I don't know how he sees us

I MASSIVELY apologize for this essay, but I want everyone to know the situation from the beginning. I met the guy I'm currently with just shy of a year ago, he was my manager to begin with and I instantly liked him. in the space of about 10 months there was a lot of flirting to begin with, but then it got a bit more when he started to hug me and open up to me when he was down, I of course did the same. it carried on like that for ages. it took me months and months for me to finally tell him how I felt, we were due a refurbishment at work at the begging of November, so head office paid for a meal out for all the staff. that night is were things became clear that he liked me, I always had a suspicion but was never sure because he had a girlfriend. It was painfully obvious that he was unhappy with her, over heard conversations and every time she came in he looked miserable, but he was still with her, which is why I was never sure if he actually liked me or not. We all went to the meal and then went to a bar and we spent ages on one of the sofas just talking. Later we went to one of the nearby casinos. throughout the night he would just give me little squeezes on the waist or he'd give me a smile, but not in a lustful way, he did it at work all the time so it didn't faze me. he wanted to leave and so did i so we both got a taxi together. He had had a bit to drink but wasn't really drunk, just tipsy. whilst we were waiting for our taxi he pulled me towards him and gave me a massive hug, he kissed my neck and sighed. I asked him what was wrong to which he replied with "Nothing." I knew he was thinking about his girlfriend. We got in the taxi were we held hands and just talked and giggled a bit. the taxi dropped me off first and leaned into hug him and we were face to face, I wanted to kiss him so much but chickened out because as much as i wanted to, he still had a girlfriend, so i gave him a tight cuddle goodnight and got out the taxi. I text him to say goodnight and I just couldn't bare not saying ANYTHING, so I said. "Is it really bad I wanted to kiss you?" He said no and he wanted to do the same. I told him that I felt like a complete idiot and that I liked him, he said that he thought so but was never sure. he didn't reply for the rest of the night. I got a text the next day in the evening from him apologizing for not getting back to me, he said. "Hey, I'm sorry I didn't reply yesterday. You okay? I wanted to say that I like you too, but I need to sort things out. x" My first thought was that he needed to sort things out with his girlfriend. Which I completely understood. anyway it must've been a week later and he told me that he'd broken up with her but that he was going to Amsterdam with her and that he just wanted me to know, my heart instantly sank and I felt so uncomfortable. He came back and everything was as normal. It was the night before my birthday and it was just him and I working. Did my shift and we sat down and had a drink, he bought pizza and we chilled out he dropped a bomb shell on me and told me that he was moving to Bristol (an hours drive from where I am now) and it made me realize that even though I'd told him I liked him, nothing had changed between us, and that I didn't actually even know what he fully meant about 'sorting stuff out.' I didn't have the courage to ask him where I stood with him in person but he could tell something was bugging me. I just said it was another reason. I did the cowardly thing again and asked him over text. I asked him just to tell me where I stood, I said that I really like him and everything but was just confused over the whole situation. he replied. "Okay, Firstly I do like you, and seeing you sad today made me sad. I don't really know where I am at the moment. I need to properly sort myself out and my situation. I don't want to start something in the middle of the mess I'm in at the moment. I don't know if I'm gonna be here much longer. Basically as much as i don't want to say this, i don't want to mess you about, and I want to get my head straight before anything. I understand if this makes you mad at me, I don't expect you to wait about, and i'm sorry if I've strung you along. I'm not saying i wouldn't like for you to be here with me, but i don't want to mess you about." I told him that I understood and that I wasn't mad, and that I didn't want him to feel like he was being pushed into anything. Things were fine after that and I felt better, we stayed the same and I was ok with that. it was our big work Christmas ball and we were all there. later in the night he asked if i wanted to go for a wander before dinner, we went for a walk and as we were walking he just turned around and kissed me. it lasted for ages and he smiled afterwards. The rest of the night was amazing, it was in Manchester and we had to get a 5hr coach back, he sat next to me and we just cuddled and kissed until we fell asleep on each other. It got even better after that, about a week later was the first time I'd ever sent him a 'saucy' text, I was a bit scared at first because i was worried that it might just become all about sex after that, after work he walked me to my bus stop and waited with me. He looked really distracted. "You look like somethings bugging you, like you want to say something." I said, he said I want to invite you back to mine, but all i'm going to do is just sleep and I don't want to annoy you, I want to be