Difficult to feel comfortable with my partner

The story goes: I have had the luck of enjoying a very strong, loving connection with my boyfriend while in my twenties. That years-long relationship however came to an end, in a way unexpectedly so - I felt as if I needed a little bit of a break to define myself and my desires. Things were made difficult however due to dislocating and because I started a new, slightly rocky relationship at end of my long-term one which pretty much eliminated all chances of the first one to redeem itself, and I hurt my ex a lot thanks to this. Although I cannot say that I was forced into a new relationship, I also felt the need to commit myself to the new person just so that I keep moving and because we had very good energy going on. Although now, a while later, in many ways I feel satisfied as if a fresh breeze of air has come to my life, I am still attempting to learn about this new, more formal and distant relationship, which in many ways has worked well and allowed me some spiritual freedom, because I don't feel "one" with the person or have the emotional capacity to do so. I am aware that people express their love differently, but I find it difficult at times when I don't feel that mindblowing love with my new partner due to his changing positions - cold then loving, then distant. He is definitely quite individualistic, but it feels disrespectful when I approach him to solve a relationship problem and hear that he has no time for me, it's always a bad time - either too late or too early, which has lately ended with shouting by me (not proud) and him getting upset and throwing things around (no violence against me directly). Considering that he is living in my house for free and I have also forgiven him for briefly seeing someone else behind my back while I was doing everything to be with him (it was confusing time for everyone), I feel that there's something not quite right. I don't feel extremely guilty when I have said something that might hurt him, while prior to him I felt as if everything that ever happened in a relationship was my fault even if not admitting to it loud and clear. It's even a relief to see that I date someone who is not always the best version of himself. So should I be satisfied because I am "less" of a "good and special girlfriend" than I thought I was years ago, and should therefore expect less than being the "queen" for my new partner which is greatly what makes me happy - everyone needs to feel loved and admired, right? These days, I simply feel as if all levels of "beating the average" = lifestyle magazine style problems have entered my life, and I feel as if I fallen into the gutters, back to where I started years ago. Thanks so much for reading, many apologies for the length and any feedback is very much appreciated. Thanks!

Hi correct me if I am wrong but this new guy is a rebound. 'feel like you are back where you started years ago'. Well yes you are because you ' I cannot say that I was forced into a relationship , I also felt the need to commit myself to the new person just so that I keep moving and because we had very good energy going on' . You never allowed yourself the time to 'define myself and my desires' which was put on hold. Have you spent much time on your own,meaning not attached to someone even long distance. I think it is time to stop the madness and focus on the relationship you have with yourself...before you allow someone in.