Help again

This is Tenuo. I done a post on here a while back under Problems At Home. I cannot remember my password to log back in to the same post so thought I would do a new one and see if anyone can can reply to my post. So our son has been here since July this year. He is working part time in a coffee shop. Totally different from his full time job before working in an office. My husband and I have asked him how’s it going with the jobs and he had said when we last asked him about two weeks ago he is applying but it’s hard and the job he done before, different companies want more then he has done experience wise. I am worried he will be with us for good and don’t know how to approach it to say this is not changing in anyway since he has started living with us and what he will plan to do. I think he might have to get a full time job or two part time jobs to earn enough to start saving and getting a deposit on somewhere to live. My husband thinks I want him out in the street and of course I don’t not in a million years, but it’s causing me to argue with my husband about our son because I do not want this going on and on and him never moving out. I get it that he is 29 and life is hard and having to pay bills and buy food and try to survive and enjoy life too but everyone has to do it. If we had lots of money I would help him get a place and pay for it or say go and travel as much as you want to but we don’t have that kind of money. My husband says he just wants to make sure he is alright and I do too but I want to have our home back, ( by the way we only rent privately so it’s not ours but been here 6 years)that we have worked for and have our privacy again and be able to leave doors open and have sex without having to tip toe around. My husband gets worked up if I say I don’t want this going on all next year and I think our son will be here upto xmas and I think he is getting ti cosy living here now. He makes his own food and sometimes we will cook for him if he wants the same food as us but I do his washing still. He as not paid us any rent or offer to pay us anything and my husband said he will ask him in the next day to start giving us something with the bills going up a little. When I said to our son not long after he moved in that he would have to pay some money he got all upset. Now if he was renting somewhere himself he would be paying rent and the bills plus having to buy all his food etc. he doesn’t realise that he has been having it easy and I’m scared they if he got upset about paying us a little money then what will he be like thinking he will have to pay rent if he ever moves out somewhere. Our other two children have never come back to living here and just get on with it and they have bills etc. our oldest son has asked us for money sometimes when it’s got hard for him but he had never asked to come home. Our youngest gave up his flat and good job to go travelling for 4 months and says he was fed up with doing the same thing day in day out and working and paying bills. That’s when he asked to move back in with us and we said ok but we did say it’s not long solution and that he will still have to go out again and start all one day. Not everyone can give up there job dnd go travelling snd I told him this and that he was lucky. My husband and me have never done it it our other two kids. Our son at home is earning a little money plus he got a bit back from the tax office snd he as a little saved up. He is taking his girlfriend away for 4 days for her birthday next month and paid £300 to stay in an air BnB and paid to fly there. I am very angry about this yet he had offered not a penny to live here yet my husband still tip toes around him and worried we will upset him yet he goes and pay all this money to go away. My husband is scared that our son will walk out and wash his hands off us and that’s why he says we need to be careful what we say to him because our son gets upset easily and takes offence easily. This is what causing me stress and I never wanted our son and my husband didnt want him here in the first place and I wanted to say in the beginning I don’t want you here. I raised you and you left home and I’ve done my bit now I want my life with your dad without kids here. That’s not to much to think is it? Yet we said ok come here like good parents we are and now I get angry with my husband cis I do not want this carrying on any longer.

OK, is your objective here to make him leave or to make him pay his way? You raise both possibilities at different points in the post. If you want him to pay rent, then that's easier to figure out if you know market rents in your area. You set it so he'd be worse off if he was paying market rent, then he's got no choice. If you want him to move out, then things get more complicated, because if he's working part time in a coffee shop, then it's likely he wouldn't be able to afford anywhere at market rent. So he'd either have to apply for some kind of benefits to supplement his low pay, or find a better paid job, or put himself on a potentially long waiting list for council accommodation. That depends on a lot of factors outside your control, which makes the outcome less predictable.