I can't say goodbye... and I miss him terribly

Hi. I've had a long, long distance relationship (1 year and 6 months) to say the least. He helped me through my depression and made me feel loved. He was my rock, my everything. But, my mother "doesn't like him" (even though she has never talked to him or met him) and has made me lose every single bit of contact with him. And his mother probably made him do the same. My friend tried texting him and he did not reply, so I'm guessing he got his number changed as well. But, it just really bothers me that I didn't get to say goodbye...at all. I miss him terribly. I sleep all day and I've continued to self harm. I'm right back in the same pit with my depression like before I met him. My mother is set on me not talking to him. She won't budge so please don't say to try to convince my mom into letting me talk to him. Thank you so much

Does he have any social media? Maybe you can try to reach him there, if your mom is checking up on your social media maybe you should create a secret account, stay positive it will be okay. Try writing down all your feelings and at night(I know this sounds crazy and or stupid) try looking up at the sky through your window or something and talk to him. Tell him how much you miss him and that everything will be okay