) who are ***committed to misunderstanding, invalidating and mistreating us***. We can reserve our energy and time for people who are willing to see our beautiful qualities and celebrate them. We can use our voice for ***people who truly want to help us, who appreciate our help and reciprocate our efforts***. Instead of ***wasting*** your precious voice on people who will always be intent on silencing you, why not use it to help those who really need it, to comfort someone who is just as empathic and compassionate as you are, ((LIKE THE POSTERS WHO COME HERE! :)) to receive insights from a trusted professional or to share your story and change the world? ***I guarantee you that helping people who are actually able to evolve (and this includes yourself!) is a much better use of your voice than trying to convince a person without empathy to treat you well.*** It’s more likely to be effective, too! 13. My mental health is my number one priority. ((GOD, YES - ALREADY, SEE WHAT THEY'VE DONE TO YOU!)) ((reversible, a lot of it)) Make sure you’re engaging in extreme self-care during the No Contact journey. ((You see the physical results remarkably quickly and LOVE IT!)) This means checking with yourself every moment of the day to ensure that you are thinking healthy thoughts ((re-programming yourself)), taking advantage of the diverse healing modalities available to you, and addressing any symptoms of trauma that may be interfering with your ability to function in day-to-day life. ((We'll deal with those when they happen - IF they happen.)) If your mental health is suffering, all other aspects of your life will also feel the impact. So take care of yourself – and don’t be afraid to seek professional support if you need it. No one should have to go through this turmoil alone. ((No way)) 14. Staying sane is more important than being validated by an abuser. (("Well, if a monster like YOU rated me, that'd mean I was in serious trouble! :p")) Often when we have been devalued by an abuser, we become controlled by the need to be validated by them as ‘worthy.’ ((To get back the Ego and Self-Esteem chunks they chipped from you - from the only-seemingly fastest source)) This need becomes especially amplified when we see that the abuser seems to have moved on with a new victim. This is because the abuser was the source of our pervasive sense of unworthiness throughout the abuse cycle and we now feel as if we need confirmation that we were not the problem. Unfortunately, the reality is that narcissistic abuse will inevitably leave us without any closure from the toxic ex-partner. ((Unless you have the first-hand knowledgeable support incl. co-victims.)) Narcissists are masters of impression management ((- google)) and they rarely expose what is actually happening behind closed doors – so all you are likely to see is them idealizing their victims for the public, just like they did with you. That’s why you must prioritize your own sanity by accepting that while you may never get closure or confirmation of your worth from the narcissist, you can find ways of cultivating your own belief in your self-worth. This means stepping away from the narcissist’s public façade and investing in living your own best life. 15, 16, and 17. I trust my own reality. I know and trust what I experienced and felt. I validate myself. ((You're not the mad one hence aren't the one being abusive to them, ergo, what you say, goes - Fact! - End Of. They just tell you what they want you to hear and, when a*se-licking, what they know you want to hear)) These are a set of affirmations that can help you to resist the gaslighting attempts of your ex-partner or their harem. I don’t care how many harem members love the narcissistic abuser. I don’t care if the narcissist is on the cover of Time Magazine for Person of the Year. Their popularity with others or public façade doesn’t make them immune to being abusive. In fact, many malignant narcissists disguise themselves as charitable, loving people. That is the nature of their false mask: they are wolves in sheep’s clothing. This affirmation is here to remind you that despite the amount of people your abuser may have fooled, no one has the right to take away the reality of the abuse that you endured. You know what you experienced – you know how valid it was and the impact that it left upon you. It doesn’t matter how charming the narcissistic abuser is or who chooses to believe them; let their harem members learn at their own pace who the narcissist is. ((They always do; some are just slower than others.)) You’re not here to convince anyone. You’re here to validate yourself and resist the gaslighting attempts to distort your reality and that of the abuse. Don’t feel obligated to protect your abuser, minimize, rationalize or deny the abuse you endured. Honor and acknowledge your authentic emotions as well as depth of trauma you experienced. (("They mightn't ever have been nasty, or, moreover consistently, towards *you*, but they were to me - fact")) 18. I am worthy, I am beautiful (or handsome), I am brave, I am strong, I am fearless. ((I'm Polly-Pocket and that makes me cute! And really talented, and that makes me different and interesting. AND with a human trapped in a dog's body!)) These are another set of positive affirmations that can help remind you of how worthy and courageous you truly are, with or without a partner. It conditions you into believing good things about yourself, especially if you’re used to hearing harsh words from your abuser. I recommend recording these into a tape recorder or voice recording application on your phone and listening to them on a daily basis just to get yourself used to hearing them. ((Better yet - write yourself a Hello Gorgeous! speech and recite it to yourself daily or more in the mirror)) Repetition is essential to deprogramming the harmful messages your abuser instilled in you and reprogramming your mind for future success. ((Damn right)) ((Damn right)) ((Damn right)) ((Damn right, heh heh)) 19. Each second, each minute, each hour, each day, each month, each year, I am getting stronger. While you may have moments of powerlessness and hopelessness from time to time, rest assured that as you move forward with No Contact, you will gain more and more strength and resilience ((AND CONFIDENCE AND PRIDE - EVEN AWE - IN YOURSELF)) than you ever knew was possible. As more time passes and as more trauma is processed and addressed, the more space you’ll carve out to become the person you were meant to be. ((Yep, it's how it goes)) You’ll eventually reach a point in your healing journey where the strong attachment to the abusive person has ‘dulled’ in its emotional potency. ((or even, gone 'Pooff!')) 20. Leaving (or being left) was the best thing that ever happened to me. I made that happen. It was your agency and your powerful light that got you through the worst moments of your life so never underestimate your ability to survive after the abuse. There are so many victims still in abusive relationships – including the new source of supply. You’ve awakened and you’ve taken back control over your life. This is a blessing that should not be taken for granted. Instead of focusing on the ways you still feel trapped, validate your grief while allowing yourself to celebrate the ways you’ve been freed. 21. I am a motherf*cking badass. I can survive anything. And I will thrive. ((Yeah, baby!)) For those who need that extra punch (and dose of profanity along with their reality check), this affirmation can charge you with the determination and badassery needed to rise above the pain and channel it into something greater. Remember: for every crucifixion, there is an even greater possibility for resurrection. Transform all the grief and outrage you feel into your greater good: use it to fuel you to reach greater heights, achieve your goals and kick some serious butt in all facets of your life. ((- one of the Fun bits haha)) 22. Do no harm; take no shit. ((You can see why I rate Shahida so much, can't you.)) We don’t have to be vindictive or retaliate against our ex-partners in order to take care of ourselves, set boundaries or to lead victorious lives. At the same time, we don’t have to internalize anyone else’s garbage. You can empower yourself by establishing what your boundaries are and following through with them – each and every time. Whether it be with your abusive ex-partner or a new acquaintance, the healing journey is all about learning how to implement healthier boundaries and becoming more assertive in our authentic truth. (("My parents always said: Honesty is the best policy. But if you can't say anything nice - or nicely, don't say anything at all. Didn't yours?"; "I'm unsurprisingly not enjoying this conversation - I'll call you tomorrow, see if you're in a better mood/prepared to be more reasonable/less screechy"; etc.)) 23. My success is their karma. Karma can answer him or her – I am too busy. ((No, it's your portion - man-made karma. Fate has it's own half (because it's in a relationship with you) and the bigger the crime, the bigger the custard-pie in the face, so the longer it takes to bake in Fate's oven)). Live your life and try to minimize your focus on what the narcissist is doing ((constantly picking on or conning someone else, usually)), who he or she is seeing or what they are getting away with. Let the narcissist learn at his or her own pace what life is all about; you don’t need to educate a grown ass human being on how to be a decent person. ((Yuh. They're NOT your kids or kids full-stop!)) You don’t need to give karma a ‘push’ either – let it unravel and unfold organically, if at all. ((Disagree with that flourish; I check up, even decades later, and it always does.)) The best karma a narcissist can receive is actually the weight of your indifference and success after you leave them. ((Yup! You were supposed to curl up and die in direct accordance with how potent and irresistible they are, or because they were a Narc-Spath who tried in whatever ways to end YOU, not just the relationship and your whole confidence and joie de vivre)) 24. I am the life source. I am the Light. Without me, there is nothing to feed on. These are emotional vampires we’re dealing with ((or worse - zombies)); it’s up to you to make sure that they don’t leave nourished on your supply while you’re left malnourished, drained and underfed after an interaction with them. Without their sources of supply, narcissists live in the darkness of their own emotional void. Don’t let your mind, your body and your soul be part of their feeding queue. Remove yourself completely from the equation altogether. If they don’t get to feast upon your emotions, your commitment or your investment, you get to nourish yourself with a healthy mind and life. ((I'll cease the comments now - run out of time)) 25. They don’t miss me as a person – they miss controlling and mistreating me. Narcissistic ex-partners only try to play the ‘let’s be friends’ card because they miss what you provide for them. They miss putting you down. They don’t miss you or any other victim as a person because they truly cannot even wrap their heads around people as individual human beings. To them, supply is supply and they rarely ‘know’ their sources of supply beyond a shallow impression of them as objects to control and misuse for their own gain. Remember that when a narcissistic abuser tries to hoover you, saying they miss you, what they’re reallysaying is that they miss the power and control they felt when they were able to provoke your emotions. 26. They don’t love or care about me – they care about fulfilling their own needs. Normal partners would leave their ex-partners alone and move forward especially after they realized that their ex-partners were not the one for them. Narcissists don’t care what is best for their ex-partners; they don’t care if they’re potentially retraumatizing them by reaching out to them or flaunting new supply. They want to fulfill their own needs and it doesn’t matter who they hurt in the process. Give yourself this reality check each and every time you find yourself romanticizing the abuser: they do not love or care about you, at all. If they did, they would have made the effort to treat you better. Love is expressed in actions, not empty words. 27. Each time I don’t respond or set a boundary, I remind myself of what I am worth. You are truly worthy, warrior, and you don’t need anybody else to validate your worth to you. You are precious, valuable and enough. Know it and own it; don’t let anyone take away your divine self-worth from you. Each time that you permit yourself to stick to No Contact, you communicate to yourself that you are worthy of a better life. Continue to tell yourself that you are whole just as you are and so very deserving of the best life possible. Treat yourself as if you were already whole and one day you will realize you’ve internalized this belief. Feeling and knowing that you are enough goes beyond just an affirmation; it can lead to success beyond your wildest dreams. You just have to be willing to be receptive to this belief. Gently invite it into your life and find ways to cultivate it every day until it is so fully rooted in your psyche that it has no choice other than to blossom. 28. I care about and love myself. Be gentle with yourself during this time. Treat yourself as you would a dear friend or a wounded baby bird. How would you take care of yourself? What would you tell someone you love who is hurting? How would you treat someone who you wanted the best for? Treat yourself that exact way – you deserve all the care, compassion and validation that you tried to give to the narcissist. 29. I am my own best friend. I am my own best advocate. You can have a nourishing support network, but at the end of the day, you are the only one who can advocate for yourself and your healing. You are the only person who can act on your own behalf and make the right choices for your recovery process. Nobody can do it for you. So advocate for yourself, each and every day: turn off the phone, the computer and any form of communication with the narcissistic abuser and walk away from temptation. You are worth so much more than this toxic person could ever give you. 30. I love myself. Truly and always, I love myself. And for the first time in a long time, I am putting myself first. The journey to healing is about you. Not your ex-partner, your friends, your family, or society. You may have placed your mental health and basic needs on the back burner for a long time when you were in this abusive relationship. Now it’s finally time to prioritize you, your needs, your dreams, your desires and what you personally want to manifest in your life. Take this valuable time to really get to know yourself and honor your goals. You deserve to make all your dreams come to life. It’s time for you to shine – and no one is ever going to get to dim your light ever again.