able to give you my time. so I said id be ok with just sleep but if he felt unsure, we should leave it for another time. Long story short he text me when I got home and said he felt like a tool and that wished he'd pushed me more to stay because he felt alone when he could be cuddling me, I was obviously there in a shot. I got to his and we had sex for the first time. we stayed in bed and cuddled all day until early in the morning. this went on for a while, I'd stay round every weekend and it was great. It was about a month ago when things started to go a bit strange, he was being really distant and not himself. he stopped asking me round and was just really quiet. I saw him after a meeting at work and he was being really short with me, he was on shift and I was trying to get some of my online training done, I eventually gave up and rang a friend for advice as I was getting upset. When I ended the call he came over and asked me if I was ok. I said I was fine, he sat down next to me and told me he'd quit work and that he was moving. My heart sank and the tears came flooding in. he picked me up and took me outside. He held me tight and kept saying he was sorry and that he just hated being here and he couldn't do it anymore. I told him it was ok and that he had to do what made him happy. He held my face and looked at me, he looked awful, like he felt like he'd shot someone. I said. "So I guess this can't really continue if you're moving then?" He replied. "Well, it's only a 20 minute train journey, you can still come visit." He took me back inside and left me to sort myself out. I was going to meet a mate so I went downstairs to say goodbye. He asked me if I was angry with him, I just held him tight and said that I couldn't be, I kissed him on the forehead and said goodbye. I was working the next day and had my work smile on, he was in but he was so tired and he didn't really say much. the day after that we were both working, I asked him about stock and went to go get it, I was i the cellar getting the bottles and he opened the door and just squeezed me, and said "I feel like I haven't properly seen you since I upset you." we spoke and he finished and went home, he sent me the sweetest message with a picture of his bed saying that it felt kinda lonely without me. I went round straight away after work and stayed the night, and he just held me until we fell asleep. A few weeks ago I popped into work to wait for a colleague to go for coffee, he was working and looked miserable, I just gave him a smile and told him to cheer up and he just snapped at me saying that he'd been awake for 36 hours. (He'd had a fight with his flatmate in December so he was staying in hotels or on the work floor) I just said that I didn't know but he just stormed off, it really affected me as he'd NEVER snapped at me before, I left and he sent me a text apologizing saying that he shouldn't of snapped. I told him that it was ok and that I was here for him, things went back to normal again. The next day we were working together, he told me that in March he was going on a training course in Prague for a month to be a teacher, then he wanted to come back, but go to Hong Kong for 6 months! I just joked and asked how I was going to get cuddles, and he said the same thing like he said with Oxford, to go and visit. His last shift was the Saturday just gone and he stayed round mine that night and then I stayed with him Sunday night in a hotel, I didn't actually plan to stay, I was just walking with him and we got to his hotel and I asked if I was staying and he just answered, "I assumed you were." It was like any other night, we had kisses and cuddles, dominos and tv. We woke up to check out for 12 yesterday (Monday) and he was really quiet, he gave me a kiss before we left the room and he walked me to my bus stop. He was silent the whole time, but more than usual, something didn't feel right. I asked him when I was next going to see him (He was moving back to Bath to stay with his mum, 2hrs away) he said I don't know because I don't really know what i'm actually doing. my bus came and he gave me a kiss goodbye and a hug, he kept looking back as i was waiting to get on my bus, I think he caught me looking the 3rd time. I was due to get a call about a new job and he asked me earlier to let him know if i got it. I did and text him and he was texting me how he usually does, but I can't help but feel unsure about the whole situation. I want to text him everyday but don't want to bug him. Am I being paranoid about him being quiet? And how should I go about talking to him, I don't want to bug him. Although we're together, we're not in an official relationship, I feel like I'm not allowed to even text him on Valentines day. Do you reckon he was quiet because he was worried about what he was going to do? Or was he not telling me something? I need some advice. :(

Watermelon, I'm sorry, but it seems this guy is using you because he's obviously not over his relationship with his ex. Ok, he's been honest about it with you, tells you his head's a mess etc...but if he says that, then he should leave it at that until he sorts his head. He needs to have you as a friend, and only as a friend, rather than lead you down the garden path. He's making plans all the time but doesn't seem to include you in them. If he had the right respect for you, he would have let you be his friend and work colleague only rather than get involved with you.