Female commitment phobes, I need some input

i am a male of 28, recently got out of a 2.5 year controlled relationship, so i was delighted when a friend of mine showed interest. ive known her for around 6 years and we have always kept in contact and always got on. she was also there to support me when the ex threatened suicide because i insisted on a "break". Anyway, about me, i will do anything for anyone, as long as i am respected and appreciated, otherwise i turn the opposite way and become selfish and closed. ( i am no door mat ). My friend is kind, frindly, a heart of gold, and it only became known to me recently, a complete commitment phobe!!!! She has a very hectic lifestyle, always busy, and it was a rite challenge trying to arrange meeting up, i had to do all the leg work, but we still managed several dates, about the only thing i did knowingly wrong on a date was i asked her to be with me, which is when i first heard of her commitment phobia, which afterward i didn't corner her in any way. It was going really well,even after this slip up, the conversation was heating up, pictures passed across, and she asked when i could spend the nite with her. She gave a date to ask if i were free, and i had to pull a few strings ( me doing the leg work again ), arranged a hotel etc, and all was good, ................................. between the dates we kept in touch by messaging, i am part of the armed forces and her busy lifestyle, and all was going well, flirty messages, pictures, ideas, fantasies, etc, up until the evening before our arranged date......................................she told me she had something to say, that she couldn't do this ( a relationship ) and apologised if she had led me on, apparently trying to make it work in her head and changing the way she feels, but she couldn't......................with no real warning after that very morning, flirting and sending pictures (tasteful), to saying that...........i am so confused and frustrated, its almost made me cling for answers and explinations, and its pushing her further away!! any input is helpful because i feel like ive pushed someone very special to me, away, with no chance in recovery.

If you still want to have her in your life then just tell her. Okay, I understand. Can we go back to being friends again then? And maybe she will allow it. But with her phobia. You have to realize she will always be scared of commitment and go back & forth between wanting you and not wanting you. So be there for her through her hard times in life, that will give you a better chance of her trusting you.