Change jobs or not

My husband has gone for an interview today but has been offered it if he wants it. The job is in the north of our country. He has been in his current job 12 years and drives quite far sometimes 3 or 4 hours to one place but it’s not all the time. Mostly it’s a hour to 2 hours. He is fed up with his current job and driving all over and he turns 60 this year so not getting any younger. Now the problem is where the office is in the north where we used to live. He will be driving in the south and only covering the south not the north. He will have to go up north for meeting and nights out with the company. We live in the south and are at least 4 hours away from the north. He seems to want the job but he is worried I will be going on every time he has to go up north because I see it as the past. My family live up north and I don’t bother with them also his dad used to live up in the area where the office is but his dad passed away years ago. Our children went to schools there too. Where we used to live up north, the office is only 30 minutes away and I am worried he will go back to where we lived and see people from our past. He went out with a girl he worked with in a office before he met me and even though it has been 18 years since we moved away from the north, I’m worried that a ex or someone he knew is still living there and something will happen. I do have trust issues with him. He tells me he has never cheated but i think he as. If he as a night out with work if he takes the job, I would probably ask where they went and what part of the north it was and it’s like the past in my life again and knowing he is going there. I wanted to leave the past behind that’s why we moved down south. I told him to go for the interview and see how often he has to stay away and find out how often he would have to go the office. My husband said they want him to cover some places which means he would have to get a flight there and even stay away. I’m worried he will be working with a ex again and I know people move away but there could just be the odd one who didn’t move away. He has dealt with the company before when we lived up north and knows the boss well. I looked up the company and quite a lot work there and at least 8 women. My husband always says he is committed to me but I have my doubts. I track him on Find My on my phone and one day it was not on there. It had gone off. I told him if he did not want me to follow him he only had to say but he said he did not turn it off or touch it then once I told him, it was showing again so I think he turned off thinking I would not know. This was two weeks ago. So did he turn it off so I can’t see where he is going anymore. He said he is not bothered I track him because he is not upto anything. Also my husband has applied for jobs in the past but he would have had to gone abroad and I have talked him out of it because I think something would happen like him cheating or going to the office and meeting a woman and liking her. I realise he could be cheating right now under my nose and I would not know so he does not have to go abroad to do it. I think because he met a woman at work he went out with, this plays on my mind and I see my husband looking at women longer then he should right under my nose. I’m 55 by the way. Earlier this year when I was followed him on Find My in the day, I noticed his phone had not moved for two hours. He said he had sat in the car and he couldn’t be bothered doing anything. This was after a night after we had argued. I told him to show me who he had been In touch with on his phone because he has to answer emails and phone calls. He only showed me one email from work in the morning and hardly any calls. When I checked where he was that day it was at 1.30 so to not have many emails or calls is very strange to me. So I don’t know if he had cheated on me that day and left his phone in the car and met up with someone or if he was telling the truth. I didn’t really want him going for the interview for the new job but I thought am I being selfish when he is the one driving all over the place not me and he is the one who had to get up really early not me and he is fed up on his current job. I worked for a few months earlier this year, and not once did he asked me how it was going. Not once did he say how was it. Yet here I am telling him to go for a job because I know he as been thinking of it so much yet I didn't get any question asked when I was working or any interest at all. Am I stupid or what? No support from him or any interest in my life. he says he will have to work until he is 67 like I should kiss his backside because he is working and he is someone so great because of it. This job he is going after, he drove 4 hours to get there when he could have met the boss half way. I know he is used to driving far but in my mind I was thinking was it because he wanted to go to the office to see who is working there and what women are there or even see if someone who was working there when he went years ago. Why not meet half way when he still has a job to do with his job he has at the moment. I suppose I don’t want him to take it because he is going to be going up north where the past is and even if I did not asked him questions about the job and where he as been up north, it’s still still at the back of my mind all these What if this happens,What if that and thinking he is going to ruin what we have by having our life in the south not the north. If he stays in his current job his boss said he is looking to take on someone else to cover some of the area where my husband covers. That means less travelling for him but also we can look to move further south which is what we both want. That could be later this year they take someone on. If he goes for the new job. he gets paid the same as he gets now but less travelling and we can look to move further down south a lot sooner. In his current job he as been abroad twice and it as worried me something as gone on but somehow I’ve lived through it and had to try and believe he as not cheated with anyone from the company. But it’s always at the back of my mind. He has said a few times maybe it’s best staying with his job now. Better the devil. I worry a little that what if this job does not turn out and at my husbands age he would get a crap job when if he stays with his current one, he us alright because 12 years is a long time. Please advice anyone what is the best option