Dear Soulmate, haven't read your most recent entry yet. Needed to yell this out of excitement. Went to the City this morning to Doctor. Need a pile of tests. Got home as the sky was changing. Cloud formations of the type you NEVER SEE HERE! You see them on Storm Chaser shows. WE GOT ONE! The City just got a Twister over the River and headed for the airport!!! Yet another super cell put it down over our City. The news is going crazy. It had with it hail whilst the sun shone! Super Rare phenomenon. Had to share it with you.

Answers... You said: I was getting harrassed by low-lifes as well (there's another snap). But my Police (London/Surrey/Sussex/Hampshire) sound better than yours. Although I now spot 'Police know' so maybe they've stepped up?.... I'm really sorry to read this. Now I understand how you had so many clever techniques to outwit and outlast our losers. Thank You You said: did you read about surprisingly effective, Everyday household weapons Yes. I sure did read it. Over twice and I saved your advice. Had referred to it and used a few of the ideas. It is amazing. Logical. I marvel that I never thought of any of this myself. You said: reflexively whacked him with my rolling-pin, completely unaware I was still holding it! I had a laugh when you said this and then got it out (my rolling-pin) and daughter comes in the kitchen and says 'cool what are you going to make?'. That made me laugh more. You said: sounding like Muriel from Muriel's Wedding's father. There is a dear woman on Mums Ward. Her name is Katrina. She was a nurse for most of her life. Had two sons & never gets visited ever! Been there 10+ years now. They dumped her there & fled. Not even Christmas. She keeps to herself. She colours in constantly. She has no teeth (about 3), curled hands so feeds herself like a scoop which is very messy but she can't help it. Bless her. Her legs are a bit twisted so walks with a walker and her back is hunched. She is soooo kind to me. Loves me and loves Raya. She gets super excited when I visit. She calls my Mum in full excitement and says 'your daughters here, your daughters here' repeated over about 3 times. She doesn't talk to anybody other than my Mum and me. She sings to herself and sometimes if I know the song I sing along & she smiles. She gives me huge smiles. She dribbles a bit. So I go up to her and talk to her about her colouring and give her a hug. The photo on the wall shows her as a blonde haired, blue eyed, 26 year old nurse. Sorry I always get off track don't I. I think it is because my daughter won't converse unless it is about her and her life/friends/dogs. So I bottle it all up. My point is one day the movie was on 'Muriels Wedding' she said in her slurred speech 'I love this...this Muriel'. About 10 minutes later my Mum made fun of the main nurse (who Mum & Katrina despise) behind her back. Quick as lightening Katrina says to Mum laughing 'Oh you're awful Muriel'. Now we three say it all the time. It makes Katrina so happy. Then Git says to me. Why do you try to talk to that Kathleen. I correct him Katrina is her name. He said she is very ugly puts me off with her nasty teeth, dribble and the way she eats with her hands. I said 'she had a massive stroke'. Then he said 'but have you seen her photo on the wall. She was such a good looker. What a shame. I'd have had a crack at that nurse in the day'. I am really starting to HATE HIM! Git is awful Muriel!

You said: I collect Swarowski Crystals (no waay - waaaay!). Have done since the 90s. ...And - get this - (still) displayed in little vignettes! I was THRILLED when I read this. I said 'oh my gosh' at the computer screen. I can't get over that coincidence. This makes me feel so much better. Not like a weirdo who collects what some consider inconsequential little material objects. Git says 'waste of money and space'. But 'NO' he is so wrong. It is appreciation for little pieces of beauty that bring joy. If you look at something in your cabinet and it makes you smile then to me it is worth every cent. I LOVED learning this about you. I have little lamps, a little bible, a small punch bowl set and many more miniatures. Not crystal. Can't afford those. Love the way crystal reflects the light and makes colours. But you're so right (FINE taste lady) I'd buy the plain ones not the coloured also. Your collection sounds lovely!!! We actually have something in common. Fancy that hey! You said Manalone lives in Aussie Land. I'm wondering where. Which state. Only out of curiosity not stalker LOL It is hard not being able to share more as you stated. I'd love to show you our dioramas. I've probs given away way too much personal info and other references. That is what my daughter warns me about. She says I'm a fool to talk to people through FB, Instagram or other Forums. Yet she does! OH a super cell is a massive, dangerous, human lives at risk storm. Preceded by micro bursts. Massive strong winds big trunk trees snap in half, wipe out houses. Throw your outdoor furniture, trampoline, pot plants, chairs and even bricks sometimes. Large tennis ball sized hail that can smash through windows and your roof. Clouds begin looking like huge mashed potato piles then swiftly changes. Forms dark grey shape that looks like an Alien flying saucer. Turns from day to looking like night time in moments. Last for hours. Travel far and leave wide spread damage in their path. VERY SCARY STUFF!

Sorry Soulmate for how I took too long to respond to your questions. I didn't mean to be selfish. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings. I care what you say! Trust me! I never meant to overlook you. I just let my emotions carry me away often. Character flaw. Sorry. I loved your responses and I'm thrilled that you are giving time to me. Truth is I get a bit dizzy after awhile and find it hard to find them (the questions) amongst all our chatter. I'm going to do better. Promise.

I'm still reading the 30 points for Going No Contact With An Abusive Narcissist By Shahida Arabi I need to read things slowly and without my daughter or barking dogs around. So it does take me sometime to get through everything. I also find that my eyes ache. I get very blurry. Diabetes and very old glasses. Also, my comprehension isn't always good these days. Daughter says it often. So I need to read and re read over & over. So I take notes in a folder and refer back to it often.

Gosh I hope you haven't been negatively impacted by the floods in Spain which I saw on the news tonight? A GIFT FOR SOULMATE! by DD My own made up recipe. I've NEVER given a recipe away that I invented. So now you know how very much you mean to me. My Sister has begged for it LOL 'Spanish Loaf' Self Raising Flour 1 & three quarter cups Butter 125g or 3 heaped tablespoons Mixed Spice 1 teasp Ginger Powder 1 teasp Cinnamon 1 teaspoon Vanilla 2 teaspoons Golden Syrup 3 tablespoons (if you go over then you may need to compensate with a little extra SRF Bicarb Soda 1 good teaspoon 1 egg pinch salt Brown sugar three quarters of a cup but if you have a sweet tooth then 1 cup Boiling water about 1 cup Extras: your personal choice of combo or perhaps you'd prefer it plain served warm with butter Just remember to coat whatever in flour upfront (before you add wet ingrediants) so that they don't rise to top and burn red cherries cut in half ginger pieces crystalised diced dates diced raisins (can soak them in a little rum overnight for a kick before adding) sultanas mixed nuts diced pecans chopped *a handful or sprinkle of whatever. depends on what I have in the larder. Method: Preheat oven to 200C but only for 5 mins or so. Then turn down to 170C You will find that this loaf takes ages to cook. It is slow cooking. 45mins to 1 hour. It tends to cook bottom to top with the middle cooking last! So pressing with your finger to test not suitable. Skewer down the centre to test if cooked. Gooey? oh no, not ready Crumby look on top means nearly ready. Golden brown ready. Clean skewer get me out NOW or I'll burn. I use a double layer of baking paper to line a loaf tin. Alternatively grease with butter and sprinkle flour then shake out. Ready to begin: Sift SRF add pinch salt add all the spices mixed DO NOT MIX IN THE BICARB! Sprinkle in your chosen additives eg cherries or sultanas coat in the srf Make a well in the centre and now place this bowl aside Saucepan on stove top. Place butter, golden syrup and brown sugar. mix into each other over the heat well. try not to boil but do melt the b. sugar. med to low heat. needs to melt together. scraping down sides and making sure sugar is melted and no lumps remain. Now place this saucepan aside. Warm you want it. Not hot! Not cold! Warm to coolish. If boiling hot the egg will cook that is a big no, no! Working quickly... beat your egg with fork in cup first Then using beaters on low thoroughly mix egg through the syrup mixture. Now fold through the vanilla. give it a good mix. Place aside. Now go back to dry ingrediants bowl. pour another teaspoon of vanilla into the well. HARD PART! WORK QUICKLY. DON'T BURN YOURSELF. Boil kettle 1 cup of boiling water Place in a jug and add the bicarb and brace yourself for the chemical reaction of bubbling up Fizz. HOT! Take care! Mix this mixture of bicarb & h.water through the syrup and egg mix. Give a good beat with wooden spoon. light in colour and runny is ok. Now fold through the dry ingred bowl. PRONTO in oven. Cook. Best served warm. If goes cold or a day old bring it back to life in your microwave. Enjoy!

