Stupid or confused??

Hi I am 25 years old, me and my husband have been married for 5 years I gave birth to our son 5 years ago and I never would've dreamed that he could be unfaithful to me. Being a first time mum and battling depression before and after pregnancy was really hard and loosing my father a few months before finding out I was pregnant took it's toll on me, then our son was born it was amazing for me then when our son was around 2 months old he started to change by putting me down blaming me for even the simple things that went wrong like he miss placed a notepad just simple things like that then as our son got older started to pick on him cos he was clingy and he had "motor skill" problems he wasn't up to date for his age and my husband has paranoia schizophrenia so his more of a child relies on me like a mum not a wife and then when our son was 2 and a bit I found out he was having an affair with a women that was much older then I was (40) so I kicked him out he moved back with his dad for a few months cos he never helped me anyway just put me down went out with "mates" usual stuff knowing I had severe depression and did not help me at all it was always about him unless it was something wrong then it had to be my fault. We had our separation for a few months then he asked if we could get back together saying he had left her and all the rest, few months pass then I find out the hard way that he had been seeing her and taking out son to her house to play with her young daughter and on the day I found out that he got in a fight with her ex where they fought because of her ex punching her eldest daughter and had hit our son and threw him against a book case for getting in the way etc anyway he was beating him with a "pole" which turned out to be a home made gun and had went off and shot her ex in the leg so he grabbed our son and rang, I was mortified, shocked, scared and angry all at the same time I felt so stupid and heartbroken. Know nearly 2 years pass I still check his phone and I feel like I'm not in love with him anymore but I love him just not in love. My family knows what his done and don't like him because of it but they support my decision but the woman he had an affair with has recently contacted me saying he still has contact with her. I sometimes think of a future without him and what it would be like and I know I can look after my son and this baby that I'm carrying but I just don't know why I just can't bring myself to leave. Please help what should I do??

It sounds like you have a pretty supportive family, it's easy to say, if it were me, I'd be gone. But I am not in your situation. I know it's difficult because you've been with him so long and feel obligated to take care of him. BUT, if you are not in love, there is not reason to stay. It's not healthy for your kids or for you. You have to make yourself happy. Checking his phone regularly is not good, and obviously the trust is shattered. You are young and have a future ahead of you. Do not spend your life being upset and unhappy. Hope this helps you! Hang in there!