Hard to say.... impossible to deal with

I have no one I feel remotely comfortable discussing this with. I am a very private person. Additionally, this is too humiliating and disgusting to be able to rationally discuss with a friend or family member as I hope to one day put it behind me without judgement. I am married with 2 children. My husband is charismatic, outgoing & handsome. Most who know us think he is quite the catch. I once did myself. Our sex life was pretty normal. We were having sex on average 2-3 times a week. I began taking Ambien to help me sleep as I wake several times through the night and the sleep depravation started taking its toll. It works well. I take it as I get into bed and am lucky to say that I have not experienced any side effects. However, it does put me in a deep state of sleep. Here is the horrid problem: my husband has been violating me during my sleep. The first time I woke up, I asked him to stop but he just talked to me sweetly as he "finished". I made it clear it was to never happen again. But it did. Again and again. I cut the dosage in half and was able to wake a little easier but he found a way to work around that. He continued to touch me, penetrate me digitally and if I started to rustle around, he would stop. I caught him again, having sex with me from behind as I lay on my side. I woke up furious! I am unconscious...then in a semi conscious state and Imam saying no but he proceeds. Each day after we would just fight. Me...infuriated and feeling betrayed. Him....saying, "but you are my wife". WTH? I am devastated. Believing I can trust him to love, honor & protect me. Not violate me in an unconscious state and then make an excuse for it and continuing though I have expressly and repeatedly told him DO NOT touch me sexually while I am sleeping. To add insult to injury, he has told two of "our" friends in an inappropriately joking manner. They just looked at him with no reply. I was freaking LIVID. Then just tonight, he did it again. Laughing it off to someone right in front of me. So not only does he not see it for what it really is "Rape" (non-consensual sex) but apparently he finds some degree of humor in it. I am disgusted. I am ashamed. I have no one to talk to. I feel myself shutting down. Help!

Have you thought of talking to someone at a rape crisis centre? Any conversations you have will be kept confidential, and you will stay in control of what you want to do about this. Just knowing that you have sought some outside help might be enough to convince your husband that what he is doing is wrong, and can be seen as an assault on you, rather than love-making. He seems to be living in the past and taking the view that you are his property to be used as he sees fit. Sky

Sky, Thank you for your reply. Talking to someone at a rape crisis center has crossed my mind. I think until recently, I have tried to deal with it internally, hoping it would stop. I have been very direct about the issue, told him I was not property and that he did not own my body. Even going to far as to tell him that his actions are considered rape, not just by me....but by law. I am confident he either doesn't see it for what it is and how it affects me....or he simply doesn't care. Neither are acceptable. I will look into rape crisis counseling. Though I must admit that I feel so ashamed. There is a stigma with this that I am not sure I am ready to face. That....or the hard decisions that will follow.