Desperately need help

I am a man with several gunshot wounds and in pain practically all the time, in and out hospitals and doctor's office...I am finally getting surgery on my shoulder as I developed a tumor in it. doctors couldn't figure out where the extreme and paralyzing pain was coming from, so they put me on morphine and pethidine to numb the pain. The side effects are running my life though...I lost a girl I love very much as a result of hallucinations, delusions, nightmares and dysphoria. She knew what I was on but I have never told her where my mood swings where coming from. She now disconnected her means of communications (beside the emails which she is not even responding to) because I rejected her in a very bad way, for no reason just too proud to give the details about my condition and pain. I used every ugly world possible to push her away and now she is out of my life. The withdrawal from the meds is killing me. Regrets and whole lot of crying pretty much 6 times a day. what do I do? Please advise.

You must wait until you're off the meds. All you can do now is ask for forgiveness. If she has cut the means of communication with you, ask a friend to transmit the message. Because as long as you're on morphine and other drugs, you're not yourself. It's the sad truth. You'll just hallucinate again. I wish you the best of luck, and my sympathies towards the physical and emotional pain you are feeling.