New Guy Autorose Intro

Hi! Just joined, introducing myself. As the name implies, I'm an Auto*.*, just coming out these past few months. Reading to learn, lurking to read. Coming out to family has been painful, but the LGBTQIA+ community has been marvelous.

Hello Autorose, So I was going to wait and give other people some time to read and respond to your thread, because fully-admittedly I'm not the most well-versed person on the LGBTQIA+ community (actually, I didn't know there was an "I" or an "A", so learning something new today!) But I would say we're generally all pretty welcoming here, and many of the regular users here including myself will gladly be here to listen and talk and give advice on your situation. This, as far as I'm concerned, is a safe space for talking about your issues and, heck, even just talking to other people! From my perspective, I guess to me I don't even really see being asexual as being something under the LGBTQ umbrella of categories. And, likewise, I'm not sure if I see being autosexual as something under that umbrella. But I guess the community must have a different perspective on things than me. I guess to me it makes sense that not necessarily everybody is into women, or into men, or into other people whatsoever. I guess it would admittedly be strange for me to encounter someone like that, like if I were single and looking, and I met a woman and she says she's not interested in men or women. I guess my first thought might be... "Well, is she just saying that because she doesn't want to be bothered by me?" And if she said she is happily in a relationship with herself, and has no desire to be with other people, that would raise similar question-marks and also have me wonder if she's joking or playfully just saying she's single. And likewise, with friends. You have a buddy that just isn't interested in dating anyone, or who says they're only into themselves, and you might be a little worried about them. Like were they hurt and lot and that's why they aren't trying to meet people or find a relationship, or flings or anything like that? And in a way I could also relate to that because people are immensely tiring, and sometimes I would rather just be alone. But I still love women and would probably be looking to the Universe for my path to find another relationship or fling, lol. I guess I don't see being uninterested in other people sexually or romantically as being anything other than uninterested in sex and romance. And I don't see being autosexual as being a thing because you are you, and you should automatically love and care for yourself? I guess I don't think you can be with yourself and have that be anything other than existing? But I would probably need more input from you to understand how you view the matter. ...None of this is meant, of course, to ridicule or poke fun at autosexuals or asexuals, of course. It's just where I'm at as an outsider grasping the idea. I am sorry that your coming-out process with your family has been painful for you. Has that been more due to their reaction to it, or just trying to bring it up and explain the situation to everyone? I mean I can see where you would feel a need to break the ice and come clean about who you are and how you see yourself to other people, so they can make better sense of your situation and better see the full picture of who you are as a person. At the same time, I guess I wouldn't feel the need to have to explain myself to my family. But that's maybe just me. At any rate, I'm glad to hear that you are getting the love and acceptance and support you need from the LGBTQIA+ community. And hopefully we can extend that understanding and support to you right here on Peoples' Problems. There are probably a lot of questions I'd have to ask about this, and many of them I probably haven't even thought about yet. I'll end this by asking this question: How did you come to realize you were Autosexual?

Excellent questions! Reading your post, I gather that you're a healthy person securely within the broadly socially acceptable heterosexual category. Good for you! I don't want to post anything that might "trigger" or offend anybody, so I'll be careful about my response. If one looks at the currently accepted labels of sexuality, it looks like the birthday card aisle in a card store. And it seems like there are new labels developed every day. Trying to explain even a few of them risks drafting a very long response to your kind message. My history includes sexual, physical, intellectual, and spiritual abuse as a child. It was quite severe and continued into my early teens. I struggled with things that simply didn't challenge others. One major distraction was the category of relationships and all that goes with them, complicated by the results of early abuse. I embraced conservatism in all things, but secretly continued to struggle against certain constraints, while trying to "succeed" as a person, as defined by conservative norms. Every romance failed. And in a 33-year marriage, I failed as husband and father. Counseling helped a lot, and so have a couple of 12-step programs. The issue of sexuality came up in honest self-inventory, and came out in the context of being honest with some family members and other members of the LGBTQIA+ community. That latter involvement resulted from trying to put a label on my sexual orientation, inventing a word for it, and then discovering that not only was it a word, it was accepted as part of a larger community of people with other labels. Autosexuality doesn't involve sexual relations with anyone but myself. No romance, and no attraction to others. It fits well. It also doesn't violate the constraints of my faith. Best I can tell, I've always been like that and I suppressed it all my life. This response seems to just scratch the surface of the sexuality spectrum iceberg, but it does go rather deeply (for a new guy) into my personal situation. It takes a little courage and faith to post this. I do hope that this is indeed a safe place to identify myself.