I've been reading and re-reading the steps. I'm up to point 12. It is very intelligent. It is so right. I nod 'yes' a lot when I read it. It is so true. It feels strange seeing my life (and countless others) written there making everything you believed was your fault or worried you imagined or were exaggerating to be so real and devastatingly impacting. I can name the people as I read it. Like that point is Sister. That point is Mother. That point is Git. I thought (still do sometimes) that all of my problems were all me to blame. I was a failure. I'm not a normal person. They ALL knew best. I was inferior and should obey them. I'm sorry you were also abused. Your ex I'm guessing. I'd like to ask things but worry about stepping on toes or minding your business too much. I am afraid of crossing a line and ticking you off with queries. Because you sit in a position of power...Moderator. I'm just a needy person.

Got an issue now though. I feel quite free. I feel a bit liberated. I like it! Daughter has noticed a difference in me. She said as much. Asked me what caused it. I blocked Sister many, many weeks back on FB & I only briefly/quickly check my FB once a day for messages from the doll club ladies. I've really stepped back and away. I no longer look at instagram. Haven't for weeks. I don't miss my Sister. I initially cried a bit. Like I lost my Sister. But no. She severed us not me. Her behaviour, over reactions & verbal abuse put an end to us. She is doing exactly what Step 3 says! She bread crumbed me also. She is bad mouthing me now to all. I spent a few weeks feeling guilty about it. Didn't tell you my Niece would no longer talk to me. She went to a wedding of a mutual family friend in the bridal party & had promised me photos. She is doing a new stage show and always sends me the dress rehearsal videos. I was waiting for them. She wouldn't respond to any of my messages wishing her luck etc. I was greatly hurt by that. As she and I hadn't any conflict. Daughter said 'she has taken her Mothers part get over it. She has to Mum or else her life won't be worth living with Aunty'. She usually wants to see the doll dioramas. I sent her pics. Zero response. So I went silent. Let it go cold. I felt she'd be back. As soon as her Mum does one of her numbers on her. She did! Niece quite suddenly started sending me short messages again. I knew she was to leave for Europe soon and I wanted to wish her well. So I did. She sent me a red heart emoji, a hug and a kiss. I know we are good now. Then Git is so described in several steps. Step 8 struck a cord. Promised $400, then reduced to $300 then further reduced to $200 then $100 and it was zero in the end. Promised to help us get a place now that he inherited all mums money, grandparents money and the House worth 1.5 million been appraised three times. He's never done a thing. Just skiting about what he is buying and how he quoted to us 'I could never spend all this money it is great'. Then added 'you have no right to any. she may have been your Mother but you moved out at 18 and I was married to her for 30 years so it is all rightfully mine now'. He acts as though Mum is dead. Promised we could stay there when we left the DV Shelter. Arrived tired and upset in taxi and he said no that he'd changed his mind and we had to sit in the yard only and sort out where you're going tonight. We were devastated. We got a room at a local pub. He's been rotten.

"I'm really sorry to read this. Now I understand how you had so many clever techniques to outwit and outlast our losers. Thank You" I'm not (sorry). Didn't I tell you? I'm a Narc slayer (especially where kids are involved or can be affected). I had two love-lives - the genuine one (not much happened there, though, if you discount the Narcs, because I was heavily-obsessively into my career and studies) and then there was 'Houston, we have a live one'. I'm probably the only person on the planet (probably not lol, but you get my meaning) who CAN say they shared responsibility ("co-creativity"). Sometimes, it was a case of, what I thought at first was a genuine relationship, whereupon, either I dumped toute suite OR, if they were a type or style I'd not personally encountered, I'd switch to field researcher....prod, poke, prod, poke, keeping notes. With these bozos, theory alone is wholly inadequate, and although I'd grown up surrounded by the effers, I hadn't been as up-close as in a romantic pairing. So there we go. Think of me like Steve Irwin - "Ah'm hunting Toigers". :D The best research was when I'd genuinely been fooled but had had strong feelings for them (for obvious, authenticity-based reasons). The pain was definitely worth it, though. Oh, and don't worry about having to vent in between answering my questions. The fact you're answering them is the diff that makes the whole diff. ...Not that I've read your responses yet (got contractor here) - bar the first re the twister (yikes), but if you've missed any questions I'll let you know. PS: Twister or NPD Narcissist......NPD Narcissist or Twister.... Twister, please! Hahahaha. Nah. Narcissist. Those ones you can wrestle to the ground and restrain until they yell Submit!, hahaha.

PS: "Told me quote 'Listen YOU WILL BE GOING on the actual day as I have a meter man coming out to fix the electricity box. Sounds odd considering ours was recently smoked/burnt out." YES.....DOESN'T IT... "Things that make you go, Hmm..." Google "Narcissistic Sociopath - Duper's Delight", and, "- Sociopathic Tell" or "- Reveal". They get great pleasure at manipulating you into *suspecting* it could have been them them 'wot dunnit'. But you're never qqqquuuiiite sure enough, to confront. So he's done the typical NSpath thing of (google) "wrapping a lie around the truth" (or vice-versa) in his need for an excuse not to go... just because he doesn't want to. In fact, he probably dreads it: Your mum's started showing him up for what he is, by acting-up mainly only when he visits (and when they've seen she's been having an okay or good day beforehand) - and majorly (actions-actions). And he knows they'll be writing little reports each time. Ergo, they'll catch on (already have, I imagine) to what he is: her abuser(-exploiter). Without you to pick on and purge themselves through, they'll misbehave more and more and more AND start dropping balls everywhere.

PS: "YOU WILL BE GOING " If there's a next time (though hopefully you'll - whoops go through a tunnel), tell him to 'geddit right, Grandud': It's 'VILL'. :p (Also, tell him if he truly believes he can order you around like that - first, he can damn-well buy you the uniform, knee-high boots and ruddy rifle or no dice.) And then - gosh...he can't boss your mum around....he can't boss you around....who WILL he turn his crosshairs onto next? Why - Blister, of course. Or Auntie? Or Brother? (We're not fussed, eh!) Goes-a-round-a-comes-a-round-a....

Hi, Thank you for responding. I have inundated you and I know you're busy. Hope the Contractor is doing a good job for you. There are many new forum entries and people with problems. I vent too much. I'm worried I'll become a nuisance. This upcoming week I have many specialist appointments and tests. So, may go off the air for a bit. I'm proud of me today. I handled Mum via a long phone conversation. Then I handled Git when he kept ringing and I deliberately let it ring out several times and ignored it for an hour until I was ready to take the call. I have to eventually answer because the turd just keeps on phoning and if he can't get me on my phone well he goes to daughter's phone and then he bitches to her about her Mother for not picking up. Then she gets ticked off at me. Anyways, I just handled him beautifully! You'd be proud! I feel quite chuffed with myself. I did not let him get away with anything. I was fully in control and prepared before I answered and said 'hello'. Guess what? He changed to sweet voice after I wouldn't let him get away with ANYTHING. Master manipulation but fell flat! I actually got a calm, well spoken, polite 'will you please come with me to visit with your Mother tomorrow?'. I said 'sorry no. I've just spoken to her for an hour and she understands that I'm busy and have Specialist Tests this coming week so she told me no need to come'. Truth by the way. She was chipper in her demeanour and reasonably happy. Mum is NEVER happy as she suffers depression. He had told me last week (not knowing that I'd gone to see her on the bus) that she doesn't know who I am anymore. LIE. I said 'hello' on the phone held it and waited a few seconds deliberately in silence. Quick as lightening she said my name '________ are you there?'. My Mum knows me! Saw a poster today you can purchase online today and I liked what it said. 'No one can steal your thunder...when you are the *ucking storm!'. Yes it had the swear word in it. Love it. Brace yourself for the next comment. Today I'm loving life. Raya is all over me and following me around the house. I'm minding puppy and I therefore can sneak in a cuddle & she kisses me cause daughter is out. I handled the difficult folk. I've done all the housework and sat down to type this. I'm going to have a well earnt cup of tea (bugger ran out of coffee needed the oomph). So this is what a 'normal life' feels like. WOW. Hey mate who looks out for my troubled soul. You have a lovely day & night to follow! Cheers, DD

LAUGHTER THE BEST MEDICINE! Hope you find this as funny as I did. I actually wet my pants. Background knowledge: I'd been getting way too much joy out of telling daughter that I can't see the dogs poop at night outside. Even with the back light on! So she has to pick it up. She didn't want to. So began handing me a doggy bag and her mobile phone with its light on to me. Anything to avoid the freshly delivered poop. She was happy that I was still cleaning it up until I accidentally dropped her mobile phone in Rayas giant emoji style offering. So today she goes shopping. Comes home and says 'I bought you a gift'. It is a Brightly, illuminating, camping area, wear on your forehead headlamp. The advertisement printed on it states 'Adventure Awaits'. It is night. It is dark. Keep in mind this is Australia! The dogs had their dinner some 20 mins earlier so out we go all four of us to try out my new head lamp. Daughter plonks it on my head and adjusts the elastic band to size around my cranium. She turns it on. Not only is it so blindingly bright that I can hardly see BUT every month & insect in the radius went straight for the light. I was swamped. Swarmed by every bug Aussie Land had to offer. So like any normal female Australian I let out a blood curdling scream and ran aimlessly flapping my arms about totally blinded by the light and landed smack bang into the side of our large green house. The dogs both just stood there staring. Daughter & I just laughed and laughed. It was still lit up so I was covered on my face with bugs & spitting them out. You see neither one of us could find the button to switch it off. If only it had been filmed as an Aussie Outback Adventure then I'd be rich. Steve Irwin had nothing on me! I came inside to get fresh knickers. Daughter says drily 'it is official you really do light up my life Mum'. Hope you enjoyed our antics. It really was a 'you had to be there to see it moment'.

