I need help with my situationship (wlw)

So I met this girl last year and got close to her really quick (we are both freshman right now) tbh I was very openly homophobic (I didn't want people to know I liked girls) and she was bi but I didn't know until this year and I used to vent about my boy problems and all my trauma to her I mean I regret it so much but I think I was just desperate for any type of attention back then This year I started liking her and the thing is whenever I like someone I can't hide it so I made it very obvious, I've liked her since October of 2025 and it wasn't that deep at first but it started becoming really big like I would dream about her almost every day and I thought about her like 24/7 even when i was with my friends and family and my happines depended on how she treated me I always flirt with her like calling her cute and touching her and telling our friends we're dating cuz no one would guess we were ACTUALLY dating since I liked and dated so many guys in the past and anyway she's always really hot and cold like she calls me good looking sometimes and touches me and also said once when we were talking about our sexuality that she's (my name)sexual we also text a lot but then she's just weird sometimes like she literally said today that she knows I have a crush on her (I admitted it before) tbh I think the reason why she treats me different from everyone else is because she doesn't like me but the attention I give her like one time ahe did something very crazy but I don't want to say it on here because I think its kind of inappropriate but it was like a joke abt something 18+ between us idk if I can say that and she was putting her shoulder around me (this was on our bus ride home) and this was after I was flirting with her and she was saying we stop like the worst thing I said to her is that shes cute or smells good ans this girl took it to a whole nother level. Also once I told her and my friend I liked a guy cuz I wanted to see her reaction, and she started crying so I asked her why and she said it was because she got a 80 average and she was REALLY sad like I've never seen any emotion besides teasing me from her before and after all this idk what to do I want to detach from her because she's clearly playing me for her enjoyment like she has a lot of ideas I don't agree with becuase they are just not ethically okay (nothing crazy tho just stuff that really ragebaits me) and once i was with my sister and i went up to her, this girl looks at me and walks away (my sister hates her now) oh and a few times she said she would date me of i was taller or if i was a tomboy and she even said that one of us has to get height surgery cuz apaprently height matters way more than a 10/10 face card (her words) Tbh I even thought of dropping out because I'm so disgustingly dependent on the way she treats me that I even try to avoid her and I've thought a few times that I was 100% over her but nope I was NOT. but dropping out is not gonna solve anything u can't run from ur problems and before we've fought twice this year but she apologized and I just forgave her, she's so rude sometimes like she just insults me like so much and she says I can't touch her but she touches me and whenever I try distancing myself she starts getting rude and I just ditch the plan and say I'll just stay friends with her "its all for the sake of our friendship" and it stays like that but then i start flirting again like ive even told her were getting married and she just always say eww i would rather die all the time to these things and i had a bracelt that said m (i amde it when i liked a guy whose name started with m) and i lied to her saying it was for my brother and then i let her have it and she was like ew i dont want to share dna with u (she ended up keeping it) tbh it wouldn't be that bad if we stopped being friends cuz she's pretty quiet and I have a lot of other friends but its just every time she does something a little nice or says something a little flirty I fall so easily like she makes me feel like I have bipolar disorder its like I'm happy one minute because she texted me something and I'm mad the next because its a video of a pretty girl I'm so done but idk what to do like I'm so in love with her I've never been this obsessed with someone before but if my love for her is hurting me then its obviously not love she keeps hurting me and I just make excuses saying that I'm staying for friendship or that I don't look like a loner but I know damn well I don't care about how anyone sees me besides her I just want to stop this but even when I'm trying to get over her I still think about her like genuinely she needs to teach those how to manipulate videos cuz she genuinely has me so obsessed like to the point that I'm becoming toxic and I've even cursed at her a few times cuz I was pissed but its not even like shes my girlfriend if my other girl friends say something rude idc but if its her I get mad ik she's the one playing me but I still feel guilty because just because she knows I like her doesn't mean she has to like me back I think its one of two things 1. She really loves me in a friend a d platonic way and doesn't want to ruin our friendship over my feelings. Or 2. She wants to just play around cuz she's bored. and ig that makes Because maybe if I was in her situation and I didn't like me back I would do the same thing cuz its entertaining and validates me. I don't know if anyone will even read this much so I'm sorry for writing a whole lot of nothing I just wanted to get it off my chest because I feel so bad rn I can't even function its like I suddenly am depressed when I was soo happy with my life 40 minutes ago. I just want to stop this I can't do this anymore I'm tired of being played but I still love her I just wish I was straight like I can't even have feelings for guys anymore like she's broken me. Okay sorry for getting emotional. But what do I do? Should I go to therapy or block her or do homeschooling or go to a boarding school or read so many books I forget about her? What do I do? I don't expect anyone to know but it was worth a shot.

