Critizise

My father said when he was alive, I would end up a spinster. I did not answer him back and say there snd took it. I was at his and my mother’s house at the time reading a paper and he just came out with it. Looking back I must of been a fool to let him say that about me and if only I had said to him, He would have ended up a ba joker if he had not met my mother. Of course I once asked my husband if he had a photo of me in his wallet. He said, Unfortunately he did. Then he said he did not mean it and that it had come out the wrong way. He meant it all right and I know when he looks at me I feel he thinks I’m a plain Jane. I’ve always thought he was like my father after saying this and I know I’m no beauty. I don’t stand out by any means. I go on dating sites and if the men do not like me by saying I’m not for them, then I feel ugly. I think I go on the dating sites so I can get reassurance that someone must like me. It’s weird my husband said that about me when he is grey, has a pot belly, a crooked nose and is small in height and down stairs. I cannot forget the horrible words my father and husband said to me and I knjw how I look. I blame my mother for having me when the best thing would have been to of got rid of me. I found out from one sister that my mother was thinking of getting rid of me, ( abortion) with me and I really wished she had. Then my horrible face would not be in this world when I know im ugly

Re: ... getting rid of me, ( abortion) with me and I really wished she had > Livin it IS better than the alternative You make it sound like bein a spinster IS a bad thing > look at the divorce rate - if marriage worked ...

I want to respond to this, but I think I need more time and a clearer mind to do so. I'll try to check back in the next couple of days. I hope you are doing alright, Jessy 90.

I apologize for the delayed response, Jessy. I ended up doing other things over the weekend and hadn't really got to come back here the last few days. It has been rather quiet lately, or at least it seems that way. So first thing's first, I'm sorry for your father's judgmental, somewhat misogynistic comments towards you. (Also your husband's cold-ass comments about your photo in his wallet.) It's kind of funny how if an older man is single there's not really a derogatory term for that, but if an older woman is single she's a "spinster." Your father could have just said you'd be a Bachelorette and that wouldn't have been so bad, but honestly why are people so concerned over womens' marriage status, anyway? Hell, I love it when there are single women. These kinds of people just look at women as something to be owned and locked down, and try to put a bad spin on it if they don't conform. Also, I get why you might be driven to use dating sites in that way as a means of confirmation that you're attractive or whatever. But you're just adding another false profile to those services when there are people out there actually putting in a genuine effort to meet women. Not that there aren't already tons of bot accounts, scammers and people playing games in the mix already. I guess in a way I get it, and maybe you sort of are hoping to meet other people that way. But you have a partner and are presumably in a monogamous relationship, so you shouldn't rock that boat. I think the problem is respect isn't always a two-way street, even when it should be. The status quo has been maintained for a really long time and people never stop to question things, or don't question them strongly enough. So people can get away with saying and thinking and doing the same kinds of things for years without really thinking about it. Missguided is also right. In my personal opinion, there is no point to marriage. It's some paper, legal title that we place on something that never needed it. It's just there to make everything more complicated. If you want to be with one person monogamously, then you should just be able to do that. Instead there's an awful lot of people trying to force this notion on people that the only thing that works is the family unit with a man and a woman and children in the household, and that nothing else works or is fruitful in this life... When that's absolutely untrue and judgy as Hell. What I think you need is some confidence in yourself, and you need to be able to accept yourself as you are. Nobody is perfect. And you need to be able to stand up for yourself because when push comes to shove you are the main person you can rely on for that.

My personal take on the situation is this: it seems to me that you’re getting a little worked up over nothing. I mean, we all tend to be in a bad mood sometimes and be overly hard on ourselves. That’s normal. But I don’t think you should dwell on what your father said. As for your husband, I suspect he might have blurted it out accidentally in the heat of the moment—that sex.kyzdar-almaty.com happens sometimes—but in any case, I think he should apologize to you for what he said.

