Heartbroken by a man who I cannot get over

First of all let me give you a few past details so you understand this, I was married to father of my two kids in 2004 then after a lot of problems and his drinking led to more problems I divorced him. We were together for 13 years before we married. In 2008 we were divorced. In 2007 I had started a new job and by end of that year I had started being just friends with a man. He was going thru his divorce. He would advise me to try to work it out if I could cuz divorce was painful. At that time I had eyes on him and after a year and after divorce I developed strong feelings for him but never told him till it was too late, he got with a coworker and she knew how I felt about him and so it ripped me inside knowing she would go after him before I had a chance to tell him. Well I started to email him and he would respond every time. He started telling me things about her that she was a witch and had a different side nobody at work sees. I would tell him mine and eventually told him my feelings for him. Well a year ago in August he told me him and his girl was splitting and she was moving out. He took me out to coast where we had a nice time and I finally got to show him my love and I was in heaven. Then we were still trying to hide this from her until she moved out when all of a sudden he tells me she begged him to stay cuz she could not afford to live on own. It was silent between us for months when I finally emailed him and said I missed our chats and him. I did make a mistake cuz I was so hurt I went back to ex. We are still together my ex and I but I cannot get over the feelings I have had for all these years for the other man. After I emailed the other man he said he missed me and our chats too then later turned to say the opposite and hurt my heart. We have never spoke for months now and when we see each other every now and then at work he never acts like he knew me. This hurts to me. I wish I could get him to at least talk or communicate with me, why or how can a man tell you soapy beautiful things like, I am a jewel, he has feelings for both of us, and then turn it off just like that? I think of him night and day and try to forget him but cannot even being with my ex. I hate living a lie and not being able to get him out of my mind and I hurt soo bad cuz he cannot just tell me straight up an answer to if he hates me or why he is silent. Just want him to tell me off if that is how he feels so I can move on even if it hurts real bad. Men need to think about how it affects us, maybe they can turn on and off their feelings but we cannot and I hate it!!! What should I do he will not return any emails and do not know any other way to communicate with him and afraid too. Help :(