To be or not to be ...

I have been dating this guy for nine and a half months. I really like him and we both have been through the ringer with past relationships including we both have been married for 14 years. So we both are not a stranger to commitment. From my marriage I have three grown children and a grandchild. From his marriage he has one 11 yr old daughter. He meant my children early on in the relationship (at lest two of them because the other is in the military). It took him a little over 8 months to introduce me to his daughter ... I would give her gifts through him through out our dating, but now I can give them to her myself. He said that the reason he was not letting me to meet her at first was that he did not want her nor him to get hurt and leave them (understandable) but now I am coming to believe that he did not want me to meet her more because I would find out not only does he treat her like he treats me in SOME ways but I would also find out that he has lied to me ... and they are lies about stupid shit. So I took the excuse of of the new year to say hey lets leave behind 2012 and whatever happen there and only take lessons with us like, "knowing what each others hot buttons are and not push them" and he was all for that. It is so easy to say but so hard to do but in-spite of all the crap he dished out (I did my dishing out too) I really do love him and care for him ... he is an awesome dad and his daughter is amazing (my kids love her) and his daughter loves me ... we have fun and she hugs me all the time and tells me that she loves me. I now think that my boyfriend is jealous because I do not think he expected her to like me so much but I can tell he is trying to deal with it. I try to tell him the reason she likes me so much is because she is allowed to talk about her dad in a positive light with me because I say nothing but good things about her dad to her. No matter what kind of a problem that he and I may have at the time I always say good things about him to her because out problems is just that ... our problem, not hers. He is just so paranoid thinking that I am out to get him and now I am using his daughter to do so. One of my daughter really put into words how I am feeling, "it seems like he is look for an enemy where there isn't one." Whenever we argue and he starts yelling and being mean somehow he always flip the script and tells me I am the one doing it. Another thing everything is about him and his stress and down plays my stress. Whenever I say anything about me and my problems and stress he does not listen like he did in the beginning and just tells me I do not understand. I think that some reality hit him the other day because I told him in the mist of an argument what his daughter said to me, "I like you and want you to stay with my dad because you are nice to him and good for him but I do not like that he treats you like crud around me." It like a light-bulb came on over his head. He got real quite and said, "I am a real ass and my daughter is right I do treat you like crud and it say a lot that she sees it and she just met you." I thought wow, he finally is getting it ... well so I thought, just today he did the flipping of the script again, said, "I was beginning to think that I was being an ass and now I realize that the truth is that when you don't get sleep is when we have problems not because I am ass." I mean what the hell!!! (Would love some feedback and even an on going conversation with people on here if people are willing and plus it would be easier to tell more within a conversation ... looking forward to reading what everyone has to say.)