Hello Miney2, There are some things to unpack here, but I guess my biggest question is are there jobs down South your husband could get, that would fit with the region you've both talked about moving closer to? Your husband likes driving, and truck drivers are typically some of the most important positions in the working world. So surely there could be some trucking companies farther South looking for workers? A job offer is just a job offer. He doesn't have to accept it if you talk things over and decide it might be better for him to stick with the current job or look at what other openings are available. I'm sure he is also aware that taking this offer has its downsides - as he said, better the devil you know. Your trust issues over his fidelity are pretty great, and honestly the truth is untrustworthy partners could cheat just as much right under your nose as they could far away. I'm sure the distance does make it easier, but if someone really wants to cheat they usually find a way to. Who's to say he wouldn't have his pick of potential flings down South, also? His lack of concern over your life is saddening. Perhaps you could take initiative talking about your day and things on your mind with him from time to time, when you're together. He might just not have his mind on asking about that kind of stuff, and be more focused on his job and daily routine than anything else. Not that it excuses things, but for some people they just might not be as considerate of other people, or might be preoccupied with their own situations. I will say, I would take it as wins for the "pro" category that most of his work for this company would be in the South, closer to where you live. So it's not like he would be going up to the main offices in the North regularly, only for certain occasions. It is also usually, but not always, difficult for work relationships and flings to prosper. And at your ages, I'm not sure if cheating opportunities would be as common, though I have no idea. Perhaps your husband thought it would be more professional to make a trip to the actual office, and show that he was willing to drive for the job. Maybe he didn't want to put any sort of burden on the boss before he even got the job. I have to wonder how much work a 60-year-old man would have to put in to flirt with women at his trucking company's office far away from home to start an affair. I'm sure things like that do happen, but how common is that outcome, really? I may have more to add later, but I'm curious what other posters here might have to say, or notice about your situation. For now I'd just question if your husband has looked into jobs farther South, and if that might be an option?

This is Miney2. Thanks for replying Balance. My husband is a sales rep not a trucker. In his current job he can only live in a certain area because he has to be able to get to certain areas for the motorway and if he is living to far away it’s no good. That’s why if his current boss takes on someone else to cover some of the area my husband does, then we can move further down south. My husband has looked for jobs further south but there aren’t any in his field. Where we live he can get to the motorway and it’s easier for him to get to places. He could find another job that does not involve travelling but he said he won’t be bringing home what he does now and we won’t have many holidays or breaks away.he said he can’t do anything else. After him going for the interview today, they offered him the job and he said he would have a good think about it to them. He came home and wanted to talk but it turned into a big argument. He said he does not know how often he would have to go the office and as for flying off to cover some places far away, there is a sales man who will do that. He asked me why I said for him to go for the job if I feel the way I do. I told him I wanted him to go and see what they were offering and because I have talked him out of going for other interviews because I think he would cheat and he did not have to take this job. He said he wished he did not go now. I asked him if there was anyone he saw who still worked there when he went there years ago. He said he did not know anyone only the boss and some other guy he spoke to on the phone. He could be lying to me of course and know more who are still there but not tell me incase I get worked up. Like women working there from years ago still. He said he has never cheated on me and that’s all I think of him. I said if I was offered a job and there would be men there and I might have to stay away, that he would not be worried I would cheat. He said it’s because he trust me and he wouldn’t think like I do.

