Boyfriends interests bother me

My boyfriend of 8 mos just moved in a month ago. He is a web developer and a budding cinematographer and photographer, mainly landscapes, wildlife, assorted racing. His communities on Google and his cinematography work sometimes contain photos of women, beautiful women, tattooed women, nudes, etc. Although I'm not head over heels in love with the guy, I do care about him and want for a mutual fidelity to the relationship, for some reason this has been really bugging me and now I find that I am feeling insecure about my own looks, etc. We have talked and argued some over this and he has assured me that in his 10+ years of being in the field he has had many chances and never taken any, his morals are much higher than that. That he cares deeply and wants to be with me. Though in his spare time he is looking at his community photos. He will take commercial work that includes women (no porn, etc) but in today's advertising the scantier the better. I'm have a really stupid time dealing with it, I do feel low, insecure, angry. He says he loves me but I'm not feeling it. I do believe he is honorable and simply likes tattoos or mountain biking but so many posts include sexy women, etc. I'm fit, trim and vibrant for 47 yrs young and I dont like feeling this way at all. Can anyone help?! I'll take anything!

Hi, sometimes I wonder how things worked in the good old times when men did not have access to so many images of 'perfect' flesh. It makes me feel nostalgic. My partner also has stuff going on in the internet that really troubles me. So my heart goes out to you and my anger at the notion how normal it has become to gaze and fantasize on visual, erotic images of other women. I think it is abusive to be confronted with Other women, even if they are in the man's head only. This is a real challenge to women today. We really need to learn to love ourselves the way we are and teach our partners that real life love is the real spark. The other stuff has addiction type 'fullfillment'. Another issue struck me in your post: you say that you or not 'head over heels in love'. So some spark is missing there for you as well. There seems to be work for the both of you: he should stop with the sexy women posts because they hurt you and also dammage him. For you there might be work around clarifying to yourself how much love you have for him. He sounds like a sensitive, artistic man. Maybe you need a trantra weekend together?

Thank you so much Fidelia! You bring to light some very clear points. I appreciate the validation of my feelings about this internet crap and also wish for those simpler times before it all. I do have feeling for him but have not allowed my guard down for these reasons and of course past hurts that I am working on letting go. I will look into the tantra as I have been interested in what I've heard about it. Please feel free to share any of your experience in how you are dealing with your partner's internet stuff. I am so thankful for a kindred spirit and your time in responding.

Hi I am a 34 year old girl/lady Most of us feel insecure, natural I believe. However I am the one who is likening such posts on the face book pages, I love tattoos, pretty women and hot men I have many issues which affect my feelings towards those issues. I have had a negative response from family about liking and making comments on that's posts. I'm not sure if you would consider seeing how he feels when you like hot men, inked men, he may too show insecurity and you may reach mutual ground. Just an idea. I have been very insecure. When my now husband lived with all his mates, there were porn mags all over the bathroom, I then found them in his room I have evidence he watches porn without me, when I'm in bed. Since then, my mum died, gave me a very different view. Anyway always here for you!!! Angel cake