Funs over! Had my one day a year where things felt normal. I didn't tell U about daughters epic 10 year old tantrum on Halloween Night. This morning I lost it with her. All steps I should follow out the window. Why? I'm bloody exhausted (seems I'm not allowed to be) I'm in epic pain 24/7 further tests this week (seems I'm not allowed to be) Giving somebody love or understanding that type of empathy doesn't exist in my life. She just left out the door, slamming it and calling me every name under the sun. Saying the family are right. She is meeting Git at the shops. Saying I'm not buying your food item you can get it yourself. She spent the majority of my money only a couple of days ago! She filled bags with food only she can eat (I have diverticulitus & diabetes). I like that I'm losing weight but that has become an issue. Got told 'you're a bitch. I hate you. Your arse is getting skiny. What is that about?'. I said well you use all my money & you eat all the food and I have health issues going on which you say are not real. I get no sleep. Sat up the last two nights because of the hoons going past and I saw a torch light. I'm too tired to cook. I'm too tired to eat. In her rage at me this morning she said I do nothing? Then added I hadn't finished the yard and should have done that yesterday whilst she was out. I've been cleaning up the yard, saving up what money I can to get a temporary type bamboo fence to put on that side before we get new neighbours. ALL of the junk piled on that side is hers! She won't help me. Says because of spiders and rats. So her 56 year old Mum, with serious health conditions is out doing it every afternoon without help in a heatwave and being eaten alive by mosquitos. I can't believe after minding her dogs all day she said 'it should be done by now and what have I been doing?'. The clothes on her back I did. The meals she puts in her gob. I did. Also, this morning (sorry ranting) Puppy had the audacity to kiss me and sit in my lap. She went off at me! It is all my fault! I'm stealing the third dog. Your plan was working. Now an epic fail. Because she is hating me! As she went out the door said you've become a bigger bitch in the last week than you already were. Whoever is advising you better be real and genuine. Doc Frankenstein working with the Monster. You are cold emotionally. Selfish. In love with yourself. You've never really cared about me or my interests and now it is even worse. Yesterday, as I minded her dogs and did the laundry she phoned me to say inconsequential stuff 18 times! I couldn't even pee. When I did I got told 'where were you?' and 'you shouldn't leave me waiting standing in the shops'. So I'll tell the trigger this morning and own that I wasn't kind. I lost my temper. Not in a big way. No yelling. No swearing. Just honesty spoken in a monotone but it hurt her feelings. I had warned her up front to back off saying I'm in pain and tired so please just give me some space. But NO. I remember a mother on tuckshop saying to me when she was in grade 3 at school so 8 years old. WHAT YOUR DAUGHTER WANTS YOUR DAUGHTER GETS DOESN'T SHE? Then another Mother piped up and said 'She sure doesn't like you talking to others and wants things her own way. My girl won't play with her anymore'. This remains at 32! She followed me after I asked for space. I wasn't even properly awake yet. I hadn't even had my first cuppa of the day. I am a bitch. Because to me what she was going on about is immature. Over the last month I've supported her non stop. Listened until my ears bleed.

Any chance you are there right now? She has joined the others. She is with Git. I'm getting long text messages literally saying I'm mental blah...blah... I've nobody. I'm alone. A new gang (after the neighbours) is literally ganging up on me. My daughter is today's ring leader. Nothing can work when they have their team to support and fall back on. I'm really wanting to end it. This is never going to end. I can't fight everybody. Obviously I am thing that is not wanted. I am the odd one out. She even takes the dog. How can every reaction I have be wrong? How can every word I utter be wrong? How can every move I make be wrong? IT HAS TO BE OVER!

I'm sorry Soulmate but I just can't go on we tried Im done Im not likable You know it I know it I don't fit in this world I have reached that point I want out! Enough is enough You can't live a life as an Island I can't please her 24/7 I'm tired, super tired There is NOTHING to go on for Raya will be won over by treats She too will die and leave me one day I might as well give them all what they want because I want it too NO ME

Daughter says I'm a fool who is probably being used as a case study for students of psychiatry. That nobody really likes me I'm just a means to an end. She said I'm giving fodder to help somebody write a book using my life and words without my permission and then they'll become rich. I don't know if she has been on here. It wouldn't surprise me at all if she has. I can't breathe without her analysis.

I feel like every single member of this family has been granted the task to 'sort me out', 'straighten me out', 'set me on the right path', 'make me the personality & person they believe I should be'. Make me bearable. Make me suitable for this family. But what I want to know is who made them Gods righthand? I want to know why aren't they starting with themselves? So they must be perfect correct? To be able to scrutinise another human being to this degree. Every utterance I make is dissected, most of me comes up rotten and is chucked out. Like they are working with the remains. Scraps of a human being. How they are all suffering at the hands of this non-human entity that displays only some but not enough characteristics to be considered worthy of them. Then the weird occurrences taking place in our Townhouse are disturbing! Seem Spiritual. Not sure that I'm a complete believer. If it is so, then they are indeed in cahoots with all the family members to get me fixed pronto. Daughter swears a few days ago a Spirit sort her out in the hallway and rubbed her upper arm in a soothing, comforting way. She demonstrated. I'd call it the 'there, there, you poor thing' gentle rub. Seen it done before to daughter right in front of me and then an evil stare sent my way. Hell, even the nut job up the street is calling me possessed by Satan. I can't rise above this. It is coming at me from everywhere. I can't get out of this hole. The harder I try to be good the worse it seems to go for me. I've been turning my brain into a pretzel. Going out of my way to be a good Samaritan myself. To show people I'm thoughtful, sometimes kind, generally speaking 'good'. I like doing things for others. I enjoy it. I never see Git, Bro, Sis or Aunty put themselves out for others let alone strangers. Can I really be all BAD? From the inside out disgusting to all of them. Repulsive. Rotten fruit which didn't fall far from the Mother Tree. Unlike them who are bright, fresh and perfection. They all agree that I need fixing. This I know. Nobody got together to 'fix' my Mother. She was allowed to torture children and we look the other way. Nobody performed an intervention on her. They did however eventually succeed to have her locked up & throw away the key. This same fate I have been told on more than one occasion is their plan for me.

I literally can't speak, feel, have an emotion nor an opinion. They are ready to 'pounce and devour me'. It isn't pleasant being an ant under a microscope 24/7. More than half the time I don't even know 'comprehend' what I said or did wrong. I believe on the law of averages I have to be in the right sometimes. The score is them always 100% right and me 0%. Got told by Blister all those weeks back how I'm lucky any of them still keep in touch or converse with me. I sure don't feel 'lucky'. I do however feel cursed. These prophets seem to still hold hope that my repentance might yet come. If only they'd all hold their breath while they wait. I don't even know what I did this time that was so shockingly bad. Not at all. I truly, honestly thought that daughter and I were doing well. Getting along pretty good when compared to past years. I lectured her. I didn't even do it in a mean way. Why? She really carried on Halloween night. You'd think she was 10 years of age with the tears and tantrum because I turned around to go home from attempted trick or treating when a storm broke out. I had Raya with me and there was fork lightening. Nobody was around. The streets were empty. There were no kids. There was no houses with a welcoming light nor pumpkin outside. She was being ridiculous! So immature. She loudly yelled at me in the street. I feel for certain the only neighbours we have occasionally chatted to heard her. Today went even worse after my time home alone and break down in tears. Git turns up at the door asking for some of the Corned Beef Roast I made and by the way here is that small parcel. WTF? It feels like he held on to that parcel and now I've earnt it in exchange for meat. That is crazy thinking. It's probably just a coincidence. I'd been crying and my eyes were swollen & red. I wasn't expecting a visitor. He looked at me and shook his head. Then he said 'by the way your Sister and I had a lovely chat on the phone today and your Sister said to say hi to you for her'. Then he added 'Spoke with your Brother also. He was really nice it went well'. Then he told me to come out to the car and find the parcel in the back seat of the car myself. I presume because of his leg. This was the small parcel he said came a number of days back and then denied its existence when I asked where it is. I just don't know anymore. Nothing makes any sense to me. So I scrambled around the floor of the backseat of the car. Finally found it. Then he sped off. He confounds me. Later, in the afternoon the phone rang and I hear daughter (she was being deliberately loud and sugary sweet with Git) their banter went on for some time and then she said 'oh you want to speak to Mum sure here she is' With a grin she threw the phone towards me across the room. I had no choice but to pick it up & speak because I'm not immature like she is. I'm an adult. Git said I wanted to tell you that the family have sorted your Mother's Birthday out over the phone today. You may not visit your Mother on the 9th or 10th of November. It is reserved for myself and others. You may visit her (getting there and back yourself) on the 11th but not for long. Once the electrician has been and gone as I told him to come early then I'll be going to see her again. This is sorted (my name) and everybody is in agreement. Now (my name) tell me you will follow this plan and see your Mother briefly on the morning of the 11th before I go there. Then (my name) I'm waiting for you to confirm that you got these dates and understand. I'm still waiting for an agreement. I said I will see my Mother when I see my Mother. I will go whatever day or time suits me. He jumped 'No you can't. Everybody has agreed. We gave you a day and time'. Then he added 'don't tell me you don't intend visiting your Mother for her Birthday'. I said 'My Mother is important to me and yes I'm fully aware of her Birthday Thank You'. He said 'Her actual Birthday is the 11th November in case you don't know it (my name). I said 'Thank you so much for that piece of information which I've always known'. Contd.