Miney2 again. I forgot to say that my husband said if he was cheating why would he go away with me or spend time with me or do things with me. He said our kids are grown up and if he was having an affair he could just tell me it’s over and go. I told him some people want to keep the marriage going because they have been together years and they may want to have the best of both worlds.

Re: ... my husband said if he was cheating why would he go away with me or spend time with me or do things with me > BECAUSE we IS cheating OBVIOUSLY Does your husband play poker?

Your whole post is about your husband cheating but without any proof. If you don't trust him then why are you with him? If you have no proof of him cheating on you then why bother let it get under your skin? If he doesn't treat you the way that you need to be treated then walk away or you put up with it. He's looked for roles further south but is he doing it for you to keep you happy? He could well be a 'miserable' husband doing what he can? If you keep doubting him then yeah it'll blow up in your face one day because you are pushing your husband away bit by bit. If you can't support him with his career choices because of your lack of trust & your insecurity then it's not up to him to make it right just for you although he's having a go. There's only so much a man can offer (actions & words) to assure his wife that all's well. He just can't keep reassuring & reassuring otherwise it just becomes repetitious & your marriage becomes unhealthy. He sounds like a hard working bloke who's been offered a role at 60 which is pretty bloody rare in today's world. Not all men cheat when they're away from their spouse & not all men deserve to be lumped with the image of infidelity because of obvious other bad apples in the same circumstances. If you don't have a happy marriage then it won't matter what your husband does for work & whether he's home or not, you'll still have an unhappy marriage. Marriage & relationships have always been a two way street & what you put in, is what you get out. He's actually told you straight to your face that he'd walk away if he was having an affair. He's come home after a job i'view but you guys are arguing about the role rather than negotiating & communicating positively. Anger & arguing won't sort it & reading between the lines of your post, there's not a lot of respect in your marriage. Given your ages, you should be able to sort it, otherwise organise some marriage counselling. You guys need to understand that if you NEED your marriage to succeed then you will make it work, but it won't be really successful if you continue to have trust issues. You need to realise that the past is for learning from & not for living in.

I hear what you say Manalone and I do want him to be happy what he does. It’s just this past thing I have and if he has a works night out it will be places were I know with living up there. He says it’s me going on about the past not him and he won’t be goi g to where we used to live. What do you think with the phone thing then when it had gone off on Find My. Do you think he turned it off so I could not follow him and when he was on the car for 2 hours and the phone showed he was still there and it had not moved? Yes he’s lucky at 60 to be offered a new role and this job has been advertised for so long. My husband applied for it, they did not find him. I know he loves me and says he only wants me and he knows what he wants but it’s not nice being out with him and I see him eyeing up another women longer then he should or when we where on holiday a week ago, and a young blonde big breasted woman wearing a short skirt and heels in the middle of the day and looking over my shoulder at her to take a second look. Then I start thinking he wants her and how she looks. You see in my eyes I think he wants a woman like that not a plain woman who wears pants because I feel relaxed in them and tops that cover my breast and flat shoes. I’ve even thought I should changed my image to be like women who show it all off but I haven’t got the body or confidence to.

Just to add that I have told my husband if he wants someone else because he’s not happy with me then I won’t stop him. We would get divorced and go our own way. I’ve lived his life and never really lived mine and I am scared I will lose him to someone else. I’ve told him if it’s meant to happen then it’s fate if he meets another woman through work

To add again. Manalone I’m angry that you say I don’t support my husband in his role but if you had read where I said I worked for months and he did not ask me once how it was going. Is that supporting me in my role? I think not. It works both ways and I’ve always been there for him when he has gone on about work stuff yet I get nothing in return from him. No asking me stuff to do with work or maybe he thinks because he is a sales rep and I just look after kids, my role is less to his and not good enough

