Lying to my online bf?

I am a 18 y/o female and he is a 18 y/o male. we both met each-other through an online platform. We were already 18 when we met. We kinda clicked and it was fun. We had all sorts of discussions. But as I am not too much of a social person, I was sure that either one of us could stop speaking to each other anytime. As I know that people just drift away. But it didn't happen this time. We talked and talked. it had become a daily thing. We even shared our pics. I shared an old pic of me. I was really fit at the time and I didn't have specks back then too (I am now fat. I have specks. Though, I have been working on myself and have lost 5 kg). I didn't want to disclose the fact that I had become fat in the past 2 years. I did not want to feel any change in his behavior or anything towards me. As I grew fat, I've notices that people don't take me seriously, about things. So, I am sensitive towards it. We talked daily. We found out we were from the same country. Overall, in the end, we are now online dating. And we have promised to meet each other after we have started to earn money and have become adults (after 4 years hopefully). As all couples do, we share our audios and etc. We even do a diary exchange, where we write about things from our daily life. But we don't call or do a video call. it's mainly because we thought about taking it at a speed, we r comfortable at... we have decided to start doing video call after 6 months. I was secretly feeling a bit relieved. I am worried if I will be able to lose weight by then... he doesn't know I am fat. though, I am working hard, and I have lost 5 kgs... I am scared and I feel really, really guilty about lying to him. I've come several times on the edge of telling it to him but at the end time I get too scared to send the message... this is all my fault, and I feel bad. Also, about the fact that I have specks. I consider all of these as flaws, and I am scared of telling them to him. it's been months now. I am too far gone with my lie. I don't know what I should do. I mean, I know what I should do, but I am too scared to. He has told me that he would have still liked me anyways. He said that he didn't know how I looked like before he confessed, so he would have still liked me, that I didn't need to ponder upon those thoughts. That he would love me in any condition. I find it hard to believe to be honest. I know I should tell him the truth. but I don't know how to.

Hello there, I've read and then re-read your entry here a few times. I found it a little disjointed but that just might be me. You are still young and I understand how at this stage of life appearance seems to really matter. Looks are not everything and you've probably heard that expression a million times. Physical attraction holds some importance however it won't be long before personality and compatibility becomes even more important than one's appearance. Of most importance though is starting how you intend to go along & continue. Beginning any type of relationship on a basis of lies can't ever be a good thing trust me I've been there. For whatever reason lying isn't worth it in the end. You always end up having to come clean and start over if the person is forgiving and understanding about the reasons why you told falsehoods in the first place. Honestly speaking I did the opposite of most girls. All my friends (when I was younger) would over dress up and over paint (make-up) themselves in an attempt to catch a man. I had a different approach in my youth. I reversed the norm. If he sees you all glamour puss from the get go...skiny, pretty, neat, tidy, dressed up, painted then he's going to have the shock of his life when he finally sees you make up free and in your track suit LOL I opted from starting natural and then watching for his impressed reaction when I finally did dress up and glamour for a dinner at a fancy restaurant. He said 'you look beautiful' and I said 'it is the help of the Taubmans' which is a popular house paint here and he chuckled. Don't know if this makes any sense to you. He liked me for me from the get go. Chubby, sprinkling of freckles and a bit of a dag when at home. We had fun together. Fishing. Going to markets etc. All natural me. He saw me when I was sick. He still stayed. That is real! I repeat he liked me for me. What struck a chord and always stayed with me was when we eventually attended a Wedding together. I pulled out all my stops. Dress which matched my eyes, jewellery, new shoes etc He said 'wow you're a knock out and not like other chicks. They spend hours in the bathroom putting on a fake face before you go anywhere. Whereas you wack your hair up in a scrunchie, grab jeans and will slide down a hill on a sheet of cardboard with me. You look great natural and normal and I'm always proud when I take you out somewhere fancy because you cared enough to dress up for the event'. I knew he meant it because of the way he introduced me as 'his girl' and I could see the genuine pride on his face and reflected in his eyes. So my advice would be to rethink continuing with any fibs about figure or face. For example some people need glasses to see and that will always be a part of their life. A part of their face for many hours in a day. It is needed. Don't change yourself for a stranger. He has to genuinely like you for you! He has to see you as the potential bedraggled, frustrated Mother of his kids one day. Normal. Keeping it real. Better a surprise when you glam up than a shock when he first sees the real you. I don't think I'm explaining myself very well here. If he is the one. The right one. Specs and a few pounds won't matter. Gaining and losing weight throughout the milestones of your life is how it goes. He has to like and accept all versions of you. Better still he has to love you for you. I'd explain to him the truth before too much time passes. If he is worth his salt then he'll understand. If he is a shallow hal well then you'll find out quickly before giving up too much time to a total loser. If he doesn't like the real you with your muffin top or your love handles (a few extra pounds) then he is Prince Alarming and not Prince Charming. He is after a trophy. Somebody who makes him look better and feel better about himself. You'd be an accessory. If he ditches you then the problem will be his not yours. Lady Ga Ga will tell you...hold your head up girl and you'll go far. Baby you were born this way. If you want to lose a few pounds then do it for yourself! Not to impress some bloke on an online platform. How you are is who you are. I just hope he's worth it.