So I've been sorted! Allotted a day & time. They believe they are being considerate. I believe they are being controlling. Guess I'm an ungrateful b * tch. Guess I'm a trouble causer. I just didn't realise that at 56 years of age this Git thinks he can call all the shots in regards to my Mother. On past visits he's even told me what I may/may not talk to her about and told to keep my voice and tone positive and upbeat please. It is HIM that is being thrown out. It is ME she begs to stay longer. It is clear to me that Brother is being a borer worm. Eating his way through the wood rot that is Git's head. After the money & control I'll bet. Clearly noting the forgetfulness of Git. Who is dithering more & more these days. Git will make Bro Enduring Power of Attorney. He's calling him a nickname (this is new & pathetic) & referring to him as 'Mate' way too much. He even went so far as to say that it should be a man in control and that being the first born my Brother should take over when Git dies. All daughter's arse licking will be for nought. My Brother hates her! Always has! He refers to her as 'The smart arse who needs a slap'. Doubt she'll inherit a penny. I am very mad at my Mother for the trouble she has caused with this E P of A. She shot me down at the QCAT Tribunal Meeting. I hated her for weeks. Started telling people she'd died. Like ladies in the doll club. You Soulmate. She may as well have. It took me quite sometime to forgive. I've forgiven her but I'm not really certain as to why. It is not nor ever will be forgotten.

I know for certain that I am Mental because I bought Mum a new dress for her Birthday. Washed it today. You never know with Mum. She could be in one of her dark moods and throw it at me telling me 'I'm not going to wear that'. I've had many gifts returned to me over the years with nasty little hand written notes attached. Then again she does very much enjoy attention. So if she is getting things on her Birthday and it is in front of any of her old friends well then she'll turn it up. It will be 'so lovely' and she'll make a big show of thanking me. Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde you never know which one is going to come out to play. It can be scary stuff.

Sorry Soulmate I just wanted to take the time to apologise for positively inundating you. It was selfish of me. I know... I carry on too much I catastrophise I over talk etc I'm a bit of a rat bag basket case this isn't news really is it LOL

"Sorry Soulmate I just wanted to take the time to apologise for positively inundating you. It was selfish of me. I know... I carry on too much I catastrophise I over talk etc I'm a bit of a rat bag basket case this isn't news really is it LOL" NNNooooooooOOO? What did I say about not beating yourself up? Answer me that, first, please, thank-you... tut-tut? I've got to hear you say it?

I love myself. Truly and always, I love myself. And for the first time in a long time, I am putting myself first. (For now: keep in mind what I said about how these toddlers up their nonsense and hysterics in order to wear you out so that you'll drop the new regime and so as to regain the control over you they can feel they're rapidly losing.)

Remember, you're barred from saying things like, 'I'm dumb', and, 'sorry to go on'. It's the psychological version of ripping off your scabs and 'cutting'. You're supposed to go on and on. And you know darned well you're not dumb.

"I love myself. Truly and always, I love myself. And for the first time in a long time, I am putting myself first. (For now: keep in mind what I said about how these toddlers up their nonsense and hysterics in order to wear you out so that you'll drop the new regime and so as to regain the control over you they can feel they're rapidly losing.)" THAT'S better. :) You're allowed to verbally beat THEM up on here, as much as you like, but never yourself (and that goes for everyone). Because that's what they WANT you to do, these lazy bullies: help them, including when the're not even around...and then to eventually do ALL of it for them, where all they have to do is give you a top-up swift kick if ever you start to 'get too cocky'. So foil and defeat them. Any-hoo. Got contractors here at the mo so I'll reply properly to your latest just as soon as I can. :) (Psst - heh heh - see Marpip's thread. God, I enjoyed that. Nearly laughed myself silly. That's what you call turning Lemons into Lemonade - if you ever want to try it with your lot? Let's be honest - there's a LOT to take the piss out of where they're concerned!)

Oh - wait - scratch 'try it'. I've just spotted 'laughter the best medicine' and 'hope you find this funny'. Oh, good - I'll look forward to reading that!

Pre-S: "Then daughter yells out in a panic tone. Mum, Mum, Mum! Come here. Somebody just walked past me in the hallway. They stopped and rubbed my arm in a comforting way." Who do you guys think that could have been, then? Another Pre-S: "At last count I've made over 2000 hats." Woah! And which glue do you use? I hope you keep the window open each time? Or is milliner glue safer these days? ____________________________________________ First post onwards - Nov 1 2024 at 06:30 "I was getting harrassed by low-lifes as well (there's another snap)...)" I'm really sorry to read this. Now I understand how you had so many clever techniques to outwit and outlast our losers. Thank You" Du ist welcommen, meine Leibling :) "Yes. I sure did read it. Over twice and I saved your advice. Had referred to it and used a few of the ideas. It is amazing. Logical. I marvel that I never thought of any of this myself." Because they'd worn you out, kept you continually distracted - yes, precisely. To render you, against whom normally they wouldn't be able to argue, 'down', practically defenceless due to lack of energy and motivation. I wouldn't be surprised if, without them on your backs, you and daughter magically lose weight, like so many do. "reflexively whacked him with my rolling-pin, completely unaware I was still holding it!" "I had a laugh when you said this and then got it out (my rolling-pin) and daughter comes in the kitchen and says 'cool what are you going to make?'. That made me laugh more." HAHA! Answer: mincemeat. ;) "sounding like Muriel from Muriel's Wedding's father." "There is a dear woman on Mums Ward. Her name is Katrina. She was a nurse for most of her life. Had two sons & never gets visited ever! Been there 10+ years now. They dumped her there & fled. Not even Christmas." Cruel beeptards. "She keeps to herself. She colours in constantly. She has no teeth (about 3), curled hands so feeds herself like a scoop which is very messy but she can't help it. Bless her. Her legs are a bit twisted so walks with a walker and her back is hunched. She is soooo kind to me. Loves me and loves Raya. She gets super excited when I visit. She calls my Mum in full excitement and says 'your daughters here, your daughters here' repeated over about 3 times. She doesn't talk to anybody other than my Mum and me. She sings to herself and sometimes if I know the song I sing along & she smiles. She gives me huge smiles. She dribbles a bit. So I go up to her and talk to her about her colouring and give her a hug. The photo on the wall shows her as a blonde haired, blue eyed, 26 year old nurse. Sorry I always get off track don't I. I think it is because my daughter won't converse unless it is about her and her life/friends/dogs. So I bottle it all up." Yip - well self-'diagnosed', there. S'normal, no worries. So why aren't you a nurse, then? You sound perfect for the job. You could even do Hospice. You should have had LOADS of babies, shouldn't you (if they hadn't put you off). You got any Irish in you? (And that's NOT that pick-up joke where you say, No?, and I say, 'Dya want some?', haha! - it's a genuine query.) "My point is one day the movie was on 'Muriels Wedding' she said in her slurred speech 'I love this...this Muriel'. About 10 minutes later my Mum made fun of the main nurse (who Mum & Katrina despise) behind her back. Quick as lightening Katrina says to Mum laughing 'Oh you're awful Muriel'. Now we three say it all the time. It makes Katrina so happy." I say it all the time, too. Shpookayyyy.... "Then Git says to me. Why do you try to talk to that Kathleen." '"That" Kathleen'... (What, as opposed to the other 'Kathleen', eejit-face?) "I correct him Katrina is her name. He said she is very ugly puts me off with her nasty teeth, dribble and the way she eats with her hands. I said 'she had a massive stroke'. Then he said 'but have you seen her photo on the wall. She was such a good looker. What a shame. I'd have had a crack at that nurse in the day'. I am really starting to HATE HIM! Git is awful Muriel!" He really is vile, isn't he. I've met 'him' before, though....carbon bloody copies, they are. HE'S the type, probably sat on the beach with your mum, leering at all the topless women and giving her nudge before pointing and going, 'Phwooar, look at the pair on her, wouldn't mind a bit of that'. Doesn't matter WHAT so-called class/social status NSpaths are, they are ALL disgusting Chavs, so debached and sleazy...pervy... and other Ugh words. Anyway - Katrina would have punched his face in, I'm sure. "I'm proud of me today. I handled Mum via a long phone conversation." Good! "Then I handled Git when he kept ringing and I deliberately let it ring out several times and ignored it for an hour until I was ready to take the call." Better! "I have to eventually answer because the turd just keeps on phoning and if he can't get me on my phone well he goes to daughter's phone and then he bitches to her about her Mother for not picking up. Then she gets ticked off at me." Then she needs to not pick up, either, nor get into conversation with him... or she, at present, 'is the Weakest Link'. Or tell her to have fun with it and take the piss. "Anyways, I just handled him beautifully! You'd be proud!" Damn, wish we could all hear it on here... "I feel quite chuffed with myself." Excellent. "I did not let him get away with anything. I was fully in control and prepared before I answered and said 'hello'." That's ma girl! "Guess what?" What..what???? haha. "He changed to sweet voice after I wouldn't let him get away with ANYTHING. Master manipulation but fell flat! I actually got a calm, well spoken, polite 'will you please come with me to visit with your Mother tomorrow?'." Yup. If the hammer doesn't nail you to the wall - try immediately switching to sticking you up with honey. Typical screenplay. "I said 'sorry no. I've just spoken to her for an hour and she understands that I'm busy and have Specialist Tests this coming week so she told me no need to come'. Good! "Truth by the way. She was chipper in her demeanour and reasonably happy. Mum is NEVER happy as she suffers depression." Is that his first name? Depression? (How pre-thoughtful of his parents haha!) "He had told me last week (not knowing that I'd gone to see her on the bus) that she doesn't know who I am anymore. LIE." Yup. To stop even you from going. So she'll hurry-up and become Katrina. 'Katrina' has given him ideas on how to make her die faster, see - especially when he could see the physical ruin compared to K's picture. "I said 'hello' on the phone held it and waited a few seconds deliberately in silence. Quick as lightening she said my name '________ are you there?'. My Mum knows me!" 'Unnnn...for-..get-a-bllllle.........That's-what-you aaaaare (dah-dah DAAH-dah, daddle AAH-daaa (etc))......' "Saw a poster today you can purchase online today and I liked what it said. 'No one can steal your thunder...when you are the *ucking storm!'." Did you purchase/download/screenshot it? "Yes it had the swear word in it. Love it." Fcknloveit. "Brace yourself for the next comment." Gnnnnnn......... "Today I'm loving life." EX-CE-LLEEEEENT!!! That was fast. Yep, you're a Weeble alright (Weebles wobble but they don't fall down - remember the ad?). "Raya is all over me and following me around the house." Crikey, having dogs really is like having young kids, isn't it ("Mummy/Daddy needs to use THE LOOOOO!...in PEACE, THANK-KKYOU!"). "I'm minding puppy and I therefore can sneak in a cuddle & she kisses me cause daughter is out." Hahaha! "I handled the difficult folk." Shuure, did, Hunnee Paaaah! "I've done all the housework and sat down to type this." You mean, it energized you? "I'm going to have a well earnt cup of tea (bugger ran out of coffee needed the oomph)." Air. Not a prro-FESH-ional ca-ffayyy drinker, then? Desert Island....one drink for the rest of your life, between Tea and Coffee. WHICH ONE? "So this is what a 'normal life' feels like. WOW." Yeah! YESS. DA. Abso-LUTELY, dhaling! How long had it been? "Hey mate who looks out for my troubled soul. You have a lovely day & night to follow! Cheers, DD" Actually, you've just been kept too mentally SNKnackered. You're the Runt Opposite, remember? Ya don't shove a kitten in a cage, do ya. Butch ya DO a Toi-gah, eh, Dall! 8 Out Of 10 - but the missing 2 was because you hadn't got daughter on board yet, forgetting they'll try every window, every even tiniest gap to slither through. So 10/10 for you. How was she in terms of the manner and tone she took with him? And how long did she let him keep her on the phone?

