Toxic relationship staying for reasons

So I have been with my husband for almost 14 years. Here Lately he been drinking himself stupid every single day and I feel like he is just in a downward spiral. I don't want to leave because Ive been sick for the past 5 yrs and he has been there for me. I know I might sounds a little ungrateful, but I'm not. I love him and just don't know if I stay by his side while he self-destructs. I am Very conflicted. I feel honor bound to stay because of his past loyalty, but also want to leave right now because of the toxicity. He is only sober and awake like 4 to 5 hrs a day and spends at least 40 minutes of that puking. I try to talk to him about seeing a doctor we fight, we yell and it goes nowhere. I know he loves me, but I don't think he loves himself much.

You can't help anybody who won't help themselves regardless of who they are. If your husband is vomiting daily he really should be under medical care but again, that's his decision. In your situation, you need to look out for yourself as your husband has his own 'mistress' & until he hits the bottom & does something about it, then you're basically on your own even though you're are still married. Your marriage is toxic because of you trying to help him & you both end up arguing & of course, as you post, it goes nowhere. The alcohol is doing all the talking & all the damage rather than what love & respect that you guys have for each other. Ask yourself if you're in love with your husband or you just love him for who he is & maybe that'll help you decide which way to go. You either put up & shut up to keep the peace or you make a decision to benefit you because they only way you benefit your marriage is to stay quiet. Can you do that?

Yeah everyone swears by something or the other but what's your issue? Why would you post such bs on this forum??

"Yeah everyone swears by something or the other but what's your issue? Why would you post such bs on this forum??" Huh? Was that in response to an abusive poster whose post has since been deleted?

but of course it was SM..there's a few of the blighters around lately.

Yeah, I thought it must be - cos I've never seen you be rude to anyone even once! I didn't see it (damn!) - I guess Richard or one of the other back-roomers deleted it? What did the troll say? Must have been bad if they pounced on it that quickly?! I like your retort, anyway (thumbs-up). And thanks for covering for me (manly handshake ;)).

And, yeah, OMTZ - I agree completely with Mannie. You CAN'T have a relationship with an alcoholic...You just CAN'T. It's like trying to nail jelly to the ceiling. So love is beside the point. This is now about SURVIVAL. Sure, you love him, but you can't LIVE with him while he's like that. No-one could. But while you're STAYING, you're unintentionally ENABLING him. He needs to hit his personal rock-bottom of his deep and muddy pit before he'll *accept* your extended arm of support to help him out, rather than what he's currently doing - which is, GRABBING your hand and trying to pull you into that nightmareish pit WITH HIM ('Misery loves company')...and intermittently 'beating you up'. So your attempts to help are just backfiring. However, that doesn't exclude your still being there for him - just from a distance in a different house/flat. He'd have to be the one to move out, however. It's not you who's destroying everything, you haven't done anything wrong. And I seriously doubt that you treated HIM like that when HE was extending his arm! You need to visit a solicitor about enacting a Formal Separation. Just put your marriage legally (tidily) on pause. People always dread visiting a solicitor, but, trust me - everyone I've ever known has come out of their visit, whooping with joy and relief and clicking their heels together (and kicking themselves for having 'been so silly about it beforehand'). Same attitude re. Separation: they soon realise what a Godsend it is, in fact. You don't mention a kiddie? If you do have one, that makes this significantly more serious and harmful, therefore, urgent?

PS: "He is only sober and awake like 4 to 5 hrs a day and spends at least 40 minutes of that puking." Scuse French, but - UCKING HELL, do WHAT-AH???!!! That is BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAD. That is REALLY EXTREME. He's basically trying to drip-drip commit suicide, isn't he. Have you tried ringing any local Support Groups and charities, like, Alcoholics Anonymous (which country you in?)? (You're very strong, aren't you. Kudos.) ('Ungrateful' my arse - pff.)

This analogy might help flick your "Too Attached To Leave (Yet)" switch to Off. It's not a pit - it's a giant-sized bottle of really strong Russian Vodka ("wod-kah"). He's barely managing to tread 'water' BUT, at least he's got his drug supply RIGHT THERE...which means more to him than the likelihood of drowning. As he's here-and-there talking gulps, however - the vodka level is steadily going down. He wants you in the bottle with him so that your weight will raise the 'water'-line and thereby help him to kid himself that he has more of his drug to-go and can spend longer in there. Put simply - he wants to kill himself BEFORE he runs out of Vodka. (Is this making sense?) Unbeknownst to him - just needs to kick and punch at the glass to get free. Or someone do it from the outside. Or both. But for that, he needs the waterline to be low enough that he can STAND...which means, you NOT in there with him. Does that help? So you're NOT ungrateful. Your obvious gratitude is the very thing keeping you CHAINED to him! Many more spouses would long before now, just put their feelings aside and LEFT/CHUCKED HIM OUT, for the fact they signed-up for A PARTNER - that's what was advertised and agreed, not a drug-addict; he's broken the marriage contract...he is NOT forsaking all 'others', no MATTER that it's a drug, not a woman...plus this is not mere 'Worse' (for better or worse) - this is BEYOND Worse...Worse to the power of 10! HE IS NEITHER FIT NOR QUALIFIED FOR A ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP (or any beeping relationship!). If you gave him an indoor pot plant to take care of - say a Spiderplant - what state would you imagine it'd be in after just a month?

PPS: Ugh. So, basically, you're having to clean up piles of puke E-VE-RY DAY????? Good grief. And I'll bet it's Projectile? Ugh - gross!......I can't even bear to think about it! (You're a ruddy SAINT, you are!)

Yeah you did see it SM. It was the same one which was published under it's own heading & you left a comment about whatever & backlisted it then. Prior to that they, the poster, pushed it back under my reply to this problem & I gave them serve & of course once the offending post was removed, my comment to it was left standing out like dog's balls.

(Like dog's b*lls? HAHAHAHA - depends on the dog, doesn't it? :D) Yeah, again, I knew it must be, but I thought I'd clarify to make it obvious to those not in the know in-case they presumed you had literarary Tourettes, LOL. Tip for next time: start with 'Dear (Troll's alias)'. Easy-peasy-troll-(b*lls)-squeezy. :)

OMTZ, where have you gone - you still here?