Marriage confliction

I have been married for almost 15 years now, and over time, I have become just generally unhappy. I have considered looking into separation and more, but I am scared of what comes next. I have abandonment issues that have led to a PTSD diagnosis and am terrified of being alone. I feel trapped with no clear path. I am hoping someone here can give me any advice on the topic. It is not fair to me to continue to be unhappy, and portray the lie that I am. But it is also not fair to my wife that I have felt this way for as long as I have.

Hi, I'm sorry you have abandonment issues, PTSD. Speaking as someone who has dealt with mental issues in the past (and ongoing anxiety if triggered), my advice would be for you two to try counseling as one last effort, so you do not regret your decision if you do leave once your mental health has improved and you would want her back. As for me I would go into therapy before on my own and my husband did not want to do no counseling for the longest time ever. He should have and needed to be part of that as far as working on our relationship and his issues as well. I know now my therapy back then would have been more successful than it was, as he too had a part to play. Once we did they took him aside as he two especially by then suffered mentally for his own treatment. I don't know about your wife, if she has any that need treatment by herself, or enough if you two do it together. I hope everything works out for you :)

Hi DaverHaver - just bumping you up as I'd like to respond some time over this weekend...

Haven't forgotten you - just very short on time this last few weeks. Bumping you up for the the minute I get a sec.

It sounds like you’re carrying a heavy weight, feeling stuck between your own unhappiness and the fear of being alone. Acknowledging these feelings is a brave first step. It might help to explore therapy—both individual and couples—so you can work through your PTSD and abandonment fears while gaining clarity on what you truly want. Remember, prioritizing your well-being isn’t selfish; it’s necessary for any healthy relationship or future. Take it one step at a time—you deserve to find peace and honesty in your life.

Hi Daver, Let's see if we can together unravel that tangled, barrel-sized ball of wool you're bent backwards over... "I have been married for almost 15 years now," Interesting innings (tell ya later)... " and over time," How long into the relationship did you first register how you were feeling? And was there anything that prompted it? "I have become just generally unhappy." Nah. That over-generalisation is part of your problem... Pounds are made of pennies. List for me what you don't like about the marriage/her? "I have considered looking into separation and more, but I am scared of what comes next." Do you even KNOW what usually comes next? Do you have any divorced friends/rellies? (...read Hello Magazine?) (joke) "I have abandonment issues that have led to a PTSD diagnosis" What thing/event(s) caused it? "and am terrified of being alone." Aren't we all! In fact, we're programmed to - to ensure we stick together (safety in numbers). But like anything, it's not the What but the DEGREE. Can you score it out of 10 (- being highest) for me? "I feel trapped with no clear path. I am hoping someone here can give me any advice on the topic. It is not fair to me to continue to be unhappy, and portray the lie that I am. But it is also not fair to my wife that I have felt this way for as long as I have." Well, let's establish whether it truly IS a lie? No O-shaped-fences intended, but, blokes still aren't as capable as women (getting there tho) at grasping and identifying their feelings, especially bad ones. So - if you can answer my queries, please? BTW, do take your time as we're all voluntary here (not our day-jobs) so we can be a bit slow here and there (since Covid really), but rest assured, it's never a case of If, just By When as in how many days. (I'll keep my eye out.)

Hello Daverhaver, I think Openleaf's advice about individual and/or couples therapy is a good suggestion. I don't typically recommend therapy, but in your situation and with what you're dealing with, you may find it helpful for organizing your thoughts and deciding what to do. If your wife is on-board with going to the couples therapy, then that would be even better. Even if you're divorcing, maybe it could be a great transitional aid for what comes after. Does your wife know how you feel? Have you discussed any of this with her? How are you feeling since you posted this? Has your outlook for your relationship improved at all from 1 week ago? Definitely update us and tell us where you're at with things. If you feel up to it, you could talk a little about ways in which you've become unhappy and distanced in your marriage.