How to start saying I love you again....

I want to try to keep this as short and sweet as possible . It's my first time on a forum of any kind and I'm kind of unsure about it. Long story short I have recently realized I suffer from sexual and intimacy anorexia. Basically I am uncomfortable with both and avoid them at all cost. Part of this has lead me to not saying I love you in any manner to my boyfriend of 3 years, even when he still says it like a normal person would. I literally just say ok, or thanks. When I talk to friends or family about him I can easily express how much of an amazing one of a kind man he is and how perfect he is to and for me. I literally am the reason he breathes and I know he's absolutely dying inside with the way I can't bring myself to reciprocate the feelings. I want to. Bottom line, I almost left him due to how miserable I feel and how he must feel the same but he refused to give up on me which made me feel deep down that this is absolutely something I will never forgive myself for not correcting. He and I had a long discussion on a first step I could take to fix our problems and we decided I need to convince myself it's ok to tell him how I feel , and start saying and showing it but first just the saying it. Thinking about it throws me into an anxiety attack. I even thought about trying to write him a letter but the fact that I know he will be reading it kind of defeats the purpose for me because I'm so uncomfortable. Has anyone ever had this problem and if so how can I start fixing it? I want to treat him how he deserves and I want to feel that happiness again I just don't know how to start.

Freyja, the one person you need the most is your BF of 3 years. You are both genuine people, so the next thing you need is professional counseling and assistance to help you overcome your condition. If you state you have the want/need to treat your BF how he deserves and you want to be happy then the best place to start is with professional guidance. All the best. ,

Dear Freyja, You have a good relationship with your boyfriend; that is something to be happy about. Your unwillingness to say "I love you" is not that big of a tragedy. You should not beat yourself up or dump your boyfriend ("because he deserves someone better!") over it. Your boyfriends deserves your love, yes. He doesn't necessarily deserve you saying it if saying it makes you uncomfortable. People say "I love you" to show love, but there's more than one way to show love. Find a way to show your boyfriend love by other ways that you find comfortable with. Make him breakfast sometimes? Take him out to a movie? Weave him a scarf? Save up money for you two to go on a romantic cruise? Find something that you don't object to. There's got to be something you can do and don't mind doing for him. There's more than one way to skin the cat. The point isn't necessarily saying the right words; the point is to show love. Talk is cheap. The Western culture is big on saying "I love you," but many other cultures don't say it at all. They show love by action, not words. You can go seek professional help, but that may or may not help. The best thing to do is to accept yourself and work around your weaknesses. Good luck! Dr. Shamp