Hi again Miney2, I'll respond to some of the new points you've added. 1. "My husband is a sales rep not a trucker. In his current job he can only live in a certain area because he has to be able to get to certain areas for the motorway and if he is living to far away it’s no good. That’s why if his current boss takes on someone else to cover some of the area my husband does, then we can move further down south." I see, my apologies. I guess my mind automatically filled in the blanks and assumed he was a truck driver. So if his current employer hires another sales rep, you can go farther South. I guess my response would still be... If that all happened, and you moved South... Then what? You would get to be in this area where you've both talked about moving to, so that could potentially be a positive bullet-point. But you will still have these trust issues you've always had with your husband, and you will still feel unappreciated by him. Are there other reasons why this move South could be more beneficial for you both? Or maybe you just think it will be better to move EVEN FARTHER from up North, and your past there? So I'll tell you I can relate on the whole point of wanting to move to a different area. I've been moving around a lot over the past six years. Before that, I lived almost a full decade in a new city, in a different state, about 4 hours away from all of my hometown problems. But I had to come back to my hometown. Ever since I had to leave that city behind, I've hoped it would only be temporary, or else that I'd find some new place to go that was just as good as or better than my old city. But I've mostly just found places that aren't much different from my hometown. Granted, I haven't gotten to go to many places I've been especially keen on, but I have been getting out of dodge and trying new areas. Most of those places were only an hour or two from my hometown, and still in the same general sort of area with similar people. But even when I tried moving almost 1500 miles away, I still found gossip and ignorance in a big city just as much as I have in small towns. And I don't say any of this to negate any positive feelings you have about moving farther South - I do hope that there is a lot there to look forward to that would improve you and your husband's situation significantly. I do think location matters in a lot of ways. But you should at least be aware that the South might not be all you're hoping it is, and that you could face similar problems there to where you currently are. Similar to your past up North, even. Sometimes a place is just a place, and people and circumstances don't change with it. 2. "He came home and wanted to talk but it turned into a big argument. He said he does not know how often he would have to go the office and as for flying off to cover some places far away, there is a sales man who will do that." Can I ask, if you're able to remember, the point at which your discussion became an argument? Did one of you say something that made the discussion go South? Did one of you react a certain way to something the other said, and that caused blood to boil? If your husband has the right info, then I would say good news came out of the discussion because you can deduce now that if he takes the job, someone else will be getting on a plane and flying farther out, and not your husband. And not knowing how often he will have to go to the office might also not be a bad thing. He might go there very infrequently. You simply don't know at this point yet. 3. "I forgot to say that my husband said if he was cheating why would he go away with me or spend time with me or do things with me. He said our kids are grown up and if he was having an affair he could just tell me it’s over and go. I told him some people want to keep the marriage going because they have been together years and they may want to have the best of both worlds." Some men lie. My girlfriend's one family member is dealing with a partner who lies a lot. I'd wager if a guy is able to find a new partner immediately after breaking up with someone, chances are he was cheating all along. But Idk. Sometimes people stay with their partner out of habit, or because they don't think they could realistically get anyone else who treats them as good. But at the end of the day that is kind of what relationships are - is settling into something that is working out for the most part. At least your partner wants to spend time with you and do things with you, some guys don't even do that much. There's a television entertainer here named Jesse Watters who snapped at a politician and her husband for going shopping together, saying, "What kind of husband goes grocery shopping with his wife?” This person then went on to criticize how high grocery prices are because of inflation. (I'm willing to bet that same guy is now downplaying or even applauding much higher grocery prices one year later.) And unfortunately, there are a whole lot of men who probably have that mentality - that the only time you spend with your wife is for procreation, church, Holidays and family gatherings. Try to appreciate what you do have. 4. "What do you think with the phone thing then when it had gone off on Find My. Do you think he turned it off so I could not follow him and when he was on the car for 2 hours and the phone showed he was still there and it had not moved?" Ultimately, it's a matter of trust. I know that's not a good answer, but that's what it comes down to. Unless you can follow him and see what he's doing when he stops for prolonged periods of time, or maybe call him and try to face chat with him over your smartphones (which I assume you both have?) for a bit to have some peace of mind whenever he's stopped somewhere for a while, it's mostly reliant on trust. It's possible the app acts up from time to time and loses its connection, or that he hits dead zones in certain areas that have dense woodlands. I'm not sure why your husband sat in the same spot for 2 hours one day. Maybe he just needed a break, or perhaps he had to wait around a bit before going in on another sales call, or until people came back from lunch or something. I don't always like how my girlfriend handles finances, but I still try to trust her decisions for grocery spending and handling certain payments. 