I don't have much to add because - Wow, DD/LTT, that reply was amazing with a capital A!! (PS: 'Prince Alarming'... Love it! :D) One-One, "That he would love me in any condition." Ahhhhhhhhh. He sounds like a total sweetie! "I find it hard to believe to be honest." Yes, but that's your problem, not his. What YOU think of you doesn't even matter because you're not the receipient. You're the recipient of him. Plus, if you want to test-drive him properly (from when you meet) to KNOW he's really a diamond, you'll need to be focused moreover on him, anyway - think about it. "I know I should tell him the truth. but I don't know how to." He doesn't care. He's already told you it's your personality he fell for. By the sounds of him - he'll just be relieved you can speak and hear, meaning, doesn't have to learn sign-language! Nah... You're just feeling insecure because it's getting more and more real, aren't you. And then creating a reason that doesn't actually exist but at least COULD explain your nerves, rather than because you're mad or a wimp (as if!) or whatever. Why are you GenZs so damned hard on yourselves? Listen - every single GenZ I've met and got to know in RL and on here are SUPER-impressive! ALREADY, you've changed and improved the world. (I think it's due to the Lockdowns...you guys talked and talked, and had to be real because of the frightening situation we were all in, and got a fantastic emotional education which put your eQs up as well as your iQs.) On the upside: the nerves will help you lose weight extra rapidly. In which case: BOO! Hahaha. Nah. Enjoy it. It's normal and is known as, Butterflies. :) PS: One-One was a Racehorse Two-Two was one too One-One won won race And Two-Two won one too.

thank you for your responses... its really given me strength to say it all... i am gonna finally do it tomorrow. thank you. i mean it.

he accepted me TTOTT and he was laughing abt how could i be worried over THAT! i am grateful for the courage you both provided me. thank you!

You're very, very welcome and thank-you for your considerate update and lovely manners! But what is TTOTT? I mean, I admire your generation but that doesn't mean I'm fluent in your extra-extra-special linguage (- that's my word) - like sick, to mean, cool as uck. Sick means ill. And Sic means 'as written' (in case you've all just spelt it wrong). That's just opposites talk, that is ("Muuuum? They're trying to confuse me again!", haha). Go on, then - teach us some... :) But first what's TTOT. I'm trying to guess but....... He accepted me the top of the tree? No. He accepted me the time of the tortoise. Nope. Wait - to talk on the telephone? Nah - too conventional. Go on, then - put me out of my wrinkly misery...

Just do it! Send him a pic of yourself no matter how difficult it may be and see how he responds to it, then go from there. Don't prolong the process because the longer you wait the more disappointed and hurt you're gonna be if he rejects you. Honey, beauty is in the eye of the beholder and he has already told you that it wouldn't matter what you look like. See if he's a man of his word. If he rejects you, then that makes him out to be the liar and you just dodged a bullet anyway. But don't waste anymore time keeping this from him, don't torture yourself. You need some sort of confirmation that this is going to go somewhere, but you won't know if you keep procrastinating.