"FAYE FRED" above, typed: "Well. I don't know what to say now about this" Normally when people don't know what to say, they abstain from posting altogether. Especially from pointlessly posting non-information. You aren't INTERESTED in saying anything. You were just trying to come across as a normal poster before publishing your (hacking) advert for a hacker, everywhere. Try another forum, we're not stupid or lax enough.

Poster "Lendrade", "My personal take on the situation is this: it seems to me that you’re getting a little worked up over nothing. I mean, we all tend to be in a bad mood sometimes and be overly hard on ourselves. That’s normal. But I don’t think you should dwell on what your father said. As for your husband, I suspect he might have blurted it out accidentally in the heat of the moment—that sex.kyzdar-almaty.com happens sometimes—but in any case..." That what-WHAT happens sometimes? Are you referring to typographical Tourettes? Is that what happens? Because, yes, apparentlyfeckoff it's "a thing". I personally don't nice.try.but.not.nice-enough suffer from it, but I've upyerimmoralbumdotcom seen it reported. Your post will be deleted anon, Advertiser. Meantime, NO-ONE 'go there'! ___________________________________________________________________ (What is this, lately - pigging Scamming Season?!)

Sorry for the interruption, Jess - carry on. Oh, and while I'm here and in kick-arse mode - IT IS *NOT* "nothing". What things ACTUALLY make a face attractive - even an on-paper unattractive face - are one's facial expressions and our eyes. Look at The Mona Lisa. She's not attractive? To me, she looks like a bloke with long hair! Come on, everyone - admit it! It's that SMILE, isn't it. Imagine her without it and - "Yawn - next!". Content and Confident. Comments like your husband(ish)'s and before him, your father's (I get the impression it didn't just happen once but that that's the strongest/worst incident you''ve recalled), aren't exactly going to help your looks because, thanks to them, by now, your face probably looks like a wet weekend. Maybe your father was trying to stop you from ever marrying and thereby ever leaving him? (Hardly 'ugly', then?!) Maybe your husband is trying to stop you from ever deciding he doesn't deserve you thus leaving him? (Ditto!) ...by crushing your No. 1 Facially Attractive mechanism, called CONTENTENTMENT AND CONFIDENCE. Oh, and self-acceptance, of course. You can see Mona has that, too. Why WOULD you present as attractive if you leave your father, only to then marry him? (Read it again and it'll make sense.) (Re-Enactment, anyone?) What cruel-and-horrible-HORRIBLE things to say to your daughter or wife! WHOM that was mentally healthy would want to say that? AND YOUR SISTER! Question: Did you ASK your mother if it was true? RSvP?

In other, simpler, words: If you don't have a conventionally-attractive face, then what you need to work on TO MAKE it attractive, is, your (genuine self-acceptance into genuine confidence =) *Allure*. At the same time, you can 'double-pincer' it by experimenting with your hair, make-up, clothes, to find "your unique look/style" and just look your best as often as possible. You probably don't have the time or energy, huh. Or feel, what's the bleedin' point? (- *I* know what package of other symptoms that antisocial level of cruel put-down comes with, and I know how it can leave you/one!) When was the last time you visited a hairdresser's?....dentist's?.....clothes shop?....

Bal - Re. Marriage: it's a contract to protect any kids and their ability to survive (including their custodian's) if one of the parents does a disappearing act and/or flouts their parental-financial responsibility after divorce. So - little point, except on a personal level - in marrying if you're never going to sprog together, no; agreed.

JESSY90 - I'm new here but not new. You've probably been told that the greatest beauty of a person is inside - it ain't the wrapper, it's the treat inside. You could be drop dead gorgeous or so ugly it'd make a freight train jump the track to get away, and it wouldn't add or take away from the natural beauty inside. We are amazing creatures, each one unique. So since you're one of a kind, only made one of you, you're pretty valuable. We're the sum total of our life experiences, and that looks like MANY things blended together in a way that could only fit you. So anyone who just looks at your exterior to make a judgment is pretty shallow - and their opinion doesn't really matter. Just my tuppence. HUGS!