Men

I love my boyfriend but a few nights ago he went out partying with his friends which is fine by me i do the same but the next day i went to his flat by surprise to see him and as i walked in he was sat in bed talking to a girl who was wearing his top with nothing else on so i thought of the worst and beat them both up, he denied everything and cried his eyes out. Later that day a guy who stayed on the sofa that night rang me and said he was sleeping with that girl who i hit but then after he did "the deed" he told her to go home so she got in my boyfriends bed to talk and she was really upset apparently, my boyfriend or should i say ex is swearing on his families life that he did not touch her in a sexual way and is now trying to overdose because i will not forgive him also im getting in trouble for assault for hitting them both. What makes it harder is that we went through an abortion together which kills me everyday he wanted to keep it and i wasnt ready and now i feel like im being punished. Have i got the wrong end of the stick or am i just getting lied too? HELP ME PLEASE we was together for a long time and had a very loving relationship but now i feel worthless

Hi Fern, I am so sorry that you are in this situation. I think you are not worthless at all. It is very brave and responsible of you to ask for help with this situation. I also think that it is completely fair to feel hurt and overwhelmed by this. It seems that you have experienced misfortune and despair. Regarding the assault, I think that you are only human and it is human nature to become angry and emotional when you are hurt or betrayed. Regarding the abortion, you know what choice you had to make for yourself, and it must have been so incredibly difficult but you did the right thing and it was not your fault. He has to forgive you and move on from that because it is not fair for you to feel punished. Now about your boyfriend, unfortunately the evidence overwhelmingly indicates that he did cheat. And even if he did not have sex with this woman, having her in his bed wearing his clothing and being partially naked is very disrespectful to you as his partner and you have every right to be upset. Sometimes when people have done something wrong they deny it very emphatically. The most important thing here is to really consider your own feelings and what is best for you. You two have been together for a long time and have a very loving relationship -- has he ever cheated in the past? Have you two been having any problems out of the ordinary recently? Perhaps you could try sitting down with him and explaining that if you two are going to work this out, honesty is the first step. Trust is knowing that nothing is hidden, so even if he cheated, if he is honest about it maybe you both can work on the relationship and rebuild it. He has to understand how badly he hurt you and he must make a commitment to you not to do it again. If there was anything else that could have contributed to the cheating (has something been bothering either of you lately), then you must address that also. He cannot hold overdosing or harming himself over your head for not forgiving him. He chose to act in a way that would hurt you and cause problems, he is at fault here, not you. I know you care about him deeply, but it isn't fair for him to coerce you into staying with him if you aren't ready. The main issue here is, are you ok? Feeling worthless is so horrible and sad. I totally understand. I think it's probably best to take some time to think about things. Explain to your boyfriend that you aren't just dumping him but you need some time. Then when you're ready, ask him to be honest and say it's necessary in order to move forward. If he still denies cheating perhaps you should break up with him (if that is what you want). If he admits it, maybe ask why he did it, if it happened more than once, does he think it could happen again. If you are satisfied with his answers then maybe you can agree to stay together but from now on be very honest with each other so you can rebuild trust. It is very important though if you two are going to work things out, that he admit he did something wrong and apologize to you. Going back to the assault, is there any way you could contact the other woman and apologize so that she does not press charges? That might be difficult but it could protect you, which is the most important thing. Good luck with this situation. It sounds awful and I am so sorry that you have to deal with it. You deserve better than this. There is still a possibility that you and your boyfriend could work things out. Just make sure you really look out for yourself and do what will make you feel good. Just based on the stuff you said in your post, I think you are a good person.