PS: You mean, 'You're terrible, Muriel', though. 'You are awful (...but I like ya' - *whack with the handbag*)' was Dick Emery - remember?

...Dame Edna Everidge(sp?)..... He was the BEST. Is he still alive? Also, I was a huuuge fan of Clive James. Used to read him on the train and tube into Londres and have everyone else in the carriage incessantly giggling or gaffawing along with me, even though they hadn't a clue what I was laughing at ("Unreliable Memoires"). They'd ask what book, at the end, though. Hm. I should have been paid commission...

"I was THRILLED when I read this. I said 'oh my gosh' at the computer screen. I can't get over that coincidence. This makes me feel so much better. Not like a weirdo" HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!! Oy! what's wrong with being a weirdo? Hahahahahahahah!

(Oop - soz - that was from Nov 1 2024 at 07:38, should have said) (And this one comes next) "LAUGHTER THE BEST MEDICINE! Hope you find this as funny as I did. I actually wet my pants." HAHAHAHAHAHA - IN THE POO! INSTANT KARMA OR WHAT! __________________ And this is somewhere around that general region - I'm a bit lost, I confess... "(FINE taste lady)" So you're convinced I'm a laydeee, are you? INTER-WES-TING. But, you're completely correct on how important loving your home and immediate surroundings is to your contentedness or happiness level, yes - women AND men. And kids. And dogs. And cats. Especially if you're mainly a Homebody. (Apparently, I should join the army, though) (Marpip's accoster). I did think about it once. Or the Police. Dated quite a lot of those (occifers, Royal Guard Leftenants/Lieutenants) (Oh, yeah, and apparently I sound American. Well, gee whizz....want some gum, chum?.....get AHFF yur horrse an' duh-rink yur mmMILK!...) (Nair...doughn't think sewww...). God, I'm knackered. Because it is STILL RAINING - IN SPAINING - WHICH IS A REAL PAINING!

"I've probs given away way too much personal info and other references. That is what my daughter warns me about. She says I'm a fool to talk to people through FB, Instagram or other Forums. Yet she does!" Nah. It's too trivial a level. Plus - the amount of people who collect miniatures and crystals....! ..."I'm Woderwick / No, *I'm* Woderwick / Darn't listen to 'm, eez lyin' - Iyy yam!...." Or Nah, not 'Wimmin', like, in the sea 'n stuff.... - 'WIMMIN'!

"OH a super cell is a massive, dangerous, human lives at risk storm. Preceded by micro bursts. Massive strong winds big trunk trees snap in half, wipe out houses. Throw your outdoor furniture, trampoline, pot plants, chairs and even bricks sometimes. Large tennis ball sized hail that can smash through windows and your roof. Clouds begin looking like huge mashed potato piles then swiftly changes. Forms dark grey shape that looks like an Alien flying saucer. Turns from day to looking like night time in moments. Last for hours. Travel far and leave wide spread damage in their path. VERY SCARY STUFF!" TENNIS ball??? Uck-a-doodle?! (Homer voice) "Mmmmmmm.....mashed pa-day-do....." (I'm hungry) Haha - imagine someone sat outdoors at a restaurant at the time: 'Waitriss? Kin eye have sum IYCE for mi bevvy?'......(*SPLOSH/SMASH*) 'Got enything smoarlah, Dall?' Oh yeah - about the new grooming salon. Pff. Amateurs. Can't you groom her and cut her hair? If those idiots can (under favourable conditions) - you certainly can?

"So I need to read and re read over & over. So I take notes in a folder and refer back to it often." That, actually, works really well to speed up your recovery. Repetition, as Shahida knows as well. ...AS WELL as well.

Bloody Nora, mate.... My mum used to make Spanish loaf.... Shpookier n shpookier.... Anyway - CHEERS BIG-TIME FOR THAT! And - nope, nope...just warm with (salty) butter is enough. (Mmmmm....salty but-terrrrrr) Know what else I like? That Soreen loaf-ette (in the mainly Yellow packaging) I bloody love that with salty butter as well. (Definitely hungry now)

"I've been reading and re-reading the steps. I'm up to point 12. It is very intelligent. It is so right. I nod 'yes' a lot when I read it. It is so true. It feels strange seeing my life (and countless others) written there making everything you believed was your fault or worried you imagined or were exaggerating to be so real and devastatingly impacting. I can name the people as I read it. Like that point is Sister. That point is Mother. That point is Git. I thought (still do sometimes) that all of my problems were all me to blame. I was a failure. I'm not a normal person. They ALL knew best. I was inferior and should obey them." 'Stuh-rummin' mah-pain with-her fing-gerrrs.....singin' mah-life with her-woooords.....Killin'-me-soft..ly-with her worrds, KILLIN'-ME sof-tlyyyy....-with her worrds, killin'-mah whole liiiife, with her worrrds, killin' me sof-tlyyyy....with her sooo-o-ooooo..o-ooo-o-ooo-o-oooong...'. Shadhida is in a league of her own, isn't she. :)

Tsk...mis-sung it and called Shahida 'Shadhida'. Tiyyyy-ud, I is (- Welsh Yoda)....think I'll have to finish this tomoz. Night Sue-Ellen!

Tah Heaps! Hope you had something good to eat. Wishing you a great sleep. Well deserved rest.

I've been getting emotionally abused these last few days to a level which is just out of control. I don't know how else to put it. I've gone to type it all out but there is quite simply too much. It is like a tonne of bricks is being thrown at me. My daughter is a HORRIBLE human being and she has the back up & support of the others. I'd never subject my Mother (who has been evil) to this type of mental torture. The name calling, bullying 24/7. Went back through my own personal journal & daughter started the frequency & level of nasty back in 2012. So that makes 12 years that I've been enduring it. She got on here! She read everything. She got right up in my face yesterday afternoon and I was actually afraid. She is calling Soulmate a million names. She is saying I'm mental and they are all banding together to have me put away where I'll get the actual help I need for 'all these lies'. It isn't lies. But I'm one. An island. Can't fight city hall and win alone. I need to talk to somebody now! She has dared me to go do it. Drink the bleach PLEASE. KILL YOURSELF NOW. Not one of us would care. Who if anybody out there would have a daughter of 32 years of age who speaks to her like this daily. Hour to hour. Minute to minute. This morning she started at me 2 mins after getting out of bed. This is my way of life. She has been super cruel this past week. She used my money. Won't buy me any food. I just nearly blacked out. I'm eating frozen peas as I type this. I'm in trouble because she bought them. It is my daughter who LIES. It is my Stepfather who LIES. I am a victim. They both manipulate and deceive me. I'm actually shaking as I type this. The last few days have been really bad. I need help. My stress level is through the roof. I've had the runs. I'm going to vomit. I'm having ulcer pain. I'm having heart pains. I've been trying to fool myself. That my daughter isn't really the Monster my Sister once called her. Sadly SHE IS. My Aunt hates her, my Brother hates her, my Sister calls her names and then tries to get her on side??? All her original friends have dropped her. Two heard the way she treated me. She didn't even realise that they did! Both had a go at her for the way she speaks to her Mother. Both dropped her like a hot potato. I'm staring to think she is worse than my Mother. Mum has bouts of kindness. My daughter turns nice on only to get something and it isn't often. Within seconds she turns back to verbal be rations.

