Should he pay?

My friend and I rented a VRBO for a few days and split the cost. Coincidentally, her brother just happened to have some vacation time around the same dates. She approached me and wanted to invite him to stay with us at the VRBO. I said that would be great and would he be paying 1/3? She became offended and stated that of course not because he would be our guest. To add some background, he takes care of their elderly invalid mother and she feels she owes him something. However, he has had a long history of being somewhat of a mooch---coming for visits and never paying for anything. I have taken them out and paid the bill numerous times and am somewhat tired of subsidizing his vacations. The VRBO bill is paid in full already, so too late to back out. What should I do?

It doesn't matter that your VRBO is fully paid, it's this guy's attitude that get's your goat. Yeah sure he can be your 'guest' but why do you have to pay to host your 'guest' in the first place? He's actually his demanding sister's guest & as far as she's concerned, she's paid for him already. All she needed was your approval of him coming along & then once she had that, he became your guest together. If you've subsidised 'them' previously with no come back, then take your thoughts further as the mooching runs in the family & by going by your post is an expectation. So have a look at your offended friend as well.

Agree. And, what you *do*, SuspiciousFudge (:D), is - never agree to sharing (certainly not that meatily) again with her (or him). Plus, never again putting yourself into any position that represents 'being bent over a barrel' whereby Little Miss Over-Entitled has any such leverage over you (already paid, can't do a thing about it). You CAN do something about it, however. I'd invite a friend of yours along as well (one that can afford their own food and travel but would appreciate free accommodation). Fair's fair? Oh, and make it someone she doesn't like (and someone who doesn't give a sh*t about that). Bad Behaviour Boomerang-ing Back On The Perpetrator, anyone? ;)

This is my first time to use this website and thanks so much for both of your feedbacks. It was helpful. To f/u: I had a friendly but firm conversation with my friend informing her that her brother will have to pay for his share of the vacation. In the future there will be no more freebies!

Oh, well done - crikey! You don't mess around, do you! Kudos! So what did you say and what did she say? Go aaan - give us the gory bits, LOL.

OK well, what I said was that I have taken them out on my dime to dinner on a number of occasions and that when I visited their family home I was told in no uncertain terms that I should bring at least $50 worth of food to cover expenses. In effect, I have never been a "guest" nor have I expected a free ride. I pointed out that my previous six figure income is now a 5 figure income and that everyone should pay their fair share because fair is fair and I really can no longer subsidize Little Brother. Well, apparently this stunned my friend into complete silence because not a word has been uttered and life has gone on as usual. I believe she realized that she had no credible rebuttal to my argument. It took me awhile to realise I was being manipulated and to grow some balls but I finally did and it felt good. A lesson for the future.

""when I visited their family home I was told in no uncertain terms that I should bring at least $50 worth of food to cover expenses." WHAT?! When a GUEST? Weren't you taken aback by that (cough) over-entitled, OTT demand? One of the points of being invited as a guest is that you DON'T have to shop or cook. It's the guest's prerogative to say, 'Can I bring anything?'. But you don't expect it to be DEMANDED of you - nor to that sizeable amount of dosh - jeezuz, what a cheek! The whole family's over-entitled, by the sound of it. "Well, apparently this stunned my friend into complete silence because not a word has been uttered and life has gone on as usual. I believe she realized that she had no credible rebuttal to my argument." Haha! Nothing prepared and ready. Excellent self-assertion, SF. Report back if they happen to just create a new way to manipulate and take, won't you. They do that. You plug one hole in the dam and - another gets created in its place. Excellent Assertiveness Training, narcs (this case, just Benign). Use 'em or lose 'em. Practise your Nos in the mirror cos chances are you'll be saying it a lot from now on (push, push, push), LOL. Rebellion by their 'host' doesn't tend to sit well with these parasites. On the other hand, it could go the other way and, she daren't try to exploit you ever again. (Fingers crossed!) Yeah, keep us posted. :)

Yeah, pretty cheeky all right to demand $50 worth of food for guests. Not something I would ever do, but I'm sort of a go with the flow sort of person --- until I'm not! Yes, I get that you plug one hole and another one gets created with certain people. But this is the first step in teaching them that I will no longer be taken advantage of. Some people can manipulate with great charm and you don't even know you've been had, which has sometimes been the case here, but my eyes are wide open now and your advice to practice my "No"s in the mirror -- Excellent, and it is my new mantra,.

Come oooon - WROSE than 'pretty cheeky'. Downright beeping OBNOXIOUS! Less going with the flow and more getting swept along by a surprise tsunami! I mean, did they warn you they'd need such a sizeable contribution at point of invitation, or wait to dump it on you at 'the eleventh hour'? Irrespective, however - didn't you think to invite them back and (inflation :p) demand they spend 60 Quid? (Not something I'd ever do, either(!). Quite frankly, I doubt ANYONE here would.) Absolutely it's the first step. Or in your 'both barrels' case - the first AND last, heh heh heh (thumbs-up). Ref the fake charm: Oh, yeah, they're sneaky-creepy alright. And also have somehow gained the strange idea that they OWN you. Ref your new mantra: My son just gives a wry laugh and says, 'How about No?' and will just keep repeating it. He got that from me, albeit, I quote that line from Little Britain: "Compu(t)er sez Nao...". Another good one is JUST to say: ".............Hah!" (as in, Don't be ridiculous/Be serious/You'll be lucky! My father's was: "Yeah, nice try - NOT NICE ENOUGH" or "Don't try to kid a kidder"). Or there's (famous actress) Helen Mirren's quote about how, when she looks back, she wishes she'd used the words, 'F**k-off', a lot more, haha. Me, I don't have that regret. ;D

My advice would be to make all future vacation plans solo and within your own means. Then you don't have to deal with things like this.