Not sure if its me or my partner but I am not very happy

Hi, I am new to this but as my partner will not talk about my feelings I feel I have to put it into words. We have been together nearly 3 years. At the beginning he was attentive, maybe a little over the top, but all of a sudden I feel I have been taken for granted. When he calls me and I am in the shower he wont answer me calling him back saying he is now busy. When I try to approach our future he says he is fully committed to me but cant see us living together anytime soon - I must add we are both in our 40's. He doesn't have a proper job but I have helped him to set up a man and van business to try and get him off benefits and raise his self esteem. In the last year I feel the bottom of his list, when we talk on the phone he never asks about my day just discuss his days or problems or talks about his friends. When I say I would like it if he takes an interest in my life he says I am silly and making it all up. If I insist on talking about things that concern our relationship he will hang up if we are on the phone or walk away if face to face. I have a full time job and raise my children and I feel I am babysitting him sometimes, on one occasion I asked if he could buy some food for dinner as he is at my house every weekend, he said he would if I contribute to the petrol he spends coming to see me? He has got a bit better about finances but I am so confused and feel a little silly at my age as to whether I am wasting my time, to be honest its not about money its about how he makes me feel, if I say to him he makes me feel a little ugly with his lack of empathy and snidey put downs (I have been told I am pretty)he tells me that its my problem and I need to get a sense of humour. I feel drained and a lot confused, I did and do love him and maybe a little afraid of starting all over again if he really isn't going to appreciate other peoples feelings. I am sure I have not put this all correctly just blurting it out as it happened again today - thank you for taking the time to read my emotional ramblings. x

thank you for your reply, so how do I stop caretaking as such, he is constantly asking me for help and I do it because it helps. I understand I am making a rod for my own back but I also like to help anyone. hmm so were not just on the same wavelength - thank you anyway for replying

if you really want to make this work you have to stop treating him like a child i know its hard especially as a mother. I would suggest that you work around you and rebuild your self esteem by doing things for yourself as you grow he will either grow with you or you will realise that you do not need another child