No foreplay

Hi all, I've been with my current boyfriend for five years now. Apart from the night we got together, (even then it was no more than a few minutes) he's refused to perform any kind of oral sex or foreplay on me. I mean I get nothing! When we first got together, I kept asking for him to arouse me, and his reply was to 'tell him what to do.' Admittedly, I'm a little reserved and never had to tell previous boyfriends what to do, so just said, 'What do you want a diagram?' This arguement went on for years; his other escuses were, it smells and it's too hairy. I regulary shave down there, and I don't have a strong odour. He brought me a vibrator, used it a couple of times on me, then told me to do it myself for his enjoyment. When I've broached the subject of fingering me, he's told me to do it myself. This argument has gone on for years, and after three years, I finally managed to get him to go down on me. We were in the 69 position, and he was licking me like a dog, and poking me with his fingers. He clearly wasn't enjoying it and nor was I. Since then, I've stopped bugging him, and just open my legs, and insert him in. I have to go through the mental process of relaxing my muscles so am comfortable enough. I've never achieved an orgasm, and it feels like rape most of the time. I don't enjoy sex with him, as I associate it with pain. I dread when it starts and relieved when it is over. I feel abused, unsatisfied and ashamed of how he is treating me in bed. If I feel like this, how can I possibly think of having a future with him?

get out of this relationship immediately. You shouldnt have to persuade someone your in a relationship with to arouse you first of all and secondly you are clearly not happy with him so at some point your boiling point will come and your just gonna explode. Leave while you can

Hi Grumpywomen Coming from the other side of things - I was a young man once (no really I was) and very clumsy at foreplay (I think most young men are - too many hormones and don't want anyone to be changing their mind). For my two pennies worth it may be a confidence issue on his part that he doesn't know what he's doing or how he's doing it. Maybe the vibrator was about him trying to get to know how you like to be touched (admittedly in a club handed fashion). Of course it could also be that he's just selfish, but other aspects of his character will show that (is he generous in other ways). IF he is selfish then he is unlikely to change, otherwise maybe show him what you like without saying 'I like it like this' show him by your responses.