Am I selfish for wanting to confess to someone?

I've (30m) been friends with this girl (25f) for around 10 months now. We met at a cosplay event,kept in touch online and would meet up at conventions whenever they happened. Around October last year she had kinda had a bit of a personal crisis after breaking up with her ex, so I comforted her and I feel like we ended up becoming really close.  At some point during this time I began developing feelings for her but wasn't certain about my feelings or if she would be ready to accept someone being into her so I figured I would wait a while to see how things progressed before saying anything. We hung out a couple more times at cons/group events and even did a shoot with just the two of us of an anime couple we both really like.  Even though I think it's most likely she only sees me as a friend, I've been considering confessing to her eventually just to clear the air and ensure there's no unspoken feelings. I've never properly expressed my feelings towards women I've been into in the past and was always wondering whether I should have said something.  One of her friends full went off at me saying the girl I'm into has been “explicitly clear” she is not interested in dating anyone right now (this “explicitly clear” has not been expressed to me directly, the most I've seen is a couple of posts saying that she's happy currently despite being single for the first time in a while which doesn't strike me as completely shuttling the door on dating), so I need to let the feelings pass and pursuing her would be selfish and not respecting her. All my friends I've spoken to about it have said that the only person who has the right to tell me whether or not I should give it up is the girl herself and that for my own sake I should eventually tell her (because it's been driving me nuts overthinking). I wanted some neutral opinions though of people free from bias. Is it okay for me to have these feelings and want to express them regardless of whether they'll be reciprocated? Or am I being a selfish person and not respecting my friend?

Rest assured, this woman knows that you have feelings for her. She'll be able to pick it up in your body language, in your eyes & in your actions. She's just not ready to date & that's the reason one of her friends has zeroed onto you & let you know in no uncertain terms what's what. She's posted that she's happy despite being single & as she's your friend (as you post) you need to respect her & her needs. Does she need to tell you direct to your face? & if she wanted action, she'd reach for it...mmmm? When you dreg up excuses & pull them out of thin air to justify your opinions then it's time to step back & just accept that it is what it is otherwise you might lose her friendship..& if you value it enough to respect it, then you'll just let sleeping dogs lie without listening to your other friends who haven't a clue. You post about being selfish but don't be foolish & wreck a developing friendship.

Hi Secretromantic67, I wouldn't pursue this woman right now. The fact of the matter that her friend pulled you aside to say, "Don't do this!" is a sign that you shouldn't. Honestly, if you have friends to go to anime conventions with, and female friends at that, then that is a great safe zone for interacting with people and possibly meeting other single and possibly looking women who would have a shared interest with you. If a woman sees that you have female friends and you aren't trying to get with all of them, then that will show you're not desperate, and that might be enough for them to want to strike up a conversation with you. Your best bet is to try not to obsess over finding women and to just go with your friends and enjoy cosplaying. And don't have any expectations about meeting someone that way, but maybe in time you'll come across someone that way.

The fact is I don't feel like I can continue on as things are while holding something in like this indefinitely. Until I've addressed it with her and know with 100% certainty that she's aware of my feelings and either wants to persue something, is happy to remain friends regardless or wants to take a step back I feel like I will drive myself mad and be unable to move forward. This is more about being honest with myself and with her than about actively pursuing something. If things continue as they are I worry that I will end up resentful or saying things I regret and eventually just losing a friend regardless.

Now you are being selfish with that attitude. You don't have to hang around & you don't have to address it with her. If you were gonna be honest with yourself, then you'd just walk the hell away because if she had any real feelings for you, she'd chase after you. You wanted honest, unbiased opinions & you've got'em.

