Problems at home

So I have a problem with our son being here. Our son is living with us after giving up his job when he went travelling for four months. He has been living here 3 months already and I’m fed up with it all. He works part time and getting some benefits. he is not paying us any rent at all so his washing is done. He is having hot showers each day, He is using the electric and gas and my husband said he will ask him to pay something when he has been in his job longer. He has been there two weeks now. Now our son is staying away for four days to take his girlfriend away for her birthday next month. He is fitting it in with his work. He has never offered to pay us any money for rent etc and when I did suggest that his dad might ask him to pay something one day, he got all upset. This was before we found out he is going away with his girlfriend. He is spending £300 on an air BnB for and I have said it’s a lot of money but he just says it’s her birthday. He had a little saved up and he got a tax rebate of £800 but still not offered to pay us anything. Now I have not said anything about rent or said to him if he was renting somewhere else he would have to pay rent and I’ve kepted it all in. So he’s getting paid working then some money from benefits because he is only working part time then getting the tax rebate. He thinks I’m having a go when I ask him if he is looking for a job that he has a degree in. He was working straight after university in the job he studied for. Then he wanted to give it all up because he got fed up paying bills and just going to work day in day out he said and ask could he come and live back with us. We were not pleased at all and I couldn’t say I don’t want you here. I raised you up like your sister and brother now it’s my time. I had to keep it all in. I do his washing and I don’t get any thanks and we have cooked for him too. Our son has made us a meal a couple of times and we have thanked him for doing it but get no thanks in return when we do his washing. I feel bad if I don’t thank him for cooking yet he does thank us. He buys food for himself and we have it when he offers to cook. He is 29 and he lived by himself quite awhile then with his girlfriend but she moved back out. I tell him that he does not want to be wasting his life staying around here and that he has a skill he learned and wants to find something he studded for. He is working in a coffee shop and his degree is in 3d design. He is good on computers and I told him working in a coffee shop is something that I would do at my age. I’m 54. He said when he asked me how I am or how my day is I start going on about work to him and change the subject and he said he is looking but it’s hard. He got offered a full time job and the money wasn’t too bad. The hours were 7.30 to 5.30. He turned it down because he said it was long hours and he was getting more in his old job with less hours. It did seem long hours but my husband said to me he could have done it for a year and it was in a different area and not bad money. I probably go on about work to him to push him so he knows he has to get out there and take on responsibility again. I told our son his brother is getting on and even thou it’s hard for him he has gone on with it. I told him he is lucky he travelled for four months too because not many people can do that and me or his dad have never done it and we have to go out and work day in day out even thou we don’t want to. I’m 54 my husband is 59. I’m really sick of it all and just had enough.

There needs only be one thing going on in your mind when dealing with this. What is he going to do when your are gone. Health isn't even a concern nobody know what the future will bring. As a mother i would tell you stop being passive agressive. As a wife id tell you stop letting other people dismiss your feelings. I really think its hard for you to be direct or honest about how you feel, but when it comes to our children its not about the now. Its all about their futures.