My wife has changed after swinging
My wife and i are 27 and have been married for 5 years and together for 8. When we got married after a few months a found myself looking at swinging sites and open relationship forums etc. it had always fascinated me, from a teenager onwards. Me and my wife had always had a great sex life and one night during sex i asked her would she ever do swinging with me and she out right said no. A few months went by and i asked her again and she said no, and several other times she said no. Then two years ago i asked her and she said she'd come along the once if i really wanted her to, and i panicked a bit and didnt know what to say. So i researched local swingers parties and we found one close by and a week later we went along, both nervous. We met an older couple there, both 55, and and my wife got chatting and my wife seemed to ease up a little and as the night progressed we all made our way to a room and had some fun. After that night we didnt really speak about it, and then a month later my wife asked me if we could go again, which shocked me. I agreed to it and we again met that couple there and he flirted like mad with my wife and vice versa and again by the end of the night things had progressed with me and the woman and my wife and him. After this time my wife did mention it and said she'd like to go on a regular basis and she was enjoying it. The third time we went this couple were there and as we all went to a room my wife and him were all over each other and about an hour into the four of us being in the room his wife had fallen asleep drunk and my wife asked if her and this guy could go for a short walk. I didnt want to cause an argument with her so i said yeah fine and off they went. I fell asleep in the chair and then walk up four hours later to no sign of her. I went looking for her and couldnt find her and she wasnt answering her phone and another couple at the party told me she had gone to a local hotel with the guy so they could have some private time. She came back at 8am with him. At home we had a screaming match and she told me she didnt think she'd done anything wrong and she'd had a bit to drink and there was no place for them to sit and talk so they booked into a hotel, and when pushed by me admitted she;d had sex several times with him in the hotel. I told her we werent going to the parties anymore. The sex between us became less and less and a month later she told me she'd been shopping with this guys wife and she'd treated my wife to loads of new expensive clothes and she started hanging out with this woman weekly. In November i went away with work for three weeks, pre planned for months, and i hardly heard from her during my time away. When i got home she'd had a complete new hair style, was dripping in jewelery and was driving a new car; all of which she was vague on and was very distant towards me. Again, there was no sex. Then last month i found a box hidden in the house with god knows how much thousands of pounds of diamonds and other jewelery in it and she confessed this guy had bought it her on shopping trips whilst i was away working; she then admitted she'd slept with him daily in his house with his wife fully supportive as they no longer have sex. I was heartbroken and she said i was very open minded and always wanted us to try swinging so why was i bothered? Since then she's distant and off with me and she's changed so much. I asked her over Christmas what she really wanted to be happy and she said to see him on a regular basis, with her occasionally having sex with me. Why has she changed so much?
We reap what we sow....when it comes to swingers, we really need to be really mature to be able to cope with the fallout.
So what if your 'wife' disappeared with someone else for a few hours...hello???!!!
If you cant handle the heat... then get the hell of the kitchen.
Bro..you wanted this, so harden the f**K up and cop it on the chin....
you opened pandoras box when you took her swinging. she met a much older man that she immediately had a sexual connection with and she only wanted to go to further parties to have more sex with him.
feelings obviously developed and when you wen away working she took that chance to have sex every day with him. that was her giving herself to him and commiting sexually.
shes replaced you with him as her sexual partner, shes told you that. what are you going to do???"""
Hello SteveW - Wow! Talk about unintended consequences! What did you expect? How are the both of you handling the situation? Do you have children? I wish you all the best. Let us know how you are doing?
I think you had done a mistake. you both were immature . now you must talk to her that you don't like her to be with that guy. and make her realize that she is loosing you.
Rules of swinging, agreed to what both of you will do before entering into the situation. My wife and I have been swinging for 5 years now with great results. We do have our MFMF, MFM, and the very rare FMF. The rules are simple - we have boundaries that each of us abide by such as we ONLY play in the same room on a big king size bed, contact is made via email or a share text number, etc.
