Dazed and confused

Ive been with my boyfriend now for almost a year. Recently weve been arguing a bit but even more recently we have been working on things and they've been getting better. I never ever planned or though what i would do last weekend were even possible. I was with a friend i hadn't seen in a long time, there was lots of alcohol involved and as were both experimental it was also my first time on psychedelic drugs. I ended up meeting a guy, someone i had a lot in common with and we were up until the sun rose just talking. He asked me (also having a gf) if i wanted to catch a few winks before my voyage home and i did, which unfortunately lead to me cheating. The problem is, me and this guy both agreed wed never met anyone we hit things off with so well before and i admit to not wanting to leave after the deed was done, i still could have stayed and talked to him forever. But i left knowing id have to face the music with my boyfriend and having never been a cheater before i was scared. I started to freak out and when i left the guys house i knew he felt bad and didnt necessarily leave things on a good note but thats exactly the point. I dont know why i even care, he hasnt tried to contact me (he told me i could message him but understood if i didnt) when i should be focusing on how to fix my relationship. Ive been going through so much the past few days, coming off the insane high i was riding and deciding how to deal with this all. Of course the guilt is eating me alive, made even worse because i cant stop thinking about HIM. he was everything my boyfriend isnt, wreckless, careless and built like a greek god. My boyfriend is patient and thoughtful and theres always been so much more than just a physical attraction between us. I feel like ive gone through a sexual awakening and i dont know if its all just in my head from the drugs making it seem so much more potent than it was. I dont want to have to think about him anymore, i want to make my relationship with my boyfriend work but at 21 i just dont have enough life experience to know what this all means. I cant imagine throwing away what i have with my boyfriend for someone who could have been making up our whole connection for all i know, but i miss him. I miss this stranger who is wrong for me in every way and i dont know how to get over my mistake or this new lust.

You probably liked him so much because the rough patch with your bf put you off a little. You have only just met the stranger, and if you got to know him more, you could think he is awful, so if i were you i would stay with your bf to be on the safe side, forget about the stranger, or, admit to your bf about what you did. If it doesnt work out with your bf after admitting it, you could go to the stranger, and try it with him. Like you said, youre only 21, and have ages left before you might find Mr. Perfect :-)