She has no shame. She has no moral conscience. She shows no remorse. She is NEVER sorry. She never apologises. She just continues on her path of cruelty. Her tongue is forked. I've long since realised that she actually can't help herself. She can't stop it. She can't be civil. She is not capable! A couple of days ago above (Soulmate) you said some people have gone too far and can't be helped to change. I have sat back this last few days to watch her in action without even commenting back to her. Giving her no fuel to her fire whatsoever. It has been enlightening to watch the anger, hate unfurl for no reason at all. She doesn't even seem to need a concrete reason. I think she enjoys watching me squirm. Today she said 'that Soulmate piece of shit knows what you are and she tried to dump you too. But you're a case and you keep her interested because you are such a nut job'. She added that you aren't my psychologist, not my friend or anything. Just a stranger playing with feeble, mental me. I'm your case study. She said much, much more. Told me to get on here and type fast with my mental little fingers. Attention seeking and making bullshit up. Hated by every member of her family because I'm an arsehole. So now I'm not trusting. Now I'm wondering if what she says is true. I've typed stuff to send you over the past few days and then I've deleted them. I don't know where to turn. I don't know what to do. I have a group of five adult family members saying I'm all things evil and need locking away. What would anybody do in this situation? I will never understand as I just stared at my daughter in action (not saying a word) seeing just what level she is capable of. I'm NOT like that! I'd NEVER want to be like that. She enjoys being cruel. Name calling. Character Assassinating. She has NEVER shown this side of herself to any family member. They've had glimpses. Even Mum. She tells them that it is because living with me and my mental issues is just too much. All the blame is put on me. I recall the very first time (publicly) she ripped loudly into me. I was beyond shocked. She didn't even care that people were watching & could see/hear her. We were on a bus.

She will be reading this right this very moment as I type it. Just said 'are you on your little people's problems chat forum you desperate mental case. You have nothing and nobody. You are a user who treats me badly all the time'. She said more just now. I'm just lost. My daughter is perhaps my biggest enemy. I can honestly say she is the most cruel. It is the reason I went on this forum in the first place all that time back. Still protecting her by pretending the bully was my partner. She is my partner in life. I've been wanting help and answers for years. She is frantically typing now. She couldn't let me have this outlet. She can't leave me be in peace. It has been mental torture. I'd be pretty amazing to be capable of making all of this up. I'd be better than JK Rowling. I just wanted a daughter that I could get along with and love. I just wanted change for the better. When she went shopping the other day I had a plan and I was going to end my life. I see no out. I wish I had. Raya is lying at my feet. She has been glued to me this day and the last few. She knows. Somehow this dog knows that I am being unfairly treated. That I'm not what they say I am.

Been a really bad few days. Wobble simply doesn't cover the gravity of it. Yesterday was Mum's B'Day. That was a hard one. I'm still crying the day after. I'm literally dripping all over the kitchen floor whilst I do the dishes. Major depression. I'm a bit of a broken human being. Terribly confused. Been on the go and not had the time to respond properly to your most recent post dated 9 November. I don't think it had many questions in it though as I recall. Shall have a re-read and get back to you soonish. Thanks again Soulmate

Whoops it was Nov 6 not 9th. Marpip's thread was an Alice in Wonderland moment for me...'curiouser and curiouser'. Sure was an insight into how some men's minds function or rather how they interpret things. You said: So why aren't you a nurse, then? You sound perfect for the job. You could even do Hospice. My Health wouldn't allow it. Just the trip out to Mum yesterday has me in shooting pain today. Not many jobs want to take on a 56 year old woman who needs a bathroom/showers constantly due to Mucosal Fibroids. It requires bath towels, pain meds and no warning signs when it hits. I wouldn't mind working with the elderly. Adored both sets of my Grandparents & Great Grandparents. That generation are more understanding. Been through wars, on rations & such. Lived through 'The Great Depression'. Washed clothing by hand or had shitty primitive laundry/cooking set ups. I admire them! Real survivors! No special Snowflake people like there is now. Of course there is the 'dirty old man' syndrome to deal with & the odd 'crab apple'. You said: You should have had LOADS of babies, shouldn't you (if they hadn't put you off). You got any Irish in you? (And that's NOT that pick-up joke where you say, No?, and I say, 'Dya want some?', haha! - it's a genuine query.) I originally wanted 4 babies. Daughter cured me of that desire. She was a sickly bub/tot in & out of Hospital & Specialists. How the hell did you know that my whole ancestry is from Island? You truly baffle me with this insight/wisdom WTF. It is a 'Gift' you have. However, I've been told though that my speech is rather 'Cockney'? Why can't we know if you are a man/woman or other Soulmate? It would make you a bit more 'relatable'. Like I'm wondering who you are. Try to form a mental picture of who I'm talking to. Natural curiosity. Seems a little unfair when Posters disclose so much personal stuff about themselves. Makes little difference what gender the answer is. So I've never pressed before. I guess I've known a few very strong, highly intelligent women during my life but never a man of your personality. In my opinion that would be a rare specimen and truly unique. I don't care what people do in their bedroom (that is private stuff) nor how they dress or what gender they prefer to go by. I only care that they a kind, helpful human being towards others. Same goes for race/colour. Hope this hasn't cheezed you off. Remember I'm from the old world. We are naughty. We have no filter nor boundaries. Always learning yet not completely 'woke' I guess LOL Contd.

You said: Air. Not a prro-FESH-ional ca-ffayyy drinker, then? Desert Island....one drink for the rest of your life, between Tea and Coffee. WHICH ONE? You'll think me such a girly for saying this...Tea. I'm NOT a professional coffee drinker that would be my daughter. However, over the years I've increased my 'need' for coffee significantly. From one a day to two a day BUT it is whimp coffee. Lots of fake sugar and loads of milk LOL I have always adored TEA. Real tea. Leaves of quality. In a pot. The reason comes in four words 'Nanna Eagers' & 'Nanna Veronica'. It is my constant reminder, my link to them still. I make a pot, put out a spare cup and ask them to join me. Yep...book the head specialist now! They used tea like a medicine. A balm for your soul. Whenever you were down there was nothing 'a hearty cup of the doings' couldn't cure. It tasted soooo good. Warming, soothing and actually had flavour. Unlike the grocery store shite we get now. My Nans were both like Marilla Cuthbert from Anne of Green Gables. Less stern though. I can feel you cringing at me right now Soulmate. Bare with I'm an old fuddy-duddy woman. When my mind was confused, my spirit dented or my world falling to pieces (I often ran away to Nanna's house true story). She'd say 'sit yourself down Bubba and I'll put the pot on and you can tell me all about it then we'll make some scones together and you can shape the scraps of dough left over into whatever you want. PRICELESS PEOPLE! So after she passed I became very obsessed with finding the tea she always had. Because she NEVER kept the packaging. So as a little girl I had no idea what type it was nor wear from or a brand to purchase. She had a favourite old tin with a favourite old sturdy steel spoon inside (used as her measuring scoop) & she would always refill it obviously when I wasn't present. I have ventured to many tea shops. The closest I ever came to finding the taste is Royal Albert Tea. Rare & Hard to find. I've sampled so many over the years now from all around the World. To keep her close. Posthumously on her Birthday she either gets time with me and a pot of real tea or I have her old beer glass here and in goes that very Aussie Bitter Four XXXX gold for a toast to her. I set it all up. Nice tablecloth, Pot, strainer, fancy pants cup & saucer, sugar CUBES (remember those? rather hard to get these days) and my special online purchase gold miniature tea tongs (because ladies don't use their fingers). Got so obsessed that I studied Tasseography 'Tea Leaf Reading'. Went to several tea houses for readings to learn how to do it. Got two books and further self taught how to do it. When I was working many moons ago I use to hold 'tea parties' so work mates came around and we sure had a laugh. I entertained my daughter with it when she was little and she hates tea but loved to do it for a lark with me. Then she'd ask me to do it for her workmates as well as send along my home baking. They'd drink their tea & take a camera photo or photocopy of the leaf formation which she'd bring home to me for her to take the results back in to work with her the very next day. She'd say 'Thank you Mum for making me so popular at work with the tea reading and cakes'. Just a bit of silly fun really. Oh the good old days. Long since passed.

Sorry! I'm doing it again. Rabbiting on and boring you senseless with my nonsense. You're too busy to be expected to read all my crap. I just like talking to you. Having a chin wag. I'm lonely. If there are others out there reading this who are lonely too well please don't hesitate to just chat. Doesn't have to be problems. Oh shit...advertise on my own time this is a problem page. Apologies.

Back now. On a more serious note. I reached an epiphany yesterday. About myself. About Mum. About the rest of the Family Members. I've forgiven Mum in totality for the childhood physical and emotional harm. Can't be changed. However, she has now sincerely apologised about 3 times. Yesterday was SPECIAL. Have to go...daughter lurking.

Just a couple of quick questions for Soulmate: 1 Is there a block on people responding to me? 2 Is AskJateace a new Moderator?

Message for Soulmate: 3 Did I do something wrong? Six days ago you said you'd be back to chat tomorrow. You wrote on the 6th November: Tiyyyy-ud, I is (- Welsh Yoda)....think I'll have to finish this tomoz. Night Sue-Ellen! I totally understand if your swamped, busy, unwell. Just my anxiety is starting to build. Like if I've offended or done something wrong by you again then I'd appreciate it being pointed out to me rather than leaving me hanging wondering. 4 Do you want me to go away? 5 Should I close this Thread?