Don't ya? Oh, ye of little Faith. ;) Read this and report back, BlueCookie-but-with-a-W-instead-of-an-E.... "Limerence vs Love: How to Tell the Difference Trauma Bonding & Attachment Written by: Natasha Adamo "Limerence is something I’ve experienced as far back as I can remember. If you haven’t heard of Limerence before, you’re not alone. I didn’t know there was an actual name for this kind of compulsory weakness/obsession/lovesick addiction that I thought was uniquely my own up until a few years ago. What is Limerence? The term was coined in 1979 by psychologist Dorothy Tennov in her book Love and Limerence: The Experience of Being In Love. Tennov describes limerence as “an involuntary interpersonal state that involves an acute longing for emotional reciprocation, obsessive-compulsive thoughts, feelings, and behaviors, and emotional dependence on another person.” Limerence convinces us that the object of our desire is the only source there will ever be as far as our happiness, purpose, and Happily Ever After go. With limerence symptoms, you will feel dependent on the other person for emotional survival and devastated to the point of paralysis if these feelings are not reciprocated. Daydreams and fantasies about the other person are unrelenting. As you get deeper into your dependence, you start to plan for the future – not realizing how far from reality you’ve traveled. Your happiness is no longer something that you have control over. The funny thing is, none of this sounds strange or out of the ordinary to me whatsoever. " ((article continues - and it's a happy ending :)) Vhat *I* vant to know iz ZZZISS (clicks on anglepoise lamp and shines it straight in Cookie's eyes): WHO IS SHE? FROM YOUR PAST? THAT YOU'RE REPLAYING THE RELATIONSHIP/FAUXLATIONSHIP WITH (Re-Enactment in order to see if it works this time with that same person just with a different head and body....'was it them or was *I* the problem?' After all, to have faith in one's experiment, one usually has the need to repeat it. Because only then can it count as a pattern (although, often we see thrice as more of a pattern than twice so - uh-oh....'forewarned is forewarned' and all that) (still, you're here and safe now). They don't even have to be the same gender as the past, 'elusively'-problematic person, either. Just the same 'personality type' (disordered, usually). Have a thinkipoos and RsVP (for everyone's benefit, not just mine). I'm sure we can crack this. We just have to identify 'The Mother Ship'.

Duuuh...Forgot the bleedin' link! ___________________________________________ https://natashaadamo.com/limerence-vs-love/ ___________________________________________ PS: If you CAN pinpoint who 's/he is/was', you'll understand PERFECTLY why you seem to be in the grip of something that won't let you go. Not until the emotional crime is solved and closed, no. It's your inner "naked ape" (she's still in there - fact). She doesn't want a third experiment, she's had enough and is determined to see this through to the bitter end (to win her own, personal, Nobel Peace Prize i.e. never have to tangle with "a funny one" on your behalf, AGAIN.)

Quick tweak: "you will feel dependent on the other person for emotional survival " You're SUPPOSED to feel emotionally-dependent on one another as pairbondeds, in fact... otherwise, where's the Supaglue as keeps you bonded until your babies turn BLOODY EIGHT...TEEN!!! That's the longest parenting role out! It's OVER-emotionally-dependent that switches healthy, moderate, mutual dependence into being a problem. Or, indeed, UNDER-emotionally-dependent. ('Never too much, never too little' - Dr Seuss + 'Everything in moderation' - some legit. know-it-all...) Apart from that - I LLLIKE this writer! (What a palpable difference when a theorist has themselves been first-hand through the experience AS WELL, eh?)

SORRY - forewarned is fore-armed (tsk) (need my bed)

Last one for now, promise, but this slapped me between the eyes as well: "Okay sorry for getting emotional." Sorry? Er... WHY?

Remember the rule: If nothin changes - everythin remains the same It IS your call, which direction would you like things to continue - the same or a different direction ? Make that choice