Yeah na I completely disagree with you. If you think I should just abandon a good friend instead of having a genuine conversation with her you don't really understand squat. But thank you for confirming that posting here was a mistake

Excuse me? who is advising you to 'abandon' a good friendship? you be the one pushing the envelope with the friendship thing where you need the satisfaction but she sees you as just a friend otherwise she would have made a move. You need to take your thoughts further & understand that she doesn't have to have you as a friend & you really have bugger all respect for her because you want answers but just don't have the guts to ask her straight. Be assured that if this woman wanted to take it further with you then she would have done so as she already knows that you have feelings for her..YOU DON'T HAVE TO TELL HER. Has she given you any signs that she wants to be something more with you? Is she seriously looking for a relationship with you? or even a one night date? Healthy friendships need clear, respected boundaries to be successful. One of her friends has already got in your face & basically given you a heads up.. so what part of that don't you understand? You can't be her friend without wondering & waiting & demanding answers from others?? checking her posts & sifting through the murk looking for bits of justification for you to use to take it further? Again, you wanted opinions & if don't like the answers, then I for one am not surprised. Pursue her all you want (as you post) but don't be surprised if you completely bugger the friendship. Goodbye.

Tell her. Let go of how you want it to turn out and let it turn out how it will.We all make this mistake of believing that if we ask the right way or at the right time, we'll get the outcome we want. But that's not how it works. Even when you're not dealing with another sentient creature, we don't control everything. We barely control ourselves and our own situation, much less an entirely separate thinking, feeling, issue-ridden human being. Telling her how you feel is not "pursuing her." It's providing information that allows her to make informed decisions. And her decisions can tell you something about her and who she is. That's where respect comes in. Listen to what she says and deal with how it goes. Learn from it. That's all life is: a journey of lots of forks in the road that we don't necessarily know where they'll take us, but every experience is worth having. Even the painful ones. It makes the unpainful ones all the sweeter.

Hi SecretRomantic, Oooh...two passionate, caring men, clashing... It's better than telly! :D (PS: on behalf of the ladies here - did you both rip off your t-shirts?) Anyway, let's all calm down, please-thanks (I'm stressed enough, grumble-grumble). Your strong reaction was useful, however, SR. It suggests you're head-over-heels already. Go oooon - admit it (you're anonymous here). So you've hit the point of No Return...can't go back to just being her friend because having to see her without being able to have her would now be too painful and frustrating, to the point of representing utter masochism on your part, correctamundo? So let's establish the FACT that the only choice open for her (and she & you), now, on your menu, is Beaus/Lovers (or whatever GenZ call it these days). But she ain't hungry yet. In fact, despite the diplomatic and subtle way she put how she's happIER being single (which caution could have been because she's afraid of her ex whom might be spying and reading?), it appears she's still got tummy-ache. No-one who's that genuinely glad or relieved (- what she put sounded natural, not contrived and over-exaggerated like Sour Grapes are apt to do), when they never dreamed they'd be (because they never enjoyed singledom before), to see the back of their last boyfriend or find being single comforting, is someone that's just come out of a relationship wherein they *weren't* however-much mistreated. THINK about it. And that does indeed tend to get girlfriends protective to point of aggression like that (otherwise, your friend has pretty suss taste in friends!). So that explains that explosion. ...Subtle enough, that you didn't feel the true force of her hint about being okay with being single. Not being fluent in female 'Hintonese' wasn't your fault, but - hence her (over-dramatic) bestie warning you off with aggression (- haha! - did she hiss and show her claws at you as well?). But seriously - if her friends are that incredibly over-protective of her, then, that means they know the full and gory details of why she's not ready to date nor trust in sharing feelings (FULL-STOP - with anyone (the friend SAID 'with anyone')) yet, and how she's still too injured and vulnerable to even go there. So to whatever degree, she's been left traumatised. So your solution is either (a) to consider it a No-Go or (b) to use the opportunity and strong incentive to build-up one of your more major, adult muscles (skills) called Patience & Endurance (- partners) AND MEANWHILE STRENGTHEN THE IN-PROGRESS FOUNDATION OF FRIENDSHIP as you wait until she IS ready and bonding inevititably grows increasingly stronger with time, interaction, and caring (putting her equal to you or first). And PS: the secret to creating a relationship you WANT to keep forever is that you're not just lovers, but BEST FRIENDS. Boom. Without both those ingredients together - forget it, it's going to go Splat. Forebearance, they call it. Although, that doesn't mean she fancies you back and that it'd be you she'd start dating, of course. So that's the gamble, but the 'consolation' prize would be a new you, with bigger, stronger, more manly, mental muscles that elevate your internal human calibre (and your attractiveness via your whole vibe with it). Only you'd know whether she is OR WOULD UNDER NORMAL CIRCUMSTANCES? - be attracted to you, in the same way as Manalone explained how she's bound to have sensed it. BUT - now insert 'with ANYONE'. The aggressive friend didn't say, 'with you'. So she hasn't named you as someone she WOULDN'T date, either. Maybe her focus