Roommate issues

Hi. Need some objective advice. A year ago I moved in with a male friend (I am female) of mine who I had known for 6 months prior. He is 38 and I am almost 37. It has been the perfect situation so far, we converted the DR into a LR so we each could have our own (it is a small Boston apt). He has two dogs I love and love me and I care for when he is working late or away. Two weeks ago he met a girl. Their first date was on a Friday night at our apt and it lasted until Monday morning. Last weekend was the same. Last night I asked my roommate if they were planning on spending any time at her apartment or if the plan was to spend weekend at ours. He said ours. I asked him why he couldn't alternate between their places and he said because she has a roommate and he doesn't know how he would feel about bringing two dogs over. Plus, he likes being at his own place with his kitchen (he loves to cook) and big screen tv. I told him that if this was the plan, her living here on weekends while they are dating, I had a problem with this. He couldn't understand why. In his opinion, since we have seperate LRs, they are not in my way at all. I explained that I signed up to live with a roommate I knew well and got along with, not a roommate and his PT live-in GF. He cannot understand why I could possibly object to her spending weekends there. All I have asked is that they alternate weekends between her place and ours. He doesn't feel like he should have to do this as "this is my apartment and if I want to have my girlfriend over on weekends, I should be able to do whatever I want." I explained, yes, you can. However, I live here too, and if this is going to be the situation, (and he is not willing to alternate) I need to come up with an alternative. He thinks I am being totally unreasonable since he feels her living there on weekends doesn't affect me at all. Am I being unreasonable?

In a way you are. If you wanted to bring a friend over every weekend, you wouldn't want him getting mad right? You would want him to not care, & just let you two be alone. And that's all he wants. I also see your point of view though. You don't want someone there on your days off of work. But you have to live with it, or find another roommate. But this will just happen again if you choose a male. & this is totally out there, but do you think your a little jealous that he found a girlfriend? That tends to happen between a girl and boy roommate

Actually, I do have a BF, for far longer than he has been with this girl, we just take things at a slower pace. We go out, I occasionally spend a night at his place, but I don't shack up for the weekend out of respect for HIS roommate. And yes, I think I am justified in having an unexpected, unwanted, and non-paying 3rd roommate for 30% of the week (the part that I am off work and home the most) when I pay 1/2 of the rent, bills, groceries, liquor, and cable and had an agreement with RM that he cooks and I do dishes. Now he cooks for them and if there is any left over, I get to have some (same with liquor) and still have to do the dishes, and I pay 1/2 of the cable including pay-per-view, his NFL Red Zone & Sports package, & Playboy, none of which I want or use. Again, I agreed to move in with my friend, not him and a PT GF. I’m moving out and he can try paying his bills (plus entertainment for her) on his own.... And all of this could have been avoided if he would have just agreed to alternate weekends at her place.....

Then I think it is best for you to move out. It will be better in the long run. Or you could just give it time and see if they actually last. But it's all on you. I would just move out to avoid the situation. You have already warned him