Just lost, mad and so depressed

I'm 12-15 years old. Last Friday this girl that I hate was happy. She was smiling. She was having fun.she skipped class. She was finally talking to her crush. I got mad, jealous . I'm a kinda religious . I'm a Muslim . When I looked at myself In the mirror and asked myself what the fuck am I doing with my life . I'm 13 honestly. I'm just a gamer that is just useless . I'm not attractive . My sister said I looked like a hipster but she was just joking but I really did look like one. I'm just fucking mad. Why is she happy not me . She and her twin sister are bitches. They keep calling me names and my twin brother gay infront of me. I thought that they said they will have to pay back for their mistake in religion but its just not happening . I have never done anything bad to them. I have been bullied since last time I was a kid. I play games cause it helps me forget them. I asked myself why can't I be like her. I just wanna smile . It's so hard to remember the last time I smilled since she threw a water bottle at me and screamed at me and called me and idiot. I know I'm and idiot cause I'm doing like c or b in my exam and she is always getting better then me. I'm just like why must she and her sistet call name to me and my brother. Why the fuck me. Their are many others. I just keep my mouth shut just cause I'm not good at arguments . Sometimes I just feel like sailing or running away. I know how to sail and fish . But I prefer sailing then running cause I like the ocean. It's calm, your always alone and it's gives time for you to think. I'm just lost at what to do. My friends think I'm fine but I'm just hiding it. I'm just lost now. Please help me. I'm crying sometimes and struggling to not bash her and her sister head on the wall. I noticed I started getting angry faster, can't sleep, always turning left and right at my bed. I took a test that shows how depressed I am. I got a pretty high score. I'm just lost and depressed cause this is my first time dealing with a problem like this and she is the first bitch I met.there were no bitches in my previous school witch was a government school. I went to private school at 13 and lost contacts with all my friend in the previous school. So I couldn't talk to anyone.i asked my older brother how to deal with a bitch like her he said to ignore her but it won't work cause she always call my brother gay infront of me. And I just feel like killing her. Please help me before Ioose my mind.

Dear Alonegamer, Thank you for being open and sharing. I hope my words can help you... Being bullied sucks. Many people (for the most part) bully others to feel better about themselves. Her believing that she is making you feel bad or embarrassed is helping her self esteem in a sadistic way. I know you don't want to fight or argue back with her but NEVER let her feel as though she has any right to touch you physically. She has crossed a line assaulting you- even if it was with a water bottle. Yes, words can cut deep, but they are just WORDS. They only have meaning and power if you let them. I went through a similar situation myself. It really isn't easy. The girl hassled me just the same. About my grades, clothes and hair. In fact, she even had a couple of other students give me a hard time as well, especially one that I thought was a friend. One day, the boy who hung out with them decided to come behind me and smack me on the back of the head. I lost it Alonegamer... I actually went after him. Everyone could tell I was angry. He ran around the desks trying to stay away from me, but also, wanting to continue taunting me. I thought he wanted me to fight- I thought they all did because I rarely showed my emotions. They did want to get a rise out of me, I realized they didn't really want to fight me but, wanted to get a reaction out of me. I did give them what they wanted in a sense. I never did fight any of them but, I did convey to them that they may say whatever they want but NO ONE- would lay a hand on me. That is the ultimate show of disrespect to me. You do need to stand up for yourself- perhaps call a meeting with a teacher. Tell them that you know she doesn't like you, so why does she continue to talk to you? Why is she so obsessed with you? Yes, saying this may piss her off but- its the truth. Why does she care so much about what you do? Who you hang out with and what you wear or say is none of her business. If this is a private school you attend they should be even more diligent in stopping bullying. Public school- sometimes your just on your own and may not get the help you need. There is nothing wrong with you! She is the one comparing herself to you! She is the one who needs to feel better about herself. Stop downing yourself and listening to the lies she tells. She is a hater... She may not like being called that and may become angry with you, but remind her if she cares so less about you, then she should leave you alone. Good luck, and I hope things turn out for the better for you!