Confused/age gap/online friendship

I'm 20 and there's this guy I've been talking to who's 32. Yeah i know it looks bad but we feel great with eachother and talk for hours on end but i feel conflicted about how okay it is for us to keep talking, what do i do? We both asked eachother if we are comfortable and we are! We haven't been talking for long but it feels very good as we are very alike and comfortable with eachother. I mean he was also a bit concerned as he's never talked to someone this much younger than him before and been comfortable with it while i am okay talking to him because i grew with cousins with whom i already had a huge age gap to begin with and at present, they are even older than this guy in question. Honestly, i like him a lot as a person so far and something about him really sets my mind at peace.even for him, who has sleeping problems, he has been falling asleep while on a call with me and is able to rest properly. We're both very similar as we get to know eachother but given how we have only met 3-4 days ago, we haven't face revealed or anything like that or even exchanged numbers. We talk or call on discord and that's that. It was my decision to not share numbers so early and he respected it, which i think was nice but we both didn't have discord on our phones so created one for eachother. So, how should i feel about this? I kind of feel like i am getting attracted to him as I am a bit on the demisexual side and the more i get to know him and emotionally bond with him, i feel like my interest in him grows as i rarely date or like someone. Is this wrong?

Hi Estrella, I would be cautious since the two of you haven't even seen each others' faces yet, and you haven't been talking very long. How did you "meet", exactly? Through a video game? Do you even live anywhere near each other? As far as the age gap goes, I'd also be cautious. I actually was in a relationship once with a woman roughly as many years my senior as this guy is yours. I was a few years older than you when I started talking to her, though. I think early on the relationship was going alright, but as the years went on it just became more obvious that it wasn't meant to be a long-term relationship. I realized I was just kind of settling. A similar thing could very easily happen here. I don't think it's necessarily wrong. The Internet makes it easier in some ways to find someone with similar interests, or to filter your results and find people with certain traits or qualities you are looking for in a partner. The problem is that not everything on the Internet is genuine, and sometimes it's all about money. And you can't get a full grasp on other people over the Internet. Yes, being able to talk and voice-chat in some way gives you much more information than without it, but that still only gives you so much more information, and definitely not the full picture of the person on the other end. There are people I have been around in person for years and I still don't know them that well. There's nothing wrong with continuing to talk and getting to know each other, but maybe in the back of your head you should also wonder about why this 32 year old guy is single, and his reasons for being interested in you. Feel free to keep posting here if you want to discuss this situation more, and get more feedback on your interaction with him.

Hi BALANCE, I really do get your concern both from a societal and personal view given that you were in a similar situation before, albeit older. To answer to some extent that i am aware of, 1- we met on an anonymous call forum where we both were just looking for people to talk 2- I was also curious why he is not settled down as a 32 year old and asked him about marriage and girlfriends. He said that he's been in two serious relationships, one during teenage and the other later on, both lasting about 2 years maximum. He has dated inbetween but those 'dates' didn't get anywhere and the connections usually fizzled out before it became serious. 3- marriage is on the table for him definitely but he says that he's just more of a "if it's meant to be, it'll happen" kind of guy and if he meets someone that way, he would have no problem marrying. Moving forward, I do think that i should be cautious too so i am doing my best without making it awkward as i do enjoy his company. We haven't shared contact numbers yet and he has respected whatever I've said as I have in his case. I think, something peculiar is maybe how oddly comfortable we are with eachother? I don't think it's bad but i guess deepdown, i am indeed worried about being played by an older guy but then there's not much he can do other than take my time and emotions. It is A LOT in its own way, i know but yeah. Also, he has sleeping troubles and since we've met, he claims he only properly sleeps around me(as in, when we are on call). Apparently, i met him when he was in a bad headspace and somehow my presence helps. I don't think he's a bad or malicious person, maybe just emotionally vulnerable and lonely? Much like anyone can be? It's this confusion and carefulness merging which is making me worry. Other than that, if there's more to add as we go on, I'll definitely add here. Thank you for listening!

"Other than that, if there's more to add as we go on, I'll definitely add here. Thank you for listening!" Very, very sensible plan, Batwoman, yes. Me, I'll be tuning-in as regularly as I can (tho 'not very' just at the mo.), that's for sure. He'd better behave himself or there'll be trouble (shakes fist at screen). (Cockney gangster accent:) Nah wowrriez, Luv! Yer got back-ap naow, innit! :)

If neither of you have an issue with it, and are happy then forget about the age difference. Only regret the things you have done. Do NOT regret the things that you didn`t do - there is no point in the regret, you didn`t do anythin to regret. Go for it, if it falls down - it falls down. Another way of puttin it is. It is better to try and fail, than to not try at all. Once you have started, you will be glad you did.

