Ex vs ex?

Ok, here's the thing. Back in June, I was dating my boyfriend of almost 2 years. One weekend I went up to my dad's house and as I was there, my ex contacted me online and told me that he was going to basic in a couple of weeks. I made plans to see him that weekend and I asked my boyfriend if I could go see him, his reply was "yea, you can but I don't like it." I went over to his house anyway and we were alone in his bedroom. He told me that he loved me and I told him that I loved him as well. We started kissing and he held me the way that I want to be held, and had never been held like that before. I knew in the back of my mind that what I was doing was wrong, but at that moment I didn't care. I wanted him and needed him. The next day I spent most of the day over there and we did the same things again. Only kissing and holding each other, but he made me feel like he needed me in his life and that he didn't want to ever let me go, he told me that as well. Well, I was going home the next day and when I got home, my boyfriend met me at my house and spent the night. He could tell that something was wrong but I really didn't want to say what it was. Ethan (my ex) texted me saying that he loved and missed me and that he needs me in his life. I started crying and Hunter (my bf) asked what was wrong. I told him all about it and somehow he wasn't mad, just really upset with me. I thought I wanted Hunter forever and I texted Ethan back and told him that I did love him and that I was glad we did what we did but I think that I want Hunter in my life forever. He texted back and was really pissed off saying that all that he was to me was an option and that he still loved me and didn't know why he couldn't just have me. I was laying in bed with Hunter crying my eyes out because everything Ethan texted me, hurt me. Hunter held me and said every time I cried too much, I should kiss him to calm down. I did every time. Ethan was being really mean at that time and all that I could tell him was that I was sorry for what I did to him. After a couple of weeks, I got really distant from my family and Hunter. I thought that I wanted Hunter, but yet on the other hand, I didn't want to hurt Ethan. Hunter took me on a drive one night and I admitted to him that I knew he had a ring and was going to propose to me within the next couple of weeks. I asked him not to because I didn't want to hurt him if I was just going to break up with him later. I broke up with him a couple of weeks later because I could see that I was hurting him. I went into a deep state of depression and didn't talk or eat for days at a time. All of this time I had been writing Ethan back and forth from basic and he said that he still loved me and that I hurt him but he didn't care, he just wanted to be with me. He told me that his first love, turned out to be his best love, and the one that he never wants to lose. He loves me more than words can say, I know this much. But, in the meantime, I've actually became friends with benefits with Hunter because I didn't want to let him go. He's fine with this because he said that he never wants to lose me completely. Ethan wanted to date me again, so I told him yes, but I know I'm not good at long distance relationships so I don't know how long this will last. I told Hunter that we should date other people but if he wanted to, still be friends with benefits. Which we are at the moment. I'm dating Ethan and I told him I still have strong feelings for Hunter and I don't know when they're going to go away and he said it's fine as long as I'm his for now. I don't want to hurt either one of them. I know someone is going to end up being really hurt in the end either way. I kind of hope that it's just me that gets hurt. I can handle the pain that I cause on myself. I would just like some helpful advice. I'm really sorry that this was an essay to read, I just really need help deciding what I should do. I'm going crazy figuring this out by myself. Both of them want me but I don't know which one I would be happier with.

I'm sure both relationships would be great! & I think that's why you're having such a hard time choosing. Ethan would be a long distant relationship, but hunter is there with you now. Think about it in the long run do you think you will be able to handle a long distant relationship with Ethan? If you really love him how much you say you do & you will be okay with no physical contact for awhile at a time. But if you think you can't do that, then choose hunter. But you need to decide. It sounds like you have two really amazing guys and its not fair to have them both like that, one is bound to get really hurt an you will loose them forever