is so taken up with grief and trauma that she HASN'T sensed it??? So what signs of encouragement do you believe you've seen, to feel this adamant that you should be allowed to try? If you could list them out, that would help? Then we could all calculate your chances - including getting an idea of how long you'd have to bide your time for - and then we'll know if you should risk it or not. Fairenoughski? You can throw a rotten tomato at me if you wish, for the following cliches, but it IS true that 'all good things come to those that wait', and, 'you reap what you sow', and, 'what doesn't kill you makes you stronger (which on a man is attractive)'. Plus, the other respondents are right and your "The One" - your 'intended' - might ACTUALLY turn out to be her best friend's cousin's sister's bestie or something. You won't ever meet her if you're not invited to whatever party because you bailed-out too soon, will ya. And anyway. Her friend just decided to tell you 'Back!...back!'. So if this girl you want HADN'T been aware that you had feelings for her before - she probably does now. In which case, the safest thing to do would be to wait to see whether there's a shift in her vibe or behaviour towards/around you next time you meet. When next are you supposed to see each other? If you sense a positive shift, then, there is no harm in sitting her down and telling her that you find yourself having unexpectedly developed feelings for her BUT wouldn't dream of acting on them at this inappropriately premature time (if that's what it is?) but just wanted to know if there was any possibility on that score for the future, and if not, to be honest and tell her that you'd love to continue just as friends but aren't sure whether you can tolerate staying as Only Friends without bursting or going half-insane, now that you have those stronger feelings? It is a tricky one, however, so - see what she's like and then, if you like, report back?

I've had to make a new account because I accidently disabled the previous one. Thank you for your response SOULMATE. Honestly I'm not 100% certain whether I'm truly at the point of no return of not being able to "just be friends". I think I'm definitely "down bad" as the kids say but the fact I know all the details of what happened in her previous relationship I think is part of what led me down this path, especially due to certain things that she said that made me feel like "This girl deserves better, I care for her and feel like I would want to be that person for her" but at the same time, I don't want to risk her thinking the only reason I comforted her was because I wanted a shot at something more which was not the case at least initially. The main things that make me consider that their may be mutual feelings is the way she often expresses belief in my abilities to push past my comfort zone and do things I may have struggled with in the past, often saying she's proud of me when I manage to successfully do things, something I haven't noticed her do for other people as often (aside from her ex) but that could potentially be due to her other friends having more confidence in themselves? Another big thing was after a time that I accidently upset her, when I expressed that I dislike upsetting people in general but it gets to me more when I do it to her for a reason I wasn't sure of she said "Aww I appreciate that you care about me!", which didn't really feel like something you really say randomly like that. Though the biggest thing was the shoot that we did together, She reached out suggesting we do it together after I expressed on a private story that due to nervousness and other factors, I didn't get as many photos with someone else cosplaying this character as I would have liked at a previous event. She was well aware how I feel about these two characters together as well as my inexperience with anything romantic yet was willing to do this with me, and while all we did was a bit of hand holding, resting our heads against each other sitting down and a couple other little things, it was still things I hadn't seen her do with anyone else prior. There was also the fact when I expressed how she made me feel comfortable doing things that I've never experienced that I'd likely have felt too uncomfortable doing with anyone else that she said it made her happy that she was able to make me feel that way. At her birthday party recently everyone went to a photobooth after dinner, and I was trying to work up the courage to ask her to get photos together and she asked me if I wanted photos with her before I had a chance. We did one photo where we made a heart together (something we also did at the shoot and I expressed how I felt I did better this time with it) and at the end when we got to choose 6 out of the 10 photos she ended up picking that as one of them without either of us saying anything. (again could be nothing but a chance of something) As an extra thing, my support worker who has seen us together on a number of occasions seems convinced that it's a mutual thing based on what he's seen but I'm not sure if he could be reading things wrong. Basically I'm not 100% certain she definitely sees me the same way, but all these little things make me think "Maybe I'm not crazy for considering that there's some chance?" I'll be seeing her again this weekend at a convention, as well as likely briefly at another cosplay event the following weekend though for the cosplay event we're in separate groups so I'm unsure how much time we'll get to see each other but she did express that she really hoped to see me at some point during the day, as she knows I'll be cosplaying a character that means a lot to me and is always extra supportive of me when it comes to this particular character, despite not being someone she's particularly into afaik (possibly because she knows how this character is important to me?) So I guess for now I just see how things go, I want to at least try seeing her one on one outside of cosplay once before considering saying anything about my feelings but it'll likely have to wait a few weeks till things settle down.

