My boyfriend broke up but has his doubts and I want him back

Dear people, Thank you for giving me advice ^^ My boyfriend and I just broke up after being 3.5 years in a relationship. He broke up with the reason that he wants to find out if he sees me as a friend or as his girlfriend. He just said that he wants a break for 3 weeks (after 3 weeks his school is over, which he has to do a lot for it) in those 3 weeks he will walk around as single and will flirt, kiss and maybe even have sex with other girls. He has doubts, but he tends more towards getting back together now. But he wants to be free in those 3 weeks. It hurts that he's doing things with other girls, but I kind of understand too. we are 20 and 19 years old and we are each other firsts with almost everything. He wants to know how it is with other girls before really staying together, he's curious. I think he got his doubts because we aren't as loveydovey as before (because of other people who complained about it)and we didn't go often on dates (but we were together a lot), we also don't really have some privacy for sex, because we both still live with our parents and people tend to barge into our rooms. So we couldn't always act like a couple and after some time we got used to that, but I want to be loveydovey with him again I'm now wondering what I should do in those 3 weeks. should I keep getting in contact with him, just answer him? Or, what I saw on many sites, the 30day no contact, that I just ignore him for those 3 weeks as much as possible? I also feel heart broken and Can't concentrate on anything, what should I do so that I don't worry so much and relax a bit. I still love him very much. I want some advice with dealing with him now, what I can do to maybe get him back, what I can do about being sad en confused and Ideas to improve a relationship. If you want to know more, or if something isn't clear, please say so and I'll explain it. thank you very much for helping! xxx MauMau

I'm very surprised you are ok with him doing that. Most partners would not be. I don't really find that all this "experience" With other girls is necessary per ce. As what a relationship boils down to is social interactions. As such just being friends with people just give you a grip on feelings. You don't need to go and fondle around with other girls to get this "experience" It just seems desperate in my opinion. And indicates a clear uncertainty in feelings potentially. But at the end of the day, if you're ok with him doing this, then that is all that matters. If he told you all these things, he may kiss, have sex and flirt with other girls. Then he's done the right thing to communicate that. And for the most part all is good. Also just because other people complain doesn't mean you can't be all lovey dovey in private. Like over text, or when you're alone etc. That's all well and good. No one can or should stop you from doing that. What should you do about this "break"? Well I'd take this time to become more independent as you do seem rather dangerously attached, as if anything goes not according to your expectations, i.e he ends up not getting back with you. You're going to be emotionally destroyed. Which is never good for anyone. So become more independent, spent time with other friends, family and even part-take in your hobbies. What ever you find fun and entertaining, just don't focus your attention on him all the time, but obviously don't neglect him either. There is no point "ignoring" Him for 30 days. That just gives off the wrong message. I.e "I'm mad cause you took a break, therefore I will ignore you" Could be one of many potential misunderstandings. However if you wanna gain some more independence, in a sense you can ignore him. Being that you don't initially contact him as much, you try to survive without him, to keep yourself occupied with other things apart from him. So that if worst comes to worst and you end up actually being in this situation where you can't speak to him, you can cope. Although don't blatantly ignore him when he messages you, when he messages you, act normal like you usually would. If your usually a conversation starter while talking to him, act the exact same! That way there is no misunderstandings. Key points to drive home here on what you should do: Shift focus off him onto other things, prepare for the worst situation, being he doesn't wanna get back together and another thing, don't hold back your lovey doveyness, at least not when in private with only him. Since it effects no one but you two at that point, therefore it's only your two's business. I'd also like to point out he advice above me is very judgmental and assuming, therefore it isn't very accurate. So don't conform to the stereotypes portrayed. I doubt this guy seriously, after 3.5 years with you wants to simply go out and cheat on other woman for 3 weeks, cause it tickles his fancy like the months special dish at a restaurant. He's probably just confused about his feelings, exactly as he stated. He did the right thing telling you all that he intended to do, although I don't think that was quite the right approach to sought out what his true feelings towards you were. But he doesn't have bad intent, in my opinion, he could still have, but it seems unlikely. I hope that helped, good luck with your relationship and have a wonderful day :)

Dear everyone, thank you for all your advice. he broke up for real now. He wants to be sigle for a while. he said he tought a lot about me, but just couldn't think of me as his girlfriend anymore. It's sad, but nothing I can do about. xxx MauMau