Relationship and self worth Issues

Hi everyone so I am new here and I am going to do my best with staying on topic but my anxiety has me switching directions a lot. My main reason of posting here is because I am having a hard time in life with relationships, its not just one or a "wrong girl" situation, its def me and I would like to talk to like minded people and maybe try new methods, anyways so, My most recent relationship, she is amazing, would give me the world, trustworthy, loving, everything... its hard to find what she offers and has off dating sites and bars lol we lived together for about 3 years, went to many concerts, horror cons etc. we get along great but I have this notion that I want to do all this crazy stuff... like hook up with random woman, go to swinger clubs, strip clubs, I look at porn a lot, I feel like I am trying to live a life that's not good for me and that's unreasonable when I can have so much with her and be happy, yet I have more days when I'm NOT happy … nothing to do with her, maybe its my depression, my anxiety, I think too much and get tired of things so fast … I hate it, so I am a 36 Male 6ft tattooed good looking guy, not being conceded but its not hard to meet woman, besides me being shy and needing a buzz to talk lol, I've always had great woman in relationships but even them it came to a point of … just bored, wanting this lifestyle that is like in movies or something, sometimes I made jokes in life that I would love to be a porn star, why? well besides the obvious who knows … I have come to the point where once again I am on my own and I'm going on dating sites and trying to fill a void or something, meeting new girls and at first its invigorating and fun but then it gets to where there are stale weeks, turns to months and I really think about my ex and how much I gave up but I don't want to run back to hurt her, I want to be that person she deserves, I also have a hard time loving myself, lots has happened in life besides relationship stuff but if anything a great relationship with my best friend should help? it does most days then I get bored, want to go on dating sites for friends at least because I lack those too and males suck as friends (where I am and growing up with backstabbers) Mental health def plays a big role in a lot that I do but I need to find ways too stop letting it control certain things like this, I don't really know what else to say at this moment because I'm all over the place as I said I would be but I know there's a lot more, any questions or if someone wants to talk and has had same issues would be forever grateful! thanks!

Duplicate message to: "BrokenAries" "abercedar" "m&ms" "Jetae" "Wealllmakemistakes" Hi and welcome! Respondents are thin on the ground at the mo. Unless you're happy to wait another day or so for myself or another regular to respond (we're all p/t voluntary), could you please follow traditional forum poster-visitor protocol and, unless you're really not up to it, have a stab at each other's threads first? That would be much appreciated - thank-you. :)

Bumping you up for a bit later today (unless someone else beats me to it)!