STOP You do NOT have to confess TO somebody > the wall IS there, the wall is your friend Just talk to the wall, when nobody IS around Give the wall a name, tell the wall what is goin on >you get the idea, get it off of your chest the rest IS up to you

1. "Honestly I'm not 100% certain whether I'm truly at the point of no return of not being able to "just be friends". I think I'm definitely "down bad" as the kids say" This establishes that you are uncompromising, and maybe not thinking fully clearly about the situation. If you can't be friends with someone, then it follows that it's hard to see how you could be more than friends with someone. 2. "...but the fact I know all the details of what happened in her previous relationship I think is part of what led me down this path, especially due to certain things that she said that made me feel like "This girl deserves better, I care for her and feel like I would want to be that person for her" but at the same time, I don't want to risk her thinking the only reason I comforted her was because I wanted a shot at something more which was not the case at least initially." So you don't want her to think...the truth now? Because you're kind of saying you are comforting her now because you want a shot at something. Why did you comfort her, initially? Was it always the hopes of having her, or was there also some concern there for her situation? The thing, too, is this: You probably DON'T have all of the details of what went down in her previous relationship. You have bits and pieces and fractions of information you can try and piece together, but SR67, you were not actually in this relationship. Maybe you don't know what she deserves, or wants, or needs. I would be careful not to get the impression that you fully understand the situation. Go into things realizing that you don't know everything and don't have all the answers, and didn't experience this whole relationship she's been through. 3. "The main things that make me consider that their may be mutual feelings is the way she often expresses belief in my abilities to push past my comfort zone and do things I may have struggled with in the past, often saying she's proud of me when I manage to successfully do things, something I haven't noticed her do for other people as often (aside from her ex) but that could potentially be due to her other friends having more confidence in themselves?" Like you said, it could be that she notices you have confidence issues and thinks you appreciate the positive recognition. I'm not trying to trample on your hopes that this may mean something more. For all I know maybe it does. But from my experience women are rarely incredibly open with their feelings. And women usually don't tell you "good job" as a means of expressing romantic interest in you. I would just assume that "good job" means "good job." 4. "Another big thing was after a time that I accidently upset her, when I expressed that I dislike upsetting people in general but it gets to me more when I do it to her for a reason I wasn't sure of she said "Aww I appreciate that you care about me!", which didn't really feel like something you really say randomly like that." Honestly, the way you said this to her comes off a bit awkward. You tell someone you dislike upsetting people, okay, understood. You tell someone you dislike upsetting people but it bothers you more when she's the one you're upsetting... She's obviously getting the impression that you're singling her out and putting her up on a pedestal. Her response shows that she appreciates how much you value her, but also she is probably a little bit weirded out by that exchange and is just being friendly about it because she doesn't want to make you feel weird or uncomfortable. 5. "Though the biggest thing was the shoot that we did together, She reached out suggesting we do it together after I expressed on a private story that due to nervousness and other factors, I didn't get as many photos with someone else cosplaying this character as I would have liked at a previous event. She was well aware how I feel about these two characters together as well as my inexperience with anything romantic yet was willing to do this with me, and while all we did was a bit of hand holding, resting our heads against each other sitting down and a couple other little things, it was still things I hadn't seen her do with anyone else prior." It's all about the cosplaying, my man. She loves cosplaying and anime, you love cosplaying and anime, and at least in that world she feels comfortable hanging out and doing photo shoots with you. And that's a good thing! Hell, I would love to have female friends, but that hasn't worked out most of the time over the years, and nowadays my current girlfriend gets jealous and unreasonable if I even play an online video game with another woman. Appreciate that you have a female friend. 