Am I overthinking or right on

I need to know if I am overthinking things or am I right on the money!! I have been with this dude for going on 4 ta 5 years and we have been thru some shit.... But when we argue he calls me names and is so mean and hateful... He swears I am childish or always starting shit.... If I ask a question he says you ask too many questions or he will avoided the question all together....any thing I say is stupid or stating shit.... He talks about his exes all the time still talks too and hangs out with some of them.... If I call or message him he don't answer but God forbid I don't answer or message right back.. tells me I am a narcissist and always twist his words.... I mean how am I twisting words when I am repeating what you just said... Tells me I am crazy dramatic and I need medicine... Umm ok he is the one who needs medicine...I have never cheated or let him down in any way.... I give and give and I do without so he can have.... He has not worked the past 2 years we been together I got a job in 2022 at a local pizza place and supported him and me on tips daily.... Quit that job to move to another state with him.... Came back got a different job as a waitress and I only make $2.13 an hour so I depend on tips daily and everyday he needs cigarettes food gas and I am broke by days end... My paycheck every two weeks is maybe $100 if I am lucky.... So yes I get pissed when I work everyday and he sleeps, hangs out or gets fucked up while I am not around sometimes it is all 3!! Anyway I guess my question is How can I change things without starting an argument or sound like a psycho.... I am to the point of miserable when we are around each other because he tries to make me look like a crazy insecure jealous person in front of people.... It is like I can tell when he has done something or hung out with people he knows I do not want him hanging out with most one of them is his ex he left me for the other ones are his buddies that do drugs with him he is always going to people's houses but let me be off and we go nowhere but I'm the crazy one I told him if I did half the shit to you that you've done to me you've been long gone he says he wouldn't get mad... I call BULLSHIT because I have seen what happens if I even try to talk to my best friend which is female he swears I am sneaking out or talking to dudes.... So again how can I get this to a 50/50 relationship and be treated like an equal instead of a choice.... He is nice when he needs something or wants something but the minute he gets whatever he turns back into the selfish hateful person again who calls me stupid dramatic bitch... And 20 minutes later he wants me to forget what he called me.... Claims they were just words.... That words don't hurt.... Again BULLSHIT.... Words are a form of abuse and I say that and off to the races we go... Just please help me understand and how to make it better

To be frank, you're being used by a insecure, selfish & controlling narcissist who's quite happy to use you as doormat for as long as you allow it. Going by your post he's a lazy good for nothing & you're his long term victim & it's come to the stage now where you need to be looking out for yourself. Take your thoughts further & realise that this 'dude's' actions are doing ALL the talking in your so called 'relationship' & yes his word are abusive & that the fact that he doesn't understand that, should give you an insight of just how insultingly mindless he is. Your best advice? forget about changing things, just walk away from him & find someone who shares your values & standards & will sit down with you to discuss your plans together. In other words, someone who will respect you for who you are & what you stand for. You come across as hard working, caring soul who been kicked down, but strong enough to pick yourself up again & again, only to be knocked down by the never ending bs. Yeah we get that you may love the fool (& it's all good if you do) but how much will you take before it does your head in? Why lead a miserable life with an individual who obviously doesn't give a damn about you? It's easy for us to say, but you need to be strong & with your head held high, just walk straight out that door for good if you can do so safely. Overthinking things? nope, your understanding of your relationship is BANG on the money without a doubt.

Hi Peerow, Second opinion: I absolutely, thoroughly, totally, wholly, emphatically, completely and UTTERLY-BUTTERLY agree with every single word Manalone has just put. Your (hah!) boy (-that bit's correct) -friend (-that isn't) is just plain, UGH! It's this, isn't it: So I love him. But WHAT do I love?! Equally, at very best: So he loves me (ish). But WHAT loves me. (Answer: feral human with accordingly feral, dog-eat-dog, controlling attitudes, aka, human monster.) You have the patience of a Saint, missus. UGH. (You're nice, though. And that's why you got targetted.)

...It's the unspoken/hush-hushed (well, until recent decades) downside of being gorgeously lovely, far lovelier than the average bod. Don't you change though. World would literally collapse without us Empaths. It's this: Right Qualities (Mine) WRONG RECIPIENT (him). PS: He's an Overt (mouth stinks) while he's surreptitiously Covert (actions even worse). Malignant Narc AND Sociopathic thus parasitic (AsPD with NPD).