Hello again Autorose, I will say that the forums do have their rules and posting guidelines, and admittedly I don't know off the top of my head without going back to re-read them what all is considered acceptable. I know longtime visitor Soulmate has called me out a few times before for cursing, and I guess at times I've gotten unreasonable with it. Richard Brooks runs Peoples' Problems, and ultimately it's up to him what's within the realm of decency here. I am honestly really appreciative of this place, and I think it's done a lot of good in providing the Internet with an anonymous, free, user-maintained help and advice forum. If it were up to me, I'd say talk about anything you want to talk about here. But honestly, share as much as you're comfortable with sharing here. If you want to talk about anything, or need help with anything, give it a go. We only have so much time in this life, and nothing is ever certain, so you might as well utilize this resource while you can and as much as you can. I wouldn't worry too much about "triggering" people. I mean, I would try to be mindful that other people who visit this site may have issues, and that your discussions here could potentially have an effect on them. At the same time, if someone reads past your first post and well into the discussion, and then finds something they're offended by, then that may be on them. I want to say thank you for taking the leap of faith to post here, as I'm sure it can be difficult for a lot of people to open up and discuss their personal struggles with random individuals online. I think if you've already identified your issue and sought out Peoples' Problems, then you've definitely taken the first step in finding treatment. Imagine how many people are living with the same issue as you right now, maybe totally oblivious to that fact yet, or deeply closeted with it because they're worried what other people might think, or whether that conflicts somehow with their lifelong beliefs! Also, I am sorry to hear of your childhood/teenage abuse. It is definitely a whopper of abuse, with you naming four distinct kinds of abuse, and I can honestly see how some people out there may have wound up dealing with abuse of multiple varieties in certain situations or upbringings. Every individual's thoughts are valid. Everyone's experiences and problems are unique. But I am sure there are other people out there who have been through or are going through a similar set of circumstances to you. Or, at least, I'm sure a lot of people could empathize with your situation. Actually, I'll say it, I kind of get the impression that a LOT of people here in the USA are dealing with unrecognized and still undiagnosed trauma from similar things right now. And I would wager that a sizeable portion of people dealing with similar types of abuse were raised in conservative and religious households. Probably not all of them, but quite a lot of them. And that is because religion is something that can be weaponized and used against people, to cause fear or embarrassment or shame of some kind. Too, I am sorry to hear of your perceived failures as a husband and a father. Look, I doubt you were a total failure. Maybe you weren't even actually a failure at all? But I get it, that life didn't work out for you, that lifestyle didn't suit you, and that's another thing in your history that felt like failure. Instead of looking at it as failure, maybe you can take a more optimistic view of it - perhaps it was all just progress, to help you reach these breakthroughs. Nobody can know the ending to the book before they read it, Autorose. You can't be faulted for every mistake and every regret in life. You didn't set out to ruin lives and hurt people, that was never your original intentions. I see nothing wrong with being Autosexual, and I would guess that quite a lot of people both in and out of the Faith likely embrace such a thing. Actually, Henry Rollins, a musician I'm a casual fan of, has been very straight-edge for years, abstaining from drugs & alcohol since his 20's and staying single and childless out of a desire to be solitary and put his health first, and to avoid failed relationships from things like touring and his celebrity status. I will also add that I tend to overshare sometimes, it's one of my things. I also think I am a very sexual person, but life has kind of beaten me into being much more tame than I'd like to be. Maybe I carry my own shame and embarrassment about discussing those things. I am also not very good at finding the types of people I'd like to connect with. But I am in a happy monogamous relationship, and that is fine, also. I am sure myself and others will talk with you here about anything you want to discuss.

BALANCE, thank you so much for your very kind words! An activity which helps people like me is helping others. We share our experience, strength, and hope with each other, and advise how we've successfully handled life's challenges, to help people through the hurdles. The other activity is prayer, and lots of it. Though I'd be rejected and ostracized if I "came out" to certain others of the Faith, my relationship with God is solid and loving. Part of the reason I'm here is to make myself available to help others like me. I don't mind oversharing. I'm a writer (a novelist currently suffering from writer's block, but have written and published 10 full-length novels). Share away, Brother.

I know not every single person you run into here on Peoples' Problems will have the same kinds of issues as you, but you're always welcome to take a stab at offering up advice and support to other visitors on their threads. Having active regulars here with their own perspectives and insight is extremely helpful. And I've said it before on here, but I think just the different approaches some of us take to giving responses is beneficial because for some people maybe one person's advice or style of response will resonate or click better for them than others? My posts tend to be pretty long, sometimes meandering, and oftentimes I end up talking about myself for a while somewhere in there. But I guess that's what works for me much of the time, trying to relate and empathize and find situations I've experienced that maybe relate to the person asking for advice and their situation. A lot of times, too, as you're typing it up and reading and re-reading what the last person said, you'll have these epiphanies that you didn't really reach until examining and thinking about the question while responding to it. You can learn as much from giving advice or talking about things as you can from getting advice. Soulmate got me in the habit of breaking posts down sentence by sentence and tackling them that way. Or at least combing through and finding the points you want to respond to throughout the post. Sometimes it helps to have two separate windows or tabs, one with the post open and one with the reply box open, so you aren't losing your place. I'm sure I'll be around and talk a lot more. You'll be sick of seeing me respond to most of the posts I'm sure, lol.