6. "There was also the fact when I expressed how she made me feel comfortable doing things that I've never experienced that I'd likely have felt too uncomfortable doing with anyone else that she said it made her happy that she was able to make me feel that way." Again, similarly to the "good job" thing, and the "Aww, I appreciate that you care about me!" thing, she likely really just cares about you as a good friend and is happy that you're happy. She is being a good friend. 7. "At her birthday party recently everyone went to a photobooth after dinner, and I was trying to work up the courage to ask her to get photos together and she asked me if I wanted photos with her before I had a chance. We did one photo where we made a heart together (something we also did at the shoot and I expressed how I felt I did better this time with it) and at the end when we got to choose 6 out of the 10 photos she ended up picking that as one of them without either of us saying anything. (again could be nothing but a chance of something)" In the anime/otaku/general-East-Asian-world, two people making a heart together with their hands is not necessarily a romantic thing. I've seen representations of two women doing that several times in anime, manga and in videos. She is probably not looking at that romantically at all, it's more "cutesy" and fun than anything. 8. "As an extra thing, my support worker who has seen us together on a number of occasions seems convinced that it's a mutual thing based on what he's seen but I'm not sure if he could be reading things wrong." Well maybe, then. It's hard to say since I'm going off of the information you're providing here, and I don't know how well your support worker knows you and this lady. I'm not trying to call you out here, but if you have a support worker then I get that you probably need help with being able to live independently, and need support with managing your mental health and things like that. Your friend is aware that you have a support worker, and is probably being a really good friend and trying her best to help give you positive reinforcement with a lot of the things she says and does. She is a very good friend to you. 9. "I'll be seeing her again this weekend at a convention, as well as likely briefly at another cosplay event the following weekend though for the cosplay event we're in separate groups so I'm unsure how much time we'll get to see each other but she did express that she really hoped to see me at some point during the day, as she knows I'll be cosplaying a character that means a lot to me and is always extra supportive of me when it comes to this particular character, despite not being someone she's particularly into afaik (possibly because she knows how this character is important to me?)" Well definitely you mean a lot to her, at least as a friend. She wants to see you sometime during the convention because you are friends and she wants to make some time for you. She also probably does want to see you get the chance to cosplay as one of your favorite characters. I would definitely just go and have a fun time next weekend, and not dwell too much on the what-ifs with this woman. Focus on your new cosplay outfit and really get into character. Make great personal memories, and be surrounded by lots of other people who are just as passionate about anime and manga. These will be some really fun weekends for your hobby, and I would appreciate that because these conventions aren't always going on. 10. "Basically I'm not 100% certain she definitely sees me the same way, but all these little things make me think "Maybe I'm not crazy for considering that there's some chance?" So I guess for now I just see how things go, I want to at least try seeing her one on one outside of cosplay once before considering saying anything about my feelings but it'll likely have to wait a few weeks till things settle down." I get it, you really like this lady. She sounds really awesome. Heck, I can almost imagine her while writing up this response to you. But you've come here to Peoples' Problems seeking feedback and advice on the situation, and I'm not going to fill you with false hopes. I'm gonna give my take on things to you as best I can, and hopefully you appreciate that. I can empathize with your situation because I've never had much luck with women, but I've been madly in love with enough of them. There were a lot of ladies I met, or who I wanted to meet over the years, but for one reason or another they simply didn't reciprocate those feelings. There were lots of women who I had long talks with, or even dated and slept with, and they still didn't feel that way about me. Women are complicated. And that's putting it lightly. What I can tell you is that, contrary to what society says about men needing to take initiative and take the lead with women, it's kind of a loaded rule. Women like to make decisions and call the shots on a lot of things, ultimately. Every once in a