In over my head

Im married with two beautifil kids and just recently started a flirtation with another man who lives locally and who my husband knows.. it progressed very rapidly to dirty text's and him asking me to come round to his place.. a couple days later I relented and left in the middle of the night saying I was going to the shop and had sex with him.. It wasnt even very good and he was very rough. The next morning I went again.. he was very impersonal. . Not letting me on his bed that night and then only into the passage way in the morning.. afterwards he asked me to delete all my messages.. I then went away for the week and sent him a couple mesages that he has ignored. I saw him last night while having a night out with my husband.. less than a full week later and while he was friendly enough, its like nothing happened. I am feeling so depressed aand anxious.. I cannot stop thinking about him at all.. I am obsessing. . While I know its better nipped in the bud I am also hurt and confused that he is now blanking what happened. I still love my husband but we do have issues.. four years ago he cheated.. badly.. and I had just had a baby.. 5 weeks he carried on with a teenager living in our house while I went to my parents.. I took hom back and he moved to my parents and we have struggled through it. He also works long hours and has a bit of a drinking problem.. but its no excuse and I just want to get this other man out of my head and feel normal again.. please help.. I am feeling very desperate here..

Ya, it was probably a one night stand he was aiming at and he worked to get it. Even though its an irritating truth, you have to accept it and forget him. The second possibility is even more dangerous. He is playing games with you. First flirting and then ignoring makes the other person constantly think of you. Then after a short period where they miss you enough, you indulge them once again. If he tries to indulge you again, please move well out of his reach coz that means a more dangerous personality. The easiest way to forget him is use all the anger you have for him against all the feelings of attachment you have for him. Other times keep yourself busy with something interesting.

Thanks for your replies.. I agree with what you are saying but now find myself in a weird situation.. After ignoring me for a couple weeks, my husband got sick and landed in hospital. While visiting him one day, HE, suddenly started texting me, asking if i enjoyed what we did.. Later on I even saw him socially while having a drink with a friend, and he acted friendly, and concerned for my husband. Then nothing for a week, and then it started again, but the messages getting more and more dirty. I have been having a tough time of it with my husbands illness, and feeling lonely at home.. no excuse I know, but I agreed to go see him again last week. Same story when I was there, and then starting this week the texts started coming through all the time.. I flirted, and they soon turned scarily dirty, and now he calls me his filthy cheating whore, and says he wants to control me and then send me home to my family after he has made me dirty, and he keeps telling me he wants me to get with other guys as well, and said something like they can pay me.. And that he gets off on knowing that he has just had me when I go home, or just before I go out, and nobody knows. I went again yesterday, its like I just cannot stop myself. On one hand I KNOW I need to walk away from this before it destroys my life, as he clearly has NO respect for me at all, and some sick ideas, but its thrilling as well.. I feel so messed up!! I don't want to be this person at all, but the beast inside is enjoying it, if that makes any sense.. I am also worried at what kind of person he really is. His texts are very demeaning, but in person he doesn't say anything like that... Now I really feel I am in too deep, and know I need to walk, but finding it so hard not to feel thrilled when he contacts me. I am not wanting anything romantic from him at all, but am very attracted to him.. I do want my marriage to work. Its so messed up!

I can only tell you my perspective of things from the short paragraph you posted here. It seems to me that you're lonely in your marriage. And maybe should seek counseling to help you get out of this. I understand the thrill of this affair to you but it's dangerous and the sooner you get out the better. This guy sounds like bad news to me. He calls you a fucking whore for God's sake. And it's not even like a kinky bedroom dirty talk thing, when he goes as far as saying he wants you to get with other guys for money. Sounds like he wants to be your pimp. You wouldn't mention it if it didn't bother you or come off as a red flag. Maybe consider the possibility that this is revenge cheating, or your marriage is boring you, etc. If you really want your marriage to work then cut this guy off because he's no good and won't help you get any closer to your goals. And work with your husband to fix your marriage. Find out what you both want from each other and rebuild your home & your love. Every marriage has issues, and it takes a lot of blood sweat and tears to make it through. Don't believe the hype about people who think it happens naturally.