5. "it’s not nice being out with him and I see him eyeing up another women longer then he should or when we where on holiday a week ago, and a young blonde big breasted woman wearing a short skirt and heels in the middle of the day and looking over my shoulder at her to take a second look. Then I start thinking he wants her and how she looks. You see in my eyes I think he wants a woman like that not a plain woman who wears pants because I feel relaxed in them and tops that cover my breast and flat shoes. I’ve even thought I should changed my image to be like women who show it all off but I haven’t got the body or confidence to." At 55 and 60, I doubt cheating with younger people is as much of a concern. I'm sure there are younger women who have a thing for much older men, in fact I've met at least one person like that before, but it's an exception to the rule, I think. I'm comparatively much younger than you and your husband. I'm in my late 30's. But even at my age, I'm aware that much younger women might find me "too old", or, "gross." If I were to be single again one day, I think I would still be open to dating younger women as I always have been, but I probably wouldn't want to go much lower than women in their mid-20's at this point. I prefer not to date women who have children already, if I can help it, so it does make things more complicated for if I want to consider women my age or older in the future. I usually wind up with women a few years older, anyway. But I'd still love to date younger women, or even women closer to my age for a change. So from my perspective, here is what I am thinking when I read what you think he thinks, versus what I think. Keeping in mind, I am not your husband, so these are my thoughts, but I assume lots of other men would think a similar way. - Firstly, yeah, men do usually look at attractive women, even when they are happily partnered. Looking is usually free, and it's one of those simple rewards that men can enjoy without cheating on a partner. I'm sure a lot of women also look when they see an attractive man walk by. - Does he "want" that woman? Maybe, Idk. I think most men want pretty much every woman they're attracted to, that they aren't related to or something, lol. But again, most men have the sense of mind that, even if they are attracted to a woman, it doesn't necessarily mean they have any realistic chance with them. Men age, they become embarrassed with their bodies, they realize they aren't what a healthy, young woman would be attracted to or want to be with anymore. Well, most men have this sense of mind, anyway. Lots of really wealthy men with power apparently don't have any sort of limitations on these thoughts. - Men can want drastically different kinds of women. If you think a guy is only into one particular "type", you are probably dead wrong about that. Now I will say that I do have my preferences and I guess I even do have a few types I usually search for when I'm single, but I haven't really wound up with a lot of those preferences being fulfilled, anyway. But as far as personalities and styles go, and different features and skin tones and hair colors and bodies - men like pretty much everything and aren't as picky as women, from what I've witnessed. - Generally men also aren't expecting you to "be" like another type of woman they are interested in. If I take an interest in one type of woman, it doesn't mean that I want my girlfriend to be anything like that. I just appreciate different kinds of women. - Also, men generally don't want their partner "showing off" for other men. At least I don't, but I guess there are some guys that do want that. Usually women - and you can correct me if I'm wrong - show off for men when they are single and trying to attract new eyes. Or else whenever they just feel beautiful and have the body for it, and like how they look and want to show their body off for themselves. 7. "It works both ways and I’ve always been there for him when he has gone on about work stuff yet I get nothing in return from him. No asking me stuff to do with work or maybe he thinks because he is a sales rep and I just look after kids, my role is less to his and not good enough" I would say, just start talking about your day and things you've been doing. Sometimes he might be more interested in listening than other times. Men have selective hearing. But you have to find a place and a time and a way to communicate with your partner that works for your relationship. If that need is not being met, and you don't feel respected by him, then maybe you can talk it out and find ways he can better show his appreciation for you. I hope any of this is helpful. Gotta go.