Thank you, Balance!Good tip about having the two windows open. Yup, I expect to see you around. And no, I don't get sick of seeing someone in forums. Have a great day!

Just a very quickie... Balance, " I know longtime visitor Soulmate has called me out a few times before for cursing, and I guess at times I've gotten unreasonable with it. Richard Brooks runs Peoples' Problems" Balance, sorry, but - why have you put me as Visitor when you know I'm the sole (visible/posting) Moderator, including when it comes to all posting rules of conduct? Richard is the founding director-creator-owner, and yes, he is also back-up Moderator. But he leaves the Moderating mostly to me. Again, you know these two facts so - I'm perplexed. Explain please? __________________________________ Autorose, (Whilst I'm posting briefly -) Hi! :) You don't have to 'be careful' about potentially 'offending' anyone here when discussing who and what you naturally and/or logically are aka your personal wiring and preferences as form part of your personality. Anyone dares be stupid or closed-minded/bigoted enough to 'get offended' - they can 'change the (bloody) channel' and find a less classy, serious and dedicated forum. Trust me - if ever someone here dared post to that effect, I would come down on them like a ton of bricks, over-busy lately or not. This is why I'm sole interactive Moderator who needs back-up (from owner, Richard or the other backroom/back-up Mods) only due to time-scarce periods. This is your safe place. However, just keep in mind that children can access and read all threads belonging to this forum. Asterisk or disguise your swear words (e.g. I say uck for *uck - or just 'pigging' or "beeping"), and don't get lurid or aggressive/give attitude towards other posters or respondents. Those are the most important. It's just common sense, really: We behave as if we're sat opposite a desk to one another, i.e. within face-slapping distance if we didn't watch our words and conduct. Manners and Politeness are a interactive social-protective measure that shields the welfare of both speaker and reader (and said underage lurkers) thus continuous harmony. This is a lovely place; I wouldn't have worked here for free/charity if it weren't. Took me since 2006 to find it and 'settle down' (had other Moderating offers before this). This exceptional but exclusive little forum made all the others I'd tried LOOK LIKE SH*T. Been here for coming up ...um...15 years is it? Haven't looked at my banner for ages haha. Basically, we're not stunted Narcissistic kids in Grown Up suits (or Bullies generally); we're real, live, GENUINELY emotionally mature, non-judgemental Adults (except when we're obviously joking around and deliberately being silly, of course - we like to make this fun at times too). Anyhoo - welcome, bien venue, welcommen and Eyup! FYI, I personally couldn't give one if you were wired and/or (nature-nurture) re-shaped to sh*g only Hedgehogs...(despite I wouldn't recommend it as they naturally tend to be a bit prickly (groan)). :)

@SOULMATE, thank you so much for your kind post and introductory information! It definitely helps.

@ Soul "Balance, sorry, but - why have you put me as Visitor when you know I'm the sole (visible/posting) Moderator, including when it comes to all posting rules of conduct? Richard is the founding director-creator-owner, and yes, he is also back-up Moderator. But he leaves the Moderating mostly to me. Again, you know these two facts so - I'm perplexed. Explain please?" I didn't really mean anything by that, and I apologize since maybe I should have drawn more attention to your moderation role here. Both things are still true - you're still a visitor here, the same as the rest of us. You just have more duties and powers at your disposal than the rest of us. I guess if it were me, I would still consider myself to be "one of the regular visitors" first and foremost, before being a moderator. The moderator stuff, I wouldn't come here constantly looking at things from a position of authority over everyone, I would come here still offering advice. The moderator stuff would just be tools in my back-pocket that I would utilize when the need comes up. So, again, no harm meant. I am sorry if it read that way.

