Neighbourly relations

I've lived in my flat block for a number of years now and one of my neighbours caught my eye early on into living here and was instantly attracted to them. For my own reasons I never pursued anything and put this attraction to one side and maintained a causal neighbourly relationship and did my own thing. Over the past 6 months our sons have become really close friends and often play together in the garden and go over to each others houses. While they have been becoming better friends me neighbour and I have also been becoming more friendly. I think this has stirred up some older thoughts/feelings of mine (If im being honest they never really went away from day 1) and my neighbour says that they clocked on to this over the past few months. Fast forward to recently and the kids were playing over at my neighbours until quite late when I get a knock on the door asking if I'd like to come over for a drink while the kids play. I went on over and we had a really nice evening and started to get very close and flirty. I'm of the opinion that the flirty behaviour was mutual and both started it up. Jump an hour or so into the evening where the kids have all fallen asleep and we could barely keep our hands off of each other and one thing lead to another and we were extremely intimate and stayed up until the early hours of the morning like this. Two days after while enjoying a drink in the garden and watching the kids play my neighbour comes down and joins me and after a while we all went back up to their place while the kids played and we had a drink and a general chat. We spoke about the night prior and it was said that it stemmed from a combination of drinks, knowing that I liked them and being on their own for 5 years now. When I asked more it transpired that it wouldn't of just been anyone that was invited over and there was thought put into it first and a level of attraction put back towards me also. There is obviously the concern of awkwardness between neighbours should anything go further and it go wrong. Heres my situation, I would like to explore this and see if it has the potential of going anywhere. My neighbour however is on the fence to say the least but has said maybe this is something they need to think about on their own. Obviously I don't want to put any strain on what is a really good friendship but at the same time im conflicted as I want to pursue this. Has anyone had anything like this and from experience is it just a disaster waiting to happen or has anyone had a good experience because I see three potential outcomes. 1) Everything is good and it all works out. 2) Everything goes wrong and it may or may not be awkward. 3) Drop it but live with the idea of what could have happened.

What? no flirting the the day after? You guys have already got it on & now you have to get to know each other to take it further. yeah? It's all good but your best bet is to sit back & let it happen naturally, if it's going to go any further. Push it & it could blow up in your face as your neighbour has been alone for five years now. However, they're as much to blame as you are for what's gone down, but they look to be in control of the situation if they're on the fence after the fact & they knocked on your door first. Leave them in control & wait for their next move otherwise your option number two could become a reality...& don't forget to ask yourself will you need drinks the next time?

Hi Confused, It sounds to me like you both just had a bit of fun. There's nothing wrong with that! And, I wouldn't pressure him about it for now. Your priority is trying to stay friends and stay on good terms with each other. You apparently like each other enough to do THAT, and your kids get along pretty well. See if you can keep that going. In time, maybe he'll want to have these more intimate sessions with you again. I know it might seem unfair, but I'd give him the benefit of the doubt for now since he probably does need time to think about it and decide whether he wants anything more than that. I wouldn't put your entire life and your own needs on hold for this guy, but maybe for the time being wait and see what happens with him, in case he comes around in the next couple of months. For now, I would just enjoy everything that's transpired for you. Who doesn't want a sexy neighbor to ravish them? : D

I fully get what you're saying but just for context you've got the genders mixed up there...not that it really affects things too much

"but just for context you've got the genders mixed up there...not that it really affects things too much" Welcome to my world, Confused123! :D Nobody on here has ever knwon my gender (bar my boss); they have to guess (which is very entertaining). It happens all the time on forums, anyway. But I'd take it as a huge compliment because it means you're a healthy male with greater than average emotional intelligence. Anyhoo - I agree that you should "mirror-mirror-mirror (no manoeuvre)". You ARE neighbours, it WOULD be tricky- nay, INCREDIBLY awkward if it went wrong or sour, it WOULD devastate both your kids (she's clearly acting to healthy programme of putting them before her own side-needs) so ...lots to admire about her there. But the point is you have to deal with what's on your Reality Plate (being neighbours equals loads to lose/ruin) versus your Ideals Menu (not neighbours). Ergo, your new mantra is: "Slowly, slowly, catch ye monkey...........". You could even go further and tell her you've reviewed the situation and everthing she's worried about, and AGREE ENTIRELY - "Cheers to best friendship with a view to brotherly-sisterly support!" (clink!). It'd probably help if you DID accept the fact she's correct and being a grown-up first. But - picture a busy waiter....and she's going 'Oooh, do I want that dish after all...ooh, I don't know?...'. There'd come a point when you would just turn on your heel and return to the kitchen - wouldn't there? Bet you she'd want that dish THEN. The "Take It Away Again" sales tactic. She just wants to have CONTROL over herself and her own life (and kids' happiness) and future this time (Scooby clue that her ex was domineering?). That's all. Plus, it's a compliment - which is a very good place to start slowly-slowly-ing: she's already so fond of you and your kids and enjoying having you guys in her life SO much, that she's more interested in protecting and nurturing that, which MEANS, it's what she and the kids need the most. How-EVER.... since she already finds you too tempting to not 'slip-up' that evening - this means that time and increased fondness is - IS - bound - BOUND - to tip that scale of two opposing needs. PLUS, you'll be surer of each other by then and have built up a great deal of trust. This could be your One? So why risk it for an excellent training in patience and endurance (which one needs, the older they get)? I see nothing wrong here, except that the pair of you put the cart before the horse (because you'd both been starved for too long of sex and affection). No biggie. The chemistry and life-compatibility are there. Just let time and interactional layers do the rest! So cheer up - it's great news! She's taking her kids AND you, seriously! :)