..."I know he loves me and says he only wants me and he knows what he wants"...there it is, that's all you need, so quit worrying about the young tits & teeth as it's natural for a red blooded bloke to have a look. Remember, we were all that age once...

Manalone. We are looking to move further away to be by the coast. It is a lot nicer with beaches, places to go etc then where we are now. We go quite often further south with it being so nice and that’s our goal to do it for us both. The job my husband is doing, there are not many jobs further down south that do his kind of work and that’s why where we live, it’s easier for him to travel in any direction to the places he needs to go. If his current boss takes on a new person then we can at least move further south and be where we want to be living. It’s lovely where we are now, but it’s a quiet place and 7 years we have lived here. I feel I need to move away to somewhere different. I do feel like I’m not living sometimes if that makes sense being here and maybe because it’s quiet and not much happening but when you feel you want something different and new

Re: I’ve lived his life and never really lived mine and I am scared I will lose him to someone else. I’ve told him if it’s meant to happen then it’s fate if he meets another woman through work > (if it’s meant to happen ...) That IS just your exit - You clearly do NOT want it - if you WANTED it, you WOULD put the effort in to MAKE it happen

Hi again Miney, I know the point isn't really whether or not you should move down South, but if it's lovely AND quiet where you are, you should give some thought to the pros and cons of a potential, unknown new place. I can only make assumptions about what your current area and neighborhood are like based off of what you mentioned in that last post. It conjures up so many different places in my mind, (there are so many different kinds of "boring") so I may be able to relate. But I guess my next question is, what is it you are thinking would make you feel more "alive" in this other place? There are a few things I miss from my old city. The people is a big one, mostly because they made it possible for me to be myself and live my life without judgment. The park I used to go for long walks in was beautiful and peaceful, even somewhat on busier days. There were more places to go and things to do. But I'm sure there's reasons why both of these places are so special to us. Likewise, there are numerous reasons why these sorts of areas are really difficult to break into. I'm sure some of that is by design, to ensure that anyone who hasn't "proven themselves" is kept away. At the very least, right now you live someplace nice and can at least go and visit those great places you like to spend time in down South. So I would keep that in mind while weighing your options in moving down South. Maybe right now you live in a really ideal location, affordable and within a reasonable driving distance to those places. Just something to keep in mind.

NO-ONE USE THAT EMAIL... (FAKE Fred, more like)!... It'll be deleted soon but meantime, here's why not: AI Overview False forum posts, social media comments, and spam ads advertising "hacker-for-hire" services—often providing a Gmail or encrypted email address—are 100% scams. These are advance-fee frauds where scammers promise illegal services (like hacking social media, changing grades, or spying on partners) to steal money, personal information, or cryptocurrency from unsuspecting users. Here is a breakdown of how these scams operate and how to identify them based on recent reports. Common Tactics Used in Fake Hacker Ads The "Deposit" Scam: The "hacker" asks for a deposit (e.g., $100-$500) to start the job, promising to do the work. Once paid, they disappear or ask for more money, never providing the service. Targeting Vulnerable Users: Scammers post in comments sections of popular forums (like Quora or Facebook) specifically targeting people discussing lost account access, cheating partners, or spying. Using Free Email Services: Legitimate cybersecurity professionals do not advertise on public forums using free email addresses like @gmail.com, @outlook.com, or @protonmail.com. Phishing for Credentials: Instead of hacking a target, the "hacker" steals the credentials of the person trying to hire them, often through fake phishing pages. Probably no-one here would have, anyway, but - better safe than sorry. :)