Balance, "Both things are still true." No they are not. "You just have more duties and powers at your disposal than the rest of us." Plus, you've just contradicted yourself, because visitors don't have ANY power. So obviously I'm not a Visitor, tenure regardless. So where did you get that idea from? Merely the fact I do this for charity reasons thus take no payment? I'm not a visitor, I run the forum (as well as post whenever I have time). For Richard. He's my boss and I'm his employee. Same with Dominic in the live chat room who's likewise been here long-term (even longer than me). We don't want to get bigger/look flashier. We're Boutique, dwahling and that's how we like it. But, I repeat: Visitors/Posters don't have ANY powers when it comes to commenting, moderating, etc., unless formally given (in front of everyone) by me. Informal Staff is my department, albeit I discuss it with Richard out of due respect and his greater authority and forum experience. I alone made the decision to trial you as Asst. Moderator but after a while you decided you wanted to revert to just Regular Poster (hence your normal banner returned). I did, however, say you could continue playing host/receptionist (which was why you asked for a pub type thread). But *not* if you're going to speak for me/the forum and come out with false and potentially harmful information like this. Harmful, because, not least - if I am '*confidently advertised' (*as if it's fact) as not holding as much power as I do, visitors/posters will start to feel less protected and less safe (especially, to express themselves freely (albeit carefully, politely, as explained)). And btw - my banner, that states Moderator, is what positions me in authority. I'd rather you didn't discuss me full-stop if your understanding of my status and job are this far off the mark. Well anyway, you stand corrected and, mistake forgiven, and I still luvs ya. However, that cannot happen again - especially at times when I'm being kept away from posting responses, by my RL. I'm sorry to get official on you, but I'm sure you can appreciate I'm not going to stand by and say nothing if during what is widely believed to me my absence (nope, just posting ability) I'm being falsely demoted and the forum mis-represented by ANY regular poster or anybody full-stop. Probably safest, therefore, if you could from now-on refrain from describing and discussing myself/forum and instead just give them a friendly welcome before focusing on the Original Poster and their problem(s). Perhaps during your welcome you could check that they've already read the terms and conditions (for their own protection too), if you like? That would be VERY helpful (and give you less to type, bar 'the rest is just commonsense and decency when out in public"). Your posts are where your strength lies, anyway, because you are superb at playing Devil's Advocate or just getting people approaching the problem and thinking from MANY more angles, whereby they 'spot'/remember things they'd overlooked. Let me know if there's anything you've not understood - and, no hard feelings. None on my side, anyway, because 'We all make mistakes, said the red-faced, amorous turtle as he climbed down from the rock'. And then continue with Autorose as I can tell he's finding you a great comfort. (And anyone else can contribute, of course...unless Autorose says he would rather it were one-on-one with you? Some like group-think, some just need one. You could even ask the poster, which, during your welcome? They can always change their mind at whatever point?) :)

Autorose, you're very welcome. As you'll have gathered, everything is done out in the open here. So if anyone picks on you, you WILL see 'me and my wet flip-flop' in action (as well as insisting they apologise sincerely to you). Justice is our middle name. (Here - ever slapped your leg with a wet flip-flop? I'd choose childbirth, put it that way, haha...if I could. Try it, even LIGHTLY - you'll see. ;) In English I don't stand for any beeping nonsense, you can be as sensitive as you were wired to be. If it in whatever form (feelings/sense of justice/etc) hurts you, it hurts you - that is that is that - and - not on my beeping watch. So you are free to just say so. The alternative torture implement to the flip-flop (when I'm in too good a mood to get indignant), is, me taking the witty but humiliating piss out of the troll until their ego bids them to run-run-run and never come back. Have a look at Marpip's thread. Seemed every troll wanted to pick on him. Anyhoo - my point is: Unconventionality comes in myriad forms/functionality zones. Say it with me: "Unconventional AND PROUD!". Or as Dr. Seuss said: "Why fit in when you were born to stand out?" - and - "Be who you are and say how you feel. Because those that mind don't matter, but those that matter don't mind." Think about how true that is. :) Balance is in his own way very unconventional, too - incha, Bal. K? Relax and just spill-spill-spill (which psychologically gets all the bullies' toxins out of your mental system - like puking expels pathogens). And then, when you're ready... "Part of the reason I'm here is to make myself available to help others like me." (You little sweetie - what are ya?! ...MWA!) (It's a dry one, no wozzies.)