while, when you are trying to decide on a place to eat at, or when they want to feel like a smol little bean, they will let you take charge and make decisions. But at least 90% of the time women are making the decisions in dating and relationships and sex. But I think what you need to work on more is seeing women as whole people, as multifaceted beings with lives that go well beyond the dating and cosplay world. Women have jobs, families, beliefs, interests, talents, responsibilities, friendships and relationships that go well beyond what you see when you look at your female friend. You probably aren't seeing the whole picture. And that's okay, you can appreciate her for everything you currently know about her because so far she's been proving herself to be a really understanding and accommodating friend to you. There was one woman in particular who I got hung up on for several years there. I wanted to get to know her better, but she just wasn't attracted to me. And that's fine. I wish I wouldn't have spent as much time focused on her as I did, because I spent more time thinking about her and filling in the gaps with my imagination than anything else. She essentially became a fictionalized version of herself in my head, and to this day I still don't know everything about who she really is, and I never will. And I can only hypothesize about why I wanted that particular girl. I guess because I have always sort of lived my life with the thought in the back of my mind that things happen for a reason, when in reality I keep getting shown over and over again that things usually don't happen for any reason, and everything is pure chaos. I also never really met anyone like her before that, and I guess I had such low self-esteem that I thought I couldn't ever get anyone like her in this life, much less meet someone like her. I think we all want this ideal and perfect partner, but that might not exist. What there are, however, is lots of people. And I love women. So ultimately it works out, since I'm happy just to be with women, even if they aren't exactly the ones I've dreamed about. One day you'll meet someone. But I wouldn't move ahead in life with that as your primary goal. Living your life and being passionate about your interests should come first. The advice I received a ton over the years was that, "Love will find you when you aren't looking for it." And I hate it, it's stupid and cliche. But the main point is that you should live your life and focus on the necessities and make the most of your world. Women and relationships are not a necessity. They are nice, you definitely want to have them, but it's something that has to happen when stuff aligns just right. I hope this helps!

Re: ... I think we all want this ideal and perfect partner, but that might not exist > I disagree, if it (this ideal and perfect partner) does NOT exist, then simply create, this ideal and perfect partner The rest is up to you

"I've had to make a new account because I accidently ((accidentally)) ((forgive me, I can't help it - I was clearly an English teacher in a previous life lol)) disabled the previous one. Thank you for your response SOULMATE." De nada - and apologies that life lately won't let me post regularly enough! Hopefully you're still there? ((note double bracketed asides within the body of your text)) "Honestly I'm not 100% certain whether I'm truly at the point of no return of not being able to "just be friends"." Noted. "I think I'm definitely "down bad" as the kids ((kidz ;p)) ((these days - or dikz...depends on the kid, eh)) say but the fact I know all the details of what happened in her previous relationship I think is part of what led me down this path, especially due to certain things that she said that made me feel like "This girl deserves better, I care for her and feel like I would want to be that person for her" but at the same time, I don't want to risk her thinking the only reason I comforted her was because I wanted a shot at something more which was not the case at least initially." Course not (last sentence). But it's good you have to get the chance to think twice (or first?). BECAUSE...a lot of men (same as women) can fall for a woman who needs rescuing, not realising that most of their strength of feeling is FATHERLY. It must be best friendship with bells on. If you're feeling fatherly, that means she's apt to act like a kid (whether or not she is currently). You need time to test-drive her from a safe distance. To protect *yourself*. In anything we do, anyway - preparation is the first key to succeeding. And the lion's share of any task IS prep. You might have known her as a friend. But you've not known her as a girlfriend. She could end-up ripping your heart to shreds, you know? Even if due to her current state, she didn't mean to. And definitely if she did. You don't know her-the-girlfriend-lover. Methinks you're letting your trousers dictate to you. You wouldn't