How do I handle a difficult person I volunteer with?

The beginning of November, I started to volunteer at a food pantry. I go in 4 days a week for 4 hours at a time. There are always different people volunteering on different days. On Mondays, there is a woman who comes in for 2 hours just on that day. The second Monday I came in, I was trying to help her and she says, does it look like I need your help and then she states that I will not stop her from putting in stuff in the refrigerated section. I said ok and walked away. I found out that this woman has been volunteering here for a few years and she can be difficult. In mid December, within 15 minutes of her coming in, she got on my nerves and I raised my voice at her and did swear while there were 2 customers in the pantry. I immediately apologized to other workers and the customers. She immediately leaves and calls the upper management located in another city. When I came in Tuesday, someone from corporate talks to me and then they decide that I cannot come in for a week and to report the following Friday, December 27 since they are closed earlier in the week. Since this is a volunteer position, I feel like why bother and just not bother going in anymore, but I don't feel like I want this woman to win since it was her abrasive personality that started it. I was thinking of going in this Friday and then I would just ignore her when I go in Monday, the 30th, see how things go and make a decision afterwards about if I should stay. I am retired and like the position since it keeps me busy. Other volunteer positions I looked into are for one day or just a couple of hours a week. What do people think would be the best course of action? Thanks

Hey there JoeC65, Just wanted to acknowledge your post as it is a busy time of year and there are not many people available to respond. Doing volunteer work in retirement well good on you. I'd like to address a couple of key points in your post that bothered me a bit. You stated: In mid December, within 15 minutes of her coming in, she got on my nerves and I raised my voice at her and did swear while there were 2 customers in the pantry. You typed this here with what I detect was a bit of a flippant air as though it is 'understandable'. Joe, I can appreciate your 'frustration' however there is NEVER a time when raising your voice at a co-worker is 'acceptable'. I get how we swear/cuss and sometimes raise our voice for 'emphasis' but it this type of behaviour is harmful in any working environment even if you are just a volunteer. It is disrespectful and makes for tension/vibes in the workplace. It also can trigger other peoples serious damage should they have come from a harmful background. You knew instantly what you did was 'unacceptable' so you apologised but the damage was already done. The harm was out there. Your apology cannot erase what you did in a Pantry in front of customers and co-workers. I'm presuming you felt that by raising your voice to this (according to you) irritating woman who has worked there for quite some time (prior to your arrival) gave you a heightened presence among others and believing your words carry more weight than hers. You attempted to instil and confirm the idea that you are loudest and therefore the most dominant. Like your words and actions take precedence over what is being said by the woman or thought by others witnessing your outburst. That behaviour from you is not acceptable in any social environment. Joe, you do not know that woman's present life nor her past. She could have had a very difficult life or be going through something at the present time. She may be working at the Pantry as a therapy for herself or to take her mind off something or whatever. You assume she is just an irritation that needs dealing with by you. Nor do you know the history or lives of the customers. Raising your voice can trigger people who have damage. Raising your voice is received by most as a startling threat. You and you alone created a negative atmosphere for everybody present. She well may be irritating, frustrating, opinionated, cranky but you do not have the right in your new...ish voluntary position to 'sort her out'. To me you should leave with your tail between your legs only after you (in person or via a written note) formally apologise to the woman again. Please realise should you choose to return to the Pantry that everybody working there will now be far more wary of you (than they were her) and dubious about you as a person. Your behaviour doesn't reflect well on your character. A bit volatile. A bit agro. A bit OTT. Did you think you were going to waltz in to the Pantry be super important and be the hero who puts her in her place? Crikey. Quite the opposite in fact. You blotted your own copy book. She handled you the right way (with Management). Sorry Joe but poorly done. There will always be a pain in the a*se in every workplace but you calmly, logically discuss it with co-workers, superiors or management. People are not always socially compatible. Some times you just don't mesh. Your reaction/s were not conducive to solving the issue but rather escalating it and making your self look like a bully and you created an atmosphere of unsafe work environment. Red Flag. Just wondering have you ever had 'anger management?' Now you're probably 'p*ssed off at me and wish to sort me out'. I know your type. Shame on you.

