Touchy feely

I have been involved with someone for about 6 months whom I’ve known for about 25 years. We began to see one another earlier this year and both seem quite happy. We are both mutually attracted to each other and the chemistry certainly seems strong. An issue that I’ve been dealing with her though is that she is very affectionate and likes to touch and to be touched which is fine … up to a point. She likes to touch me “down there” while watching TV or driving in the car and says it is just innocent touching. I find it frustrating especially since she says she doesn’t mean anything by it. I’m no prude but I don’t think many people (of either gender) can be touched/caressed there and not have a sexual response and not feel a tremendous sense of frustration and feelings of being manipulated when the other partner says they weren’t initiating anything. I hate the feelings of guilt that inevitably enter the dynamic between us when she says she was simply and innocently touching me and meant nothing more. Am I wrong to feel this way or does she have a point and I need to not associate my responsiveness with her touch??

This girl is playing with you - no one is that innocent. She likes to get a reaction out of you, while she doesn't have to go any further by pretending to be innocent. It's a power thing really. You have to lay things out emphatically that if she touches your private parts, to you it means she wants to have sex and that if she does it again, you will expect her to respond in kind. Make it plain that that sort of behaviour is a tease if she doesn't want sex and that you don't want her to do it unless she is serious about having intimate relations.