Hi SOULMATE, Fun fact! He has a cockney accent (from what i have heard)! And yes, i will indeed let you all know if there's trouble then you can definitely help with those fists and make him behave!! I was mostly worried about rushing into something and getting hurt or maybe being used but strong boundaries and safe communication seem to be calming me down. Thank you :)) Also, don't tell everyone about my secret identity (batwoman) lol.

HI MISSGUIDED79, reading what you said and I quote, "only regret the things you've done" followed by the reassurance is really something i needed way more than an answer to my doubts and helped me look at it in a positive light. I think I'll be fine because it's a world of "if it happens, it happens" and noone can change the inevitable that they don't know of so I'll live in the moment and see where it goes while being careful. Thank you so much <3

My first reaction is woah, slow down, take it easy. Your gut was giving you a warning about going to fast. listen to it. You may have the beginning of a good friendship, perhaps even something more, but it's way to soon to define what it is or will be. I wouldn't even think it thru that far at this point. That's a lot of pressure. Just be smart, go slow. If you enjoy the time together then enjoy it while you get to know one another without expectations creeping in. I assume you met this individual online not thru a mutual friend who knows them and could clue you in on a little about them. People need to be extra careful online these days. Especially when dealing with individuals we know nothing about except what they tell us.But when done smart and responsibly good relations can develop. Even though online is more and more the way we met people I implore you to be vigilant about safety first. Proceed with caution. take time to get to know this person before defining what this is and where it may go. And listen to your gut. Best of luck to you.

Hi THETRUTHSEEKER, I was about to update this place on my situation and i know how stupid i am about to sound. It's been 7 days, a week of knowing and we were kind of flirting and that just kind of took a turn for the worse as we were really feeling the heat and we kind of crossed a line. I didn't hate it and it's not like he forced me but doing anything nsfw without a label feels weird to me while it's pretty chill for him as someone much older and with experience. I am not saying that I'd rather not do it but i do feel like at times, i might be being too vulnerable given my issues with attachment and how he seems to know exactly what makes me feel happy or good in general. I am not trying to doubt him as an individual but there are so many instances of younger women being used by an older man and then being discarded that i can't help but think what if mine is one of those cases? I mean, we did stop as soon as i expressed that i didn't want to continue and he didn't bring up anything nsfw at all and simply talked me before going to sleep. It's been a day since I've heard from him since then so I can't help but wonder if i should just disappear from his life for my sake before i fall in too deep or am i just trying to run away because of past experiences and heuristics, even though there is not much to worry?

Re: ... It's been a day since I've heard from him since then so I can't help but wonder if i should just disappear from his life for my sake before i fall in too deep or am i just trying to run away because of past experiences and heuristics, even though there is not much to worry? It's been a day since I've heard from him ... You are NOT exclusive > wonder if i should just disappear from his life for my sake Why do you want to deprive yourself FROM enjoyment (disappear from his life for my sake)? Go on a trip together, spendin time together WILL give you signs and signals - past experiences do NOT apply to THIS experience, this IS somethin new and unrelated - somethin different. All you can do is probably - from other experiences what will probably happen, a probable path. Though it is not this path. How much do you want THIS to work - only you can decide that

I've never really thought about it before, but I guess the length of time it takes talking to someone online before sex comes into the equation can say a lot about how much you have to talk about with them. A lot of times the main thing keeping you talking to someone is that they are really attractive to you, or else that they are giving you attention. And it doesn't go much deeper than that. One week isn't a lot of time. But, hey, that's a decent amount of time to go before nudes pop up, compared to a lot of online interactions. Since you were both flirting a lot, it was bound to eventually lead to this point. I'm sure you had suspected it eventually would. What I see going on here? Well, the absence of that added some mystery and tension to your conversations. And you liked that a lot. Now that you've gone there, it took away some of the tension and the mystery, and got too "real" for you. So now it's harder for you to imagine something you'd dreamed up going on behind the scenes. It's kind of like if you're watching a suspense movie, or a TV show with mysteries at the center of it. Those mysteries are part of what keep you invested, because you want to find answers. But sometimes the answers may not satisfy you, or may take the whole thing in a different direction than you were expecting. Sometimes the answers are much better than you were imagining. But it's sort of a catch-22 because the very thing that sustains the story is the mysteries, and once those mysteries are solved a lot of people might lose interest. This is kind of what happened with the TV show Twin Peaks, where the central mystery of the show was never meant to be resolved but it's why most people tuned in. So since it's the reason a lot of people watched it, they decided to finally just answer the question. It lost viewership once they decided to answer it, because once people got their answer they didn't care about the rest of the show. (Which, was a shame, because they were doing some great world-building and had lots of different things going on in the story outside of that initial plot.) My point is, the sex and intimacy part is something you are probably very much looking forward to with this person.... One day. But that day popped up a little too fast and a little too soon for you. So now, it feels awkward. Obviously, you just don't know this person well enough yet to go there. But you have to make sure you have enough else to talk about to sustain a relationship besides availability and sex.