I discovered I am gay or bi

I have had many girlfriends but somewhere deep down always had some sort of an attraction to guys. I met a guy 1 year ago and we have become friends. I could tell he was gay but I do not show any signs of that. Eventually we spoke about that topic and I eventually initiated touch and we ended up having sexual activity many times over the last 8 months. We became very close and we both seem to be afraid of it all. He is much younger than I. He says he wants to be free, meet other guys, etc... and does not want any committed relationship with me or anyone and we decided that we would not fool around any more because it only made us start to be come more attached again. This does not last long because we end up fooling around again. Here is the issue: I feel very attached and maybe even in love with him and I know he has feelings for me but still says it cannot happen between us. I feel like I am waiting for a train that will never come. I feel like even though our ages are different, ( I am 50 and he is 26) that maybe there is something there and if we do not try, then we will never know. I hate that he has been with others over the last 6 months but at least glad that he has been honest with me in every way. Why can't I just let it go?

his intentions are not clear with you,you need to ask him about this.does he want to be with you or is just fooling around