Confession from a boy

Me, 18F went through a breakup pretty recently about two months ago. The breakup was pretty messy and I really wanted to stay with him for a little while but eventually I got over him after finding out he moved on. (I'm not settling for that) And I've recently been talking to a new guy who is 19, he's very sweet and we both actually like the same games, music, interests ect. I've been talking to him for about a month now. He's a really sweet guy and even though he lives across the country we just met yesterday. It was a very natural hangout and everything went very smoothly. Conversations were easy to make and it definitely felt like I'd known him for a long time. We had lots of fun at the mall and he waited with me at the train station before giving me a big hug. Though when I came home we started texting again like usual, making cute references and everything when I'm pretty sure he asked me to be his girlfriend. I was quite shocked at first and didn't know how to respond (So I didn't) but he gladly changed topics. It's been a day since then and It's still massively lingering on my mind. I told myself after my breakup that I wouldn't try to immediately start dating again and try to look for someone who actually liked the same things as me, now that I've found that person I'm suddenly having doubts. It has been almost three months since the breakup which is my rule to wait at least three months, but I also don't want to rush into a relationship and end up getting dumped after two weeks. I want to say something since I feel I need to at least clear the air between us a bit, without making him feel like I'm rejecting him. In all honesty I'm really not rejecting him, if anything I want a relationship with him, I just feel that I need to get to know him a bit better before I go and fall for someone again as I do so well. I really need advice, and thank you if you've taken time of your day to read my story. Also I apologize if my english is bad or if the grammar didn't make sense, I'm non-native.

Hi Kaasje, Sorry you've had to wait - I'll dive straight in (and note I'm not reading ahead, just taking it as each sentance or paragraph comes): "Me, 18F went through a breakup pretty recently about two months ago. The breakup was pretty messy and I really wanted to stay with him for a little while but eventually I got over him after finding out he moved on. (I'm not settling for that)" I'm getting the impression, here, that he somehow kept you dangling, all hopeful of a reconciliation, and that, suddenly, you found out you'd been played for a fool because he's been meanwhile getting it on with someone else? Is that right (or close)? "And I've recently been talking to a new guy who is 19, he's very sweet and we both actually like the same games, music, interests ect. I've been talking to him for about a month now." Oh good. ...Although - do not think it's a little too soon, given you've just had your heart broken? I know you said it was 2 months ago, but if you only just recently found out he'd 'moved on' then, really, it hasn't even been THAT long, has it? What about him - has he just recently got out of a relationship or fauxlationship? You say, TALKING to him for about a month. Is that online? "He's a really sweet guy and even though he lives across the country we just met yesterday." Scrub that question. Good, you've met. Why are you going for someone who lives so far away, though? Is being bf and gf feasible over such a distance? Do either of you have a car, or are the transport links easy and affordable? Is the distance APPEALING to you, say, BECAUSE you've just been hurt and would rather start slowly and 'safely' this time? What about him? What's HIS reason for not minding the distance? "It was a very natural hangout and everything went very smoothly." Excellent. "Conversations were easy to make and it definitely felt like I'd known him for a long time." Felt like you'd known him for a long time. Pink Flag Alert. You can get that feeling with a social-romantic predator (in which case, greater geographical distance won't protect you any) so - proceed with the utmost caution. No rushing into things. Make him have to go at "Lady pace" (think walking along a road, arm-in-arm), see how he handles it. "We had lots of fun at the mall and he waited with me at the train station before giving me a big hug." Silver Star (phew)...very gentlemanly. Obviously really likes you, already. "Though when I came home we started texting again like usual," Oh, okay? That's encouraging as well (another Silver Star). "making cute references and everything when I'm pretty sure he asked me to be his girlfriend. I was quite shocked at first and didn't know how to respond" Why shocked? Was it too soon? "(So I didn't) but he gladly changed topics." Okay...that's a Gold Star, this time, for him. For being a well-bred gentleman again AND for the fact he's empathetic (understood) and it didn't send him all silly and negative. Good. "It's been a day since then and It's still massively lingering on my mind. I told myself after my breakup that I wouldn't try to immediately start dating again and try to look for someone who actually liked the same things as me, now that I've found that person I'm suddenly having doubts." AHHHH. Got ya. (Ignore prior questions re too early.) You're still shaken and therefore skittish. Does he know this, and why? "It has been almost three months since the breakup which is my rule to wait at least three months," Good lass (Gold Star for you - on your forehead: Thlup!). " but I also don't want to rush into a relationship and end up getting dumped after two weeks." No, definitely not. Back to - have you told him? (You don't have to go into detail but could just say you're a bit too fresh out of a relationship, still, so could you both please take it 'at a stroll' rather than a trot (or god forbid, a sprint.) "I want to say something since I feel I need to at least clear the air between us a bit," Snap! - and, YES. "without making him feel like I'm rejecting him. In all honesty I'm really not rejecting him, if anything I want a relationship with him, I just feel that I need to get to know him a bit better before I go and fall for someone again as I do so well." That was perfectly put - tell him that! "I really need advice, and thank you if you've taken time of your day to read my story. Also I apologize if my english is bad or if the grammar didn't make sense, I'm non-native." You're most welcome, thank-you for your lovely manners. And, no, your English is ...actually, it's perfect. You thinking of getting a job where your bilingul-ness (- is that a word?) will get used? (Higher salary if so.) (But I digress.) Yeah - no - that paragraph was perfect. OR you could shorten it and say, Can we take this nice and slow, please, because, having just had a bad break-up ((which is code for bad relationship)), I'm still feeling very skittish. Again - what's his own recently history?