invest in a new car just because it looked and sounded impressive on the outside, superficially, would ya. You'd get the RAC/AA to check over the internal body and engine, right? You're not telling me that your heart and welfare, and protecting their health, is worth less test-drives and pre-checks than a bleedin' car?! She may be "all that" but right now, she's damaged goods. So this is your opportunity to ensure that if/when you two begin dating, you know she's genuinely "all that". And the reason for caution is because - unless you'd spent a number of years of hiding silently under her and his bed, nightly, you don't know for a fact whom, in whatever ratio, was the problematic or overridingly problematic element. You just don't. Narcs can be perfectly nice and functional(ish) with/in-front of Tom, Dick, Harry and Jane whilst meanwhile, in private/behind closed doors, bullying or head-ucking the hell of Janet or John. Fact. So when you come across an injured'un - Proceed With Caution. You can always do dating in the interim? You and she are free agents after all, right? "The main things that make me consider that their may be mutual feelings is the way she often expresses belief in my abilities to push past my comfort zone and do things I may have struggled with in the past, often saying she's proud of me when I manage to successfully do things, something I haven't noticed her do for other people as often (aside from her ex) but that could potentially be due to her other friends having more confidence in themselves?" Still assuming she was indeed the ex's victim - she definitely likes you, yes. But could that be sisterly care and attention-giving/building you up? Is she especially drawn to you BECAUSE she thinks you and she could be safe friends (for a good while)? "Another big thing was after a time that I accidently upset her, when I expressed that I dislike upsetting people in general but it gets to me more when I do it to her for a reason I wasn't sure of she said "Aww I appreciate that you care about me!", which didn't really feel like something you really say randomly like that." What happened, what did you do/say? That's a platonic answer. But then, she's not going to encourage you further towards her when emotionally she's still in hospital, in Traction, is she? You could accidentally sit on her broken leg or something! She sounds cautious so you're going to have to join her in that caution and progressing very gradually (at first), whether you want to or (think you) don't. I think if you pushed her you'd scare her off. And if you DID push her but it DIDN'T scare her off - I'd wanna know WHY/HOW hasn't it, oh Victimy-one. Call it a thorough test drive or a thorough frisk (me), both in repeated stages - or both at the same time if you like? "Though the biggest thing was the shoot that we did together, She reached out suggesting we do it together" Not unusual for friends. "after I expressed on a private story that due to nervousness and other factors, I didn't get as many photos with someone else cosplaying this character as I would have liked at a previous event." Still not unusual. Does prove she knows how to be a good friend/quasi sister, though. Let's keep an eye on that pattern of deep thoughtfulness and consideration, see if it ever strangely or too-suddenly disappears. (THAT kind of test-driving.) "She was well aware how I feel about these two characters together as well as my inexperience with anything romantic" Ah... This could be another 'artificial' influence: You'd feel less under pressure/judged with a fragile one, yeh? Again, common stuff. Injured women usually go next for a bloke who's younger (as if that would allow her remit of control this time, or indeed, most of the power (not good either way). ..."yet was willing to do this with me, and while all we did was a bit of hand holding, resting our heads against each other sitting down and a couple other little things, it was still things I hadn't seen her do with anyone else prior." Oh, okay?! Dass is gut! She is definitely beyond 'liking' and already in 'very fond-of' territory. In fact, I'd say she loves you already. Still doesn't discern whether it's sisterly or pretend-sisterly-into-later-romantic, though. "There was also the fact when I expressed how she made me feel comfortable doing things that I've never experienced that I'd likely have felt too uncomfortable doing with anyone else that she said it made her happy that she was able to make me feel that way." Ditto. But I'm still reading so let's see if I spot an 'plus I secretly fancy you like crazy' sign/clue... "her birthday party" Ooh, now THIS is usually rich ground for clues... "recently everyone went to a photobooth after dinner, and I was trying to work up the courage to ask her to get photos together and she asked me if I wanted photos with her before I had a chance." Again, could be a purely Besties/siblings move. "We did one