Perhaps somebody out there could just let me know that Soulmate is alright. I'd heard about flooding in Spain. Obviously I don't know their location. I care. That is all. I want to say a Thank You for all the advice, listening & tolerating HUGS

Don't worry. It's 'just' Covid. I KNEW I was fighting something off - for weeks and weeks. And here it is - well, I'm feeling better than I did a few days ago but that's because I've been helplessly sleeping too much, in between having had sh*tloads of stuff to do. Even if I'd had the time, I just haven't been in the zone so it's better not to post when I'm like that. Don't worry - Manalone or Richard would notice if it'd been uncharacteristically long rather than just five days. Anyhoo.... Oh, wait, hang on a minute! "She got on here! She read everything. She got right up in my face yesterday afternoon and I was actually afraid. She is calling Soulmate a million names." Then why did you let her getting to see the sitename, happen in the first place? I don't care if she's calling me names. But this situation is now untenable, DD. I can't possibly continue. I'm so sorry. Unless she's reading what I'm typing NOW, TOO: you'll have to take a holiday and then come back again and declare "it's me, DD". If she's making you afraid, then, rather than wait, stranded, you'll have to fill-in that lost time to call a Domestic Abuse Govt or Charity Helpline for advice on what to do/how to handle her. Or read-up on the web about Grey Rock when you're unable to get away permanently from them because they're (er) family. However: let me point something out: if none of what you'd described about her was true, the only person she'd be mad at would be..... You!

Another idea - turning those rotten Lemons into Deluxe, Low-Alcohol Lemonade - is this: SERIOUSLY. You start keeping a diary whilst also filling the diary from all the events you recall from since growing-up. In the process, you end up with a book. A book doesn't have to be finished if you take it to an actual publisher with Editors - because, helping you finish it is what lets them take part-credit for your talent, innit. (Keep saving the word document to a memory stick, just-in-case she decides to bomb your computer) (joke).

Furthermore: if you know you'll be making money out of this 'diary', you'll be GAGGING for her to give you yet more material! (Don't deliberately try to provoke her, though. You've got enough as it is. But the gagging-ness will take hold. And then the chuckling. If she can no longer upet you because you just chant, it's-her-illness-its-her-illness, well - THEN what hold over you does she have?! Answer: TOO LITTLE.

Chant in your head, I mean (obvs). If you did it under your breath and she demanded to know what you were saying, which, ignoring didn't put paid to, to make her stop you could just say it was a Buddhist chant lol, but nothing further.

Anyway... This, what I've advised re now getting a charity's support and assistance, is what other people would do if it were coming to the family hinting threateningly about getting you put in a mental institution. That trick went out with the Victorians. But it's not the point. The ganging-up with more ominous threats is. (Anyway, for Oughta's information, they hate you BOTH EQUALLY. And probably their poor postman and milkman too, I'm sure.)

PS: "What would anybody do in this situation?" Frantically typing, where?

Tsk. Wrong paste-in. Nails need clipping. Should have been 'she is frantically typing'. Another parting-gift of inarguable reason: "She enjoys being cruel. Name calling. Character Assassinating. She has NEVER shown this side of herself to any family member." Because of her disturbance - yes, she does. Positive attention - Negative attention - you, seemingly helpless to do anything to make it permanently stop - feeds the Monster. But if she thought how she is and behaves towards you were perfectly reasonable and merely self-defence then there would be no need to ALTER, as in clean-up, her persona for the rellies, would there, now. Whereas you're You with her and them and everyone. I told you they'd up the ante to prevent the new regime/loss of you giving a shit (about nothing but bullying/pecking behind the acting like they believe the shite they're trying to tell you until they convince you of....the repetition is what has you starting to doubt your innocence: COVER YOUR EARS and go LA LA LA LA LA. Or just say nothing AND LEAVE THE ROOM - "abandon" her. That way, you punish HER and only HER (you're just inconvenienced a bit) for her crimes. Do. It. Consistently. Forever. Although it won't be forever - just treat it like it is and it'll work quickly).

You'll need to also rely on re-reading this thread and reading me to others in your boat (for inspiration). And use my links to take you surfing in the right directions. PS: "I'd be better than JK Rowling." Nah. Better than 50 Shades of Grey. You could call it, '66 Shades of 666'. (No charge, lol - going home pressie until I see you next time (in a min - still catching-up).) Or 6? It's up to you, how far up the scale you work-out from your research she is. ORR...'6 + 66 Equals...'. Or - 'I'm A Celestial - Get Me Out Of Here!'.

PPPS: You asked me before about if there was a block (which isn't the first time you've asked) and I've explained why no-one else was getting involved - you'll see when you re-read. And no, I wasn't think this or that as I read, those are all just fears. But as I say, you have uggered-up your confidentiality, hence the need for another break and for you to ring a charity for (free-of-charge) support in the meantime. I gave Blue a list of Aussie Outreach et al, didn't I? Try those. You don't know: this need to go AWL (absent WITH leave) from this forum could turn out to have been a blessing in-diguise. Usually always is but just make you FEEL horrid at the time when you least feel like exerting yourself to tell those negative thoughts to BAGGAR ORFF. But it's that that gets you your strength back, in fact. Go on - pump those muscles even harder than you already have been! You'll be very glad you did. :) They won't.

Uh-oh, Dee... Why are you all quiet? You're not catastrophising again, are you? And, while I'm at it - I haven't been having to 'tolerate' you, you've worked better this time and, like I've said, we now have an understanding and mutual regard. This is just a strategic break - to convince she who wants you Isolated (as they do so they can dominate and bully you in peace) that your account's been closed, thanks to her - "Whaaah!", and all of that (act your socks off, including the grumpy, sulky resentment or not talking to her for a week) . Then, once enough time's past with her convinced - you come back on again with a new name and announce your return (maybe well hidden in the body of your opening post - like I did with Thea that time) or make your new name highly pertinent only to us two so that I know it's you (which I'll ask but disguised in the body of my text). Then I'll paste this thread's link in, and we'll just carry on from where we've left off and ya-boo-sucks to Little Miss Saboteur. Remember, you have to lie to bullies, you can't be honest with them or you're done for. I also suggest that once you're back on, any time you're posting on here you have another browser open so that if she approaches, you just quickly close this, leaving the other browser (fluffy puppies on YouTube or whatever, lol) open. Plan, Stan?

Meanwhile... Extracts (my asterisks): BACKGROUND Child to Parent Abuse (CPA) is a hidden and stigmatised form of family abuse. It’s often misunderstood by agencies and professionals. ***CPA is also vastly under reported due to the stigma felt by parents living with an abusive child. Parents and carers often feel guilt and shame when their child is abusive*** and violent towards them. "WHAT IS CHILD TO PARENT ABUSE There is no current legal definition of CPA. It can be categorised as any behaviour used by a child ***or an adult child in a family to control, dominate, threaten or coerce a parent or carer. It is a recognised form of domestic abuse*** and is referenced in the Home Office draft statutory domestic abuse guidance. Depending on the age of the child, CPA may fall under the government’s official definition of domestic violence and abuse" "WHY IT MATTERS ***The impact is extremely severe, debilitating, isolating and often parents and carers do not know how to start to tackle it. Emotional*** and physical abuse are both part of the picture. ***Parents often feel ashamed of the situation which can also prevent them from reporting. They often see it as their failure to control the child.*** ((Which isn't hard, considering getting a grip on them is akin to trying to nail jelly to the ceiling!)) CPA can be experienced by mothers, fathers, siblings and carers from daughters and sons. However, ***studies and statistics show that women and mothers are most at risk.*** Whilst girls and boys use CPA, boys are most likely to use physical violence. FURTHER INFORMATION AND READING Sandwell Child to Parent Abuse Information Guidance and Flowchart 7 Minute Briefing Child to Parent Abuse ***It is predominantly mothers, lone parents and those parents facing significant social and family stressors who are most likely to experience abuse from their children . The majority of cases are in birth families,*** but there is a higher prevalence in fostered and adopted children since the latter are more likely to have disruptive behavioural needs" "RISK FACTORS There are a number of risk factors which make abusive behaviour more likely. There are many reasons why children and young people can become abusive. There may be a combination of issues or no explanation at all. Witnessing family violence. Trauma, loss and disruption. Substance misuse. Mental Health. Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) are stressful or traumatic events, including abuse and neglect. It is likely that children displaying violent or aggressive behaviours will have an ACE score of at least 4 and in most cases higher." https://www.sandwell.gov.uk/downloads/file/552/child-to-parent-abuse-7-minute-briefing ________________________________ Cling onto this and any similar sites you can find, for times when you revert to thinking - Is it me? Am I really mad like they make out? - so you can be reminded, NO, IT'S NOT AND NO I'M NOT.

I'm so sorry you're going through this right now, it is inappropriate for her to talk to you like that over something so small. You need to find out what triggered her. You need to communicate with your daughter about some of what she's going through. She may feel like you're not concerned about her struggles. And if you haven't been talking to her about her circumstances and letting her confide in you about what whatever it is she's going through, she may feel like you just don't care. It seems like you haven't been trying to get the bottom of what's bothering her because of how surprised you were at her anger. She's clearly not just really upset over disinfectant. If she thought you were being inconsiderate for using up all her spray, she may be struggling financially right now as well as other problems you may be unaware of. You need to bond with her. Take a day where it's just the two of you and try to communicate with her as best as you can. Ask questions, and show concern without judging her. She's going through something right now and is feeling alone and may feel like you're not being sensitive or concerned of what she may be experiencing. Show her that you do care and also talk to her about her language towards you, but approach her gently and let her know how what she said to you and how it made you feel and explain why you did what you did and why. But give her time to call off. She definitely needs time to let off some steam so she'll be more receptive to hear what you have to say about how she made you feel. But definitely do better at communicating with her, that's key. It'll strengthen your relationship.