I'll tell ya what, though, guys ("What?") (good question!)... You've both given me a brilliant idea! As soon as my time is my own - I'm going to ask Richard if it would be helpful to have in the Rules of Conduct, as follows. Especially as trolls of whatever level, don't even look at them; they're about deliberately ignoring and breaking rules (Defiance Disorder into Conduct Disorder into Narc-Socopath/Psychopath blah-blah), not respecting and adhering to them. So what I propose - tell me what you think, please, you two? - is that we tell people within the conduct rules blurb, that if ever someone upsets, offends, destabilizes, or triggers you, and it feels too deliberate/targeted to risk retorting yourself (which is my job anyway) - the codeword for me to so easily spot, i.e. your 'retort', should be just this (in capitals). And JUST this (nothing else within your post): ______________________________ OUCH! ______________________________ The troll won't know it's a codeword for "Moderator!", because that IS an all-too-common, frequently-used response (whether said straight or sarcastically) within online chats. (scary, growly, voiceover voice, please)...... BUT *I'LL* KNOW. (now insert evil-for-the-power-of-good type of- oh, alright - witchy-bitchy cackle) We'll 'ave 'em! Saves ANY need for return-confrontation, doesn't it. You just blow this whistle and I and my truncheon (wet flip-flop) come running! What do yous think? Virtual Emotional "anti-Rape" Whistles.... cor.... what WILL they think of next! :D _________________________________________________ PS Autorose: forgot to give you Marpip's thread link. Start reading from Nov 5th 2024, troll-disguised-as-poster "Banks" (I had fun with that hahaha..talk about handed to on a plate)... https://www.peoplesproblems.org/showtopic/13822/felt-awkward-asking-her-out-feel-the-need-to-apologize PS: Conflict brings birth, doesn't it just...aka, *all* lemons make lemonade.

This has been rather entertaining. In all my forum activities (since the 1990s) I can't recall ever starting a thread that so quickly escalated in its entertainment value. Hey, visibility is visibility, for which one (especially a newcomer) should be very grateful indeed. I have been flamed, trolled, bullied, maybe even suspended once in the late 90s, (I can't recall how it was - things had progressed to the equivalent of "you can't boot me, I quit!" stage). So this doesn't necessarily scare me off. I've been doing things sort of like this since the days when I used an Intel 386 computer and a blistering fast 14.4 kbps fax modem to dial into a newsgroup. These days I frequent 5 forums besides this one, plus Messenger and Facebook. So okay, I want to help and you made mention of some of us "standing out" as Dr. God-bless-him Seuss had said. I don't have the photos handy, but I had a bright chartreuse Mazda Miata with license plate "0DD 0NE." And not many people on the Asexual spectrum identify themselves as Autoromantic/Autoerotic/Autosexual (basically it means I'm safe around other people's harems). I have CPTSD from a very abusive childhood and I'm very active helping adults with similar childhoods. A lot of what people like me need is acceptance and a willingness to sincerely listen and respond. A safe shoulder or ear. And I'm a novelist. Yes, I actually write because I actually like to. An 8-book series all published, followed by the first 2 published of another series, and 3 more in the works. Currently fighting writer's block resulting from "coming out" about my sexuality. The wet sandal thing....eeeww and ooowwww. Almost as painful as checking my book sales report (hint - it involves the digit "0" with no adjacent numbers). THANK YOU, Soulmate for the injection of humor here, and so also thank you, Balance for kicking off the fun, intentionally or otherwise, I've enjoyed the reading.

P.S. I agree with OUCH!

I like the code idea. If it'll help you locate problem posts, I'm sure some of the newer posters will probably read that and utilize it. I guess if the poster wanted to, we could take that one step farther, and have them include the username of the person who said something triggering. Ex: __________________________ Soulmate, OUCH! __________________________ ...or something? Maybe that's not the best way to go about it. I don't know. I'm trying to think of a way that a person could distinguish the particular user who they feel flamed them. If a certain post gets a few responses from different people, you really might have to sift through threads to try and figure out what they were bothered by. It might not be immediately obvious what bothered the person, too. That's all I have to add to that topic for now. It sounds like a useful flagging term.

Fankoooo! :) They wouldn't need to use my name, though; that would definitely give it away as it sounds basically the same as "Soulmate, help!". Plus I'd obviously read and analyse the entire exchange and be able to tell who flamed them/who started it (who REALLY started it!), regardless of typically covert subtlety (remember, I don't miss a trick; subtle/covert hits me between the eyes as much as overt). But, for everyone else's benefit you're right. So how's about this as the 'victim's' response: ___________________________________________________________________________ Dear "(poster's alias)" "(pasting-in the antogonist's subtly-or-not, offensive phrases/paragraphs/entire message)" Ouch. ___________________________________________________________________________ Is that better?

Okay.Yeah, the longer form doe seem to be more specific. I do recommend "OUCH" in all caps as a proper flag which is easier to flag with reduced chance of error. Thinking of how software does a word search/spell check, the word in all caps is pretty specific for the computer to find/react to. Might or might not make a difference (remember I'm old).