Kaasje, I think in the circumstances, you've done the canny thing by coming here. Feel free if you want me (and others here) to be your Constant. This means, kind of like your secret weapon....constant health and safety-checks. You keep me/us informed of things that happen, including things he says, as they happen - both positive and negative so we know everything and can keep appraising the proceedings realistically and correctly - and, that way, you'll stay safe with every step forward. Sound like a good plan?

If so - now/next, tell me absolutely everything you know and have found-out about the guy, including his dating history to-date, so I can give him a good frisking for you. (Security Checkpoint, haha.)

Hi omg! Super thanks for the advice and I'll reply to a couple of things since I feel obligated to at least give y'all an update. As for my ex and the whole moving on thing, it had maybe been a month after and I was already seeing him at school with other girls, if he was with someone else while he was with me, I'm not sure. It doesn't matter anyways I don't have any contact with him and I stopped caring a while ago. So yeah, you got it right! The distance isn't such a big problem, I live in a fairly small country and it only takes me 2 hours by train to travel to his city. Not to mention that since I am still a student It's free as long as I graduate. I do enjoy traveling so I really don't mind. What's his reason for not minding? No clue, I guess probably the same reason as mine. Public transport is super common here. Definitely making him go at a lady pace, especially with the long distance it's hard to rush into things which is kind of a plus too, makes the moments when we do meet up a lot more fun! Besides, I decided that I wanted to see how he is with my parents before I say anything, they're very chill so he'll likely get along with them, but just to make sure. And yeah I was pretty shocked because it was that soon, we were already a bit flirty here and there and it's obvious that friendship wasn't the end goal, I just didn't think he'd make the move so early on in the situationship we had going on. But at least it shows that he actually wants something serious, right? Yes I did end up telling him that I wanted to take it slow, however I didn't tell him I'd just gotten out of a relationship just because I didn't want to seem like a desperate or something like that. If anything he really just came falling out the sky as I had just gotten used to being single again! I'll try to update frequently but I am quite forgetful >.<

"I'll try to update frequently but I am quite forgetful >.<" Well, that suits me cos since I moved to Disorganised-o Land-o (Spain), I've been forced, from almost Anal, into being powerlessly, unwillingly, FLAKEY (insert blood-curdling scream)! Saying that - I'll be with you soon now.

"Hi omg! Super thanks for the advice and I'll reply to a couple of things since I feel obligated to at least give y'all an update." You're super-welcome! "As for my ex and the whole moving on thing, it had maybe been a month after and I was already seeing him at school with other girls," Oh, THAT'S nice!...giant NOT. "if he was with someone else while he was with me, I'm not sure." He's clearly the type, look! "It doesn't matter anyways I don't have any contact with him and I stopped caring a while ago. So yeah, you got it right" Caring about WHO? :D Onto much nicer new guy... "The distance isn't such a big problem, I live in a fairly small country and it only takes me 2 hours by train to travel to his city." IT ONLY TAKES YOU 2 HOURS, HAHAHAHAHA! *ONLY*, haha! That counts as long-distance, missus! Understandable, though. Means you can take it much-much slower so that this time you won't miss anything (which, you obviously didn't get the luxury of doing with Mr "girls-girls-girls" there). "Not to mention that since I am still a student It's free as long as I graduate. I do enjoy traveling so I really don't mind." Oh, NICE, then. Bonus! By train, is it? Nice scenery and all that? "What's his reason for not minding? No clue, I guess probably the same reason as mine. Public transport is super common here." Which country are you? The name "Karss-gee" is from the Netherlands, isn't it? "Definitely making him go at a lady pace, especially with the long distance it's hard to rush into things which is kind of a plus too," Haha - Snap (above)! "makes the moments when we do meet up a lot more fun!" Very true. "Besides, I decided that I wanted to see how he is with my parents before I say anything, they're very chill so he'll likely get along with them, but just to make sure." Good personal security, "Double-Oh 8". And only do it when the time feels right FOR YOU. "And yeah I was pretty shocked because it was that soon, we were already a bit flirty here and there and it's obvious that friendship wasn't the end goal," Got ya. "I just didn't think he'd make the move so early on in the situationship we had going on." Well...I guess in his eyes/genes, you're that luscious? "But at least it shows that he actually wants something serious, right? It takes more than that but, not messing around, despite neither rushing, is a damn good start, aye. (You're going to keep a diary here, yes?) "Yes I did end up telling him that I wanted to take it slow, however I didn't tell him I'd just gotten out of a relationship just because I didn't want to seem like a desperate or something like that." Not that it was any of his business that early-on, but - How does that work? "If anything he really just came falling out the sky as I had just gotten used to being single again!" Yyyyup! When the time is ripe, the time is ripe. Fate knows what it's doing, I find. (Oooo-oo-ooooh - ex-CITINGGGGGG! :))

Hey Kaasje! (I've done your remembering for you. 50p, please? ;)) So!..........How's is all going?