photo where we made a heart together (something we also did at the shoot and I expressed how I felt I did better this time with it) and at the end when we got to choose 6 out of the 10 photos she ended up picking that as one of them without either of us saying anything. (again could be nothing but a chance of something)" HURRAH, SHE SLIPPED-UP. Made a heart together. Any deaf folks seen that, they'd have gone, "They're in-love then". If you loved but didn't fancy someone, you wouldn't want a photo suggesting that you're a romantic couple. OKAY! This is more encouraging - NOW I see what you're spotting... And ALSO at the shoot. So she did it at the shoot and then did it again - couldn't wait to do it again (her suggestion) - for this photos. And in front of you, picked that one. OKAYYYYYY - ROCK 'N ROLL....! :) But she's still being coy and taking it slowly. So you've gotta pootle too, SO-RRRRRYYYYY. She's got the tits (and more importantly the womb), PLUS she's not over her nightmare (although you're no doubt helping a lot) so, she gets to say. Dem's da roolz. The rules for success rather than parting too-early, later down the line with an 'AND SCUH-REWWW YOOOU TOOO!'. And maybe that, partly, was what caused her and exipoo's demise this last time? Once bitten - twice shy. But, yup - it's there. Despite, it's only a TIIIINY little bud. Don't tread on it, therefore, for GAWD'S sake. Stay being careful, considerate, gentle and respectful. MOST of the time. Occasionally you can show her your slightly bad-boy muscles or unique talents, whatever, to show there's far more to you than a halo. "As an extra thing, my support worker who has seen us together on a number of occasions seems convinced that it's a mutual thing based on what he's seen but I'm not sure if he could be reading things wrong." Now you now he's not. Plus he's SEEN it for himself. I didn't even need to (heart) and suddenly could tell you were right. We can't both be wrong IOW. "Basically I'm not 100% certain she definitely sees me the same way, but all these little things make me think "Maybe I'm not crazy for considering that there's some chance?" Get this... I reckon she's thinking that same thing, probably almost word-for-word...But isn't going to be persuaded from her sensible caution and taking-it-slow-ness. And frankly, after what she's been through - you wouldn't want the type that WOULD jump in. Because that would prove her foolish....fick as pig poo, in fact (and you yourself don't sound fick enuff for dat, innit). She's being very emotionally-mature and intelligent. You might need that in your relationship (or your old age) so don't interfere with her grieving/recovery process in-tandem with her exploration of you (to know her feelings will be safe this time) or you could 'scrape her chassis' and change the outcome of the overall test-drive ("it's got no road-holding, it's all over the bleedin' place!"). "I'll be seeing her again this weekend at a convention," Ooh, what happened? "as well as likely briefly at another cosplay event the following weekend though for the cosplay event we're in separate groups so I'm unsure how much time we'll get to see each other but she did express that she really hoped to see me at some point during the day," She's worried she wouldn't see you. :) "as she knows I'll be cosplaying a character that means a lot to me and is always extra supportive of me when it comes to this particular character, despite not being someone she's particularly into afaik (possibly because she knows how this character is important to me?)" Definitely that reason, yes. Buuuut... that could belong to her sisterly feelings department. You have mutual "feeling sorry for" each other in your mix and it shouldn't BE there. It's not an ingredient in Love Pie. Friend/sibling Pie, yes. But it will make the Love Pie taste yuck. And that's the problem, and WHY you need to ensure you both reach the point of the recovery path together where the sibling suits get shed and the PURELY romantic suits put on. Understand? Never mix two relationship types/roles. Nuh-uh. Romantic Love has to be PURE and only become Need once you love them so much that that itself becomes a Need. So - no PRE-needs in the mix, as well as no mixing roles. But hey! Heart.... (mushy grin).... twice... (mushier grin)... Yeah. I'm with you on this - but now you've got to be with me on continuing LIKE NO OTHER BLOKE YOUR AGE/STAGE IS CAPABLE OF - RARRRR!.... YOU'RE THE MUSCLIEST LION IN DA FOREST, she'll take *you*, Bartender. "So I guess for now I just see how things go, I want to at least try seeing her one on one outside of cosplay once before considering saying anything about my feelings but it'll likely have to wait a few weeks till things settle down." GOOD. Because that suits your approach for success and not failure with this particular 'model'. So what's been happening since you posted this? I'm well sucked-in now - hit me!