Capitals or lower-case, it'll still grab my attention while I patrol the 'venue' from thread to thread, trust me on that. However, if it could be flagged by word-recognition software and, say, just for me, slap an alert icon or something for my eyes only, that could be handy? Cheers, fellas! For now, Auto (- hah, how apt in view of your car-enthusiasm!) (you okay with that nickname?), I'm in the midst of a complicated and time-heavy court-case I'm bringing (Bugs Bunny voice: "Dish meansh WAW!"), so I can't post long responses at the mo, but - ref your last post: I guess this must be one of your anthems?.... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rYGLrJhhbqM (Except for the 'pissing the night away' bit haha...and singing "Danny Boy"...) (PS: "Don't cry for me, next-door-neighbour" - brilliant! I wonder if Madonna was pissed-off? hahahaha!) Anyhoo, you sound like the rest of us here - a Weeble (resilient, rebel of an Empath). You'll fit in well. (giant thumbs-up). So this can be your other anthem, if you like: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dFzhjnjXc2o "Weebles wobble, but they don't fall down". Anyhoo, this forum is where on can safely wobble, AND the perfect place for getting/rebounding back up again and then paying it forward. But yeah, you obviously would have copious knowledge about yours and related topics, which we currently lack (Fate strikes again, yay!) so, once you're ready, you can just go for it or let me train you up a little if you're nervous at first (quite a few are). No worries. Advising is REALLY good for both parties' self-esteems, you betcha. Cool car and colour btw. Yyyeeah, Mon. And thank god you've got a healthy sense of humour. Sorry for the interruption, anyway, but we deliberately don't have private emailing here, everything happens in the open (no place for bullies to hide/plot/negatively influence other members). Will no doubt pop back when I can, but I'll meanwhile hand you back to Bal. (And I'll keep you both posted as to the Ouch, once I've had a chance to have my next pow-wow with Ricardo.) Cool. :)

PS: Since they tickle you so much, heheh - here y'are, have some more (fairly mild warning-slap with the flipflop tip)... two in a bleedin' row... https://www.peoplesproblems.org/showtopic/14040/critizise I shudder to think where that second one's link would take a person. Ew.

PS, nearly forgot! "I don't mind oversharing. I'm a writer (a novelist currently suffering from writer's block, but have written and published 10 full-length novels). Share away, Brother." (Cool - what are you writing about? Fiction, is it?) That block is just normal and sensible. Your brain is overloaded while trying to piece together the jigsaw of your childhood and why/how/and in what other undiscovered ways you are as you are ("Uni-QUE...thanks-you, fans!")... and that's a LOT of beeping jigsaw pieces to have to put together.... probably about, oooh... five Wembley Stadiums-ful?... even IF our brains compute at nanoseconds. This is CORRUPT-human generated data it's got to get to grips with (bullies and Narcs are NOT WELL in the heart or head)... so it's like a 3D giant jigsaw. Who'd have time for writing with THAT on their What-feels-urgent Plate? Your brain would EXPLODE with overload! What's No. 1 priority these days is - you want and NEED to know, to the Nth, where you stand, finally! Not Knowing what you need to know, is TORTURE. Don't be so hard on yourself. Your mind is just being very intelligently sensible. These are not tasks for multi-tasking/watering-down your attention with. So it/you are doing the right thing entirely. Operating on Good Instincts. (Bet that's shut you up? Hahaha! You'll have to think up ANOTHER inadequacy of yours to whip yourself with!) It might ALSO be that your mind has decided to follow the common knowledge that the best writers are those that write from personal experience. Methinks that once you've got to know the full and unexpurgated (non-reperessed) You, and are happy with yourself, proud of your "Different-ness", you'll be gagging to write a book about how you've had to battle, your whole life, just because you couldn't be neatly pigeonholed. (Yeah, because it's a fairly NEW pigeonhole when, Narcs don't/won't/can't adapt/learn/change/update their thinking in-line with modern human intellectual-emotional progress. Not if it doesn't suit their agenda to always 'justify' their abusiveness (mentioning no bruise-hiding burkhas/etc.)... There ISN'T any justification for dominating, controlling, repressing, etc., another person... "If you've realised I'm not your cup of tea, then, I'm not your cup of tea - End Of... You don't have to make a drama out of it... Plenty more fish (and these days, tea) in the sea"). So anyway - yeah...no - that's just mental maturity in the form of clearing the decks for serious dedication. And it's not even by conscious effort. So it's your inner animal (ape), his brain! That's something to be proud of; most are A BIT FICK, save for when it comes to actual crunch Survival ("Rarrrrrr!"). Yeah. I reckon you're a survivor and self-healer, and all you need is someone to hold up an actual, authentic, full-length mirror for you, for having been deprived of them growing up - bar Fairground "Hall of Mirrors" ones. Correct feedback. (....Say it with me: The lying, conning, cheating basstds.)

