I’m madly love with my sisters ex boyfriend

I’ve been in love with my sister’s ex-boyfriend for several years. I can even pinpoint moments when I felt this going all the way back to when I was 15. I’ve tried denying it and pretending I don’t feel this way towards him, but it’s inescapable, and so is he. I can’t distance myself from him because outside of him being my sister’s ex, he’s practically been around since I can remember. My parents consider him their son, and my sister considers him her brother (the reason they broke up) and for some reason I can’t feel the same. The problem, despite the obvious, is that he’s not gay, and he’s not even as kind or as caring to me as he is to 90% of people, but I just can’t seem to get over him. I’ve found myself not being able to be in relationships because of my feelings towards him, and it’s getting to a point. I don’t want to get over him, but it’s more painful now than ever. I need to find a way out of this.

Alisboy - hi! Apologies for the delay. I myself will be available from tomorrow, unless someone else jumps in beforehand? Thanks for bearing with us a little longer.

Oh, cr*p! I am so sorry that no-one else noticed you were still waiting - I couldn't get back on as my internet went down and I've only just got it back. :( Better just check before I respond - are you still there?

Oh, well, I'll reply anyway, just in-case... "I’ve been in love with my sister’s ex-boyfriend for several years." This is a giant taboo (as I'm sure you know). Life's hard ENOUGH, WITHOUT adding extra negatives on top! "I can even pinpoint moments when I felt this going all the way back to when I was 15." Well, that's an age when crushes happen so...(?). Have you checked with yourself in-case all you actually want is a BROTHER but feel you'd have to 'pay the toll-fee'? That one's quite common. (FYI, I don't read ahead.) "I’ve tried denying it and pretending I don’t feel this way towards him, but it’s inescapable, and so is he." What have you tried? "I can’t distance myself from him because outside of him being my sister’s ex, he’s practically been around since I can remember. My parents consider him their son, and my sister considers him her brother (the reason they broke up) and for some reason I can’t feel the same." How old are you now? "The problem, despite the obvious, is that he’s not gay, and he’s not even as kind or as caring to me as he is to 90% of people, but I just can’t seem to get over him." Noted. "I’ve found myself not being able to be in relationships because of my feelings towards him," Ahhh-HAH! I know what's going on now... "and it’s getting to a point. I don’t want to get over him, but it’s more painful now than ever. I need to find a way out of this." ...He's your Poster Boy! Respond to my questions first and then I'll explain what that is. Again - very common. Even more common than the 'adoptive brother' agenda (subconscious, obviously).

Hi, sorry for the late reply! I mainly posted this as a rant while having a bad day and forgot. I have thought about the possibility that I’m maybe just wishing for a brother, but I don’t think that’s the case. I have another person in my life that I see as my adoptive brother, and I never once had romantic feelings towards him. On top of this, if I wanted him to be a brother to me, all I’d have to do is just exist since that’s how everyone, including him, sees our relationship. I’ve tried dating other people, including dating one of my closest friends, who I did really like but it just never felt the same. Hence, these feelings always getting in the way. I’ve told one of my best friends to try and talk about it and maybe get some advice, but they have come to find out almost exactly the same problem as me and are also clueless of what to do. I’ve tried ignoring it, but it’s hard when he has a key to my house and shows up every day to hang out with me and my family. I’ve tried making myself feel guilty for doing this to my sister, but it only makes it harder to think about instead of fixing it. I’m currently 18 turning 19 in a couple months, and he just turned 21. Him and my sister met in preschool and we were neighbors, so we grew up together. (Sorry, I should’ve specified this in the original post) Hope this answers your questions well enough 🙂‍↕️

"and I never once had romantic feelings towards him" Yeah, but he's not THIS guy. THIS guy, you could have 'two for the price of one' with (brother figure AND boyfriend figure). "I have thought about the possibility that I’m maybe just wishing for a brother, but I don’t think that’s the case. I have another person in my life that I see as my adoptive brother, and I never once had romantic feelings towards him. On top of this, if I wanted him to be a brother to me, all I’d have to do is just exist since that’s how everyone, including him, sees our relationship." Frankly, however, if you didn't see him - or, alternatively, didn't *at-first* see him as a potential brother-figure, then, that possibility would never have even occurred to you. (Gotcha! - right? :)) Your relationship might be pigeonholed and labelled as Brother-like, but that doesn't mean he TREATS you like would a brother and/or vice-versa. And you yourself have already said that he doesn't treat you as nicely as he does others, right? "I’ve tried dating other people, including dating one of my closest friends, who I did really like but it just never felt the same. Hence, these feelings always getting in the way. I’ve told one of my best friends to try and talk about it and maybe get some advice, but they have come to find out almost exactly the same problem as me and are also clueless of what to do." Oh - WHAAAAT? Both of you with the same problem?! "I’ve tried ignoring it, but it’s hard when he has a key to my house and shows up every day to hang out with me and my family." Why does a mere boyfriend have his own key to the family house??? But - noted: basically - in your face for protracted periods and without warning. "I’ve tried making myself feel guilty for doing this to my sister," Well, you're not *doing* anything yet - you're just feeling and in-conflict (torn), so I wouldn't beat yourself up. If you ACTED on it and ruined her relationship and his relationship with your family - THAT would be "doing something (bad) to her". "but it only makes it harder to think about instead of fixing it." Yyyyup! "I’m currently 18 turning 19 in a couple months, and he just turned 21. Him and my sister met in preschool and we were neighbors, so we grew up together. (Sorry, I should’ve specified this in the original post)" Roger that. "Hope this answers your questions well enough" Yup - thanks! So...... What IS it that you're supposed to be getting on with in your life but which you're part-using this bloke you fancy, for putting it off? Edit: that you THINK you're supposed to be getting on with etc.? Is it dating itself you deeper-down wish to put-off? Or a task/intimidating life-step? After all - what do you CALL when someone says, "can't date him - can't date anybody else either, can't date him - can't date anybody else either"? Wouldn't you say, that just translates in reality to CAN'T DATE FULL-STOP? It's still looking like sister's bf/brother-thing is a great way of feeling like you HAVE a love-life (of-sorts), but it's one that at the same time leaves you free (for when you finally decide you have to take action about whatever it is). So you have a love affair going on (in your head), but which in reality is 100% effort-free and doesn't tie you down. Seeing it? PS: How do you know for a FACT he isn't gay?

" And you yourself have already said that he doesn't treat you as nicely as he does others, right?" Would you say he acts somewhat wary of you? Or are you saying he constantly tongue-in-cheek teases and insults you ("bants")?

What you need is simple > You require a pet, get a dog/cat - even a cuddley toy will do Somethin to take care of, to distract your mind You have got to take it for walks ... Make sure it is fed - takin the place of, simulatin - a boyf

Missy is right. If you're prepared to be in it like a loving, responsible 'parent' for the long(ish)-haul - that would definitely work. If you can't do walkies religiously, morning and night - you'll need a housecat/lapcat instead. If you didn't grow up with dogs or cats - it's amazing how 'human' and full of personality they actually are. AND how too-easy to fall in-love with. And entertaining. Etc., etc. The joys definitely outweigh the workload. Albeit, the workload with dogs is greater. They need almost constant attention. A cat just needs the odd top-up (better emotional memories?). It's lovely stroking them - known for a fact to be very therapeutic, that and their unique purring. You'd have to read up on them and being an owner before deciding. Yup, good idea, Missy!