Empty and alone

Been married 13 1/2 years. I feel so alone. I don't know what to do anymore. Pretty much since the beginning of or marriage my husband has treated me rather poorly. There has been some physical abuse over the years but the emotional abuse is pretty regular. We get along great until I bring up a problem. Even the smallest problem turns into him ignoring me by sitting there with his eyes closed and acting like I'm not talking to him, hanging up the phone on me and ignoring my calls, or taking off out of the house and not returning for hours or days. The ignoring me will go on for hours. If I wait until he appears open to talking again it turns right back to me being ignored. It is like anything that ever bothers him about what I am talking about he will tell me he wants a divorce. I feel alone. We haven't had sexual relations for over 4 months and probably less than once a month for a year or so before that. I caught him making out with a Co worker once who was almost 25 years older. Than or age group. He engages in inappropriate behaviors with the opposite sex. Everything is about what he wants if I express any of my concerns about what he is doing, express my needs or desires to him he gets mad or belittles me. Through all of this he is always telling me he loves me, I am the best thing that has ever happened to him and he wants to spend the rest of his life with me. He admits that he doesn't try to fix our problems and says he doesn't know why. We are in marriage counseling and every strategy they encourage us to try he agrees but never follows through. I want to fix my marriage but I spend all my energy on trying to make him happy but nothing seems to make him happy. Even when I give him what he wants when I don't want the same he finds a problem with it. I am so sad and so alone I don't know what to do anymore. I have no one to talk to and can't talk to my husband who I would consider my best friend because he will get mad and want nothing to do with me again.

I'm sorry to hear your situation and my heart goes out to you! Trust me, you are not alone when it comes to marital distress like this! The cost of losing yourself in a marriage in my opinion is too high. It sounds like you are doing everything to save your relationship, but thats a two way street and if he isn't 100% committed to working on this relationship, things are going to keep getting rockier and more stressful. Do you have children from the marriage? If you do remember that children are happy when their parents are healthy and happy, even if their not together anymore. Don't let fear keep you from leaving an abusive (be it physical or emotional) relationship, you deserve respect, honest love and a partner who you can trust. Sometimes you don't know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have! Keep your head up high, you deserve better!