I'll shut-up now and - back to yours and Bal's regular scheduled programme. :)

Quote Soulmate: "For now, Auto (- hah, how apt in view of your car-enthusiasm!) (you okay with that nickname?)," Absolutely I'm okay with the nickname, but it refers to the label for my romantic/sexual orientation, not an enthusiasm for motor vehicles. HUGS

Hi Auto, Well, you might be the first user here who shared their identity like that. You're braver than I, since I like to keep some anonymity online. I've heard about authors before who can think and put themselves into the mindsets of characters in their books. I remember one guy writing from the perspective of a young girl as one of his characters. I think I would be worried about overlooking something, or getting something wrong, or being accused of appropriation or something. You know, I think the violin might be my favorite musical instrument. I think it adds a layer of emotions to songs that you don't get with a lot of other sounds. And I'm sure you couldn't do every song with it, but when it does make an appearance it usually packs an emotional punch. I would imagine that some stressful events in life would have that impact, they would stall things and put a pin in them for a while. I'm sure there are famous authors who worked on something, stopped, and came back to their work many years later to continue on with it after a moment of inspiration. ...I'm also sure there are some stressful events in life that would have the opposite effect, and energize you to write page after page of golden storytelling. I feel like if I were ever to seriously get into writing, that I would be the latter sort of writer. Some of my best work would probably come along in intense and focused bursts of creativity. Sometimes I think moderation is key, or going somewhere and doing something new or different from your routine. Like actually, I was really hoping to get out of the house this weekend and go for a drive somewhere a few hours away. I was hoping to go stop at a restaurant I hadn't been to in ages, and that was really my main goal, but I guess I just don't want to be spending the whole weekend at home and have my neighbors judging me for that. I also look forward to long drives, I find them therapeutic sometimes. (I guess it's because I used to live about 4 hours away from my hometown, and would make the drive back and forth to visit my family once or twice a year, and I enjoyed the experience of driving and listening to music, or thinking, or listening to some podcast or something while on the road.) ...I'm not sure I'm going to get to do that, because my girlfriend keeps arguing with me about wanting to go somewhere and do something on my own, and about wasting money doing that. I feel like sooner or later I'm going to blow up because I'm not entirely happy with my current life. I have to imagine you would run into writer's block a lot if you were constantly focused on your story. You would get tunnel-vision, and it would be difficult to imagine new ideas for your story other than the same couple that have been rattling around for a while. You almost have to step away from it, and come back with a refreshed perspective after a while.

Yeah, Auto, you're not allowed to reveal your identity or advertise on here. And I see 2 other of your posts from today got deleted (because they weren't about problems). Suggest you copy that entire message and paste it into a new message (below me), taking out the link (so-rrrry) because I am duty-bound to get the above original deleted. Roolz, eh? But they're for your protection first and foremost as you could get targeted by e-evils.

Actually, I'll just do it.... ___________________________________________ AUTOROSE - Apr 2 2026 at 14:16 PASTE-IN MINUS EMAIL ADDRESS: "Soulmate, there's so much... The first series is action/adventure but is like Christian Fiction, but the second is more secular and includes our favorite musical instruments, sax and violins. The first series begins in 1700s England (London to be precise) and leads up to present-day America. The second series is all more or less present day (these days technology and society change so fast that one can only approximate the picture). I stalled (hit Writer's Block with a bang) on book 3 of the new series, due to life events regarding my sexual orientation. Discovering it was just the beginning, then declaring it lit a fuse which caused a destructive explosion. But I counsel 15 people, most within the ACA program and some as just friends. Giving back to the source of one's recovery is always a good thing. As you indicated, self-knowledge is a big deal, and so is learning to live with oneself - quirks and all - in the world. We transition from hurting to healing to helping. The sense of humor is part of that, as is Rule 62: "Don't take yourself too seriously" - but of course you have to love yourself as well. A taller order than one suspects or admits. Anyway, best of luck, Soulmate, I do hope the result is absolutely as you wish - or even better than expected. ____________________________________________

Hi, Balance! Sax and violins is a non-triggering (and mildly humorous) way to say "sex and violence." As for sacrificing a bit of anonymity, I'm not too concerned about it because I doubt that I'll ever be a big name in books. I do what I do when I can, and I enjoy the results as much as I enjoy the writing itself. My characters sometimes take me hostage and write for themselves. Examples are Nora, a main character in the "Merchant's Mine" series, and Shira, in the "Reuben Temple" series. My male characters are a little less pushy. Traveling and sightseeing and cultural events all cost a little money and time, so I opt for vicarious travel and read books instead. I use my favorite restaurant once in a while, but often talk myself out of it because it's expensive to pay someone to prepare what I can cook up for myself. Currently I'm on a Dean Koontz reading binge, so I'm reluctant to go anywhere.

Soulmate, thanks for your corrections and patience! I'll be more careful.

