Been raped and I can't live with the consequences

dear readers, kindly bear in mind that i am Lebanese and Muslim... my society differs from everything you might consider! we have loads of social contradictions in our lifestyles, lots of non applicable values and instructions, way to heavy social judgments...i was rapped by my mother's friend at the age of 8, been severely harassed sexually and as a child i didn't understand anything! in fact part of what was happening was enjoyable... mom was always busy with her boyfriends, dad with his work, alcohol and political network... i lost my father at the age of 12 ( he didn't die but he got paralyzed and mom sent him o an asylum) mom was and still is violent! though i'm 24 now, no more hitting but she won't miss a chance to break me.... i spoke out of what happened to me at the age of 16 yet she didn't believe me, she denied her history with men and everything i have witnessed. moreover she accused me of giving my honor to a guy i knew then! out of complete thirst for revenge i went and gave him myself, he used to hit me a lot! but i was okey with that as i wanted love! i broke up with him after 8 months, to meet another guy who broke me deeply! then i raised this hatred for men and decided not to love again! but i failed! too much men as i thirsted care, love and attention but all what i gave went in vain! non of the was a keeper, none of them saw my scars and the struggles i have been passing between work, school and taking care of my father! i finished my university, took a break from men! and met a guy who walked away after dad's death in few days :) not the end of the world! at the end I'm not a virgin which is shame in my social norms! no man would take me as a wife since i wont bleed on his white sheets :) lately i met a guy who lives a abroad, though he focuses on my physical appearance he is saying that he wants to merry me! he wants me to visit where he lives this week, promising that once we are back to lebanon we will get married! he doesn't trust anyone! and he says it clearly, last night he told me that you have to earn my trust! honestly i see it as a win win equation! as if my relationship with him was successful ill finally have a family that i have ever wished for! if we were to divorce the i'd be socially accepted! a divorced woman is more tolerated that a rapped one! yet i am afraid that if i go to him now he changes his mind!! though he's telling me that if i don't come he wont marry me! i feel stupid! really stupid...please help me out