My vote is - it's a case of When, not If. So please keep keeping us posted as you go and/or when the time comes, let us know what happened? (Closure, maaaan....we advisors need our Closure, *gaasp*...)

Oh - and in the meantime: enjoy striking tanned, shirt-less, manly-muscly poses all around the garden in your shorts, with lots of twirling the kids round and other heavy lifting. ..JUST to help her along a little in her By When decision, heh heh. Seriously - enjoy the ogling, it's good for rebuilding your self-esteem.

So to anyone thats been curious as to where this currently stands i have an update...albeit not the best case scenario but an update nonetheless with an element of closure. Tonight the kids and I sat in the garden toasting marshmallows over the fire and listening to a bit of music. My neighbour and her son ended up coming down and joining us which surprised me a little bit as the past few days have seemed on and off. We had a nice evening, had a couple drinks and shared a few laughs with the kids. My youngest wanted me to read one of the books I've been working on to them around the fire so that went down quite well. The evening ended with us going upstairs to hang out and have another drink or two while the kids played (bit late for a weekday but summer holidays and im on annual leave so not a biggy) and during the course of the conversation it was agreed that we'd just keep it as friendly neighbours and keep hanging out. Like I said not the ideal ending but as cliche as it sounds it rather have her around as a friend than not at all. Heres where I still find it strange though. A bond has been built between her and my daughter to the extent where they have asked if she can stay there overnight for a girly movie night and a sleepover. I'm obviously more than happy for that to happen because I trust her with the kids more than I would almost anyone but is it a normal everyday thing to do that? The optimist in me thinks that maybe this is an attempt to keep the door slightly open so to speak but the realist in me says its purely because she enjoys being around her and we now draw a line under it.

Sorry for the misgendering, I didn't really go back and re-read anything so Idk why I was off about who was who. I would assume first and foremost that she just likes being around your daughter. Could it be a way to keep a foot in the door? Maybe. But I wouldn't think that's the priority from the sound of things. It's not necessarily a bad thing in any way, shape or form, however. I would say it's somewhat unrelated to the relationship issue. I can't help but be reminded of sitcoms where there's a "Will they? Won't they?" element to them between two characters. I think the trope still creeps its way into stories often because it's so relatable or affirming. Not every couple is going to be one where you look at them and just instinctively know, these two are going to stick together for the long haul. And maybe that's more realistic. I think most of us probably don't just find ourselves with some perfect relationship and the ideal partner. We're all only human. It's also nice to have a hot friend. And to not have to feel very guilty about that.

"So to anyone thats been curious as to where this currently stands i have an update...albeit not the best case scenario but an update nonetheless with an element of closure. Tonight the kids and I sat in the garden toasting marshmallows over the fire and listening to a bit of music. My neighbour and her son ended up coming down and joining us which surprised me a little bit as the past few days have seemed on and off." Understandably, following the evening of loss-of-control. "We had a nice evening, had a couple drinks and shared a few laughs with the kids. My youngest wanted me to read one of the books I've been working on to them around the fire so that went down quite well." Cool-cool... (Dadda Material? - Tick!) "The evening ended with us going upstairs to hang out and have another drink or two while the kids played (bit late for a weekday but summer holidays and im on annual leave so not a biggy)" (Nope) "and during the course of the conversation it was agreed that we'd just keep it as friendly neighbours and keep hanging out. Like I said not the ideal ending but as cliche as it sounds it rather have her around as a friend than not at all." Well, yes, a friend-neighbour is a very lucky stroke! I had one at my last house in UK (we're still friends today). However, I don't call that an ending, I call that a Not Now, Bernard (- read that one to them yet?). She's just pressing the Pause Button because she acted on impulse instead of taking things slowly this time. "Heres where I still find it strange though." Hah! - Right on cue! I know what you're about to say! "A bond has been built between her and my daughter to the extent where they have asked if she can stay there overnight for a girly movie night and a sleepover. I'm obviously more than happy for that to happen because I trust her with the kids more than I would almost anyone but is it a normal everyday thing to do that? The optimist in me thinks that maybe this is an attempt to keep the door slightly open so to speak but the realist in me says its purely because she enjoys being around her and we now draw a line under it." It could be taken as building a bridge to you, yes. How old is your daughter - and hers? How long now have you and your daughter known her? That's what dictates whether it's normal or not versus a bit too soon or whatever. Surely it should be: because her daughter enjoys being around her?

Also, how often does your daughter get to see her Mum/your ex, in terms of proper, Quality Time?