Overthinking/Over reacting

Hi For the last 2 years, my husband’s sister and her husband have decided to not acknowledge me. I am unaware of any wrong doings or offences for this. We were never especially close family members but seemed to get along for the last 35 years. However, a campaign of terror started has started in the last 6 months, such as shouting vile language at me, driving past me extremely slowly and growling! I finally told my husband what has been happening and he really couldn’t care! Am I being over sensitive because I feel let down by the lack of compassion shown by husband. Unfortunately, they live in the same street, I do try to avoid them but it’s difficult and I am wary of what will happen next. Any advice would be great. Thank you x

Hi Overwhelmed, Are you being sensitive? What a telling question - and NO, you are NOT. They're acting like raging delinquents in adult suits ....shocking behaviour; adults do NOT behave like that...like something out of a cheap (AND outdated!) daytime soap-opera - and he's acting like he's the one behind it all. Sorry, but he is. And they're acting like they think you KNOW what you've done (said). He's said something to 'release the hounds' on you and now is sitting back, watching you get strips torn off you, whether for revenge or a free show (so what's mentally wrong with HIM then!). Give us more details please? Be as lengthy as you like - the more info you can give us, the better. This is more than "a domestic". They're clearly malignant Narcissists. You'd be well within rights to call the Police on them for serious harrassment and stalking! And this is your SISTER-IN-LAW?? Where did you get her - the zoo? Just telling it like it is. Too sensitive? If anything, you're not being 'sensitive' enough. You have mine (and everyone's here, I'm sure) deepest sympathies, but this needs to be slammed-down and asap. You must feel like SH*T. Even ruined your Christmas did they? RsVP. And tell me everything your 'husband's' been saying and give me his rap-sheet. And PS: husbands are supposed to be provider-protectors, first and foremost. Not exactly a husband, then, is he. So what is he.

Thank you. I will give you more details shortly, just needed ( desperately) someone to give me a moment. I feel pathetic and very small but again Thank you X

A moment of validation, you mean. We get it. And you're welcome. And you take as much time as you need, because, YES, they do make their victim-targets feel like that. However, regardless of anything, it is her brother's/your husband's job to take her to task. Meantime, try to act your socks off and, when they go past you like that, give them a look-mixture of disgustedness, perplexed-ness, and try to incorporate an eye-roll at the end. The worst thing you can do is - Boo-hoo, why you being so mean to meee. It's this: UGH, YUCK, WEIRDOS ("MATRON...?!"). Or as Lee Evans said in one of his sketches - recoiling and yelling: "Sheeeeeeeeeeeee's a MENTAL!". You can't reason with these people, otherwise I'd be advising you approach their car and way, 'Obviously you've a problem, but nobody's told ME about it - care to explain?'. In fact, there wouldn't BE any issue and any approaching necessary! But clearly they're too scared of you to approach you, and, not to outnumber you.

the reason you fear being too sensitive is you're empathic and that's our gaslighting showing itself. narcissists capture and consume empaths for sport. they're opposite sides of the same coin and the narc gains pleasure in the torture that takes your friends, your means of escape, your sanity, and anything else they collect as trophies from you. you're not too sensitive and in fact you've cued in to the threat in your environment. and what do we do when threatened? neutralize or evade, fight or flight. they're like vampires. exactly like vampires. and guess what? you have to let them in to your life to damage it. my caution to you is that this intimidation will and must escalate. trust your gut 100% and if you ever feel it call, follow its instinct because their mindset is you. i suggest with your husband dismissive and your 'family' psychotic that your best outcome is a clean and quick break. because they've already done passive aggressive and covert to small effect, where the escalation is required so they can feed. long term once you've escaped is learning to set and keep proper boundaries. will do wonders to protect you. i'll make a note to keep an eye on this thread because i 'relate' so strongly.

This is my greatest fear, the terror must escalate in order for them to feel sated. Since my original post, my mindset has changed greatly - Thank you to those who have responded! Now I realise I’ve put myself under house arrest, I’m too afraid to go out and about in the village. I am very withdrawn. I know I must cut ALL ties with the husbands family and obviously this includes the husband. My grown children are not aware of what has been happening, but I know they are aware of how His family treat me - dog/slave. I’m sick of being in flight or fight mode, so I think it’s time to make a stand. Unfortunately, I am what I am and certain issues must be addressed. A few home truths are coming and I dare say I’ll become the pariah. Thank you for being so understanding x

why must we accept labels from others. it's our perogative to ignore those whose life is so normal they debate tv shows at the water cooler at work. it's a ridiculous notion and i want you to deny that power. the isolation is a normal response and part of their playbook. they can't be sugary sweet to uphold the fascade to outsiders, and a totally demonic hellspawn demon at the same time. one more thing. bring sunlight to the darkness and extend trust to those who can help the escape. be well. we're here for you.

why must we accept labels from others. it's our perogative to ignore those whose life is so normal they debate tv shows at the water cooler at work. it's a ridiculous notion and i want you to deny that power. the isolation is a normal response and part of their playbook. they can't be sugary sweet to uphold the fascade to outsiders, and a totally demonic hellspawn demon at the same time. one more thing. bring sunlight to the darkness and extend trust to those who can help the escape. be well. we're here for you.

(Ricky, great posts and I know you're very enthusiastic, which again is great, but, as the host-moderator, it's obviously for me to say that last bit and speak on behalf of this forum. Please speak for yourself, say, I'm here for you. That's all - no biggie - as you were. :))

"This is my greatest fear, the terror must escalate in order for them to feel sated. Since my original post, my mindset has changed greatly - Thank you to those who have responded! Now I realise I’ve put myself under house arrest, I’m too afraid to go out and about in the village. I am very withdrawn. I know I must cut ALL ties with the husbands family and obviously this includes the husband. My grown children are not aware of what has been happening, but I know they are aware of how His family treat me - dog/slave. I’m sick of being in flight or fight mode, so I think it’s time to make a stand. Unfortunately, I am what I am and certain issues must be addressed. A few home truths are coming and I dare say I’ll become the pariah. Thank you for being so understanding x" Hi again, Overwhelmed! What's been happening at your end with these "ends"? You coping okay?