Hi Joe, "The beginning of November, I started to volunteer at a food pantry. I go in 4 days a week for 4 hours at a time. There are always different people volunteering on different days. On Mondays, there is a woman who comes in for 2 hours just on that day. The second Monday I came in, I was trying to help her and she says, does it look like I need your help and then she states that I will not stop her from putting in stuff in the refrigerated section. I said ok and walked away. I found out that this woman has been volunteering here for a few years and she can be difficult. In mid December, within 15 minutes of her coming in, she got on my nerves and I raised my voice at her and did swear while there were 2 customers in the pantry. I immediately apologized to other workers and the customers. She immediately leaves and calls the upper management located in another city." I think in order to know whether your response constituted Reactive Abuse (self-defence), which then would be an acceptable extenuator plus a case of, Shame on HER (assuming this knee-jerking ISN'T normal for you - which your immediate apology indicates), depends entirely on just how obnoxious towards you she'd been. After all, she could have a Queen Bee attitude, resultantly added to which, it's just that no-one before you has ever dared bite back. BACK is the inarguable key word here. Then, whether your reaction was stronger than the situation actually warranted OR to witnesses APPEARED to warrant (e.g., she's perhaps FAR more boundary-crashing and offensive than you'd ever dream of being, yet sneakier and more hushed about it than you were). Can you reiterate the exchange, please, so that we can know exactly what she said that perhaps would have pushed anyone too far, to where they burst? Preferably replicating the actual dialogue (as much as you can remember at this point)? After all, you see a different person on the other 3 days and haven't had any trouble with them, right? Question: how do they differ from her? I mean, as a starter - 'Does it LOOK like I need your help?!' is pretty beeping hostile, if you ask me, and especially given it was aimed at a Newbie (you). How uncomfortable out of 10 were you? (Future Tip: to that, I'd take the "friendly" piss - e.g., quip, 'You're welcome!', or, 'No-no, no gratitude necessary, it was my pleasure!'. Was there any reason you could fathom, why she was like that? Were you trying to help her? Or advise her of a better way or something? But yeah... If you couldn't contain your outrage despite customers were present - either it's that how she spoke to and treated you became "too much" for ANY self-respecting person (regardless of gender) to stay quiet and reasonable over, OR, you're quick to lose your temper these days. Which do you think?

...I mean, really, given that you were trying to be helpful - what's wrong with this: (Fairly relaxedly/limply holding up one's hand in a 'pat-pat' Stop/calm your jets gesture:) "PLEEEASE - it's FINNNE..., I can MANAGE... But cheers, anyway...'. Where and when did THAT sort of thing go?...You know - basic social etiquette? I mean, she's not a Terrible Teenager with PMT or a d*ck of a boyfriend! Or is she? ????

PS Songbird/DD, Your post was perfect until you went and demonstrated for yourself how easy it is to get triggered, worked-up, then 'carried away'....This bit: "Now you're probably 'p*ssed off at me and wish to sort me out'. I know your type. Shame on you." You can't turn on the OP like that. Plus, to begin with, no-one of that "type" (bullier of women) would be posting here for help and advice with that tone of shock at himself, and regret. Regardless, our visitors have to be taken at their word and approached as 'innocent until proven guilty' (which is exclusively for me to decifer/deduce) rather than the other way round. But, prior to that it was really impressive and opened-up other points-of-view. Sorry about that, I take full responsibility for the fact I asked you to help out when you're not quite up to it enough following Dud's latest run of attacks. I know you tried your best, and everywhere else, it showed. It's just that if one's slip-up is made here then it's my duty to point it out on here, in front of the poster. I'll pop over to your thread either in a bit (got to peel the spuds and parsnips etc for tomorrow) or tomorrow nighttime, and we can chat about what happened there. :)

Dear JoeC65 I did indeed get a little carried away in my response. Going through a lot myself so understand where I went wrong and how I should not have responded here. I do sincerely apologise. I was out of line. My response was terribly judgmental. I wish you the best in your future volunteering. Hope I did not upset you. Soulmate slapped me on the wrist and rightfully so. All the best wishes sent your way JoeC65.

Ahhh, bless you loads, DD, thanks for that, M'Lady. Very gracious of you indeed. (Thlup!) Naah,...I just wagged a finger at you. Ninety-nine point 8 of what you put will have got everyone really thinking, eh. Or was that Improv?...to give Joe a first-hand role-play experience of how easy it is to upset people without realising and/or how easily upset some people can be? Bit too clever if it was, haha! But no, the woman was downright obnoxious to say what she said in response to an offer to help. Reminds me of that meme that goes - Sorry to upset you (or, bother you) with my friendship. :D

PPS: Anyway, Joe - I wouldn't worry if I were you. You said yourself she has a roughly 2 whole year-long reputation as "difficult" (if that over-tact-and-diplomacy means, antisocial, yeah). Management will probably be secretly relieved that someone FINALLY has had the round objects to put her in her proper place....dince - clearly! - evidently! - in two whole years they themselves haven't? ("Buuuck-buck-buck-buuuuuck!" (feathers)). I expect volunteers aren't something you turn your nose up at, "just because" they act like a Chav. You'll both probably be asked to watch yourselves in future and nothing else. But do let us know?