He doesn't want me

hello everyone this is my first ever post so go easy on me. ive been with my partner for 11 years on/off we have 3 children together, for the past 4 years we have had no real problems other than after I come out after having our 2nd child I found a porn dvd hidden in our bedroom....right ok I understand a lot of people watch porn and it doesn't cause a lot of problems but for me it does I was attacked and porn reminds me of what happened to me my partner knows this and has said he would never watch it, so when I found this hidden porn dvd I went mad I had just had his baby ffs and he done this to me he told me it would never happen again and he understands how hurt I must of been. so everything went on and things were good we had another child together ( I don't know how we have had three children as we never have sex) then another. so to get to now 2 months ago I was at home with my now 2 year old in bed having a nap when I think ill clear the laptop up and clear google history so it runs better BIG MISTAKE I find 1000s of porn sites dates and times how many times the sites were looked at what vids were viewed OMG I was in bits so I called him hands shaking after me telling him opening up and telling him what happened why I felt this way.....how could he do it want to hurt me so much carry on regardless of what happened to me. he answer was yes im sorry ive been doing it for 5 years now.......so we talk I tell him im going to try to forgive and forget but my problem is I cant trust him he lied how do I know hes gonna stop now....we never have sex cuddle kiss (I get pushed away) I feel worthless ugly and have no confidence in how I look....so what do I do now please someone help me.....thank you

well,i can understand about the porn..but try not to live in the past.are be cold.maybe you will have a better sex life if let him see it and you two have sex together.see for a man it,s a lesser thing then cheating.i can say this from experience.,years ago my self i was raped.and i,m a man,and i,m not gay