He expects me to get over a cruel joke he let go on for 2 months

In the month of September 2013, I met a middle-aged man whom I quickly became attracted to on an intellectual level. After spending a few days together I flew back home but continued to keep in contact with him by phone, cam, and email. In the beginning of it all I thought he was a bit demanding and naggy, it bothered me some but I stuck around because he could be such a charming gentleman. We made it through the month, talking several hours everyday, sharing small details about each other’s lives. Later on in our long distance relationship he told me he had two daughters and a wife. I was taken aback and decided it was time to end all communications with this man. I’ll refer to this man as N. In the second week of December, an anonymous person via text message contacted me. In my line of work I’m always on the go so I’m used to giving out my contact info, right away I couldn’t be sure if this was business related or personal, either way I engaged in conversation. From what I was told the person contacting me was a young man in his late 20s and that his name was Timothy V***. During the first conversation we had, I noticed similarities in speech pattern between N and Timothy. I addressed my suspicions, but he disclosed to me that N was mentoring him and that he wanted to improve his life and be like N. He went on to telling me how N missed our daily talks and me. From the start Timothy seemed like a troubled person in need of feminine reassurance, but I was also very wary of him. Being a young man, Timothy would often go days and weeks without contacting me about problems with work or bring up N and telling me how much is changing in his life for the better. Though I was not fond of the vulgarity and pouty tantrums that Timothy would have when we talked, I could slowly see the changes in him becoming more refined, more considerate, and appropriately acting out in stressful situations. One day he comes to me and tells me that he’s done something and that N won’t respond to any of his messages. Because N is Timothy’s sponsor and Tim couldn’t reach N, he turned to me. Hearing the anxiety in Timothy’s tone, I decided to contact N. N happened to pick up right away…. We talked awhile before I wound up agreeing to keeping in touch with N in order to help Tim in his recovery. My purpose seemed to disintegrate when Timothy would disappear for long periods of time and I once again was entranced by N. Again, N and I would spend each day having talked to one another for hours on end. I learned a lot more about N this time around, he was married but his marriage was open-ended. He talked more about his daughters, his work, his friends, his sex partners….we were more intimate and he was openly flirtatious and carefree than before. But throughout the entire time there’d be moments where I’d tell him my doubts about Timothy being real and that if he were Tim then he should just come clean….there were so many chances for him to tell me the truth. February 18, 2014 during 9-11pm. At this date and time N had made too big of a mistake to make a recovery. That night I was first texting Timothy before the private chat between him and I turned into a group conversation. I noticed that N’s text messages were coming from Timothy’s # and vice versa with Timothy’s texts. I was suddenly upset and felt physically ill, I quickly turned off my phone and spent the rest of my night tossing and turning, completely unable to sleep. The next day I went to work, when the day was done I sat in my home office for a few hours before I left N a message on his phone. I brought up the night before, but N tried to distract me with another topic –I realize now that he often did that after giving slight assurance when I questioned him about “Timothy”. Regardless of his efforts, I kept on bringing up the night before, I was confident enough to do so because this time I had proof. N tried again to deviate from the topic after giving me several pathetic excuses, he kept telling me he missed me and loved me…but when he figured he couldn’t cover up his mess he decided to come clean. All this time he had made me feel like I was crazy or being paranoid when I thought he was pretending to be another person. After he came clean he told me: *I shouldn’t be upset, that I should try to understand his intentions were pure, *that he didn’t want to lose a true friend, *that he took a huge risk to not lose me as a friend, *that he wanted to confess so many times but thought I wouldn’t understand, *he lied to save a friendship, he was truly sorry, *he believes I left without good justification last time, *that he actually came to help me, *that he realized I need him, *that I should feel happy for what he did, *that we can build a much stronger friendship now, *that in years from now I’ll realize the value of what he’d done, *that he doesn’t do anything for himself, *and he’s not a liar except for this one time, *that he lied to save something, that he promises to never do this again, *that he never lied before, that he feels really bad, *that we’re great friends, that it wasn’t a joke, “it took great effort”, *that I should notice how he never cursed at me during night of confrontation *that I know he’s far better than all this The next day he acted as if nothing was wrong, as if nothing happened. AND! He couldn’t believe I had the nerve to still show animosity towards him. N told me to, “get over it already,” and that, “if I (he) was playing around and didn’t care, I (he) would have left already but do care and have a conscience.” I received a forward from a mutual friend showing that N had also texted her… “I played a cruel practical joke on G****. Tim is my alter ego.” The mutual friend informed me that this wasn’t the first time he’s done something dishonest. She was upset that he lied to her but pissed for me because he and I had a closer bond. I am so torn. I don’t know what I should do. I feel like a fool and I’m embarassed of myself. I want to walk away from N, but I still have feelings for him…at the same time I’m so angry that I want him to hurt. I don’t want to care for him. I don’t think I could ever fully trust him again. More importantly, I don’t want him to think he’s got the best of me or has been victorious, I want to show him I am a strong woman…but I’m not sure if that means I should stay and work things out with him or leave and try to block him out and move on.

Well 'Love' Work at what exactly? I think you have been extremely foolish and have allowed this man to completely take advantage of your sweet and kind nature. He saw you coming didn't he? Well time to wake up and smell the coffee, you aren't the only person he's done this too he just enjoys the chase and then the possession but carries on with his sham of a marriage. It's ope-ended because why? He says so? And you think that his wife, you know the mother of his children goes along with this willingly? After all one of them has to be the responsible adult in all of this and while he's fooling around with you and every other woman he can charm into his pants then it's not very well gonna be him who's the grown up is it? I think you need to take a huge step back, be as objective as possible, to me it's obvious to you i think you're wanting someone to tell you it's Ok, all of it when it's not. His behaviour leaves much to be desired, he is deceitful at best, a casual liar that thinks nothing of it to get his own way, a control freak, a demanding overbearing tantrumming little boy if he doesn't get his way... For God's sake get out now. No contact nothing. He's a married man, you're playing with fire as he always has his oblivious wife to go back to so there is no future for you so what's the point in the relationship? You're wasting your time and energy on this fool. Dump him and get your life back.

Stay Away! He is a downright cheater. He cheated his wife and is continuing to do so. Don't believe it, just contact her and see. He is a person who loves to play mind games and waddle in the pride that he can manipulate people. Proof? He fooled you and boasted about it to your mutual friend. What would be your life with him? He will fool you whenever he feels the need to do so (just like he fools his wife). What has he taken you for? He feels you can be easily manipulated and thats what he did adding Tim to your life. Through Tim he has emotionally manipulated you to speak to N, to forgive N and to hang around with N. And when N has enough hanging around with you, he will just dump you to find another G. What will you feel then? Add ten times more to the feelings you are undergoing now and imagine yourself. He is caring?? Nonsensical....if he cared for you in the first place he wouldn't have hidden the fact that he was married, he wouldn't have manipulated you with Tim and he wouldn't say he can't believe you have the nerve to show animosity. You want to show you are strong. Dump him and move on. If you play into his hands you will prove that you are just one of those gullible girls whom he has played with already.