Hi again Auto, I'm sorry about the identity thing. I thought it might have been against the rules? But I wasn't 100% sure, so I didn't want to call you out on it since I couldn't remember if that's allowed. I wouldn't want to get rid of all of my privacy here, so the question of whether that's allowed hadn't come up for me a lot. Anyway, it's all good, the problem was fixed. The sax and violins thing is kind of funny, and it must have gone way over my head. X-D Okay, I am curious why your female characters tend to take control more and your male characters aren't pushy. Do you think it says something about how you view men or women? Or maybe, for those specific characters, that's just how they roll? Who would you say is your favorite character of yours to write for, and what are they like? Yeah, you're right about the restaurant thing. I guess I'm still living off of my 2010's mentality a little bit with eateries. I spent almost $12 for a chicken tender meal a little bit ago. It was pretty delicious, but yeah, I am sure that same meal would have been more like $8 or $9 a few years back. And probably like $5 or $6 a couple more years prior to that. By comparison sit-down restaurants almost seem like a better deal now. Almost. But then you go to one and the total comes out to $100 with tips. Lol. The restaurant I wanted to visit isn't anything super-fancy, it's just a chain that isn't around here and I don't get to stop at very often. My girlfriend has actually never been there before, and I wouldn't mind taking her, so maybe we'll go one of these other days. I just thought today would have been a good opportunity to go alone since I have an extra day off, and again, I'm kind of worried I look bad being at home even more days in a row than usual. I did get to go out and do a few things this afternoon, though. I hope your weekend is starting off well, Autorose. It's nice having you here, you seem like a nice dude. Have you got plans for Easter weekend?

Nora, in the first series, is a former cop. She wanted to "fix people" when she got out of high school, but wanted to do it as a law enforcement officer instead of a doctor. Besides, the education was cheaper. At one point in the book, she was forced off the road by the Mob and kidnapped one night. They did some terrible things to her before and former mobster showed up and killed them. Nora had made it from most junior of cops to police chief. She's a tough lady with a heat of gold and a story to tell. She wasn't going to stand with the rest of the cast waiting for me to start working with her. She's good at it - I was writing the opening scene and she kept coming up, with each new thought in the description. She was quite persistent! Finally I thought, "well, I'll start the book with you, but you won't like it." She had an abusive alcoholic mother. Anyway, yeah, Nora is a tough lady and a great person. Shira, in the second series, is retired from the Israeli Mossad. She went to work for them after her time in the IDF - which ended when her fiancee, another soldier, died in a rocket's direct hit when he was just 10 meters from her. Bits of him flung from the explosion while she watched - she went catatonic for a while. When she recovered, the Israeli Government put her to work handling call-ins and reports from field agents, passing the information to her boss. As the years passed, she developed and became more and more responsible. She ended up as the department head by the time she retired. She had, by that time, fallen in love with her favorite field agent, and she tracked him down in the U.S. - in eastern Tennessee. She was his focus in the forst scene of the book, as they both ate lunch at neighboring tables in an old railroad station. She also, is a very tough and very nice lady. She eventually made friends with a 160-lb wolf, anmed him Ido, and adopted him. The men are not intellectual slouches, nor are they too terribly shy. In the first series, the first book of the series begins in the 1700s; the leading men and women who get the rest of the series (7 more books) to play in, don't show up until the end of the first book. And in the second series, we view the leading lady through the leading man's eyes. But Shira demands attention by attraction and by staring at Reuben as carefully as he's staring at her. So, not, perhaps, as one-sided as you may think. BUT! Writing Shira was emotionally hard for me. She made sure I felt it when her mother died, when Boaz was blown up, when Reuben was taken captive. I watched her draw her sketches of faces and eyes, many eyes, and felt her loneliness and sorrow. And yes, when she cried, sometimes I did too. It's safe to say I sort of fell in love with Shira. If we were to hug I'd be reluctant to open the embrace to let her go.

I meant to say that in the opening scene of the first book of the second series, we view the leading lady through the leading man's eyes.

The other clarification to add is that the first book of the first series was originally the fifth book, and book 2 of the series, with Nora and her man Rob, was the original book 1.

Oh! Have you been left alone? EVERYONE/ANYONE - FEEL FREE TO DIVE IN! Me (if you read the Xmas Muck About Thread), I'm seriously indisposed at the mo but hoping I'll have time enough to respond to you as well as my regulars, in the coming days (which is all the commitment I dare make....my life is suddenly VERY over-full and chaotic, and just not my own, time-wise). Speak soon, then!

I'm sorry you're not well! I hope you feel better soon. People didn't respond to my posts here (new guy syndrome in some forums means no replies), so I moved on and stopped coming here.