Once you let your other half do whatever she wanted, there is probably no stopping her now.
It is unfortunate that swinging is basically ending your marriage and the main reason is your wife was never satisfy in the relationship. Swinging does not mean that you are not satisfy in a relationship but rather you both are enjoying your sexuality with each other being there with no secrets. If done right/both of you want it, it actually makes your relationship so much stronger.
It has been ours awesome.
The best of luck to you and we do hope that it is better now.
You half-heartedly nagged for swinging (for sensationalism reasons) but what you DIDN'T ask for was for adultery. So, no, you DIDN'T ask for and get what you deserved.
Swinging is a bit like Communism. Great as an ideal, frequently sh*t in practise. The reason? HUMAN BEINGS!
Sod the lead-up details in terms of how it came about, the fact is your wife is having a full-on emotional and physical affair and throwing the fact you were the one proposed swinging back in your face as if it somehow justifies her having used it as a springboard to enter into a completely different, wholly unacceptable kettle of fish.
This man and his doormat accomplice were PREDATORS, themselves using swinging gatherings for their 'respectable' front as they mercinarily trawled the greenest members for mistress fodder. Your wife is now a prostitute. And you've just seen one of her truer colours: selfish, exploitative, materialistic and greedy. She and he are clearly well suited.
Sincere ultimatum time: me and our marriage or him, 24 hours to choose. Who that is in-love and values their life with their supposed soulmate needs any longer than that? Frankly, who needs more than 5 nanoseconds! Take hesitation or delay tactics as an answer in the negative (in which case get thy arse to a family law solicitor toute suite). And don't cry for longer than necessary if that indeed turns out to be the case, just - trust me on this! - thank your lucky stars that something and someone (as could have been absolutely anything) posed as a catalyst in bringing what secretly had always lain beneath to a finally visible head as has saved you from being let-down and abandoned in another however many years or decades from today (when it would REALLY hurt). And then thank them again HARDER when, following your recovery period, you cross paths with your TRUE soulmate and live happily ever after.
Don't blame swinging, don't blame adultering or predatory basstuds - I saw a dropped cream-cake on the pavement yesterday and, did anyone pick it up and eat it? NAO! Things are just OUTSIDE TOOLS AND MECHANISMS, the cause comes from within.
this is went wrong by her. the swinging might means "sharing sexual moments" not "having another relationship with other men". so your wife took it very wrong.
you need to set with her and decide whether she'll stop or no, and for that went wrong. if she said mo then leave her.
Sorry to here what you went and are going through.... You were very breif on how you and your wife got into swinging, but I know from experience you have to communicate before and after any swinging experience and the one rule we made was ... If any of us is not OK with something it should be talked about as soon as possible. So I think your first mistake was contininuing to push the lifestyle on someone who wasn't into it. This may have led her to believe that she was enough. The second was letting her go for a walk when you obviously weren't ok with it. Finally you have no mention of any rules that the two of you set before getting into the lifestyle, this is crucial and should be reviewed regularily.
The biggest area that could have been dealt with better was getting into swinging is about both of you and the way you pressed the issue when she clearly said "NO" several times is probably where she may have got it in her head that she wasn't good enough for you. Within my relationship with my SO we have a rule every night/experience ends together.
It sounds like you are in a situation of either accept it or walk away, it doesn't sound like she is willing to change back.
I probably wouldn't ever do the swinging thing. Just not my cup of tea.
I think that people who do do it, they apparently have "rules" in place for it. But happens if one spouses starts to actually fall in love with someone else. There is always a risk that that might happen.
Best of luck to the OP.
You know what you have to do! Deep inside you is the voice telling you how to end it! Listen to that voice and end them both!
You opens the box and now you have lost control and the only way to gain it back is to put a stop to them both final!
(AngryHusband, I'm afraid you're a year overdue (look up ;-)).
************************************************* Thread Now Obsolete (by order of Der Moderator) ***********************************************